好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S04E15
Part 3
Nov. 17, 2020, 1:58 p.m.
he announces that he's leaving me for the wedding planner.
他宣布他要为了婚礼顾问而离开我
Ouch!
噢!
I was heartsick.
我好悲痛
I really cared for him.
我真的很在意他
Well, of course you cared for him.
你当然在意他
Why else would you agree to marry him?
不然怎么会答应嫁给他?
No, I mean the wedding planner.
不 我是指那个婚礼顾问
Ouch. Well, we all have one or two heartbreaks in our life.
嗯 我们生命中都有1或2次伤心的经历
Eight.
8次
Excuse me?
你说什么?
I've been dumped eight times.
我被甩了8次
Married, married, gay, parole violation,
已婚 已婚 同性恋 违反假释
gay and married, deported, returned to the priesthood,
同性恋 已婚 被驱逐出境 恢复神职
and woman in a man's body.
还有一个变性的
Whoa. And yet you haven't given up.
哇 而你还没有放弃
Of course not.
当然没有
I may have to kiss a lot of frogs,
我也许已经吻了很多青蛙
but eventually I'll find my prince.
但我最终会找到我的王子
Ribbit.
呱...
I knew it. You're gay.
我就知道 你是同性恋
No, no. I'm not gay.
不 不 我不是同性恋
Well, whatever it is,
管你是什么
I don't have the time or the strength to deal with it.
我没有那个时间和精力去处理
Beverly, wait. Wait.
贝弗利 等一下
You know my loser brother?
你知道我那个败家的哥哥?
I'm him.
我就是他
What?
什么?
This is Charlie's house.
这是查理的房♥子
After my divorce, I was broke, and he took me in.
在我离婚后 我破产了 而他收留了我
And I'm not the chiropractor to the stars.
而且我也不是明星专属的脊椎按♥摩♥师
I mostly handle slip-and-fall insurance claims.
我大部份都处理因绊倒 而申请保险理赔的那种
That's all?
就这样?
What do you mean, "That's all?"?
什么意思 "就这样"?
I mean, married, married, gay, parole violation...
我是说 已婚 已婚 同性恋 违反假释...
Alan, you're a catch.
艾伦 你是个抢手货
I am?
我是?
Come on. You're single, you're straight,
拜托 你单身 又是异性恋
and you're a genetic male.
而且你也不是变性人
So I guess the bar's not that high.
所以我猜你交友的门坎并不算高
Have you done much online dating?
你有常常上交♥友♥网♥站吗?
You cleared it with a penis and a job.
你只要有老二和工作 就能搞定一切了
And, just to put your mind at ease,
而且 为了让你安心
I plan on keeping both of them.
我打算两样都保存下来
Hey, Berta, you want to hear something cool?
嘿 贝塔 你想听点有趣的事吗?
The ancient Romans had a place called a vomitorium
古罗马有一个叫Vomitorium的地方
where people could eat as much as they wanted,
在那里人们想吃多少就吃多少
puke, and then eat some more.
吐了之后 再继续吃
Well, just like The Sizzler.
哦 就跟时时乐一样
Hey. Morning, buddy.
嗨 早安 小兄弟
You suck.
你烂透了
Whoa. Has the little prince not taken his morning poop yet?
哇 小王子早上还没有大便吗?
It's your fault that Rose is moving away.
萝丝会搬走都是你的错
Oh, did she tell you that?
哦 是她告诉你的吗?
Jake, she's not going anywhere.
杰克 她哪儿都不去
This is just one of her games to mess with my head.
那只是她为了惹我 所玩的一个小把戏
Berta, tell him.
贝塔 告诉他
Jake, honey, your Uncle Charlie sucks.
杰克 亲爱的 你的查理叔叔烂透了
Come on, Berta.
别闹了 贝塔
Hey, if you weren't such a self-centered pud,
嘿 如果你不是这么一个 自我中心的烂货
you'd realize what an angel she is,
你就会了解她是个天使
and y'd never let her go.
而你也不会让她走
Okay, first of all, she's not an angel.
好 首先 她不是天使
Second of all, she's not leaving.
第二 她没有要走
And third, and perhaps most important, "pud"?
第三 也是最重要的一点 "烂货"?
I cleaned it up for the kid.
我是为了让那小鬼好过才这样说
Good morning, everybody.
大家早安
What's going on?
怎么了?
Rose is moving to London.
萝丝要搬去伦敦了
She is? Why?
她? 为什么?
'Cause Uncle Charlie is a pud.
因为查理叔叔是个烂货
A "pud"?
一个"烂货"?
I cleaned it up for myself.
我这样讲是为了让我好过
Hey, Dad, can we go to Sizzl?
嘿 爸 我们可以去时时乐吗?
This is nice, huh?
这真是太好了 对吧?
Yeah.
是的
Listen, can I tell you a little secret?
我可以告诉你一个密秘吗?
Sure.
当然
It's kind of embarrassing.
这有点难为情
Hey, you can tell me anything.
你可以告诉我任何事
All right. Well, before I came over tonight,
好吧 嗯 在我今晚过来之前
I... put a toothbrush in my pue.
我...放了一把牙刷在我皮包里
What's so embarrassing about that?
那有什么好难为情的?
I don't go anywhere without floss.
我走到哪都带着牙线
In fact, sometimes I'll snap off 18 inches
事实上 有时候我会裁18英吋长
and tuck it in my pocket in case, you know, I have a stubborn...
然后塞进我的皮包 以防...你知道 我有很难处理的...
Oh!
噢!
You mean you and me? Tonight?
你是说你和我 今晚?
Unless you don't want to.
除非你不想
Want to? I'm almost done.
不想? 我几乎准备就绪了
You know, Alan,
你知道 艾伦
I've been thinking about it,
我一直在想
and Rose really crossed the line
当萝丝跟杰克说她要搬走时
when she told Jake that crap about her moving away.
这样做就真的很过火了
Uh... yeah, listen.
呃...好的 听我说
Kids take that stuff seriously, you know?
小孩对那种事都会当真 你知道吗?
I know, but...
我知道 但是...
It's one thing to screw with me.
欺骗我是一回事
It's another thing to screw with a child.
但欺骗一个小孩又是另一回事了
No argument, but don't you think
不跟你辩了 但是你不觉得
this is a conversation you should have with her?
这是你应该要自己找她谈的事吗?
You're right. I'm going to settle this right now.
你说的没错 我现在就来找她谈
Rose, climb up here! I want to talk to you!
萝丝 快爬上来! 我要和你对话!
Are you sure you're the loser brother?
你确定你是那个败家的弟弟?
That's always been the consensus.
大家都一致这么认为的
Excuse me.
失陪一下
Come on, Rose, you crazy bitch!
来吧 萝丝 你这个疯狂的女人!
I know you're out there!
我知道你在那里!
Uh, uh, Charlie?
呃 呃 查理?
What do you want me to do?
你到底要我怎么做?
Beg you to stay?
求你留下来?
I hate to interrupt, but I'm making some real headway in there,
我不想打断你 不过我正打算要有所进展
and you're kind of ruining the mood.
而你有点毁了我的心情
Not now, Alan.
现在不是时候 艾伦
I'm not going to beg you
我不会求你
'cause you're not going anywhere!
因为你根本哪里也不去!
I know you're not leaving, and you know you're not leaving!
我知道你没有要走 而且你自己也知道你没有要走!
Charlie, that lovely lady in there brought her toothbrush
查理 那位漂亮的女士带了牙刷来
'cause I have a penis and a job.
因为我有老二和工作
Rose!
萝丝!
How is she going to brush your job?
她要怎么刷你的工作?
No, you don't understand.
不是 你不明白
I don't have time for this, Alan.
我没空跟你谈这个 艾伦
Charlie, are you okay?
查理 你还好吗?
Yeah. I just can't find my damn stalker
还好 我只是找不到那个该死的跟踪狂
He can't find his stalker?
他找不到他的跟踪狂?
They're usually in the last place you look.
他们通常都躲在你看不见的地方
But enough about him.
不过 别管他了
If you will accompany me to the boudoir,
如果你愿意到卧室来陪我
I will convert an ordinary pull-out couch into a magic carpet for two.
我就会将一个普通的沙发 变成一张神奇的双人床
Are you sure you're not gay?
你确定你不是同性恋?
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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