老爸有招

Man with a Plan S01E11

Part 3 April 12, 2020, 10 a.m.

-没 -我们凯蒂
- Mm-hmm. - Our Katie?
对然而这才只是
Yeah, yeah, and that's just the beginning
一系列事件的开始
of the revelations.
我还发现
I also found out
你从来没跟凯蒂讲过两性间的那点事
that you never had the birds and the bees talk with Katie
你却骗我你跟她谈过了
like you told me you did.
对你说的跟真的一样
Yeah. Yeah, you talk the talk,
明明就在撒谎
but you don't talk the talk.
听我说
Okay.
我本来是想跟她谈的
Okay... I meant to talk to her.
我买♥♥了书和小人
I bought the book and the dolls.
结果我一进她的房♥间看见她坐在那儿
And then when I went up to her room, she was sitting there,
玩独角兽毛绒玩具我就说不出口了
playing with a stuffed unicorn. I just couldn't do it.
当时泰迪还在玩悠悠球我不是照样说了
Teddy was playing with a yo-yo, but I powered through.
我就想着这事可以缓一缓
Okay, but, you know, then I thought I would just wait
等到她来问我
for a natural time, when she'd say something.
然后我再说
And-and then, you know, I'd say,
这件事还挺有趣的
Ey, it's funny you should bring that up.
但她一直没来找我
But that never happened.
后来
And then,
有一天我发现了
one day, I got a,
一张生理卫生课的
you know, a permission slip
家长同意书
for a special health class.
所以我就…
So, you know, I just...
顺其自然了
let it ride.
-顺其自然了 -对
- Let it ride. - Yeah.
还能这样呢大骗子
Did not know that was an option, Mrs. Pants On Fire!
够了
Oh, come on!
你气的不是我撒谎
You are not mad because I lied--
而是我找到了一个脱身之计
you're mad because I figured out a way to get out of this
而你没有
and you couldn't.
我比你聪明
I outmaneuvered you.
不我气的是…
No! It's because...
对你说的没错
Yes, that's exactly it!
恭喜
Well, congratulations.
你差点就成功了
You almost got away clean.
什么叫差点
Wh-What do you mean, almost?
凯蒂之所以会看那些图片
Turns out Katie was looking at those pictures
是因为她对自己的女性身体
because she has some intimate,
有一些难以启齿的问题
private lady questions about her body.
这些问题只有当妈的才能回答
Questions that only her mother can answer.
好我明天和她谈
Fine, I will talk to her tomorrow.
想想就觉得很尴尬
This is gonna be so awkward.
那就对了
I hope so.
凯蒂
Katie...
凯蒂凯蒂凯蒂
Katie, Katie, Kate, Kate.
怎么了
What's up?
我
So...
我想跟你聊聊胸部的问题
I'd like to tell you the story of my breasts.
神啊别说了
Oh, my God! Please stop talking!
凯蒂好像生妈妈的气了
Kate sounds mad at Mommy.
多好啊
Isn't it glorious?
我吃完午饭了爸爸我能去玩吗
I finished my lunch, Daddy. Can I go play?
玩去吧这才是世界所需要的
Yes, go play. That's what the world needs.
还行还有一个天真的
All right, I still got one.
凯蒂和泰迪不打算吃午饭了
Well, uh, Kate and Teddy are gonna pass on lunch.
他们说感觉再也不会饿了
They said they don't think they'll ever be hungry again.
这下没跑了
Well, it's official.
我们真的很不擅长性教育
We are really bad at these talks.
但我们自己在这方面很擅长啊
And yet so good at the thing itself.
因为我们不用说话
Well, that's because we don't talk during the thing.
我们试过一次
We tried once.
你变得很强势
You got bossy.
问题是
You know, the problem is
我们把这事搞得让孩子们很尴尬
that n-now we've made this subject so horribly awkward
我们得解除尴尬
for our kids, and we need to undo it.
不然以后他们再也不会跟我们说任何事了
Otherwise, they're never gonna talk to us about anything.
你是说我们得再来一次尴尬的谈话
You're saying we have to have another terrible talk
以确保将来还能继续尴尬的谈话
to ensure future terrible talks?
没错
Exactly.
我以为我大声说出来你就会改变主意
I thought if I said it out loud it might change your mind.
艾米会继续待在楼上吧
Emme's gonna stay upstairs, right?
对对我给了她一碗糖果关上了门
Yeah, yeah. I gave her a bowl of candy and shut her door.
应该有一阵儿见不到她了但等见到她
We won't see her for a while, but, when we do,
她肯定吃糖吃嗨了
she's gonna be riding the dragon.
好吧我们来吧
Okay. Let's do this. All right.
不是吧
Oh, no.
听着
Okay, guys, I...
我们好像搞砸了这事
I think we kind of screwed this whole thing up,
让你们感觉男人跟女人之间的事
all right? We made what happens between a man and a woman...
令人不快
u-upsetting.
或是男人跟男人女人跟女人
Or a man and a man and a woman and a woman.
什么
What?!
别担心别担心
Okay, don't worry, don't worry.
我们没有娃娃演示那种情况
We don't have the dolls for that.
重点是我们想让你们能安心
The point is that we want you guys to feel comfortable
跟我们说出你们心中的各种疑惑
talking to us about any questions you may have.
没错我们不想你们自己上网找答案
Yeah. Exactly. We don't want you to go to the Internet.
我们想让你们来找我们
We want you to come to us.
因为这事
Because, really,
真的很正常而且很美妙
all this is totally natural and beautiful.
没错
Exactly.
比如我跟你妈妈
Like-like when your mom and I...
好好不拿我们举例
Okay, okay, okay. Not us.
两个其他人比如
Two-two other people, like, uh...
帕特里克·德姆西
Patrick Dempsey.
演员
帕特里克·德姆西
Patrick Dempsey?
好吧那我就选詹妮弗·劳伦斯
All right, fine. Then I'm going with, uh, Jennifer Lawrence.
她的年龄比你小一半呢
She is half your age.
我想象这些画面时我也比自己小一半
Hey, when I imagine these things, I'm half my age, too.
-你俩干什么呢 -好吧
- What are you guys doing? - Okay, okay.
重点是这个
H-Here's the point.
当这件事发生时
When these things happen,
两个人类之间有了非常亲密的接触
two human beings connect on a very intimate level.
重点不是原理而是
I-It's not about the mechanics. It's...
而是爱
it's about the love.
我们一开始就该这么跟你们解释
Now, here's how we should've explained it in the first place.
就像我们之前练习的那样
Just like we practiced.
我懂
I got it.
你好
Hello.
我是个男人
I am a man.
我爱了你很长一段时间
And I have loved you for a very long time.
我是个女人
And I am a woman.
你看起来很需要我的改造
And you look like a good project for me to improve.
真风趣桑迪
Very funny, Sandy.
我们现在都大学毕业了
Now that we've finished college,
我们进入下一阶段吧
let's take the next step.
我很高兴我们不是在酒吧认识的
I am just so glad we didn't meet in a bar.
我们要生个宝宝吗
Should we make a baby?
当然要了
Heck yeah!
这是生物必要性
It's our biological imperative.
我们打给父母讨论一下吧
Hey, let's call our parents and discuss our options.
我们也可以走过去
Or we could just walk over there,
因为我们特别爱他们
because we love them so much,
所以跟他们住在一条街上
we live right down the street.
结束
The end.
第一幕结束
Of act one.
你看什么书呢
What are you reading?
买♥♥娃娃附赠的书
The book that came with the dolls.
《性教育那些事》