好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S04E14
Part 2
Nov. 17, 2020, 1:57 p.m.
Buying a Malibu beach house
在Malibu买♥♥一栋海边小楼
ought to take a chunk out of that settlement.
应该花了你赡养费得很大一部分吧
Yeah, you'd think.
小意思啦
Whoa.
哇
Anyway, I've had my fun.
我已经玩儿够了
I wanna settle down, get serious with my life.
现在想安定下来 认真对待生活了
Oh, yeah. Me too.
我也是哦
No kidding?
不会吧
So are you married? Ha.
你结婚了
Me? Uh, no.
没有
You looking to get married? Ha, ha.
你想结婚吗
Uh No.
不想
Do you like children?
你喜欢小孩吗
Uh No.
不喜欢
Ha, ha. So how do you define "getting serious with your life"?
那你怎么说自己想认真对待生活了
Well, I've stopped drinking in the morning.
我啊 起码一大清早不喝酒了
Hey, Berta. Ahem. Where's that coffee?
嘿 贝塔 咖啡呢
You men are all alike.
你们男人都一个样儿
Isn't there anyone left
就没有人想结婚生子
who just wants to get married and raise a family?
养家糊口的吗
Yeah, but they're all gay.
有啊 不过都是同性恋
Here we go.
咖啡来了
Oh, thank you. Oh, uh
谢谢
you wouldn't happen to have any acidophilus milk, would you?
请问你有没有含乳酸菌的牛奶呢
Walk me through this again.
跟我再说说这事儿
She's beautiful, rich, divorced
她是个离了婚的有钱美女
and you wanna hand her off to Zippy the Chimp?
但你想撮合她和你那个木头人弟弟
Okay. Follow my reasoning here.
听我解释
This is a woman looking to settle down.
这女人想安定下来
If I sleep with her, I'm happy for one night.
如果我跟她一♥夜♥情♥ 我可以爽一晚
But if I teach my brother to sleep with her
但如果我让她和我弟弟睡了
he falls in love, asks her to marry him,
他会和她恋爱 向她求婚
moves out and I'm happy for the rest of my life.
然后搬出去住 这样我一辈子爽了
It's a nice plan, but it'll never happen.
很好的计划 但没有可行性
Don't Don't Don't say that.
别说这么不吉利的话
Unjinx, unjinx, unjinx.
当她没说 当她没说 当她没说
Charlie, she is way out of his league.
查理 她不会喜欢上他的
Pfft. I know that. Everybody's out of his league.
我知道 没人会喜欢上他的
He doesn't even have a league.
是个母的都对他没兴趣
He's just a kid with a bat and a ball and a football helmet.
他像个三岁小孩
But luckily, he has me.
但幸亏他有我这个好哥哥
Color me dubious.
还是不可能
I'm home.
我回来了哦
Come on, I need you to be with me on this one.
别这样 你要和我统一战线
It'll never work.
根本行不通
This is acidophilus milk.
这个才是含乳酸菌的牛奶
It is on the shelf below the 2-percent,
就在含脂肪的牛奶下面
right next to the low-fat yogurt.
在低脂酸奶旁边
Boy, does your brother have a girl for you.
孩子 你哥哥要跟你介绍女朋友
What?
虾米
She just moved next door.
她刚搬到隔壁
She's gorgeous, divorced and loaded.
超有钱 超漂亮 离婚了
Uh-huh. What's wrong with her?
嗯...她有什么毛病吗
Why does something have to be wrong with her?
她为什么非要有毛病呢
Because there's only two reasons you ever set me up with a woman:
只有两种情况你会给我介绍女朋友
You either need somebody to keep the emotionally disturbed
第一种情况就是 你想让利用我支开你女友的好朋友
or cross-eyed or hermaphroditic best friend busy
她不是感情受伤害就是对眼儿 要不就是变性人
while you do the pretty girl,
这样你就能和你女友爽了
or
另一种情况就是...
okay, I guess there's just one reason.
就那一种情况了
There is nothing wrong with Danielle.
丹妮尔没啥毛病
Berta, is she or is she not gorgeous?
贝塔 她漂亮吗
Hey, I'd do her.
我都愿意上她
If she's so great, why give her to me?
如果真那么好 干吗让给我
You want the truth?
你想听真话
It'd be a nice change of pace.
你难得说句真话
All right, first of all
好吧 首先
I am sorry about the hermaphroditic incident.
我很抱歉上次让你和个变性人约会
"I'm sorry" does not make up for leaving me in a hotel room
一句道歉并不能弥补我在旅馆房♥间里
with a girl who had a vestigial penis.
面对一个有小鸡鸡的女人所带来的伤痛
I didn't know.
我开始也不知道啊
I was as surprised as you were.
我也和你一样大吃一惊
Charlie, no one was as surprised as I was.
查理 没人能像我一样那么吃惊
But let's move on.
咱别提这个了
Okay, now, I'm not saying I didn't try to hit on our new neighbor,
我并不是说我没想过追那个新邻居
because I did.
因为我已经追了
And? I got nowhere.
然后呢 没追到
She saw him for the mindless meat-seeking missile that he is.
她觉得他是个只想着和女人上♥床♥的混♥蛋♥ 他确实也是
Anyway, I just thought you two might hit it off.
我觉得...你俩倒是挺合适
I'm even making a little welcome basket for
我还帮你做了个欢迎邻居的小礼物篮呢
you to give to her, see?
你去给她 如何
So she's beautiful, rich and single.
她是个有钱的单身美女
Right.
没错
Why would she want me?
她为什么会想和我在一起呢
What kind of thing is that to say?
你怎么说这么丧气的话呢
Why wouldn't she want you?
她为什么会不想呢
I'm broke, middle-aged, twice divorced, sleeping on your Hide-A-Bed
我破产了 人到中年 离过两次婚
and sharing custody of a flatulent,
还寄人篱下
underachieving son.
还有个不求上进脑满肠肥的儿子
We're gonna need a bigger basket.
我们需要个大点的礼物篮
You're gonna need chloroform and a rope.
你还不如直接绑♥架♥那女的得了
Just remember, the most important thing is
记住 最重要的是
to project confidence.
要有自信
Got it.
知道了
How do I look?
我看起来如何
Just project confidence.
要有自信
Here, you give her the welcome basket.
来 你给她这篮子
All right. Well, what do I say?
好吧 我该说啥
"Welcome. "
"欢迎"
Oh, good. That's good.
很好 非常好
Oh, hi. Heh.
你好啊
Welcome.
欢迎
Danielle, this is my brother, Alan.
丹妮尔 这个我弟弟艾伦
Alan, Danielle.
艾伦 这是丹妮尔.
Alan just wanted to welcome you to the neighborhood.
艾伦想欢迎你的到来
Welcome.
欢迎
Thank you.
谢谢
You're welcome.
没事儿
Would you like to come in?
你们想进来吗
I don't know, she seems kind of busy.
我不知道 她好像挺忙的
Go, go, go.
进去进去进去
I am sorry that the place is such a mess.
不好意思家里太乱了
Don't be silly.
怎么会呢
Moving takes time, right, Alan?
搬家需要时间的 对吧 艾伦?
Oh, yes,
是啊是啊
uh, I remember the last time I moved,
我记得上次我搬家的时候
it was very time-consuming.
也很费时间
I had to collect boxes and those packing peanuts.
我要收拾那些盒子还有袋装花生
Boy, those things get everywhere. Yeah.
花生撒得到处都是
Hey, that's summer sausage, not salami.
你知道吗 这是夏日香肠 不是色拉米香肠
A lot of people confuse the two.
好多人经常弄混
Ha, ha. Interesting. Heh.
有意思
Ahem. So why don't I, uh, open up
我还是打开
this wine
这瓶葡萄酒
and we can toast to my new home?
我们为这个新家干杯
Good idea.
好主意
None for me. Red wine makes me gassy.
我不喝 我一喝葡萄酒就打嗝儿
Sorry, I don't have anything else to offer.
不好意思我这儿没什么好吃的
I haven't had time to go shopping.
我没时间去购物
Well, then you must be starving.
那你一定饿坏了
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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