单亲

Single Parents S02E02

Part 2 Nov. 24, 2019, 3:16 p.m.

你能接受吗
Would you be okay with that?
我能接受
Would I be okay with
一周不摔50个玻璃杯
not losing 50 glasses a week to Slippy Longdroppings?
不必每晚清除血迹
With not having to sweep up a nightly trail of blood
还有高脚器皿碎片
and broken stemware?
以及摆脱那种让我损失荷包的困境
With getting out of a situation that's costing me money?
当然了妹子
The answer's yes, girl.
刚才是反问句
Yeah, those are rhetorical questions.
米基
Hey, Miggy?
如果你真的那么缺钱
You know, if you're truly desperate for money,
我能给你找份工作
I can get you a job.
工作环境是全世界
A job in the grimmest, grossest,
最阴暗恶心糟糕的地方
most awful place in the world.
我就在这儿上班
So, this is where I work.
把证词都看一遍
Now, you're gonna go through each deposition,
每次看见
and every time you see the word
"甲烷" "直肠"
"Propane," "Rectum,"
或者"碎片" 就高亮出来
or "Shards," Highlight it.
甲烷直肠碎片
Propane, rectum, shards.
明白了然后呢
Got it. Then what do I do?
再来一遍
You do it again.
再一遍
And again.
直到地球撞上太阳
Until the Earth collides with the sun
我们的灵魂得到解放
and our souls are finally free.
酷
Cool.
直肠
Rectum.
直肠
Rectum.
不是碎片
Not shards.
想得美鲨鱼
Nice try, sharks.
这诉讼有点狠
What a lawsuit.
直肠
Rectum.
直肠
Rectum.
甲烷
Propaaane!
咱俩肯定有办法
There has to be a way to regain our rightful roles
交换班主任的
as Not Room Parent and Room Parent.
双胞胎想要自己的空间我也想要
I mean, the twins -- they want their space, and so do I.
所以我不在他们学校当志愿者
That's why I don't volunteer at their school
他们也不在我的皮肤科当医生
and they don't work as doctors in my dermatology group.
苏菲正在疏远我
Sophie's trying to pull away,
所以我要多陪陪她
so obviously, I need to be around her more,
而不是少陪她吧
not less, right?
我们得找个机会让你表现得特别不负责
We need to create a situation where you are so negligent,
让普朗斯图勒老师不得不把你除名
Ms. Pronstroller has to remove you.
而你的英勇行为
And you act so heroically
让她只能将你复职
that Ms. Pronstroller has to reinstate you.
到时候孩子们不是真的有危险
Where no children are in actual danger...
但是人们都会以为他们有危险
But it sure as hell looks like they are.
玩忽职守英勇相救提前预见危险
Hmm, negligence, heroism, perceived danger.
我们想的一样吗
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
绝不可能
Never.
下周五去自然历史博物馆实地考察
Next Friday's field trip to the Natural History Museum.
班主任必须陪同
The Room Parent has to chaperone.
我以公民身份参加
I can be there as a private citizen,
还有什么比历史更危险吗
and what's less dangerous than history?
我必须得坐校车对吧
Gonna have to ride on a school bus, won't I?
真幸运
Lucky.
我们是伙伴团体不是伙伴系统
We are a buddy collective, not a buddy system.
我们能有多强取决于我们最弱的伙伴
So, we're only as strong as our weakest buddy.
别当那个最弱的人
Do not be that buddy.
威尔怎么我
Will? What -- I'm o--
-道格拉斯 -你你怎么在这里
- Douglas! What are you -- - What are you doing here?
我单纯地在欣赏博物馆
I'm just enjoying the museum...
我在陪我孩子实地考察
I'm chaperoning a field trip!
今天吗
Is that today?
我完全不记得了
I've completely forgotten!
我知道世界上有巧合可是这也太扯了
I-I've heard of coincidences, but this is ridiculous!
这真是太巧了
This is -- takes the cake.
我们来复习一下计划
Okay, let's go over the plan.
你得让一个孩子干出在博物馆里坏的事
You get a kid to commit the most heinous act imaginable
碰一块骨头
at a museum -- touching a bone.
不承重的骨头但仍然是骨头
Not a load-bearing bone, but still a bone.
在孩子碰到骨头之前你就说
And before the kid touches the bone, you say...
快来阻止这个小孩
"Someone stop that kid.
这是我的职责
It's my job,
但我今天喝多了没法履行班主任的职责
but I'm too drunk to Room Parent today."
接着你就从礼品店飞奔而出
Then you will swoop in from the gift shop,
阻止那个小孩碰到骨头
you will stop the kid pre-bone touch
拯救大家
and save the day.
我们听见你逃避班主任的计划了
We heard your plan to get out of being Room Parent.
计划有漏洞
It has holes.
我们没生气
We're not mad.
我们能理解
We understand.
你待在这儿让我们彼此都不舒服
You being here is as uncomfortable for us as it is for you.
我们可以帮助你实行计划
We can help with the plan.
我们是天生的共犯
We're born accomplices.
我们也可以让你的计划一团糟
Or we can make sure the plan goes horrible wrong.
我们也是天生的捣乱鬼
We're also born saboteurs.
-你来决定吧爸爸 -好吧
- Your move, Dad. - ?Alright.
我走投无路了
Well, look, I'm way too desperate and,
而且说实话我太为你们两个骄傲了
frankly, too proud of both of you
所以我不生气
to be angry.
-太会施加压力了 -好
- Way to turn the screws. - ?Okay.
我和艾米找个容易骗的人
Amy and I will find a patsy
碰一根不称重的骨头
to touch a non-load-bearing bone.
你就好好练台词吧
You sit tight and practice your line.
表演一下
Let's hear it.
快来阻止这小孩
"Someone stop that kid."
没有起伏
Little flat.
我觉得你自己都不相信
I don't believe you believe it.
太烂了
These things suck.
专业改进研讨会
十分钟就能讲完的内容
We cover a topic that should take 10 minutes,
人们偏要不停讨论
except people participate for no reason
我们就被永远困在这里
and we're trapped here for days.
讨论真恶心
Participation? Gross.
幸好你在这儿
I'm so glad you're here.
谁能说出自己工作中用到的一项技术
Who can name a piece of technology they use in their job?
大家别回答
Don't answer, people.
让她继续往下说
Let her say it. Keep things moving.
-电脑 -打印机
- Computers? - ?Printers?
真棒多好的例子啊
Nice. Such good examples of technology, you guys.
但是谁都没猜到
But no one's guessed the piece of technology
我们今天要讲的技术
we're here to talk about today.
-你们想知道是什么吗 -不想
- Are you curious what it is? - No.
工作场所的电♥话♥礼仪
谁能举出一件我们用电♥话♥做的事
Now, who can give me an example of something we do on our phones?
-通话 -当然了
- We talk. - We sure do, don't we?
通话
还有呢
What else?
快拿走我的腰带和鞋带
Please take my belt and shoelaces.
我怕我要干傻事
I'm afraid of what I might do.
聆听
We listen!
是的
That's right.
还有聆听
We listen.
米基
Miggy.
向我保证你刚说那句话是为了让她快结束
Swear to me that you just said that to keep things moving.
向我保证你并没有在享受
Swear to me you're not enjoying this.
我我没有
I-I'm not.
我跟你一样讨厌这个听听她说的吧
I hate it just like you. I mean, listen to her.
每个有用的工作语♥音♥留言
Every effective work-related voicemail
以三样东西开头
begins with three things --
你的全名分机号♥和一句简短的破冰