老爸有招

Man with a Plan S01E06

Part 3 April 12, 2020, 10 a.m.

吓吓就乖了
Scare 'em straight.
不错我喜欢
Ooh, I like it.
毕竟这件事情上我们的孩子
Yeah. I mean, in the last day, our kids have engaged in
狼狈为奸破坏公物还敲诈勒索
vandalism, conspiracy and racketeering.
虽然我也不太明白是什么意思
I don't really know what that is,
但他们真的太能闹腾了
but they make a hell of a racket.
你们认识唐大伯吧
Okay, you guys know Uncle Don.
但你们不知道的是他还是一名父亲
What you don't know is that he is also a father.
我们知道啊他儿子是麦奇堂哥
Yeah, we do, to cousin Mikey.
我在渲染气氛好不好
Okay, I'm trying to set a mood here.
等你们听完他儿子的故事
After you hear what he has to say about his kid,
肯定会抢着告诉我们是谁砸的洞
you'll be begging to tell us who made the hole.
老唐
Don,
上吧把他们吓乖
go ahead, scare 'em straight.
放心吧
Will do.
麦奇小时候跟你们一样
Mikey was just like you.
到处在墙上开洞
Always making holes
还撒谎不承认
in walls and lying about it.
当时觉得没什么
Seemed like no big deal.
可看看他现在呢
But where is he now?
蹲监狱了吗
Prison?
没有他在波基普西的一间单身公♥寓♥
No. A studio apartment in Poughkeepsie.
是吗还挺酷的
Oh. Ooh. That's pretty cool.
不不不特别糟糕
No, no, no. No, that's bad.
单身公♥寓♥只有一个房♥间
A studio apartment is just one room.
厨房♥在卧室里那种
The kitchen is in the bedroom.
-就是那种... -是不是房♥间里...
- Oh, it's like... - Oh, it's one of those things...
对其实那个地方还挺好的
Yeah, yeah, you know, it is actually a sweet little place
就在棒球场边上
right next to the ballpark.
麦奇现在是
Mikey's a mascot
棒球小联盟队的吉祥物
for the minor league baseball team.
-真的假的 -也太厉害了吧
- Oh, no way. - That's so cool.
你不是说他负责搬运移♥动♥厕所吗
You said he was delivering Porta-Potties.
不现在改行做这个了
No, no, no. This is a new thing.
他表现越来越好了
He really got his act together.
看来这说明
I guess it just goes to show
小时候做什么都无所谓
that it doesn't matter what you do as a kid.
有时候梦想就是会实现
Sometimes your dreams come true.
-爸爸再见 -爸爸再见
- Bye, Daddy. - Bye, Daddy.
"爸爸再见"
"Bye, Daddy."
看他们若无其事的样子
As if nothing happened.
幼儿园孩子们可以去操场了
Kindergarteners can head out to the playground.
等下宝贝你等等
Okay, uh, hold on, hold on, hold on.
现在只有我们两个小宝贝
Okay, it's just you and me, Butterbean.
没有其他人在
Nobody's listening.
不如你告诉爸爸墙上的洞是谁干的
Why don't you tell Daddy who made the hole.
什么洞
What hole?
出去吧
Get out of here.
-爸爸再见 -再见
- Bye, Daddy. - Yeah, bye.
还好你们俩在
Oh. Hey, I'm glad you guys are here.
我有事要跟你们商量
I need to talk to you.
家里不顺利吗
Things no better at home?
孩子们在撒谎我们知道他们在撒谎
The kids are lying. We know they're lying.
他们也知道我们知道他们在撒谎
They know we know they're lying.
现在的孩子越来越不好管了
It's tough to control kids these days.
维克托才四年级
Victor's in fourth grade,
但我确定他昨晚偷开我车出去了
and I'm pretty sure he took my car out last night.
几年前我和我妻子决定
You know, a couple years ago, my wife and I decided
不会跟女儿们说"不行"
we were gonna stop telling the girls "No,"
因为这样很消极
because it's very negative.
可后来一个孩子在网上买♥♥了艘船
But then one of them bought a boat on eBay.
现在我们经常说不行
Now we say it all the time.
伯恩斯先生跟我来
Mr. Burns, come with me,
好好听我说话
and put on your listening ears.
你可以不必用这种语气
Okay, you don't have to talk to me
-我不是幼儿园小孩 -快点
- like I'm a kindergartener. - Now.
遵命
Yes, ma'am.
我要和你分享一件我从未分享过的秘密
I'm about to tell you something I've never told anyone,
求你不要
Please don't.
教育如今的孩子
The issue you're up against
你所面临的问题
with kids in today's world
形势对你十分不利
is that it's not a fair fight.
没错我昨晚也是这么跟安迪说的
Yeah. That's what I was telling Andi last night.
小时候父母老师对我们用过的招数
We can't use any of the tools our parents
我们完全不能用
or teachers used on us.
所以我想到了这个办法
So the answer I came up with is this.
看到这个弹珠罐了吗
See this marble jar?
他们哪天表现好
Every day the kids behave,
我就放一个进去
I add a marble.
等弹珠罐装满了就给他们开派对
When the jar is full, they get a party.
可他们不知道的是
But what they don't know is
有时候我会这样
sometimes I do this.
这感觉实在是太爽了
That makes me feel so damn good.
我估计孩子们也偷了你的弹珠
I think maybe the kids stole some of your marbles.
意思是伯恩斯先生不要怕使下流手段
My point is, Mr. Burns, is don't be afraid to fight dirty.
我知道你是什么意思了
I see what you're getting at.
-好样 -不要碰我的弹珠
- Yeah. - Don't touch my marbles!
我不会不不会
I wo-- I won't. I won't, no.
我们真的要这样吗
So we're really gonna do this?
罗德里格兹老师说了要下流些
Hey, Mrs. Rodriguez said to fight dirty.
这一定很下流
Well, this is definitely dirty
因为我同时感觉到兴奋和羞耻
because I feel both excited and ashamed.
有点像上次
It's kind of like that time
我们在我父母的床上干的
we did it on my parents' bed.
不你是和另一个男人
Uh, different boyfriend.
好吧我们待会再说那事
Okay, we'll circle back to that later.
准备好了吗
You ready to do this?
不经历风雨怎么见彩虹
No guts, no glory.
好吧
Okay.
先生女士们
Ladies and gentleman,
这是你们的万圣节糖果
this is your Halloween candy.
凯蒂什么情况
Kate, what's happening?
我觉得他会把这都拿走
I think he's gonna take it away.
不不不更糟
Oh, no, no, no. Much worse.
我要把它从你们中的两人身边拿走
I'm gonna take it away from two of you.
妈你就随他这样吗
Mom, you're letting him do this?
当然
Oh, absolutely.
谁告诉我们那个洞是什么回事
Whoever tells us about the hole
谁就能把这些全部拿走
gets it all.
每
Every
一
single
颗
piece.
好吧你们仨需要做决定了
Okay, so you three have a decision to make.
给你们几分钟
We'll give you a couple minutes to decide.
我们要坚定他们只是在吓唬我们
We got to be strong. They're bluffing.
我要答应他们的交易了
I'm taking the deal.
泰迪拿出点男人的样子
Teddy, man up!
真不可置信
That was incredible.
你能看见他们吗他们什么表情
Can you see 'em? How do they look?
他们慌乱着呢
Oh, they're rattled.
我喜欢占上风
I like our chances.
现在我们回到刚刚的问题
Okay, now we come to the big question.
谁想要这些糖果
Who wants the candy?
要招了
Here we go.
不成交
No deal.
什么好好
What?! Okay, okay,
要是你们都不招谁都不能离开这
no one's leaving unless someone confesses.
他们随便撒个谎我都不会追究
I don't even care if they're lying now.
我们究竟在干什么
What are we doing?
我们在分♥裂♥这个家
I mean, we are tearing this family apart.