好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S04E05
Part 2
Nov. 17, 2020, 1:56 p.m.
What are you talking about? I see you drink, gamble, you have strange girls sleep over.
你在说什么? 我看过你喝酒 赌博 跟奇怪的女孩睡觉
Drop in unannounced on a wednesday, and you'll be scarred for life.
如果你星期三没先通知就跑过来的话 你会后悔一辈子的
I hope you're proud of yourself. Your mother's crying.
我希望你有觉得很骄傲 你妈哭了
Good.
太好了
Don't be mean to your mother! You're mean to your mother.
别对你妈这么刻薄 你对你妈就很刻薄
My mother can take it.
因为我妈受的了
She actually feeds on it.
事实上她是靠这个吃饭的
Anyway she wanted to tell you that she loves you more than anything.
总之 她要告诉你 她爱你胜过一切
and that she and Dr. Melnick aren't gonna get married,
而且她和梅尼克医生不会结婚
until you've had time to adjust to the idea.
直到你能适应为止
Well then they are never married cause I'm never gonna adjust to it!
那他们别想结婚 因为我永远也不会适应
Five, six, seven... Shut up!
五 六 七... 闭嘴
You know I'm a little surprised at you.
你知道我对你有点惊讶
I would think you would want your mom to be happy.
我以为你会希望你妈幸福
Hey! She can be happy all she wants.
她想要怎样的幸福都可以
I just don't need some jerk pretending he's my dad.
我只是不想要某个混♥蛋♥ 假装他是我爸
Why not?
为什么?
Cause I already have a dad.
因为我已经有一个爸爸了
And he's already a jerk.
而且他本来就是个混♥蛋♥
Alright buddy.
好吧 老兄
I'm gonna have to tell you something pretty heavy
我必须告诉你一件很严肃的事情
but I think it's something that you're old enough to understand.
但我觉得你应该已经能明白了
You can do better than me.
你可以做的比我好
Way better.
好很多
Did you know that I'm not even a real doctor but Dr. Melnick is.
你知道我甚至还不是一位真正的医生 但梅尼克医生是
So what? So what? Are you kidding?
那又怎样? 那又怎样? 你在开玩笑吗?
He maks more money than I do. He can buy you better presents than I can.
他赚的钱比我多 他能买♥♥更好的礼物给你
Don't underestimate the value of having a prescription pad lying around the house.
别低估了随便乱开药方所能赚到的钱
Charlie! You know, someone gets sick.
查理 你知道 人总是会生病
...or bored.
...或觉得无聊
But I only need one dad. And you'll only have one dad
但我只需要一个爸爸 你可以只有一个爸爸
there's nothing that says you can't call him dad and me Alan.
并没有规定你不能叫他爸爸 然后叫我艾伦
We still know who's who.
我们知道谁是谁就好了
I'm getting a little misty...
我感动的想掉泪了
Forget it. I'm never gonna like him.
算了 我不会喜欢他的
May I suggest you try a more ... shall we say...
我建议你试一个比较... 应该说...
...practical aproach.
...比较实际的方法
Jake, how much does your mom give you for allowance?
杰克 你妈给你多少零用钱?
Ten dollars a week.
一星期10元
Ok...
好
I'm gonna write down some figures here and...
我要在这里写一些数字...
you tell me to stop when you see a number that makes you feel a little...
然后当你看到可以让你对梅尼克医生 产生好感的数字时
warmer towards Dr. Melnick.
再叫我停
I was so worried about you, don't you ever do that again.
我好担心你 以后别再这样了
Thanks for bringing him back. No problem.
谢谢你们带他回来 不客气
Jake, isn't there something you wanna say? No.
杰克 你不是有什么话想说吗? 是的
I love you Dr. Melnick.
我爱你 梅尼克医生
Come on honey, let's get you to bed, you've got school in the morning.
亲爱的 该上♥床♥睡觉了 早上还要上学
Hang on.
等一下
Night dad. See you Alan.
晚安 爸 再见 艾伦
Night buddy.
晚安 小兄弟
Boy, he's really warming up to you.
天啊 他真的对你有好感了
Yeah. Listen..
是啊 对了
If you and Judith ever discussed putting Jake on any sort of medication?
你或茱蒂丝有没有讨论过 让杰克去接受某种治疗?
Why, what do you got?
怎么 他有什么异状吗?
No, no we haven't. Why?
不不 没讨论过 怎么了?
Well, I mean... one minute he hates me, the next minute he loves me
我是说 1分钟前他还恨我 下1分钟就爱我了
and those kind of a moodswings just aren't normal.
这样情绪上的转变并不是很正常
Oh, no. Don't worry about that. That's not an emotional problem,
不 别担心 那不是情绪上的问题
that's more like a...
比较像是...
...kind of...
类似...
Charlie? We paid him to like you.
查理? 我们付钱让他喜欢你
You what? And it costs less than you might think.
什么? 而且花的比你预期的还少很多
But that's a good thing,
但那是一件好事
a bribable child is a controllable child.
能被收买♥♥的小孩应该很好管教
Plus he's not too bright so you can lie to him all you want.
加上他很笨 所以你想对他撒什么谎的行
Charlie? Oh, come on!
查理? 拜托
Until he was ten I had him convinced that swizzle sticks were money.
一直到他10岁我都还有办法 让他相信"调酒棒"就是钱
Hey, speaking of swizzle sticks have you guys considered eloping to Vegas?
既然提到调酒棒 你们有没有考虑私奔去赌城?
No, we haven't... No, I know what you're thinking. Tacky.
不 并没有... 我知道你在想什么..."寒酸"
But actually it isn't.
但其实不然
It's classy and very romantic.
那里漂亮又浪漫
Yeah, and some of the hotel rooms have those big mirror walls.
是啊 而且有些饭店的房♥间 墙上有大镜子
It's like watching your ass bob up and down in I-MAX.
做♥爱♥时就好像看到你的屁♥股♥ 在电影院上下起伏
I think I actually put things on hold for a little while.
事实上我认为一切应该要慢慢来
Why? You Love Judith, don't you?
为什么? 你爱茱蒂丝 对吧?
Of course, she's a great woman. How's the sex?
当然 她是很好的女性 性♥爱♥方面如何?
It's a little personal, isn't it?
这有点牵涉到隐私 不是吗?
Hey, I didn't ask wich way you point her.
我又不是问你们的做♥爱♥姿势
Just wanna make sure you two kids are compatible.
只是想确定你们是不是合的来
Oh! Well there's no problem in that area.
哦 那方面没什么太大问题
See Alan? It was you.
看吧 艾伦 是你的问题
That's me. The original one pump chump.
就是我 早泄的始组
So I hear.
我也听说了
The thing is I'm just not sure I'm ready to be a stepfather.
问题在于我不确定我是否 已经做好当继父的准备
Oh, sure you are. You'll be terrific. Right Charlie?
当然可以 你会是很棒的 对吧 查理?
Trust us, as long as there's food in the fridge and money in your wallet,
相信我们 只要冰箱里有吃的 你皮包里有钱
you'll own the little pecker.
这个小鬼就完全任你摆布
I think he was exhausted, he fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.
我想他是累坏了 他一躺下去就马上睡着了
Another plus, sound sleeper.
在加一条 他很好睡
Yeah, nothing wakes the kid up
是啊 没有什么能叫醒他的
and I've had some real screamers at my place.
而且我家附近有些人特别会尖叫
It's getting a little late, I'd like to go to bed.
有点晚了 我想去睡了
Why don't you do that? Listen, fatherhood is no big deal.
你何不先去睡? 听我说 为人父没什么大不了的
Truth is with the internet and everything they practically raise themselves.
只要有因特网什么的 他们就能养活自己
Alan!
艾伦
You go ahead honey, I'll be in a second...
你先去睡 亲爱的 我马上就过去...
I don't know I think I just need some time to get used to the idea.
我不知道 我想我只是需要点时间去习惯
No no no, don't think about it.
不不不 不用再想了
Parenthood is like sky diving.
为人父母就像从高空往下跳
You just gotta jump out of the old plane. And get sucked in to the old propeller.
你只要从一台破飞机上往下跳 然后被螺旋浆吸进去
A propeller of Love.
爱的螺旋浆
Hey, Listen. Why don't we go out and talk about this over a couple of beers
嘿 听我说 我们何不去喝个两杯继续聊?
Oh, no thanks, I really enjoy spending time with you fellas, but...
不用 谢了 我真的很喜欢花时间跟你们相处 不过...
I don't really drink. That's okay. Neither do I.
我不太能喝 没关系 我也是
Well... ok, sure.
嗯...好吧
I just tell Judith that I'm leaving. That's Ok I'll tell her.
我去跟茱蒂丝说我要出门一下 没关系交给我就好
Judith, we're leaving. Good.
茱蒂丝 我们要走了 好
Let's go.
走吧
First wife and I tried to have kids but...
第一任妻子和我想要生小孩 但是...
...didn't happen.
...没成功
And when she got sick and passed away...
后来她生病去世后...
I didn't think I'll ever have a family.
我没想过我会再拥有一个家庭
Oh, that's so sad. Yeah.
真令人难过 是啊
Who was shooting blanks? You or her?
是谁在射空包弹? 你还是她?
Cahrlie, that doesn't matter.
查理 那不重要
What matters is that he's starting fresh with Judith.
重要的是他已经开始在搞茱蒂丝了
A live woman of proven fertility.
一个活生生而且有生育能力的女性
What good does that do if he's packing a starters pistol?
如果他还没开始做就射了 那有什么用?
I'm fine You hear that? He's fine.
我很正常 听见没有? 他很正常
Jake can have a little brother. That would be a blessing from heave, wouldn't it?
杰克会有个小♥弟♥弟♥ 就像是天上掉下来的礼物 对吧?
Oh, I don't know if I want more kids. Then wear a condom.
我不确定我是否还想生小孩 那就戴保险套
Besides Jake is used to being an only child.
而且杰克已经习惯当独生子了
If there was anyone he would probably eat it by mistake.
所以如果又有小孩 可能会不小心被他吃了
So Herb, you haven't touched your beer.
贺伯 你的啤酒都没动过
Oh, like I said I'm not much of a drinker.
哦 正如我说的 我不太能喝
Then we need a drinking game.
那我们要来比赛喝酒
How about this:
这样吧
Each time Alan shoots me a dirty look, we all take a drink.
只要每次艾伦瞪我一下 我们每个人都要喝一杯
Oop, here we gooo...
噢 开始了...
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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