老爸有招

Man with a Plan S01E07

Part 3 April 12, 2020, 10 a.m.

成功地毁了所有人的圣诞节
that effectively ruined Christmas for everyone.
公平的说
To be fair... okay?
如果没有下大雪你也没有发现
If it hadn't snowed and you hadn't found out,
你现在也就不会生气了
you wouldn't be mad right now.
所以我认为我们都很倒霉
Okay, so, i think we're both victims of bad luck.
让我跟着你的思路走一遍
Just... walk me through your thought process.
我跟老唐说...
Well, I was talking to Don...
所以根本没有什么思路
So there was no thought process.
好吧我很抱歉行吗
Okay, I'm sorry, all right?
但是我是为你着想
But I was thinking of you.
我觉得你压力太大了
I felt like you were taking on too much.
你不得不承认这三周
And you got to admit, these last three weeks
你过得非常放松
have been very relaxing.
我现在看起来很放松吗
Do I look relaxed now?
我觉得你看起来很漂亮宝贝过来
Well, I think you look beautiful, baby. Come here.
不不不
No, no, no, no, no, no.
我觉得你就是想避开这些过节要忙的事
I think you were just trying to get out of all the holiday work.
当然也有一些那个原因
Well, sure, there was a little bit of that.
但是你得站在我的角度想好吗
But you got to look at it from my perspective, okay?
每年我都会被你对圣诞节的痴迷误伤
Every year, I take friendly fire from Christmas Andi.
你记得那一次
You know? You remember the time
你让我把充气的圣诞老人放在屋顶
you made me put the inflatable Santa up on the roof
结果被风吹走了吗
and the wind picked up?
我和圣诞老人被风吹到了教堂停车场
Me and Kris Kringle parasailed into the church parking lot.
那是挺危险的
Okay, that was scary.
也有点好笑但是...
And a little funny, but...
我有时对圣诞节是有点过分认真了
I guess I can go a little bit overboard at Christmas.
好了听着亲爱的
All right, look, honey,
我很喜欢你精心策划圣诞节这一点
I love that you want Christmases to be great.
你很有爱
You're adorable.
就像我娶了一个...
It's like being married to a...
性感的小精灵
sexy elf.
我很抱歉这一切都不是我们期待的
And I'm sorry this isn't what we expected,
但是你知道吗
but you know what?
我们还是有一些经典的
I think we have the makings
圣诞元素在这里
of a classic Christmas here.
我们有雪花有家人
We got snow, family.
还有宽容
Forgiveness.
好吧
Fine.
但你得知道通常来说
But I just want you to know that, normally,
我会生更久的气但是圣诞节的我
I would stay mad longer, but Christmas Andi's
都是非常开心的
just too freaking jolly.
你知道我们要做什么吗我们要...
You know what we'll do? We'll have a...
过一个简单传统的圣诞节
simple, old-fashioned Christmas.
没错
Yeah.
u202d我们可以自己装饰
We can make our own decorations,
围着壁炉唱歌♥
sing songs by the fire.
说起来我还有点期待了
You know what? I'm actually getting excited about this.
说不定这一次
You know, there's no reason
也会成为我们最难忘的圣诞节之一
that this can't be one of our best Christmases ever.
如果我们没有圣诞树的话
Hey, if we don't have a tree,
圣诞老人把礼物放在哪儿呢
where is Santa gonna put all our presents?
什么
What?
礼物
Presents.
她说礼物
She said "Presents."
我听到了
Yes, I-I heard her.
是这样的宝贝
Uh, okay, uh... here's the thing, sweetie,
圣诞老人以为我们在弗吉尼亚
um, Santa thinks we're in Virginia.
没错没错
Yes, yes.
这一点说得好
That's a good point. Yeah.
听着宝贝
Listen, honey, honey, you know,
圣诞老人要把所有的礼物都送去弗吉尼亚
Santa is gonna deliver all the presents to Virginia
因为他不知道我们被困在这里了
because he doesn't know we're stuck here.
爸爸你不是说你睡着他知道
Daddy, he sees you when you're sleeping.
你醒着他也知道吗
He knows when you're awake.
他肯定知道我们在匹兹堡
He knows we're in Pittsburgh.
好吧
Okay.
这一点可真是太有说服力了
That's really an ironclad argument there.
为什么我没有像其他妈妈一样
Why aren't I one of those moms
买♥♥一些多余的玩具以防万一呢
that buys extra toys in case of emergencies?
因为并没有"玩具应急"这一说
Because there's no such thing as a toy emergency.
是吗但我觉得我们现在就遇到一个
Oh, really? 'Cause I think we might be in the middle of one
这种情况了
right now.
什么都没找到吗
You haven't found anything?
没有只有一盒未开封的避孕药
No. Just... an unopened box of birth control pills.
好吧这下麻烦了
Well, that's troubling.
我们必须得找点什么
Look, we've got to find something. I mean...
好的好的
u202dOkay, okay.
我也想让你在圣诞节早上
Okay, I want you to see those happy faces
看到孩子们开心的笑容好吗
on Christmas morning, all right?
好了你和孩子们开始
All right, um... you and the kids get started
布置装饰品我马上出去
on the decorations, and I'm gonna head out
找点礼物什么的
and find us some presents.
但是整个小镇都关门了
Wha... but the whole town is closed down.
这里是美国总有人卖♥♥东西的
This is America, somebody's always selling something.
我挺喜欢自己动手布置圣诞节的妈妈
I like Crafty Christmas, Mom.
我觉得我们的圣诞树很可爱
I think our tree's cute.
的确是啊
It is, isn't it?
谁还想要一个现砍的圣诞树呀
Who needs a fresh-cut tree
如果你有圣诞精神
when you've got Christmas spirit
还有妈妈的晾衣架
and Mommy's drying rack?
你的架[胸]真不错妈妈
You have a nice rack, Mommy.
是晾衣架宝贝
It's a... drying rack, sweetie.
如果你要说"架"的话得加上"晾衣"
You got to say "Drying" If you're gonna say "Rack."
我的圣诞小精灵们
Hey, there's my Christmas elves.
瞧这棵圣诞树呀
Wow, look at that tree.
是啊
Yeah.
我们所有的装饰品都在车♥库♥里
All our real decorations are in the garage,
被大雪封死了
which is frozen shut, but you know what?
但是我觉得这出意外我处理得很好
I think I handled that setback like a champ
这要感谢我的新朋友
thanks to my new friend,
薄荷酒
peppermint schnapps.
快看
Look.
我用我的变形金刚玩具
I made a nativity scene
做了一个基♥督♥诞生场景的模型
out of my Transformers.
我把小耶稣变形成了一辆车
Baby Jesus transforms into a car,
因为我觉得他可以变形
'cause I think he could.
他当然可以了宝贝
Well, sure he could, honey.
我们真的要赶紧让他回主日学校上课了
We really got to get him back in Sunday School.
基♥督♥教教会为了向儿童灌输宗教思想, 在星期天开办的儿童班
你们几个先继续装饰
So, uh, you guys, uh, keep decorating.
我和你们爸去厨房♥聊几句
I just, I got to talk to Daddy in the kitchen for a minute, okay?
怎么样
So...
孩子们的礼物买♥♥好了吗
how'd it go with the kids' presents?
在我给你看之前
Before I tell you,
你要先知道凭我一双腿能走到的
they won't look good unless you know
唯一还开着的就只有加油站了
that the only place open that I could walk to was a gas station.
尽管如此
That being said,
我还是尽量选了些好的
I tried to be very thoughtful, okay?u202d
凯蒂在上西班牙语课是吧
Okay, Katie's taking Spanish, right?
所以我给她买♥♥了
So I got her...
玉米卷饼
taquitos.
我给艾米买♥♥了个泳池玩具
I got a pool toy for Emme.
但是我们可能要先换换包装
But we might have to change the packaging
因为上面写的是"卡车司机痔疮专用坐垫"
'cause it says, "Trucker's Hemorrhoid Ring."
然后我给泰迪买♥♥的这个酷酷漏斗
And I got Teddy this really cool funnel.
万一他想把大量液体
You know, in case he wants to pour a lot of liquid
倒进小开口容器里呢
into a really small opening.
我们怎么能送他们这些呢
We can't give them these.
虽然泰迪肯定会喜欢这个漏斗但是
I mean, sure, Teddy's gonna love that funnel, but...
其它的礼物都不好啊