好汉两个半（2003）

Two and a Half Men S04E13

Part 2 Nov. 17, 2020, 1:57 p.m.

Mm-hmm.
嗯
Or, more correctly,
更准确地说
Uh, been there, told I was doing that wrong.
我那样做了她还告诉我说我错了
Oh, yeah.
哦对啊
The truth is, I, uh...
但事实上我觉得...
I kind of like the instructions.
我还是比较喜欢听她指挥我怎么做
It takes out all the guesswork.
这样就不用我自己去想了
Sure. Sure.
那是那是
I tend to meander when I don't have, you know, a game plan.
如果没有指挥的话我每次就得瞎弄
Yeah, well, that's never a problem with Judith.
和朱迪丝做♥爱♥时就不会有这个问题
She's the Vince Lombardi of sexual intercourse.
她是个性♥爱♥指导大使
Well, she did teach me to play through the pain.
是啊她还告诉我怎么做就不疼
Yeah. Tape it up and get back in there.
是啊戴上套子再来一遍
Say good-bye, Herb.
跟他说再见 Herb
Bye. Bye.
再见再见
(...throws it to the quarterback and Miller has gotta stand back.)
(...传给后分卫 Miller 从后面赶上.)
(He's got it at the one-yard line!)
(他已经到达一线 )
Hey.
嘿
Hey.
嘿
How'd it go with Judith?
跟朱迪丝谈得怎么样
It was the most awkward and uncomfortable conversation
这是我人生中
I've had in my life.
最糗最尴尬的一次谈话
Huh. More awkward than when you were a kid
哦比你小时候要想妈妈解释
and had to explain to Mom why you were hiding
你为什么在袜子抽屉里
a slab of raw liver in your sock drawer?
放了个生猪肝还糗吗
Okay, the second most awkward.
好吧这是第二糗啦
What about when she found the warm cantaloupe
那比上次她发现
with a face drawn on it?
你在甜瓜上画人脸还糗吗
All right, this was in the top five.
好吧但这事儿也算糗事儿前五名了
I mean...
我说...
it's just unnatural for a guy to have to tell his ex-wife
一个男人要告诉他前妻她和别的男人做♥爱♥时声音要小一点
to pipe down while she's having sex with another man.
这是不是有点怪异啊
I'll tell you what's unnatural.
我来告诉你什么叫怪异
The look on that melon's face.
你在甜瓜上画的那张脸
Fruit should not look surprised.
水果咋能长成那幅德行
You're the one who gave me that idea.
是你告诉我怎么画的
I was joking.
我在逗你玩儿呢
You told me it was what the astronauts do.
你说宇航员们就是这么画的
Oh, right.
哦对哦
That's how I got you to pee in the Tang jar.
我还要你在罐子里撒尿
Oh, and let's not forget
还有
how I convinced you Mom's douche bag was your air supply.
我还告诉你妈妈的灌气袋是你的氧气袋
Yeah. Yeah.
是啊是啊
My breath smelled like vinegar for two weeks.
之后两个星期我闻起来都有醋味
Ah... those were innocent times.
啊那些年少无知的时光啊
Oh, the kitchen appliances are a little outdated, but you people
厨房♥用具有点过时了
can cook with your wrist watches now, can't you?
但你们日本人不早发明了能做饭的手表吗
You're funny.
你真有意思
You're a funny firecracker.
你是个有意思的小鞭炮
Mom?
妈
Oh. Charlie.
哦查理.
Say hello to Hiroshi Goto.
这位是Hiroshi Goto
Hi. Hello.
你好你好
Charlie is my number one son.
查理是我大儿子
Yeah, but she treats me like number two.
是啊但她把我当便便
Mom, can I talk to you for a minute?
妈我能和你谈谈吗
Well, of course, darling.
当然可以亲爱的
Hiroshi, why don't you go
Hiroshi 你为何你去阳台上
enjoy the view from the deck?
欣赏海景
There's usually pretty girls
海滩上经常会有很多美女
playing volleyball out on the beach.
在玩排球哦
Oh. I like volleyball.
哦我喜欢排球
All right, here's what you need to know.
好吧你只要知道这些就行了
He's filthy rich and he's looking for a house on the beach
他超级有钱想在海边买♥♥栋房♥子
and I have nothing to show him.
但我没别的房♥子可以给他看
So you're selling him my house?
所以你就把我的房♥子卖♥♥给他
Don't worry. I told him you were going through an ugly divorce,
别担心我告诉他你正被离婚弄得焦头烂额
but before we close escrow, you'll reconcile with Sheryl
但在我们签约前你会和sheryl和好
and back out of the sale.
房♥子就不用卖♥♥了
Who's Sheryl?
Sheryl是谁?
She is a sweet, selfless girl
她是一位甜美无私的女孩
who worked nights to put you through law school
她辛勤工作就是为了供你上法学院
while you were sleeping with her sister.
但你却和她妹妹睡了
Anyway, I have to string Mr. Goto along until I have
是这样在我有房♥子给他看之前
something to show him that actually is for sale.
我要把他拖住
Oh, I understand.
哦我懂了
It's called a bait-and-switch and it's a felony.
这叫调包计这可是重罪啊
Oh, well, look at you taking the moral high ground.
噢你就别给我装清高了
And with nary a bottle or whore in sight.
你又酗酒又嫖♥妓♥
Bravo.
耶~
Uh, excuse me, why is there an Asian man on the deck?
不好意思怎么会有个亚洲男人在阳台上
Mom's selling my house.
妈妈在卖♥♥我的房♥子
Why?
为何
Marital problems.
婚姻问题
You cheating bastard.
你这个搞外遇的王八蛋
Do I have to find another place to live?
我是不是要找别的地方住了
Yes.
对
Don't worry, sweetheart.
别担心亲爱的
Mommy's just running a little scam.
妈咪只是在耍点小计谋
But feel free to find another place to live.
但你还是可以找别的地方住
Anyway, what's new?
好吧有什么新闻吗
How's my grandson?
我孙子怎么样
Oh, he's, he's fine.
哦他不错
Oh, come on, Alan, tell her about the pie.
哦艾伦告诉她关于派的事情
What pie?
什么派
There's no pie.
没什么派
Jake overheard his mother...
杰克偷听到他妈妈...
It's nothing.
没啥没啥
I just had to have a rather embarrassing conversation
昨天我刚刚和朱迪丝进行了
with Judith yesterday.
一次超级糗的谈话
More embarrassing than when you were 11 years old,
难道比你十一岁时
and I caught you with the dog and the peanut butter.
我发现你用花生酱来引诱狗狗来舔你的小♥弟♥弟♥ 还糗吗
You went and did that, too?
你还真照我说的去做了
You told me it was what the cowboys did on a cattle drive.
你说牛仔在放牛的时候就是这么做的
And I didn't have a cow.
我当时又没有牛
Is that why you got rid of our dog?
这就是你为什么扔掉了我们的狗狗的原因吗
I couldn't look at him anymore.
我看都不想看它了
Can we move on? Please?
我们是否能继续
I'm sorry, dear. Now, what about Jake?
不好意思亲爱的 Jake怎么了
I loved that dog.
我好喜欢那只狗狗的~
Well, not as much as your brother did.
没你弟弟喜欢
But go ahead, Alan, what did you have to talk to Judith about?
继续说艾伦你和朱迪丝谈了些什么
Nothing. Forget it.
没啥别提了
Oh, come on, Alan.
说嘛说嘛艾伦.
The dog whisperer here got bent all out of shape
这位爱狗者已经焦头烂额
'cause Jake caught his mother going at it
因为杰克听到他妈妈
with her new boyfriend.
和她新男朋友做♥爱♥
That's it? He just heard them?
是吗他只是听到了而已
That's not enough to traumatize him?
这样造成的伤害还不够吗
Absolutely not.
当然不
See, Alan, I told you.
艾伦我早说了嘛
You would know, Charlie.
你应该知道的啊查理.
What do you mean?
你说啥
You don't remember?
你不记得了
Remember what?
记得什么
Nothing.
没啥
I like it!
我喜欢这房♥子
Of course you do.
你当然会喜欢
Let me show you the master suite.
让我来带你看看主卧室
That's where she caught him.
那就是捉奸在床的地方