单亲

Single Parents S02E11

Part 3 June 24, 2020, 4:08 p.m.

我们必须得演下去
We have to play along.
哥们你是成年人了
Okay, dude. You are a grown man, alright?
你可以承受你父母的离婚
You can handle your parents getting divorced.
你真正需要难过的事情
The thing you should really be upset about
是他们死去
is that they are going to die.
不是今天但也快了
Not today, but soon.
拜托我们只要在一堆老人面前假装
Come on, all we have to do is convince a bunch of old people
我们非常恩爱
that we're in love for like two hours,
等到日落就行
just until the sun sets,
然后他们就会回家看《危险边缘》
and they return home to watch "Jeopardy!"
很简单
It'll be easy.
就你才这么想
That's what you think.
没人会相信你泡到我这个仙女
No one's gonna buy that you scored this hot piece.
什么我可上了电视是本地名人
What?! I'm on TV. I'm a local celebrity.
女人看我时
Women look at me
仿佛在垂涎一只香喷喷的烤鸡
and they salivate like I'm a rotisserie chicken.
我收到的粉丝信件超疯狂安吉
The fan mail I get, Angie -- insane.
多数是从监狱寄来的
Most of it's from prison,
但她们说的想对我做的那些事
but the things they say they want to do to me...
你没给她们回信吧
You're not writing them back, are you?
不回信就太无礼了但我很担心
It would be rude if I didn't, but I am worried
我会陷得太深最后无法摆脱
I'm getting in too deep and can't get out of it.
总之求求你假装我女友吧
Anyway, please just pretend to be my girlfriend.
你不觉得这些有点太夸张了吗
Don't you think that this is all a bit much?
我也不喜欢这样好吗
I don't like it either, okay?
但我不能让我爸妈离婚
But I can't let my mom and dad get divorced.
离婚这种事只能发生在别人身上
Divorce is what happens to other people
还有我但不能是我父母
and to me personally, but not to my parents.
巴德和露西说你们俩感情特别好
Bud and Lucy spoke about the two of you so beautifully.
说说吧你们的秘诀是什么
?So, tell us, what's your secret?
亲爱的
Honey.
这次我来说吧
I'll take this one.
好
Okay.
我下班回家以后
When I come home from work,
家里有三样东西等着我
there are three things he has waiting for me.
第一热腾腾的饭菜
Number one, a hot meal,
第二冰爽可口的鸡尾酒
number two, an ice-cold martini...
第三爽到升♥天♥的脚底按♥摩♥
?...and number three, foot rub so intense,
老娘都要上天了
Mama sees angels.
还有我们喜欢海滩
?A-A-Also, we like beaches.
电影和实地海滩都喜欢
The movie and the place.
你感觉如何
How you feeling?
我要找到那只羊
I'm gonna find that goat
让它喝喝用我酿的红酒
and make it drink a wine made out of me.
我已经打包好山羊酒了
Well, I finished boxing up the goat wine.
所以我该去接罗里了
So, guess I should go get Rory.
他大概已经让道格拉斯穿上新衣服了
He probably has Douglas in some kind of outfit by now.
既然他提出要帮忙
O-Or, since he offered to help,
你就让道格拉斯接着带罗里
you ask Douglas to keep watching Rory.
你应该好好休息下
You deserve a break.
干嘛自己干坐着吗
To do what? Sit around and enjoy myself?
我是谁安吉吗
Who am I? Angie?
拜托就让道格拉斯帮你吧
Come on! Let Douglas help you.
再找个戴维就不好了
You don't want another Davey.
戴维
Davey!
-他真是一无是处 -一无是处
- He was useless. ?- Useless.
-不过他可真高 -真高
- But boy, was he tall. ?- Tall.
我有一次看见他吃树上的叶子
I once saw him eat a leaf off a tree
就像雷龙一样
like a brontosaurus.
但你说得对我应该歇歇
But you're right. I should do this.
-我该怎么做 -好
- How should I do it? - ?Okay.
首先你给道格拉斯发信息
So, you text Douglas
让他下午继续带罗里
and ask him to keep Rory for the rest of the afternoon
而你去给自己买♥♥买♥♥买♥♥
while you go shopping -- for you!
也可以给我买♥♥ 只要你愿意
And maybe for me, if you feel so inclined.
-我不愿意 -好吧
- I don't. ?- Okay.
好吧
But okay. ?
这样吧
You know what?
我就给他发"我走不开"
Just gonna text him "I'm tied up."
对吧干嘛没事找事呢
Right? I mean, why start a thing?
嗯差不多吧
Yeah, close enough.
好了我们去商场吧
Alright. Let's hit the mall.
我想看青少年和老年人和谐共处
I want to see teens and old people comfortably co-exist.
我们是怎么认识的
How did we meet?
坐稳了这个故事很精彩
Well, buckle up, because it is a yarn.
还记得吗亲爱的
Remember, darling?
恍如昨日小可爱
Like it was yesterday, buttercup.
我们相遇在
We met on a...
-滑雪旅行 -炎热的八月夜晚
- ski trip -- ?- Hot August night.
因为我们都喜欢在晚上滑水
Because we both love water skiing... in the dark.
-其实那样更安全 -没错
- It's actually safer. ?- Yeah.
开始吧
Here we go.
看我的眉毛必须一样
Watch me. They have to match.
相信我我懂对称
Believe me, I know symmetry.
托尼别动
Tony! Hold still!
我们突然发现这个笨蛋
So, next thing we know, this knucklehead
帮我们报名参加了温尼伯索基湖
has signed us up for the pair skiing competition
奥♥运♥双人滑水比赛
at the Lake Winnipesaukee Olympics!
而且我们赢了
And we win!
你们赢了什么
What did you win?
-五万块 ?-鲜鱼晚餐
- $50,000! - ?Fish dinner.
这种事很容易弄错的
It's an easy mistake because, you know what?
因为在他吃饭的时候我看着他的眼睛
To look into this man's eyes while he is eating...
就感觉自己赢了五万块
makes you feel like you have won $50,000.
我吃鱼的样子的确很性感
I do eat fish very sexually.
看我托尼
Watch me, Tony!
漏了一个地方
You missed a spot!
我们回到小屋
So, now we're back at our cabin,
壁炉台上放着冠军奖杯
first place trophy on the mantel,
我们的肚子里都是鲶鱼
our bellies full of catfish --
我们的内心充满了爱
Our hearts full of love.
于此同时
And at the exact same time,
我们看着对方说
we look at one another and we say...
我爱你
"I love you.
你想再约一次会吗
Would you like to go out on a second date?"
然后呢
And then what happened?
贝蒂冷静
You know what, Betty? Calm down.
走吧大烟囱
C'mon, you big chimney.
现在我的鞋买♥♥好了
Now that we have my shoes,
在舞蹈课之前只剩下六站了
only six more stops until dance class.
我们能休息一下吗
Could we take a break?
我满足了你的所有要求
I've done everything you wanted and more.
我甚至把车停在这里
I even pulled over coming here
因为你以为你看到詹妮弗·劳伦斯在来爱德药店
because you thought you saw Jennifer Lawrence at a Rite Aid.
是詹妮弗·洛佩兹而且也不是她
Okay, it was Jennifer Lopez, and it also...wasn't her.
我的错
That was my B.
我们去熟食店吧我已经45分钟没吃东西了
Now let's go to a deli. I haven't eaten in 45 minutes.
等一下
Wait a minute.
你45分钟前吃过了我一整天都没吃东西
You ate 45 minutes ago? I haven't eaten all day.
我们坐一会吧
Let's sit, huh?
我妈妈十年没坐过了
My mom hasn't sat in 10 years.
你知道那个女人有多努力吗
DO you know how hard that woman works?
我们买♥♥的东西都穿上了
We're wearing everything we bought!
两人悠闲时光
Two for leisure, please.
不是你想的那样
It's not what you think.
女士你忘了你的中音萨克斯管
Lady, you forgot your alto saxophone.
他来了
Here he is!
男人想成为他女人想拥抱他
Men want to be him, women want to hug him.
托尼
Tony!
剩下要做的就是
All that's left to do