单亲

Single Parents S02E16

Part 2 June 24, 2020, 4:09 p.m.

饼干包装纸
cookies, wrapping paper,
还有杂♥志♥ 显然现在还有杂♥志♥
magazines because apparently those still exist.
但我从没赚过他们的钱
But I've never hit them up for any cash.
就是今天了我们要为书酒吧募捐
Today is the day. We are fundraising for the Winebrary!
我不知道大家会不会
I don't know if people are gonna give us money
为我们朋友的书酒吧捐款
for our friend's wine/bookstore.
要是为我们亲爱的同事多洛莉丝
But what about raising money for our beloved co-worker Dolores
筹集髋关节恢复的善款呢
who's recovering from a hip injury?
等等多洛莉丝是谁
Hold up, who's Dolores?
没有这个人
No one.
我刚编的
I just made her up.
安吉你太坏了
Angie, you bad.
该做计划了
Alright, plan time.
我看过预报了
I just checked the forecast.
五级头脑风暴即将来袭
We got a Category Five brainstorm coming!
现在不行威尔我在找东西
Not now, Will, I'm looking for something.
找到了
I found it.
罗恩送的订婚戒指这就是我的备用计划
My engagement ring from Ron. It's my backup plan.
我一直告诉自己
I always told myself
如果遇上紧急情况我就卖♥♥掉它
if I got in a pinch, I could sell it,
现在就是紧急情况了
and we're in pinch time, baby!
其实我刚刚有一点点以为
Okay, you know, there's actually a little part of me
你要向我求婚
that thought you were gonna propose to me right now,
而我的第一反应不是拒绝
and my immediate answer was not no.
我就当没听到吧
I-I'm gonna blow by that.
这值一大笔钱
This is worth a lot of money.
罗恩是个不称职的丈夫
Ron was a bad husband,
不过他对于珠宝确实大方
but he could splurge on some jewelry.
还有设计师工装裤
?That and designer overalls.
我们去找一家珠宝店
So, we find a jewelry store,
然后我帮你抬价
and I help you jack up the price.
我已经准备好扮演一个角色
I've already got a character locked and loaded
绝对可以帮你卖♥♥出好价钱
that is going to guarantee you top dollar.
好但你不许用《窈窕奶爸》里的嗓音
Fine. But just don't do your Mrs. Doubtfire voice.
说实话
Honestly?
我可能会用
I might.
不行
Don't.
真的可能
I might.
你好啊
Hello!
你好
Hello.
很漂亮对吗尺寸也不小
Beautiful, isn't it? And not small.
看看这枚戒指把我的手指变成什么样了
I mean, look at what that thing did to my finger.
这叫下垂指
It's called finger droop.
你想让我看还是让我听你说
You want me to look, or you want me to listen?
你看吧抱歉
Oh, yeah, you do your thing. Sorry.
不好意思
Um, excuse me.
那枚光彩夺目的戒指
I'm developing a headache
让人一眼就头晕目眩
from the glare of that majestic piece.
-你不会要把它卖♥♥了吧 -是的
- You're not selling it, are you? - ?I am.
我是马克·蒂芙尼
Mark Tiffany!
没错就是那个蒂芙尼
Yes, that Tiffany.
美国珠宝腕表品牌
我正好在这片区域进行定期闲逛
I was just doing my regular stroll through the District.
在我的家族中我们称之为钻石区
That's what we call the Diamond District in my family.
那肯定能省下你不少时间
That must save you a great deal of time.
我能看看吗
May I?
惊艳
Oh, it's spectacular.
99分钻
99-scale capture,
深水祝福
deep-pressed water blessings...
纯净度和切割工艺都是最顶级的
The 4 and 12s are nearly jumping off the crest-piece!
这是戒指中的奇迹
I-It's a wearable miracle!
我给你二百
I'll give you 200 bucks.
二百
$200?!
-什么 -是的
- What? - Yeah.
假钻戒的指环值这么多
For the band that holds that fake diamond.
什么这是假的
What?! It's fake?
罗恩和我说他花了一大笔钱
Ron told me he spent a fortune on this.
恭喜你
Well, uh, congratulations.
看来你和他离婚没错
Sounds like you divorced the right guy.
加布抱歉打扰你了
Hey, Gabe, sorry to bother you,
但我们在为多洛莉丝募捐
but we're collecting money for Dolores.
多洛莉丝我认识多洛莉丝吗
Dolores? Do I know Dolores?
当然
Of course you know Dolores.
她开着一辆中型轿车
She drives a mid-size sedan,
喜欢"好戏上演"电视台
loves Showtime.
她的鼻子处于脸部的正中心
She's got a real middle-of-the-face kind of nose.
总之我们在为她的髋关节置换手术募捐
Anyway, we're -- we're raising money for her hip replacement.
当然我可以捐点钱
Yeah, sure, uh -- I got something here for her.
其实她两边都要做手术
She's actually getting both hips replaced.
她先是摔断了一个
Yeah, she fell and broke one hip,
站起来的时候
then got up, whoop!
又摔断了另一个
Fell and broke the other one.
是啊
Yeah.
然后她掉进了马桶感染了葡萄球菌
Then she landed in the toilet, got a staph infection.
真不幸
It's tragic.
太不幸了
So tragic.
谢谢你加布
Thanks, Gabe!
对了希望他们能找到你的兄弟
Oh, by the way, I hope they find your brother.
谢谢
?Thanks.
你太厉害了
Yo, you were amazing.
这故事怎么编出来的
Where did that story even come from?
我也不知道
I don't know!
我一下子就脱口而出了
It just flowed out of me.
我是不是讲故事大♥师♥
Am I a master storyteller?
-我是不是应该去试试开放麦 -没错
- Should I start hitting open mics? ?- Yeah.
别这样看着我们
Don't give us that look.
我知道撒谎是不对的
I know lying is wrong,
但出发点是好的那就行了
but it's for a good cause, so that makes it okay.
我们想要课后零用钱
Spare us the after-school special.
现在很无聊我们想加入
We're bored and want in.
我们能帮上忙
And we can help.
这些老好人就干坐着
These dimples are just sitting here,
等着给你们送钱呢
ready to make you money.
尽管听起来很诱人但利用你们的可爱
As tempting as it is to use your pretty faces,
会让我觉得自己是个坏妈妈
that would make me a bad mom -- that and the fact
之前我还把牧场沙拉酱当作蔬菜了
that I count ranch dressing as a vegetable.
你们现在去买♥♥点零食吃好吗
Now, you two run along, go get yourself a snack, okay?
别担心加布请的
Don't worry. That one's on Gabe.
罗里我们能买♥♥十个塑料包装的苹果
Rory, why did we get one salad
为什么只买♥♥了一份沙拉
when we could've gotten 10 plastic-wrapped apples?
因为我想让别人知道
Because I really want to tell people
我留着肚子准备吃晚饭
that I'm saving space for dinner.
不
Oh, no! No!
我很抱歉
I'm so sorry.
来
Here.
这是20块再买♥♥一个吧
Here's $20. You guys get another.
对不起
I'm sorry.
天啊
Aw, man.
格雷厄姆你知道这意味着什么吗
Graham, do you know what this means?
-20个塑料包装的苹果 -不
- 20 plastic-wrapped apples? - ?No.
用这份沙拉
With that one salad,
我们能榨干整个办公室
we can bleed this office dry
帮助波比拯救书酒吧
and help Poppy save the Winebrary.
让他们大出血
We'll bleed them
就像黛比·史威士的潦倒前夫在"木槌镇"那样
just like Deb Schwepps' low-life ex-husband did on "Gavel Town."
"木槌镇"里还有这种骗局
There's scams on "Gavel Town"?
什么稀奇古怪的都有
There's everything on "Gavel Town."
我感觉自己在这不受欢迎
I can't help but feel like I'm not welcome here.
应该是讨厌你才对爸爸
Pretty sure they hate you, Dad.
那个戴眼镜的本来是我的
The one in the glasses is mine.
不用那么在意