老爸有招

Man with a Plan S01E02

Part 2 April 12, 2020, 9:59 a.m.

行了别扯家常了再见
Okay, no time for small talk. Bye-bye!
-你这是... -等着
- What are you...? - Hold on.
等一会一会儿的
Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.
好了她疑惑了一会儿
Okay, okay, she was confused for a minute,
不过还是走了
but she's leaving.
听着我要跟你说说钢人队比赛的事
Okay, listen, I got to talk to you about the Steelers game.
我就是为这个来的
That's why I'm here!
我先说我的我的好
Let me do mine first. It's better.
我给我们俩买♥♥的
I ordered us,
还是通过极速达邮来的
via next day air...
你知道我讨厌多花这个钱
which you know I hate to pay for...
钢人队1976年原版球衣
vintage 1976 Steelers jerseys.
作为感谢你带我去看球的小谢礼
A little thank you for taking me to the game.
我都不知道说什么了
I don't know what to say.
我来说我是个好人
Well, I'll say it. I'm a good guy.
确实是
You are.
你也是个好人
And you're a good guy, too.
再说吧
Eh. Not...
不不不对我来说意义重大
No, no, no, no, it means a lot.
我们是一起看着钢人队比赛长大的
We grew up watching the Steelers.
这是我俩的羁绊
It's our thing.
有吗
Is it?
这也不单单属于我俩吧
And is it exclusively our thing?
你很清楚
I mean, you know,
本来可以找安迪的但你选了谁啊
you could've easily invited Andi, but who'd you pick?
我
Me.
你也知道我这人不喜欢用肢体表达情感
You know, I'm not much for physical displays of affection,
不过我准备赐你这个
but I'm gonna give you one of these.
三拍
Wow. Three pats?
比我婚礼那天还多两拍
That's two more than my wedding day.
不许把这事告诉同事
Don't tell the guys at work about this.
不希望他们认为我很娘
I don't want them to think I'm a sissy.
-老爸再见 -再见
- Bye, Dad! - Bye!
您这是去哪儿伯恩斯先生
Where are you going, Mr. Burns?
今早有一个家长讲座要开
There's a parent education seminar this morning.
是这样我家里没有什么
Oh, well, listen, not only do I have
压抑抑郁的事要处理
a pressing family situation I need to handle,
所以我不想参加
I don't want to go to that.
干嘛你瞅啥
So, what, are you just gonna stare at me?
以为这就能吓到我吗
You think that's gonna intimidate me?
讲座以后就知道了
Well, we'll find out after the seminar.
亚当亚当
Adam! Adam!
我给你留了个位置
I saved you a seat.
就在这亚当
Right here. Adam.
好啊玛丽亚
Hey, Marie.
你听到了吗洛厄尔给你留了个位置
I don't know if you heard, but Lowell saved you a seat.
听到了谢谢
Yeah. Thanks.
欢迎各位家长
Welcome parents.
今天的主题是"如何阻止操场霸凌"
Today's topic will be: "How to stop playground bullying."
在开始之前
Before we begin,
我想为没有供应茶点道歉
I'd like to apologize for the lack of refreshments.
如果有任何不满和意见
If you have any complaints, please feel free
请直接跟你们的代表家长伯恩斯先生说
to direct them to your room parent, Mr. Burns.
好吧我有问题
Okay, I got a question.
我问了啊
All right?
这个社会到底怎么了
What has happened in society
三十分钟不喝水就受不了吗
that we can't go 30 minutes without a water?
我们不需要水
We don't need water.
我们需要的是逃离这里的通道
What we need is a way to tunnel out of here!
说完了吗伯恩斯先生
You done, Mr. Burns?
我的部分讲完了
Yeah, I've said my piece.
大家继续小组讨论
So as you continue to workshop scenarios
模拟情景一旦你的孩子感受到了霸凌
in your smaller groups, remember the watch word
记住这几个词
for when your child feels bullied:
"起身谈话离开"
"Stand up, Talk, Depart."
起谈离[性病缩写]
STD.
知道吗
All right?
我们还是叫它"起身谈话离开"吧
Let's just call it "Stand up, Talk, Depart."
霸凌最差劲了
Yeah, bullying is the worst.
现在有两个人
Okay, so now I got two people
都以为会跟我去看球
who think they're going to the game with me.
要是他们俩再照面一次
If they run into each other again,
我会死得很惨的
this whole thing is gonna blow up in my face...
那个恶霸跟我说
said that bully to me.
你得带你老婆去看比赛
You know you got to take your wife to the game.
我一个给孩子吃趣多多当早餐的人都懂
I fed my kids Chips Ahoy! For breakfast, and even I know that.
我知道
No. I know, I know.
现在我就只能去公♥司♥ 把这事跟老唐说了
Now I just got to get to work and break it to Don.
问题是我们怎么离开这
Question is: how do I get out of here?
非常难
This is tough.
如果让我想我会问自己
I mean, if it were me, I would ask myself,
"亚当会怎么做呢" 可你就是亚当
"What would Adam do?" But you're Adam.
连你都不知道
And you don't know.
这事无解了吧
It might be unknowable.
你们两个配一脸
You guys are so cute together.
玛利亚你说的话题
Marie, it doesn't sound like you're talking about
不是你们应该讨论的话题吧
what you're supposed to be talking about.
抱歉罗德里格兹老师
Excuse, Mrs. Rodriguez.
我觉得你是在霸凌我的朋友
I think you're bullying my good friend.
所以我会起身
So I will stand up...
谈话
talk...
然后离开
and depart.
没错我刚刚给了你一个STD[把你传染了性病]
That's right... I just gave you an STD.
安迪
Andi.
还有老唐
And Don.
惊喜真是大到吓死人啊
What a heart-stopping surprise.
你们不搭界的两位怎么凑到一起去了
What are you two unlikely buddies up to?
闲聊呗
Oh, just gabbing...
聊你要带安迪去看钢人队比赛
about you taking Andi to the Steelers game.
多幸运的姑娘
What a lucky girl.
肯定也有人会请我去看钢人队比赛的
I sure wish someone would invite me to a Steelers game.
感觉可奇怪了我愿望太强烈了
You know, it's strange. I wish it so much it,
仿佛已经发生了
it seems like it actually happened.
我只是来给我那浪漫的丈夫
I just wanted to bring my romantic husband
送一份香肠辣椒浪漫午餐
a romantic sausage and pepper for lunch.
所以你对我还满意着呢
Oh. So you're still happy with me?
我给你带的可是香肠和辣椒
Um, I brought you a sausage and pepper.
我得赶紧回医院了
Okay, I got to get back to the hospital.
大家都以为我现在在厕所呢所以...
Everybody thinks I'm in the bathroom, so...
爱你
Love you.
我也爱你
Okay. Love you, too.
你是最棒的老婆
You're the best wife ever!
待会要是发生什么事你可要记住这句话
You remember that if something should come up later.
你想要我的三明治吗
You want my sandwich?
香肠也不能挽救
Not even sausage can fix this.
但我还是要
I'm still taking it.
抱歉还有谢谢你没有告诉安迪
I'm sorry. And thanks for not telling Andi
我先邀请了你去看比赛
I invited you to the game first.
好兄弟讲义气
It's called loyalty.
对老婆就不用这样
Something you should have a little less of with your wife.
但这只是个小障碍
But this is just a small obstacle.
我们还可以挽救的编个理由
We can still save this; just make up a reason
说为什么我必须去而不是她
why I have to go to the game instead of her.
我不想对我老婆撒谎
I don't want to lie to my wife.
我已经撒过一次谎了够糟糕了
I did it once already; that's bad enough.
你错就错在这
Eh, that's where you're wrong.
一旦你对老婆撒过一次谎
Once you lie to your wife,
就没有回头路了
the only way out is to double down.
就好像我和玛茜要是我不得不撒谎
Like with me and Marcy... if I have to lie to her,
就不会只撒一个谎
I don't stop at just one.