单亲

Single Parents S02E07

Part 2 Nov. 24, 2019, 3:16 p.m.

我们准备品鉴披萨
We're having a pizza tasting!
你们孩子是怎么点披萨的
And how did you children order the pizza?
通过互联网还有米基的信♥用♥卡♥
With the Internet. And Miggy's credit card.
米基
Miggy!
意大利辣香肠披萨吗
Pepperoni?
你把信♥用♥卡♥给他们了
You gave them your credit card?
什么不是他们偷的
What? Nah. They stole it.
我当保姆的时候他们总是搞这样的恶作剧
Yeah, they always pull pranks like this when I babysit.
他们拿我的信♥用♥卡♥在网上订购东西
They take my credit card, order stuff online,
把意大利香肠扔到我屁♥股♥上
and throw pepperoni at my butt.
我们习惯了
It's our thing.
你们不能习惯这样
It shouldn't be your thing.
那些孩子得受到惩罚好吗
Those kids need to be punished, okay?
杰克会长大的
Jack is gonna get bigger,
你得学会如何教训他
and you need to learn how to discipline.
其实吧
Oh, yeah, see,
我不是很喜欢教训人
I'm no-- I'm not really huge into discipline.
我的方法比较即兴
My approach is more improvisational.
我喜欢轻松和意外感就像爵士
I keep it light and unexpected, like jazz.
-爵士 -是的爵士
- Jazz? - ?Yeah, jazz.
比如
Like...
我知道爵士是什么
I know what jazz is,
虽然这个例子也太扯了
even though that was an insane example.
爵士更像是
Jazz is more like...
-太棒了 -我知道
- That was excellent. - ?I know.
米基教训必须直接准确
Miggy, discipline has to be direct and precise,
就像仪乐队对吧
like a marching band, right?
看好了
Watch.
这个给我
I'll take that...
-还有这个 -?爸爸
- ...and that... - ?Dad!
-还有那个 -我的《糖果传奇》
- ...and that. - My Candy Crush!
你们很不尊重米基
You were disrespectful to Miggy.
这就是你们的下场
Now this is happening. Deal.
那我们应该怎么做
What are we supposed to do now?
-去外面玩吧 -外面
- Go play outside. - Outside?
什么外面
Outside of what?!
瞧简单
See? Easy.
而且很有趣
And fun.
好吧
Okay.
你怎么会有一个我不知道的儿子
How do you have a son I don't know about?
很简单
Easy.
我从不和他联络
I don't speak to him.
但他是你儿子
But he's your son.
的确基因上我们有共同点
Well, genetically we share some things, sure --
头发茂密臂展很长
you know, full head of hair, good wingspan,
百老汇大腿
Broadway thighs --
-但是仅此而已 -不
- but that's where it ends. - No.
我有很多问题
I-I have a million questions.
你和他妈妈结婚了吗
Were -- Were you and his mom married?
非常短暂
Very briefly.
她是一家咀嚼烟草公♥司♥的法律顾问
She was legal counsel for a chewing-tobacco company.
我们是和平离婚的但是对孩子来说很残酷
Now, the divorce was amicable, but brutal for sport.
老爹我不想谈论桑德好吗
Look, Pop, I don't want to talk about Xander, okay?
那是很久以前的事了非常痛苦
It was an incident a long time ago -- very painful.
不不道格拉斯
No. No, Douglas.
你不能忽视你自己的孩子
You don't get to ignore your own kid.
你得解决这个问题
You -- You gotta fix this.
我不想再修补关系了
Look, I'm done trying to mend fences.
我们疏远了好吗
We're estranged, okay?
很遗憾但是没办法了
It's a shame, but that's that.
-但是道格拉斯 -不不不要但是
- Yeah, but, Douglas, you -- - No, no, no. No "But" --
除了你的屁♥股♥[谐音] 我很喜欢
except for your butt, which I like very much.
他们太安静了
They're too quiet, man.
一切都很好
Everything's fine.
仪乐队的方法奏效了
The marching-band approach works.
瞧
See?
他们正在吸取教训而且玩得很开心
They're learning their lesson and having a ball.
我这么说是因为他们在玩球
"Ball" Because they're playing with a ball.
嗯我明白
Uh, yeah, I-I got it, yeah.
这太扯了
This is insane.
现在是1931年吗
What is this, 1931?
一只蜻蜓刚才在我的头上嗡嗡叫
A dragonfly just buzzed by my head.
我们安全吗
Are we even safe?
那些蠢货会付出代价的
Those dumb micks are gonna pay.
?好吧
?Okay.
对不起
Sorry.
我的西西里血脉沸腾了
My Sicilian blood is on fire.
不错嘛
Oh, snap.
这下有趣了
Someone just got interesting.
iPad不仅仅光有《糖果传奇》和《恐龙卡车》
That iPad isn't just Candy Crush and "Dinotrux."
我在别人家过夜还要用她跟我妈妈说晚安的
It's how I say good night to my mom at sleepovers.
冒犯我的家人
When you come for my family,
我要把你这个爱尔兰人埋了
I put your Irish bodies in the ground.
我得赶紧去上班了
Look, I gotta scoot to work.
没事的
You'll be fine.
继续教训他们就可以了
Just stick to the discipline plan.
记住他们只是孩子
Remember -- pom-pom! -- they're just kids.
?就你一个人了
?Just you now, huh?
是啊
Yeah.
有趣
Interesting.
你们租了铲斗机吗
Hey, did you girls rent a backhoe?
你们得签个名
Because they need you to sign for it.
你好爸爸
Hello, Dad.
你干了什么好事
What did you do?
这地方看起来不错爸爸
Place looks good, Dad.
如果你想弄的现代化一点请告诉我
Let me know if you want to modernize.
我可以告诉你我的装♥修♥师的名字
I can give you the name of my decorator.
她帮我装♥修♥了格兰岱尔的房♥子
She did my place in Glendale.
很有前途啊
Up and coming.
不我在格兰岱尔已经很成功了
Oh, no, Glendale has arrived.
早就成功了
It has long since arrived.
离阿祖萨这么近感觉不错吧
Must be nice being so close to Azusa.
那边很热吧有游泳池吗
Gets hot out there. Got a pool?
嗯我有游泳池
Yeah, I got a pool.
那是一个社区游泳池
It's a community pool,
但你可以在生日和特殊场合预订
but you can reserve it for birthdays and special occasions.
我订了下周三早上的
I got it next Wednesday morning.
多有趣
Oh, what fun!
不管是私人时间还是社区时间
Yeah, whether private or community times.
天哪这澡洗的
Oh, my God, what a shower.
太爽啦
I got in there, y'all.
卡米尔
Camille.
嗯
Yeah.
你在我爸家干什么
What are you doing at my dad's house?
这也太奇葩了
What strange treat is this?
桑德
Xander.
你们应该认识?
I guess you guys know each other.
我的车去机场路上抛锚了
I, uh, broke down on my way to the airport,
然后我问站在这里的这个人
and then I asked this man standing right here
能不能用他的电♥话♥
if I could use his phone...
还有他的淋浴
and then his shower.
现在你也在这里这算是
And then now you're here, and it just --
命运吗
It's...fate?
我相信命运
Oh, I believe in fate.
爸我想给你介绍一下
Dad, I'd like to introduce you
我特别的新朋友
to a special new friend of mine.
这是卡米尔?
This is Camille.
很高兴认识你卡米尔
Well, what a pleasure to meet you, Camille.
所以你们两个
S-So, you two are, uh...
太棒了
Terrific.