老爸有招

Man with a Plan S01E22

Part 3 April 12, 2020, 10:02 a.m.

我也是宝贝
Me, too, babe.
原来铃鼓很好玩
And it turned out the tambourine was fun.
对可以作为表演项目
Yeah, yeah, we should keep that in the repertoire.
泰迪有尤克里里琴想来个夏威夷夜也是可以的
Teddy has a ukulele if you ever want to do a Hawaiian night. u202d
两位今晚的晚餐得取消
Hey, guys, we have to cancel dinner tonight.
帕克要了我们的老命
Parker's killing us.
我原以为我就够难伺候了
I thought I was high-maintenance.
我不能停下否则他会抗♥议♥
I can't stop moving or he squawks.
我的小腿肌肉都快着火了
My calf muscles are on fire.
我们几天没睡了
We haven't slept in days.
看我
I mean, look at me.
我知道你在做什么
I know what you're doing.
你要把我变成奶奶
You are trying to turn me into a grandma.
我相信你们也有开心的时候对吗
Well, I'm-I'm sure you've had some fun, too, right?
你们带他去了公园吗
Did you, uh... did you take him to the park?
孩子们小的时候
I used to love pushing the kids
我很喜欢推他们荡秋千
on the swings when they were babies.
得了他荡回来的时候
Please. How many times can I pretend to be surprised
我能假装多少次惊喜
when he swings back to me?
回答是五次五次
The answer's five. Five times.
行了我们得赶紧走了
Okay, come on. We got to keep moving. Oh.
等等让我再吸一口他的香气
Oh, wait, wait, wait. Let me smell him, let me smell him.
这才不是好闻的婴儿味
Oh, that's not the good baby smell.
对看来尿布不换不行了
All right, we'll have to change him
到鸭子池塘再换
when we get to the duck pond.
我们本来打算把鸭子池塘留到明天的
We were saving the duck pond for tomorrow.
都不知道能不能撑到下个钟头
If we don't get through the next two hours,
明天是个未知数了
there is no tomorrow. u202d
那孩子还真是让他们先甜后苦
That kid's giving 'em a run for their money.
那是因为大唐和玛茜不会带孩子
Well, you know, Don and Marcy don't know what they're doing.
他们只带过一个
You know, 'cause they only had one kid.
我们带过仨呢老专业了
We had three, so we're pros.
当然了
Totally. u202d
我们的孩子肯定乖得像天使
And our baby is gonna be an angel.
那一看就是个熊孩子
That one just sounds completely unreasonable.
换你整天看着大唐的脖子
Yeah, well, if you had to hang around Don's neck all day,
你也会闹别扭的
you'd have some complaints, too.
你觉得他去卫生间的时候
I mean, you think he takes that thing off
会摘掉吗我看不会
when he goes to the bathroom? I don't.
对不对
u202dRight?
我不知道自己还想不想要孩子了
I'm not sure I want to have another baby.
谢天谢地
Oh, thank God.
我也动摇了
I'm not sure, too. u202dReally?
我被各种弊端吓到了
I-I had just been blocking out all the bad stuff.
看到大唐和玛茜往事重新涌上心头
And then, seeing Don and Marcy made it all come flooding back.
各种无眠的夜晚
You know, the-the sleepless nights...
-漫长的白天 -无尽的屎蛋
- The endless days. - Endless poops.
对还记得带孩子的时候
u202dYeah, plus, remember how much time
得一直在地板上待着
you spend on the floor
我现在可受不了了
when you have a baby? I can't do that anymore.
我能直接瘫那等孩子长大把我扶起来
I'll be down there till the kid's old enough to help me up.
这点很有说服力
Well, that's a great point.
那天我掉了一颗草莓
The other day, I dropped a strawberry
就干脆踢到冰箱下面了
and just kicked it under the fridge.
我们不能再生孩子了
We can't have a new baby.
那孩子会找出来吃掉的
'Cause you know it'll find that thing and eat it!
小孩满地爬啊
They get into everything.
防护措施
Baby proofing.
楼梯上的门
The gate on the stairs,
柜子上的锁
the locked cabinets.
拿袋薯片比变魔术还难
You got to be freaking Houdini to get a bag of chips.
好的可我也很可能没怀孕啊
Okay, okay, well, there's a good chance I'm not pregnant.
我不是很肯定
I don't know.
我百发百中的三个活例子
I don't miss. I'm three-for-three.
对那倒是真的
Yeah, well, that's true.
好的我们明早买♥♥测孕的去
Okay, we'll go and get a pregnancy test in the morning.
好的
Okay. Yeah. Yeah.
外面下大雨可以等到明天的
It's pouring rain. It-it can wait till the morning.
好吧
Okay.
我们现在就去吧
We're gonna go now, right?
对我已经下床了
Yeah, my feet are already on the floor.
请问一下
Hey, can you tell us where to find...
泻药四号♥过道
Laxatives, aisle four.
什么
What?
你们的表情说明了一切
Yeah, it's the face you were making.
不不我们
No, no, we...
需要测孕的
we need a pregnancy test.
买♥♥给女儿的
For your daughter?
什么不要再八卦了
What? No, stop guessing things.
好的那边
All right, over there,
纸巾和香槟边上
next to the tissues and champagne.
搭配两种结果
We never know which way it's gonna go.
你测好了没怎么样了
Did you do it yet? What's happening?
怎么说的
What's it say?
还没出来你别问了
It doesn't say anything yet. Stop asking me!
对不起对不起
Sorry! Sorry.
对不起
Sorry.
现在呢
What's it say now?!
一条杠
One blue line.
我没怀孕
I'm not pregnant.
我们没成功
We didn't do it!
我们逃出生天了
We got away with it!
躲过一劫啊
Dodged a bullet.
对不再有孩子了本店歇业
Yep. No more babies. The store is closed.
已经不再营业了
Yep, out of business.
他们会推倒重建
They are tearing down the building
盖个大商超出来
and putting up a Walmart.
我们超脱了
We are done.
永永远远
Done forever.
大声说出来感觉怪怪的
It feels weird to say that out loud.
仿佛怀上凯蒂
Yeah. I mean, it seems like just yesterday
还是昨天的事呢
we found out we were having Katie.
是啊
Yeah.
我永远都忘不了
Yeah, I'll never forget it.
一切过得太快了
It all went by so fast.
真的吗
Did it, really?
假的
No. u202d
但我一点都不后悔
But I wouldn't change any of it.
我也是
Me, neither.
跟你说再过四年
You know, in four years,
凯蒂就要去上大学了
Katie'll be off to college.
再过十二年孩子们就都走了
And then, in 12 years, they'll all be gone.
也许我们可以变成那种
Well, maybe we can be one of those couples
把小狗放婴儿车里
that gets a little dog
推着到处走的夫妻
and pushes it around in the stroller.
你愿意为我这么做吗
You'd do that for me?
我愿意抱一个
I would. Come here.
郑重声明我现在的命中率是四分之三
Hey, for the record, I went three-for-four.
还是名人堂的一员
Those are still Hall of Fame numbers.
要不要享受造孩子的过程
You want to go not make a baby?
要
Yeah.
慢点
Slow down!
慢慢走悠着点
u202dSlow down. Slow.
把精力留到正地方去没错
Save our energy for the good part. That's right.
负鼠永远不会有家了
That possum's never gonna get home.
不会他有可能再...
No, he might find a new--
那条蛇另有安排了
No, that snake had other ideas.
我害怕
I'm scared.
能和你们一起睡吗
Can I sleep with you guys?
可以啊亲爱的过来
Yeah, honey, come here. Yeah. Come on.