单亲

Single Parents S02E11

Part 2 June 24, 2020, 4:08 p.m.

你觉得他妈妈还活着吗
You think his mom's still alive?
我去拿铲子
I'll get the shovels.
反正也不是第一次了
Won't be the first time.
女士们我不是指妈妈
Ladies, I'm not talking about a mom.
我是指一种特殊的朋友
I'm talking about a special kind of friend.
我不想说得太直白但我们得让这个男人
I don't mean to be crass, but we need to get this man...
得到拥抱
hugged.
他那个样子没人会愿意抱他的
Well, no one's gonna hug him looking like that.
来吧
Come on.
去找块挡板给托尼换个装
Let's put in a new backsplash and flip this house.
逛完了
Alright. We did it.
三个农贸市场
Three farmer's markets,
绕着药膏区转了两圈
two laps around the ointment district,
还莫名其妙地在犹太饰品店前停了一下
and a very confusing stop at a Judaica store.
他们的蜡烛最好
Okay, they have the best candles,
你根本不了解什么叫气氛
and you just know nothing about atmosphere.
是吗这话你和我价值三万的水晶吊灯说吧
Yeah? Why don't you tell that to my $30,000 chandelier,
小家伙
you scrub?
我累死了
I'm exhausted.
我照顾你多久了两三周了吧
How long have I been watching you? Two, three weeks?
-四个小时 -真的吗
- It's been four hours. - ?Really?
你妈妈每天是怎么办到的
I don't know how your mom does this every day.
我要稍微休息20分钟
Alright, here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna take a soft 20.
你这里有《华尔街日报》吗
Do you have a Wall Street Journal lying around?
你敢关心股票市场
Don't you dare check the markets now.
你还得带我去买♥♥新踢踏舞鞋
You still have to take me to go get my new tap shoes.
据我所知
Okay, now, I know for a fact
你的鞋柜里有七双舞鞋
you have seven different pairs in your closet.
我喜新厌旧
I've turned on them all.
它们也是
And they on me.
那你只能光脚跳舞了
Well, then you're gonna have to dance barefoot.
你可以用嘴拟声
You can make the sounds with your mouth.
瞧很简单
See? It's easy.
我想我应该心怀感激
Well, guess I should be grateful.
至少我没被绑♥架♥
Least I didn't get kidnapped.
我给我妈妈发个短♥信♥
Let me just text my mom.
语♥音♥助手给波比发短♥信♥
Hey, Siri, send message to Poppy.
"道格拉斯不干了句号♥
"Douglas dropping the ball, period.
无法为我提供帮助句号♥
Couldn't provide help, period.
你有什么建议问号♥"
Suggestions, question mark."
稍等语♥音♥猪手
A-A-At ease, Sarah.
好吧
Alright, fine.
你想要鞋子我认识一个菲拉格慕鞋店的人
You want shoes? I know the guy at the Ferragamo store.
他能为我们搞到非法货
He can get us the illegal stuff.
不不不
Oh, no, no, no.
我的舞鞋
I only get my dance shoes
只能去"最棒舞动音乐鞋店"买♥♥
from Foot Clothes for Number One Best Music Moving.
这是外国牌子
It's foreign-owned.
感谢大家的到来
Well, thank you all for coming.
嫁给我这么多年了
Uh, boy, being married to me for all those years,
肯定不是件容易的事
well, it couldn't have been easy.
确实
No.
我的植发手术差点毁了我们的婚姻
My, uh, hair-plug trial nearly ruined us.
我的体重每半年
Uh, my weight fluctuates 70 pounds
都会上下浮动三十公斤左右
in each direction every six months,
我已经不去参加火人节活动了
and I don't go to Burning Man,
但我总是
but I talk about it...
说个不停
all the time.
还有亲爱的
Oh, and also, honey,
别忘了你和女生的卫生老师干炮了
don't forget you banged the girls' health teacher.
这可是大事
That was a big one.
不可思议
They're incredible.
他们二人都身负重伤
They've had both their arms ripped off by a gorilla,
但还是打出了一场完美的比赛
and they're still pitching a perfect game.
不知道他们是怎么办到的
I don't know how they did it.
你们可能在想我们是怎么办到的
You're probably wondering how we did it.
我们向一位
Well, we sought the help
专业的婚姻咨♥询♥师寻求了帮助
of a licensed marriage counselor.
还有一位非专业的咨♥询♥师他办公室的停车场更好
And then an unlicensed one whose office had better parking.
但我们发现对我们帮助最大的
But what we found most helpful...
是一对非常特殊的情侣
was how inspired we were by a very special couple.
没错他们是最好的朋友
Yes. They're best friends.
他们是"浪漫号♥"上的船长
They're co-captains of the S.S. Romance.
他们是"接吻拥抱和恩爱"律所的合伙人
They're partners in the law firm of Smooch, Hug, and Feingold.
没错
That's right.
我们说的是我们的儿子威尔
We're talking about our son Will.
和他的女朋友安吉
And his girlfriend, Angie.
敬威尔和安吉
To Will and Angie.
敬威尔和安吉
To Will and Angie!
等等什么情况他们为什么跟我们敬酒
Wait. What is happening? Why are they throwing to us?
他们想让我们说出那对情侣的名字吗
Do they want us to say the name of the couple?
那对情侣就是我们安吉
The couple is us, Angie.
可怕的反转是
Terrible twist --
整个屋子的人都向我们敬酒了
the toast is coming from inside the house.
二位你们的祝酒词有地方需要注意一下
Hey, guys. A note about your toast --
不是注意一下而是
Yeah, less of a note, more of just, like,
"你到底在说什么威利斯"
a "What-chu talkin' 'bout, Willis?"
一个意思
That's a synonym for note.
爸妈
Mom, Dad, uh...
-我和安吉不是 -不好意思
- the thing about Angie and I is that we - - ?I'm sorry.
我们让你们尴尬了吗
Did we embarrass you,
名人气象员先生
Mr. Big Shot Weatherman Public Personality?
那你去告我们啊
?So, sue us.
我们很骄傲你终于找到真爱了
We're very proud that you found true love.
我们是家长就喜欢炫耀
We're parents. We brag. It's what we do.
不妈我们不是
No, Mom, we're not --
我们不想当着朋友的面
We didn't want to get bogged down in details
说得太细但事实上
in front of our friends, but the truth is...
我们差一点就离婚了
we were this close to a divorce.
我都收拾好了
My bags were packed.
你♥爸♥之前下巴都留了一小撮胡子
Your father grew a soul patch.
我差点就要睡黑色皮沙发了
I was one click away from a black leather couch.
我都把结婚戒指戴到大拇指上了
Started wearing my wedding ring on my thumb.
但在我们最黑暗的时光
But in our darkest times, when it just feels
我们以为没必要尝试的时候
like there is no point in trying anymore,
唯一的曙光
that one ray of light
穿越重重黑暗带给我们希望
that cuts through the blackness and it gives us hope.
-是我和安吉吗 -是我们吗
- Me and Angie? ?- Us?
没错你们太让人羡慕了
Yes, you're so inspiring,
你们沟通和支持的方式
the way you communicate and support each other.
我们明白你们可能不理解
Look, we understand it might not make any sense to you,
-但是我们很受用 -没错
- but it makes sense to us. - Yeah.
所以我和威尔的恋爱
So, Will's relationship with me
挽救了你们的婚姻
is what's keeping you... from...a divorce?
正解
Boop.
-说得太好了 -没错
- Perfectly said. ?- Yes.
威尔珍惜这个姑娘
Will, hang on to this one.
她很会总结
She has a knack for summaries,
而且她能搞清楚你在浏览器上开的页面
and she can figure out the tabs on your Netscape!
而且化学反应真是爆棚
And your sexual chemistry is the stuff of volcanoes.
我得先打断一下
Okay, you know what? I'm gonna stop you right there.
你说的没错我身上充满了女性魅力
While it is true that I, myself, ooze sexuality all over the place,
威尔和我
Will and I --
宝贝
Babe?
私聊
A mo'?
应该是私下聊聊的意思
I think that was short for moment.
你的手好湿啊
Ugh, your hand is soaking wet.
因为我很紧张好吗
Because I'm nervous, okay?
挽救我父母真实婚姻的
The only thing keeping my parents' real marriage together
是我们的虚假恋爱
is our fake relationship.