老爸有招
Man with a Plan
第一季
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老爸有招
Man with a Plan S01E05
Part 1
April 12, 2020, 9:59 a.m.
大家伙选了个冠军 瞧瞧这家伙
Picked another winner, gang. Huh? Look at this guy.
我给他起个名吉罗姆 他这大腿
I named him Jerome, 'cause he's got thighs
是不是跟吉罗姆·百兹一样
like Jerome Bettis.
你见过这么壮的感恩节大鸟吗
You ever seen a Thanksgiving bird like this?
见过 我们在火鸡农场看的就是这只
Yeah. We saw that exact one at the turkey farm.
不过那时候他还有羽毛 脑袋还在
Except he had feathers and his head was still attached.
不是吧 告诉我 你没有
Please, tell me you didn't actually
让他们看到火鸡被杀的场面
let them see the turkeys get killed.
他们不是得先亲近一下吗
Well... They got to pet them first. u202d
我的天啊
Oh, my God...
等等 这不是我喂过的那只吧
Wait, that's not the same turkey I fed, is it?
不是
No!
不是 不是不是
No. No, no, no.
他们把那只放走了
They set that one free.
这是个恶霸
This was the mean one....
不是 就是这一只
No, it isn't. It's the exact same one.
这是恶霸那只 凯蒂
It was the mean one, Katie.
绝对非常美味
Well, he's gonna be delicious.
能给吉罗姆祈祷吗
Can you say a prayer for Jerome?
当然可以 小豆子
Sure, Butter Bean.
好吧 我们看看
Yeah, uh, let's see, uh...
吉罗姆
Jerome...
你度过了精彩的一生
You had a good life.
虽然你曾是个大恶霸
And though you were very mean
但不是泰迪喂过的那只
and not the turkey that Teddy fed,
我们保证 你不会白白死掉的
we promise your death won't be in vain.
你让我们不单以面包果腹 阿门
We will not fill up on bread, amen.
-阿门 -阿门
Amen. u202dAmen. u202dAmen. u202dAmen.
你们怎么在这
Hey. Why are you guys here?
去校长办公室
Principal's office.
我家宝贝的宠物蛇
My kid's pet snake
从背包里跑出去了
got out of his backpack.
而我站在这 是因为吓得不会动了
And I'm standing here because I'm frozen with fear.
什么 就因为你身后地上那条小蛇吗
What? Just because that little snake on the floor behind you?
讨厌 不过人家喜欢
I hated that, but I loved the camaraderie.
好了 我来给艾米送午餐
Okay. All right, I got to bring Emme her lunch.
你怎么不让安迪带来
Why didn't you have Andi bring it?
-她上班呢 -没有啊
- Well, she's at work. - No, she's not.
-她和罗德里格兹老师在里面呢 -什么
- She's in there with Mrs. Rodriguez. - What? u202d
亚当 你怎么来了
Adam. What are you doing here?
艾米忘带午餐了
Well, Emme forgot her lunch, uh...
你在这干嘛
What are you doing here?
这个问题该我来问你
I could ask you the same question.
你问过了 我答完了
You just did, and I answered it.
怎么...什么情况
What... what's going on?
没事 我就是午休时间没事
Oh, nothing. I was just on my lunch break,
想着过来一趟
I thought I'd, uh, pop in.
你在咬下嘴唇
Okay, you're biting your lower lip,
你干了大坏事才这样
which means you've done something horrible.
交待吧
What'd you do?
家里的事吗
Was it something at home?
你把我的鹿茸扔了
Did you throw out my antlers?
-没有 -唱歌♥鱼
- No! - u202dSinging fish?
伯恩斯先生 安迪是来商量
Mr. Burns, Andi came by to discuss
下周学校要办的感恩节派对
the school's Thanksgiving party next week.
作为代表家长 想必
As the room parent, I assume
我发的邮件你看完了吧
you've been reading all the e-mails I sent you?
少来这套 你知道我没看
Let's not play this game. You know I haven't.
刚刚说的那件事 我们将会需要
As I explained, we will need
30人份的感恩节晚宴
an entire Thanksgiving dinner for 30 people.
周三就要都准备好
Full spread, by Wednesday.
我代表所有家长来说
Well, I think I can speak for all parents when I say
这事非常扫兴
that sounds like a bummer.
所以就算代表家长是你
Which is why, even though you're room parent,
我还是觉得应该由安迪来组织这事
I think Andi should handle organizing it.
这辈子就这句话最动听了
Those are the sweetest words I've ever heard.
今年感恩节过得太感恩了
Now I know what I'm thankful for this Thanksgiving.
很好 你高兴就好了
Well, good! I'm glad you're happy.
想得太周到了 罗德里格兹老师
Oh, very thoughtful of you, Mrs. Rodriguez.
不是我的主意
Wasn't my idea.
安迪给我打的电♥话♥ 说担心你需要帮忙
Andi called me, concerned you'd need help.
等一等 你给她打电♥话♥了
Whoa. Go... hold on a second, you called her?
-没有 -对
- No. - u202dYes.
跟我说实话
Just tell me the truth.
好吧
Fine.
亚当 我把你的唱歌♥鱼扔了
Adam, I threw out your singing fish.
等等等等
Hold on, hold on.
你居然搞起阴谋诡计 还和...
You schemed and plotted with--
你别误会啊
don't take this the wrong way--
我的死敌合作
my archenemy?
就因为你觉得我
Because you don't think I'm capable of...
做不来一顿饭吗
cooking a meal?
她觉得我不行我不在乎
Look, I don't care if she thinks I can't do it.
我在乎的是你觉得我不行
I care if you think it.
我们俩都这么想 你好过点没
Does it help if we both think it?
老爸有招
第一季 第五集
吉罗姆
Jerome.
不许你跟他说话
Oh, you don't get to talk to him.
你怎么回事 哪来这么大脾气
What is your problem? Why are you so upset?
因为我们俩应该是一边的
Because we're supposed to be a team.
我是蝙蝠侠 你是罗宾
I'm Batman and you're Robin.
结果我一走进蝙蝠洞 却看到你和小丑
And I just walked into the Batcave and caught you
在计划感恩节派对
planning a Thanksgiving party with the Joker!
首先 我不是罗宾
Okay, first of all, I am not Robin,
我是蝙蝠侠夫人
I am Mrs. Batman.
没有蝙蝠侠夫人
There is no Mrs. Batman.
你看到蝙蝠洞了吧
Have you seen the Batcave?
没女人能有那个洞吗
Only a woman could've put that together.
听着 感恩节派对工作量太大了
Look, this Thanksgiving party is just too much work.
过去办的时候 我要花几周时间策划
I mean, when I did it in the past, it took weeks of planning.
而且 你连她的电邮都没看
And... and you haven't even read her e-mails.
你也没看啊
Well, neither have you.
我看过了
Well, yeah, I did.
她都秘密抄送给我了
She blind cc'd me on everything.
没想到她居然这么做
I can't believe she did that.
那是个啥
What is that?
就是她的邮件收件人里有我
It means she puts me on all the e-mails
但是把我的地址隐藏了
and just hides my address.
懂了 她为什么那么做
Now, why would she do that?
因为我...
Well, because, I...
她...某人要求她这么做的
She... somebody asked her to do it, I...
我现在还没办砸事呢
I haven't even screwed anything up yet,
你就已经插手了
and you're already sticking your nose in.
我觉得
You know what I think?
有问题的那个人是你 不是我
I think you're the one with the problem. Not me.
太荒谬了 我都笑不出来了
Oh, that is so ridiculous, I can't even laugh.
不对 等等 笑得出来
Oh, no. Wait. Yes, I can.
你错得太离谱了
You're so off.
重点不是我 而是你
This isn't about me. This is about your need
需要掌控一切 这才是重点
to be in control. That's the point.
不是 重点是你反应太过激
No, no, no. The point is that you're completely overreacting
因为伤到你自尊了
because your pride is wounded.
你看 连我觉得什么是重点 你都要控制
See? You're even controlling what I think the point is.
好吧 这么办
Okay, here's what's gonna happen.
这件事我来办 不用你帮忙
I'm gonna do this thing without your help.
你一个人做不来的
Well, you can't do it all yourself.
我不是一个人
I won't be.
我会发出一封电邮 然后秘密抄送我自己
I'll send out an e-mail, and I'll blind cc myself,
告诉所有家长都带东西来
and I'll tell all the other parents to bring something.
就不劳你插手了
So, you just stay out of it.
老爸有招
Man with a Plan
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