好汉两个半（2003）

Two and a Half Men S04E06

Part 3 Nov. 17, 2020, 1:56 p.m.

There's a good chance he doesn't remember coming down the stairs.
很有可能他连下楼梯都不记得
Did his father drink?
他的父亲也喝酒吗?
What choice did he have?
他有什么选择?
Charlie, don't be snide.
查理别装了
And stand up straight.
身体站直
This is so weird.
这太奇怪了
Well, I really must run.
嗯我真的得走了
Oh, me, toocan I walk you out? Oh, how nice.
我也是我可以陪你一起吗? 那太好了
Are you sure you don't want to stay
你确定不想留下来
and finish putting on your makeup?
然后把你的妆化完吗?
That's okay, I'm done.
不用我已经化好妆了
Would you like to borrow some?
你想借去用吗?
No, thanks, I'm allergic to the drugstore brands.
不谢了地摊货会让我过敏
What?
怎么了?
And they call you slow.
他们居然还说你迟钝
You're kidding, right?
你在开玩笑对吧?
You don't see it?
你没看见吗?
See what?
看见什么?
Lydia and Mom.
莉迪亚和妈
What about them?
她们怎么了?
Come on, Charlie. The only difference
拜托查理那两个女人唯一的不同
between those two broads is you came out of one and you're...
就是一个是生你的一个是你...
Hold on, hold on.
等一下等一下
You think Lydia's like Mom?
你们认为莉迪亚很像妈?
No. We think Lydia is Mom.
不我们认为莉迪亚就是妈
Okay, okay, you guys are nuts.
够了够了你们都疯了
And this conversation is over.
对话到此结束
Who calls me slow?
谁说我迟钝?
And I'll tell you another thing.
我要告诉你另一件事
There's a lot of women in this town who work in real estate.
这个城里有很多女人从事房♥地♥产♥业
I thought this conversation was over.
我已为这个话题已经结束了
They all wear the suits and the designer bags.
她们都穿着套装手拿名牌手提袋
It's like a uniform.
就像制♥服♥一样
They could be firemen.
搞不好是消防员
And Mom's Lexus is a two-door,
而且妈的 Lexus 是两门的
while Lydia's Lexus is a four-door.
而莉迪亚的 Lexus 是四门的
Worlds apart.
真是天壤之别
It is worlds apart.
的确是天壤之别
The two-door is a selfish car.
两门的是只给自己开的车
The four-door is a family car.
而四门的是属于家庭的车
And you know why Lydia has a family car?
你知道为什么莉迪亚有家庭的车吗?
Because Lydia has children.
因为莉迪亚有小孩
Unlike our mother.
跟我们的妈不一样
Shut up.
闭嘴
Charlie, it's okay.
查理没关系的
You've been working out your maternal issues
你这辈子一直跟其它女人搞在一起
by having sex with other women your entire life.
好摆脱你的恋母情结
All you're doing now
但你现在所做的
is cutting out the middle man.
就跟上了老妈没什么两样
Oh, that is just sick.
真的有够变♥态♥
My point exactly.
我的论点很明确
Stupid idiot.
愚蠢的白♥痴♥
You're just jealous.
你只是在忌妒
Lydia's smart, funny, and sexy, way sexier than Mom.
莉迪亚聪明风趣又性感比妈性感的多
Not that I think Mom is sexy.
我并不是认为妈很性感
New thought, new thought, new thought.
想点别的想点别的想点别的
Oh, Charlie.
哦查理
If you could get rid of disturbing thoughts that easily,
如果你能那么轻易把烦恼一扫而空的话
I wouldn't be making a quilt out of your old underwear.
我就不会用你的旧内♥裤♥ 做成一条被子了
Hi, Rose.
嗨萝丝
I brought you a little gift.
我带了一件小礼物给你
OedipusRex?
伊底帕斯王?
It's about a guy who sleeps with his mother
这是关于一个男的跟他母亲做♥爱♥
and then pokes his eyes out.
最后刺瞎自己的眼睛
I'm giving away the ending,
我把结局泄露出来
because I'm afraid you might be blind
因为我怕到时候你跟像你♥妈♥的♥人做♥爱♥
by the time you get to it.
眼睛会瞎掉
Where do you get this stuff?
你从哪听来这些东西?
You've never even seen Lydia.
你又没见过莉迪亚
No, you've never seen me see her.
不是你没看到我见过莉迪亚
Lydia is nothing like my mother.
莉迪亚和我妈完全不像
Why would I get involved with a woman
我♥干♥嘛要跟那个长的跟生我的怪物
who even slightly resembles the monster who bore me?
有点像的女人搞在一起?
Oh, are you going to love this book.
你一定会喜欢这本书的
Here.
给你
Mom wants to talk to you.
妈想跟你讲话
Oh, great.
哦太好了
Hi, Mom.
嗨妈
Oh, Lydia.
哦莉迪亚
Very funny.
很好笑
I thought so.
我也这么认为
I liked it.
我喜欢
So what's up?
有什么事?
Are you still coming over tomorrow?
你明天还是会来吗?
I thought your ex had the kids.
我以为你前夫会顾小孩
Okay, well, why don't you bring them over?
好吧不然你把小孩带来如何?
Oh, please, how could I possibly embarrass you?
拜托我怎么可能会让你出糗?
No, no, no, no, no, no, I only do that when I'm drunk.
不不不... 我只有喝醉时才会这样
Look, I swear, I'll be on my best behavior.
听着我发誓我会表现出最好的一面的
Great. I'll see you then, Mom...
太好了那到时见妈...
of the year!
年度最佳母亲
Well, in my book you are.
在我的书里你是
One word, and everybody gets their eyes poked out.
谁敢再讲一句我就把所有人的眼睛刺瞎
Why do I have to play with kids I don't know?
为什么我要跟不认识的小孩子玩?
Because Lydia's bringing them over,
因为莉迪亚要带他们来
and I didn't have time to rent a clown.
而且我没时间去租一个小丑
Are they boys or girls?
他们是男生还女生?
Beats me.
问倒我了
How old are they?
他们多大?
Not a clue.
不知道
Sounds like fun.
听起来很有趣
Hey, they're kids, you're a kid.
嘿他们是小孩你也是小孩
How tough could it be?
这样会有多难?
I mean, we're not breeding pandas here.
又不是在繁殖熊猫
All right, but if they're boys,
好啦不过如果他们是男生
just don't call them "little dudes," okay?
千万别叫他们"小兄弟" 知道吗?
Why not?
为什么?
There was this guy Mom used to date,
之前有个和妈约会的人
and every time he'd see me, he'd call me "little dude."
每次一见到我就叫我 "小兄弟"
He was an idiot.
他真是个白♥痴♥
Okay, okay, that's good stuff.
好好说的很好
What else you got?
还有什么要注意的?
No lame magic tricks, no head rubbing,
不要耍些无聊的魔术不要摸人家头
and please, no high fives.
而且拜托不要击掌
Got it.
了解
And don't ask, "Who wants ice cream?"
而且别问 "谁要吃冰淇淋?"
Everybody wants ice cream.
大家都想吃冰淇淋
I understand.
我了解
Even lactose-intolerant kids want ice cream.
就算有乳糖不耐症的小孩也想吃冰淇淋
Makes sense.
有道理
But whatever you do, don't try to pretend you're
不过不管你做什么
not sleeping with their mom. We're not stupid.
千万别假装你没有和他妈上♥床♥ 我们不是笨蛋
So if I do this stuff, her kids will like me?
所以如果我照你说的做她的小孩就会喜欢我?
No. Why not?
不会为什么?
You're doing their mom.
因为你干了他妈
Hello, Lydia.
哈啰莉迪亚
Hey, little dudes, give me five.
嗨小兄弟击掌
All right.
对啦
That's what I'm talking about.
这样才是我的好兄弟
Don't worry, he's not the one I'm dating.
别担心跟我约会的不是他