19号消防局（2018）

Station 19 S04E12

Part 4 May 24, 2021, 2:20 p.m.

那种仇恨一直都在
- I -- You know, I've always seen it
愈演愈烈
and felt it growing up.
我曾见证父亲经历过
I saw my dad go through it.
人们会给他起难听的外号♥
People would call him awful names,
而他则是昂首挺胸的
- and he would -- he would just walk by,
走过去
hold his head up high.
小时候别人看到我姓氏的时候
A-As a kid, people would look at my last name,
会问我你到底是哪里人
and they would ask me, "Where are you really from?"
甚至当一些老师发现我很聪明的时候
I even had teachers who would look really surprised
他们会很惊讶
once they realized that I was smart.
但你知道多数时候
But, you know, mostly...
- 说出来没关系的 - 多数时候
It's okay to say it. Mostly, I got treated okay
人们对我还挺好的就因为我肤色浅
because my skin is light.
我看起来像白人
I pass for white.
你因此内疚吗
And you feel guilty about that?
我
I --
就是
You know...
我发誓我都不知道我什么感觉
I swear to God, I don't even know how I feel.
能走走吗
Uh, can we walk?
今年发生的事儿太多了
- This year has been so much -- so much.
一件接一件
It's been just one thing after another a--
完全没时间喘气
with no time to recover.
至于那个视频
And that video?
我觉得
I feel --
我觉得被出♥卖♥♥♥了
I feel betrayed.
我知道一直以来都是如此
- I mean, j-- I know it's always been this way,
但我需要爱上个黑人男性
but I needed to love a Black man --
和黑人男性结婚
I needed to be married to a Black man --
才能看清全局吗
in order to see the whole picture?
为什么我的正义感呢
Why? Why? Where was my call for justice?
之前为什么没意识到呢
Like, why didn't I see this before?
为什么时至今日才醒悟过来
- W-- Why am I just waking up now?
很多人都在觉醒
A lot of people are waking up now,
他们也问了自己同样的问题
and they're asking themselves the same questions.
而你你是消防队长的
- And you -- you're the daughter
女儿
of a fire captain.
打小警局生活就是
Police have been a part of your life
你生命的一部分
since you were a little girl.
警♥察♥和消防员都是你的家人
Cops and firefighters were your family.
他们会叫我普鲁蒂塔
They would call me Pruitita.
意思是小普鲁伊特
It means Little Pruitt.
而且我越慢慢开始长大
And there was this sort of mental gymnastics going on
就慢慢开始有意识我以为我知道
where, a-as I got older, I thought I knew
警♥察♥的暴行是很猖狂的
that police brutality was rampant.
但同时呢
But at the same time,
我又不能把我真的认识的警♥察♥
I didn't count the cops that I knew personally
划到那一类人里去
into that issue.
就很矛盾
You know, it was double-think.
我从没有停下来质疑过
Like, I never stopped and questioned
为什么好警♥察♥不揭发坏警♥察♥
why the good cops weren't calling out the bad ones.
我爸所有的警♥察♥朋友
You know, not a single one of my dad's old police friends
都没有站出来公然谴责
have stepped forward to denounce the actions
杀掉了乔治·佛洛依德的那位警官
of the officers that murdered George Floyd?
一个都没
Not a single one.
作为心理治疗师我的直觉是该去安慰你
It is my instinct as a therapist to comfort you,
但你需要的安慰
but your comfort --
和其他人需要的安慰
and everyone else's comfort --
长久以来一直都是
has been such a big part of this problem
这个问题的一部分了
for so long.
你美丽且勇敢
You're beautiful, and you're brave,
- 而且你 - 听我说
- and you are -- Okay, no, just listen.
我想告诉大家
I want to tell everyone
我支持他们参加游♥行♥
that I support them attending the protests.
我也想去
I want to go.
我不想再默默地支持了
I don't want to silently support anymore.
我想要去街上喊出来
I want to scream in the streets.
好啊我也一起
Wonderful. I'll join you.
你不懂
You don't understand.
现在19署和警局的关系已经很不好了
- It's -- Things are bad enough right now between 19 and PD.
上面不会喜欢我们这样的
The Department won't like it.
但是
Okay, but they cannot
他们不能因为这事惩罚你吧
officially discipline you for it, though, right?
不能
No, no.
但是
But
我都连任呢
I'm on a track,
如果我公开支持
and if I support this publicly --
也就是大家都希望我做的
which everything in me wants to do --
我可能就不能连任了
it'll take me off that track.
因为大家都在往警♥察♥局放火
Because people are setting fires to police stations.
而且消防员和警♥察♥是要共事的
Yes, and because firefighters work with the police, okay?
他们也是我们的兄弟
They're our brothers, too,
虽然有一部分老鼠屎吧
and there are some bad apples, bu--
新闻里一直说什么
Okay, they keep saying that on the news.
一颗老鼠屎一颗老鼠屎的
The "one bad apple," "one bad apple."
我不懂什么意思
And I didn't understand what it meant,
我就查了一下
so I looked it up,
我查到的是一颗老鼠屎
and one bad apple ruins the whole barrel.
坏了一锅粥
That's the saying.
所以我们看了那么可怕的视频
So, after we all saw the horrific video,
为什么所有的兄弟姐♥妹♥们♥
why aren't all the brothers --
为什么所有的朋友
why aren't all the friends --
为什么警局的所有人
why isn't every member of the police force
不走上街头要求全面改革呢
in the streets demanding systemic change?
为什么
Why?
因为会对他们的职位有影响啊
Because it'll take them off of the track.
能问你一个问题吗
Can I ask you a question?
当然
Of course.
你怎么成为心理医生的
How do you become a therapist?
抱歉没想到你会问这个
I'm sorry. I'm not, uh, often taken off-guard.
你是想换工作吗
Are you considering a career change?
不是的至少现在不是
Oh, no. No, no, no. I mean, not now.
就是至少有个备选也蛮好的
- I just -- It would be nice
万一我受伤了或者那什么
to have a back-up plan that's better than
总比去我爸妈的餐厅
waiting tables at my parents' restaurant
端盘子要好吧
in case I get injured or...
那什么是什么
Or what?
就是如果我允许自己
Or if I give myself permission
朝警♥察♥局扔砖头
to throw a brick at a police station
然后我被消防局开除
and it gets me kicked out of FD.
心理医生需要四年本科
It's, uh, four years of undergrad
两年研究生
plus two years of grad school.
我本科好像
I'm only like eight credits shy
就差八个学分就修完了
of my undergrad degree, so...
什么专业
In what?
艺术学位
Uh, it'll be a Bachelor of Fine Arts.
艺术学位啊
- A Bachelor of -- of Fine Arts?
是的我学的是音乐剧
Yeah, I studied musical theater.
那你们音乐剧的艺术学位
What are the classes when you get
都要上什么课呢
a Bachelor of Fine Arts in musical theater?
我想想啊
Well, let's see.
有演讲与声音
Uh, there's voice and speech,
表演演唱芭蕾
and acting, singing, ballet,
还有马戏团技能
and also circus skills
比如走钢丝杂耍啥的
like walking a tightrope or juggling.
这个修完了还有学位证书呢
And they give you a degree for that?
本来要给的但是剧院被烧了嘛
Well, they would have, but the theater burned down,
我最爱的老师没能逃出来
and my favorite teacher didn't make it out.
我逃出来了但我不能回去
And I did make it out, but I couldn't go back.
我没能完成所以
I couldn't finish, so...
所以
So...?