单亲

Single Parents S02E03

Part 1 Nov. 24, 2019, 3:16 p.m.

玛姬金美人鱼的海底城♥堡♥
Sea Castle of Majken the Mermaid?
这是瑞典产的玩具
It's a Swedish toy.
我本来想去宜家买♥♥肉丸的
I went to IKEA for the meatballs,
结果买♥♥了它
and here we are.
组装玩具最重要的就是放松
The most important rule of assembling toys is relax.
喝杯薰衣草甘菊茶
Just enjoy this lavender chamomile tea.
伙计们
You guys!
早上吃了披萨
Pizza in the morning!
没摔
Sick save.
你没事吧有人在追你吗
Are you okay? Are you being chased?
你们还记得德瑞克吗
Do you guys remember Derek?
抛妻弃子的父亲
Absent father of my child?
拉佐快餐店的副经理
Deputy Manager of Ratso's?
安吉我们认识德瑞克
Yeah, Angie, we know Derek.
-我不怎么认识他 -好吧看
- I don't really know him. - Okay, here.
这就是德瑞克
This -- This is Derek.
靠他好帅啊
Whoa, dang! He's a babe.
是吗没看出来
Is he? I don't see it.
我给德瑞克写了一封很长的电子邮件
So, I wrote Derek an epic e-mail.
你也许还记得
You might remember.
他根本就没回
And he never responded.
然而今天早上他亲自来回复了
And then this morning, he responded in person.
就在我家
At my house.
他来这里了你是怎么做的
He's here? What did you do?
我也没办法啊
The -- The only thing I could.
我告诉他我要去意面店
I told him I had to go to the spaghetti store,
然后开车去教堂点根蜡烛
then drove to a church, lit a candle,
接着继续开几个小时直到没油了
drove a few more hours until I ran out of gas,
再慢跑两公里然后我就来这了
jogged two miles, and now I'm here.
德瑞克在你家吗
So, is Derek in your house now?
没有
No.
我把他关门外了就像超♥市♥外的狗一样
I put him outside like a dog outside Von's.
你们敢信吗
Can you believe this?
谁会直接来你家敲门啊
Who comes to your house and knocks on your door?
等等
Hold up!
威尔人家没打招呼就来找安吉了
Will, Angie got mailmanned!
-我靠还真是 -我靠
- Oh, snap! She did! - ?Oh, snap!
庆祝下这可是大事
Yo, bring it in! Bring it in! It's such a thing now!
你们还真为了这种事拥抱吗
Are you guys seriously hugging over mailmanning?
我需要你们的帮助
I need your help.
我们也想帮你
Oh, I wish we could,
但我们得放松地组装这个精致的玩具
but we have to relaxingly assemble this elaborate toy.
我们帮你
We're in.
对我们帮你
Yeah. We're in.
我们一直都会帮你的
We -- We were -- We were always in.
单亲
第二季第三集
已经搞定了
The deed is done.
波比·班克斯周六在你家的过夜派对
Poppy Banks, your Saturday night sleepover
改在了菲尔家他是路易莎的爸爸
has been transferred to Phil, father of Louisa,
这孩子我真不怎么喜欢
a child I don't enjoy.
我们终于有一个二人之夜了
So, we finally get a night alone.
我已经准备好了
Oh, I am so ready.
我把药都吃了
I am taking all my meds,
-还一直在跑步机上疯狂锻炼 -太好了
- and I am Nordic Tracking my ass off! - ?Yes!
我还从来没有
I've never been on a date
和没犯心脏病的你约会过
with you where you didn't have a heart attack.
你肯定会喜欢的
You're gonna love it.
托尼正在按红毯标准布置
Tony is enacting the red carpet protocol.
我还雇了隔壁的姑娘
And I hired a neighbor girl
在窗外对着我们唱情歌♥
who's gonna sing emotional songs at us through a window.
准备迎接你人生中
So get ready for the most romantic
最浪漫的低钠之夜
low-sodium night of your life.
先生们目标很简单
Gentlemen, the goal is simple.
我需要你们帮我摆平德瑞克
I need you to help me get rid of Derek.
-能用水枪吗 -我也想问
- Are Super Soakers fair game? - Same question.
万不得已才能用
Only if necessary.
我要清楚地告诉他"听好了
Now, I need to clearly tell him, "Listen up!
你没资格来这
You have no right to be here.
回巴斯托去"
Go back to Barstow."
要是我没有欲望那就轻松多了
And that would be easy if it weren't for the urges.
-这段我不喜欢 -接着说
- Not loving that. - ?Mm-hmm. Go on.
我心里很清楚德瑞克不是好人好吗
My brain knows Derek is not a good guy, okay?
但是后来他开始弹吉他
But then he starts to play his guitar.
我就短路了
And my brain short-circuits
我无法相信自己的直觉
and I can't trust my instincts and then
然后我的身体想把他扔到我的床上
my body wants to throw his body on top of my bed.
-我们不需要听细节 -侧着扔对吗
- We don't need details. - Sideways, right?
在你的幻想中你是侧着扔吗
Are you throwing him sideways in this fantasy?
我无所不能
I can do anything.
我说了算
I'm in control here.
-安吉 -怎么了
- Angie. - ?What?
这个人抛弃了你你还对他有感觉吗
This guy abandoned you, and you're still attracted to him?
是啊哥们我又没说这很正常
Yeah, bro. I didn't say it made sense!
你希望我们帮你把持性♥欲♥吗
So, you want us to be a-a sex buffer?
把持护卫忠犬牧师
Buffer, lifeguard, loyal dog, pastor --
只要你们能帮到我
whatever gets you there.
但我得警告你们我见到他以后
But I have to warn you -- when we're out there in the field,
你们眼前的就不是我了
you won't be dealing with me.
而是未来的安吉
You will be dealing with Future Angie.
未来的安吉想干炮
And Future Angie wants to bone.
非常想
Bad.
未来的安吉是暴躁荡♥妇♥
Future Angie is an irascible ho.
你们应付得了她吗
Can you contain her?
-当然可以 -如果必要就用水枪
- Absolutely, yes. - By Super Soaker, if necessary!
要搞得正式点吗歃血为盟怎么样
Should we make it official? Blood pact?
来个三方握手怎么样
Uh, how about a three-way handshake?
太逊了不过也行
Lamer, but okay.
一二三
One, two, three. Three.
-你们知道吗 -是我的指甲抱歉
- Okay, you know what? - That was my nail. Sorry.
车到山前必有路出发吧
We'll get it when we get there. Let's move.
好
Okay.
谢谢你的睡帽路易莎
Thanks for the night hats, Louisa.
你们戴上都很好看
You all look wonderful.
还有一个好消息
And there's more good news.
爸爸说我们明天可以吃橙子
Father said tomorrow, we can have oranges.
孩子们这是猫头鹰
Children. This is Owl.
邀请你们来看它在院子里捉老鼠
You're all invited to watch him hunt mice in the yard.
来吧路易莎该喂食了
Come, Louisa, it's time for the feeding.
好的父亲
Yes, Father.
来吧
Come.
今晚不是你妈妈来弄过夜派对吗
Wasn't your mom supposed to do the sleepover tonight?
是啊本来波比会给我们看《七宝奇谋》的
Yeah, Poppy was supposed to make us watch "The Goonies."
她应该不会取消啊
It's not like her to cancel.
我们的爸爸今晚也很奇怪
Our dad was weird tonight, too.
姑娘们醒醒
Girls, wake up!
我们的父母有问题
Our parents are up to something,
他们还不告诉我们
and they're keeping it from us!
神经
The nerve.
伙计们我们有更大的问题了
Uh, guys? We have a bigger problem.
这只猫头鹰疯了
This owl is a maniac.
我的天啊
Oh, my night of network stars!
猫头鹰不耐烦了
Owl grows impatient.
不管发生什么我们都不能分开
No matter what happens, we stick together.
合即立
United we stand.
分即垮
Divided we fall.
散
Break.
我们不去了
And...we are not doing that.
姑娘们
Okay, girls.
我们走吧
We're outta here.
我们的父母对我们隐瞒了一个秘密
Our parents are hiding a secret from us,