好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S04E16
Part 3
Nov. 17, 2020, 1:58 p.m.
Nobody does the robot anymore, either.
也没有人在跳这种机器人舞步了
Oh, yeah?
哦 是吗?
Then why did it catch on with the other dancers?
那为什么其它人都在跟着跳?
It di't catch on. They were openly mocking you.
那不是在跟着跳 他们是公然的在嘲笑你
What do you want from me?
你到底要我怎样?
I went out to the club, I went to the after-hours club,
我和你们去夜店 去"下班后"夜店
I went out to breakfast,
也和你们去吃早餐
I held my date's hair while she vomited pancakes in the parking lot.
当她在停车场把煎饼全吐出来时 我帮她护着头发...
Well, if you weren't whining about wanting to go home,
如果你没有嘀咕着说要先回家
you'd be having sex with her right now.
你现在已经在和她做♥爱♥了
Oh, darn. What man doesn't dream of kissing second-hand pancakes?
哦 真可惜 什么的男人会不想和刚呕吐过的女人接吻?
And I have to go to work.
而且我等下还得上班
You know what?
你知道吗?
You are a fuddy-duddy.
你真是个食古不化的人
I'm... I'm a fuddy-duddy?
我...我食古不化?
Hey, if the orthopedic shoe fits, wear it.
嘿 如果矫正鞋合适的话 穿就对了
They are not orthopedic.
她们又不是整形外科
They merely have a reinforced arch for the active lifestyle.
她们只不过是精力充沛 能适应那种积极的生活方式
And you were napping.
而你睡着了
Okay, maybe I needed a little shut-eye.
好吧 也许我是需要一点点睡眠
But that's only because I had vigorous sex earlier.
但那是因为 我先前有过一场激烈的性♥爱♥
Oh, let's fa it.
我们面对现实吧
We're both too old for the MTV lifestyle.
我们都太老了 不适合MTV式的生活方式
MTV?
MTV?
Did they just defrost you?
你是被她们洗♥脑♥了吗?
Okay... MTV, VH-1, whatever the kids are watching.
好啦...MTV VH-1 谁管那些小鬼在看什么...
My point is,
我的重点是
I am comfortable acting my age,
我很坦然的接受我的年龄
while you are in deep denial.
但你却完全无法面对
Hey, hey, I am not in denial about anything.
嘿 嘿 我没有不能面对什么
I am a young, vibrant man in the prime of my life.
我是个年轻 有活力 正处于生命颠峰的男人
I-- (coughs)
我...
What?
怎么了?
Young people have phlegm, too.
年轻人也会有痰的
Sure.
当然
Anyway...
反正...
as I was...
当我还是...
Oh, God.
哦 天啊
What's the matter
你怎么了
My chest.
我的胸口
Are you okay?
你没事吧?
I don't know...
我不知道...
Hey, Alan...
嘿 艾伦...
Yeah?
嗯?
Do you think it's too late to start jogging?
你觉得现在才开始慢跑会太迟了吗?
Damn it, what kind of hospital is this?!
妈的 这是什么鸟医院?
Where the hell are the doctors?
医生都死到哪里去了?
That's my brother in there!
里面那位可是我哥啊
If he dies, I'm homeless!
如果他死了 我就无家可归了
Uh, everything's fine.
哦 一切都没问题
They're just going to run some tests.
他们只是在做一些检查
Not to worry.
不用担心
Easy for you tsay.
你说的倒轻松
Listen, Alan, if I don't make it,
听我说 艾伦 如果我不行了
you need to know about my will.
你得知道我的遗嘱
Hey, I don't want to hear that kind of tal You're going to make it.
嘿 我不想听到这种话 你不会有事的
But go on, finish what you were saying.
不过你可以继续 讲完你要讲的话
First of all,
首先
I left the house to you and Jake.
我把房♥子留给你和杰克
Yes!
太好了
You're going to make it.
你不会有事的...
Just so you know, there's two mortgages on it
只是你要知道 上面还有两项抵押借款
and the property taxes are $50,000 a year.
然后房♥地♥产♥税是一年5万美金
Really? $50,000?
呃...5万?
Uh, excuse me.
失陪一下
Do you got to flat line to get a little help around here?!
你们知不知道 这个人快没气了需要帮忙?
Do you got to move to Canada to get some decent medical care?!
是不是要搬去加拿大 才能获得象样的医疗照顾?
Uh, they'll be right here.
嗯 他们马上就来了
So, uh... 50 grand, hu
那么 呃...5万
Boy, I don't know...
天啊 我不知道...
how I could afford that.
我要怎么负担的起
You know, unless I came into some money, you know.
你知道 除非我突然得到一大笔钱 比如...
An inheritance or something.
遗产什么的
There's no money, Alan.
不会有钱 艾伦.
None?
一点也没?
The whole thing's a house of cards.
全部就只有那个纸牌屋
Okay, I did not want to have to do this.
好吧 我本来不想这么做的
But I am Matthew Broderick.
我是马修柏德瑞
And that is my brother lying there.
躺在里面的是我哥哥
MAN: I'm so sorry, Mr. Broderick.
很抱歉 柏德瑞先生
I loved you in The oducers.
我喜欢你在"金牌制♥作♥人"的演出
Thank you.
谢谢
Okay, let's have a look-see, huh?
好吧 那我们来看看
According to your tests, you just had an acute attack of indigestion.
根据检查的结果 你只是急性的消化不良
It was gas?
那只是肠气?
Yes, a big bubble, about the size of a pomegranate.
是的 很大一泡 跟蕃石榴差不多大
What have you had to eat recently?
你最近都吃了些什么?
Nothing much.
没吃什么
He had Belgian waffles, link sausages, two Red Bulls,
他吃了华夫饼 几根香肠 两瓶红牛饮料
a quart of scotch
一夸脱的威士忌
and the tongue of a 24-year-old actress.
还有一个24岁女孩的舌头
He asked what I ate, Alan.
他是在问我吃什么 艾伦
And I told him, Charlie.
然后我替你回答他 查理
Oh-ho, you're a dirty bird.
哇 你是个淫♥虫♥
Well, the good news is that you are a perfectly healthy 50-year-old man.
好消息是 你的身体像个健康的50岁男性
I'm only 40.
我才40岁
Tell that to your liver.
去跟你的肝脏说吧
I recommend you slow down a bit. I've been saying the same thing.
我建议你要放慢生活节奏 我也是这样跟他说
And you...
还有你...
Why no sequel to Ferris Bueller, huh?
为什么"逃学天才"没有续集?
I wait and I wait.
我等了又等
I'm sorry; I'll get on it.
抱歉 我会努力的
Ah. Give the people what they want.
要给观众看他们想看的
So, gas.
那么 肠气
Good news, huh?
好消息 是吧?
A little embarrassing, but yeah.
有点尴尬 不过是的
What do you have to be embarrassed about?
有什么好尴尬的?
Oh, I don't know-- the paramedics, thambulance,
我不知道... 医护人员 救护车...
the crying and the last-minute negotiations with God.
叫喊声 最后一刻和上帝的谈判
Oh, right.
哦 好吧
Are you still planning on teaching piano to orphans?
你还在计划要教孤儿们弹钢琴吗?
If any show up, sure.
有机会的话 当然
Well, will you at least accept the fact
那么 至少你也该接受...
that you have to slow down?
你必须放慢生活节奏的事实?
Yeah, yeah.
好啦...
It's weird, Alan.
好奇怪 艾伦
It seems like just yesterday I could... I could party all night
感觉昨天我还能...能整晚狂欢
and eat and drink anything I wanted to.
到处吃吃喝喝
Now a couple of Red Bulls and a waffle,
但现在两瓶红牛加上华夫饼
and I'm sitting in the emergency room praying for a fart.
就让我在急诊室里祈祷我只是在放屁
Now you know why I ordered tomato juice and cottage cheese.
现在你知道为何我要买♥♥ 蕃茄汁和白干酪了
I got to admit, yodo take good care of yourself.
我得承认 你把你自己照顾的不错
I try.
我尽量
I guess that's why I keep you around.
就是为什么我要把你留在身边
Because I'm a good example?
因为我是个好榜样?
No, you clod, spare parts.
才不是 笨蛋 "器官捐赠"
What are we watching?
你在看什么?
Antiques Roadshow.
开运鉴定团
This woman thinks she has Martha Washington's butter churn.
这个女的说她有 马莎华盛顿的奶油搅伴器 (美国首位第♥一♥夫♥人♥)
Toaster pizza?
烤PIZZA饼?
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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