单亲

Single Parents S02E17

Part 1 June 24, 2020, 4:09 p.m.

没错在我十岁之前
So, yeah, the first 10 years of my life,
我管它叫牙刷刷但我要声明一点
I called it a "Teethbrush". But in my defense,
刷牙不是只刷一颗
you brush your teeth, not your tooth!
你们到底有没有在听我讲
Hey, you guys even listening to me?
当然没有
We most definitely are not.
抱歉米基
Uh, sorry, Miggy.
我又忘记牙线放哪了
I realized I forgot my floss again.
你随身带着牙线吗
You carry floss aroundwith you?
是装起来还是散着放的
Like in the container or loose?
装着的米基
Container, Miggy.
是为我去道格拉斯家过夜准备的
It's for my overnight bag for Douglas'.
我总是在重复打包
I'm always packing and repacking it.
忘东忘西
Forgetting things.
有一次整天都忘记穿胸罩了
Spent a whole day without a bra once.
太疯狂了还有一丝性感
Felt unhinged. And a little sexy.
-难道道格拉斯从不在你家过夜吗 -没有
- Hey, doesn't Douglas ever sleep at your house? - Never.
我的地盘更舒服些
My place is more comfortable.
我们在那也更开心
We're happier there.
不好意思我可不记得你有问过我的感受
Excuse me? I don't remember you asking me how I felt about it.
我的床单是挪威峡湾那边手工编织的
My sheets are hand-loomed in the fjords of Norway.
他们一年只生产两套
They only make two sets a year.
我觉得这么想是应该的
I just thought it was safe to assume.
两位别吵了
Guys! Stop fighting!
我们没有吵架
We're not fighting.
我们只是在相互开玩笑
We're just having a playful back-and-forth.
好的我来解决
Okay, I'll fix this.
道格拉斯你今晚得在波比家过夜
Douglas, tonight, you have tospend the night at Poppy's.
不用米基道格拉斯习惯自己那套了
Don't bother, Miggy. Douglas is stuck in his ways.
我可不同意
Hey, I take issue with that.
在1972年我在水牛城的一条人行道
You know, in 1972, I camped out for three nights
露营了三个晚上就为了拿到萨布尔的门票
on a Buffalo sidewalk just to get Sabre tickets?
我们不得不挤在一起取暖
We had to huddle together for warmth.
但是距离过近就容易传染疾病
But with close proximity comes disease.
格雷戈里
Gregory...
总之我说波比如果你想的话
Oh, anyway, listen, Poppy, if you want,
我就会在你那过夜
I'll, uh -- I'll spend the night at your place.
等等我们不该谈谈格雷戈里的事吗因为
Wait, should we talk about Gregory? 'Cause...
算了吧
You know what? Forget it.
转过身去米基我要亲亲这个男人
Turn your head, Miggy. I'm gonna kiss this man.
放马过来
Bring it in.
为你人生中最美好的夜晚做好准备
Get ready for the best night of your life.
去你的
Damn you.
昨晚是我这辈子经历过最糟心的一晚了
Last night was the worst night of my life!
击个掌兄弟一切都会好起来
High five, my man. Nowhere to go but up!
单亲
第二季第十七集
格雷戈里
Gregory.
这里面真难闻
It smells weird in here.
可能是格雷厄姆午饭的味道
It's probably Graham's lunch.
我们只有鸡蛋
Yeah, we only had eggs,
我就煮了六个一天就过去了
so I boiled six, called it a day.
你好科林
Oh, hey, Colin.
你好安吉
Oh, hi, Angie.
你好吗
How's it going?
你也知道
Oh, you know,
目前为止还行吧
pretty bog-standard day so far.
是嘛
Yeah.
那就很好
That's...good.
那就再见
Well, uh, yeah, cheers.
再见
Yeah.
刚刚你们两人怎么回事
What in Cupid's tiny grave just happened?
我鸡皮疙瘩都起来了
I have goose bumps
显然还是不好的那种预感
and obviously not the good kind.
情人节之后科林和我之间
Things with Colin and me
就有点冷淡了
kind of cooled down since Valentine's Day.
真的吗为什么
Really? Why?
我以为你们在秋千聊得挺好的呢
I thought you guys shared some heat on the swing set.
你们
You were all...
我怎么跟你说的摩拳擦掌那事来着没有
Okay, what did I tell you about fist pumping? No.
-没错 -我们俩当时的确打得火热
- Right. - And, yeah,we did have heat, alright?
太火热了以至于不适合
So much that it was probably inappropriate
在学校说
on school property.
自那以后什么都没发生
But nothing has happened since.
你觉得他可能只是把你当做班上某位同学妈妈
Do you think maybe he just sees you as a mom from class?
班上某位同学妈妈
A mom from class?!
抱歉
Excuse me?
先生我请你来检查商品
Uh, sir, I invite youto check out the merchandise.
别多管闲事
Not too much.
我只要淡着科林
All I need to do is get Colin alone,
展示我的魅力他就无能为力了
bust out my A-game, and he'll be powerless.
我只需要一个时机
I just need an in.
苏菲怎么样
What about Sophie?
她是科林孩子的同桌
I mean, she's desk mates with Colin's kid.
珀西我不知道苏菲有多喜欢他
Percy? I don't know if Sophie likes him very much.
没人喜欢他那家伙对苹果很痴迷
No one likes him. Kid's obsessed with apples.
他谈到富士的样子
The way he talks about Fujis...
让人毛骨悚然
...is chilling.
天啊我也为兴趣痴迷
God, I'd kill for a hobby.
总而言之谢谢了孩子们
Anyway, thanks, kids.
走开
Beat it.
天啊威尔太好了
Oh, my God. Will, that is perfect.
我今晚就请科林过来玩
I'll just invite Colin over for a playdate tonight.
我能拿你闺女当借口吗
Can I borrow your daughter for bait?
等等我以为我们今晚要
Ho'd up. I thought we were
带格雷厄姆和苏菲去吃披萨
taking Graham and Sophie for pizza tonight.
我们计划这件事有一阵子了
We've been planning this for awhile.
我从周一就开始服用微剂量乳化剂
I have been micro-dosing LACTAID since Monday.
抱歉兄弟这件事更重要
Sorry, bro, this is more important.
苹果超人来了
Here comes the apple man.
你为什么要强迫我睡在波比家
Why would you force me to sleep at Poppy's?
我浑身都是伤看看摸摸它
My whole body is destroyed. Here, feel this.
摸摸第15节
It's the L5.
这节脊椎想蹦出来
Yikes. That disk wants out.
整件事都是场噩梦
Yeah, the whole experience was a nightmare,
从头到尾
from soup to nuts.
首先我不能像往常一样睡前小酌
First of all, I couldn't have my usual nightcap
因为波比没有单一纯麦威士忌
because Poppy doesn't have any single-malt whiskey,
所以我只能喝红酒
so I had to drink red wine
跟个女人一样睡觉要关门
like a matre d' closing up for the night.
我进她的浴室只有辆阿尔法.罗密欧那么大
Then I'm in her bathroom, which is the size of an Alfa Romeo.
这个比喻我没懂
Not a reference I get.
-是一辆小型车米基 -既然你这么说
- It's a small car, Miggy. - If you say so.
我去刷牙
I go to brush my teeth,
连个放牙刷的地方都没有
and there's nowhere to put the brush down
因为那有成百上千的蜡烛和小饰品
'cause of the hundreds of candles and trinkets
它们底下还摞着一堆东西
and just the tops of so many things.
我就把它放到了马桶水缸上
So I put it on the back of the toilet
就像在丹尼斯浴室里养了一头牛一样
like a gigolo in a Denny's bathroom.
然后时间到了8点45分我得开始了
Then the clock strikes 8:45, so I gotta make.
开始干吗
Make what?
和我的晚餐讲和
Make peace with my dinner.
还是不懂
Still don't get it.
大便米基
Dookie, Miggy!
上大号♥
Drop anchor!
关门拉屎天啊
Release the hounds! Come on!
但问题是厕所距离
But the problem is the toilet is just 6 inches
她卧室只有6英寸
from her bedroom...
隔着的墙只有一颗葡萄籽那么厚
...separated by a wall the width of a grape nut.
所以"小鸡也不能回老巢"
So the chickens can't come home to roost,
如果你懂我的意思的话
if you know what I mean.
你怎么知道我从来没见过鸡
You know I've never seen a chicken in real life?