老爸有招

Man with a Plan S01E01

Part 4 April 12, 2020, 9:59 a.m.

You know, Victor could use a little pantry time.
快去挖冰淇淋吧
Go scoop something.
怎么了
What's going on?
我只是在想你经历的事情
I was just thinking about what you're going through,
也许你是对的
and, you know, maybe you're right.
也许你不适合做这些
Maybe you're just not cut out for this.
不适合做这些
Not cut out for this?
我炒人鱿鱼时就是这样说的
That's what I say when I fire people
你是想炒掉我吗
Are y-- Are you trying to fire me?
我跟你说我的一生挚爱
Well, let me tell you something, love of my life.
没人能炒我
I don't get fired, okay?
我的客户满意度高达99%
I have a 99% customer satisfaction rate.
我有县政♥府♥颁的牌匾
I have a plaque from the county,
我说了要挂在地下室
which I said we should hang in the den,
结果你没挂现在谁都找不着了
and you never did, and now nobody can find it.
但建房♥子和养孩子
Okay, well, there's a big difference
是有很大区别的
between building houses and raising kids.
不对完全不对
Not true. Not true at all.
两者都需要坚实的基础
They both need a solid foundation.
没错没想到我会这样说吧
That's right, didn't see that coming, did you, huh?
我只知道我能照顾好我们的孩子
Look, all I know is I can take care of our kids.
你也没想到我会这样说吧
Didn't see that coming either, did you?
很好
Well, great.
你有什么招让孩子们听话吗
Do you have a plan to get the kids in line?
我有
Yes, I do.
但这是个秘密
But it's a secret.
-慢走不送 -太好了
- So... - Great.
等不及来见识下
Can't wait to see it.
-祝好运 -祝好运
- Good luck. - Good luck?
这也是我炒人鱿鱼时会说的话
That's the other thing I say when I fire people.
祝好运
Good luck!
我不需要好运我需要帮助
I don't need luck. I need help.
真不敢相信我会这样说
I can't believe I'm about to say this,
洛厄尔你觉得我应该怎么做
but, Lowell, what do you think I should do?
我让我闺女们刮彩票刮到上瘾
Well, I managed to get my girls addicted
她们只要不听话
to lottery scratchers, and I simply withhold them
我就不给她们刮
when they don't do what I say.
首先祝你家未来的脱衣舞娘们好运
Well, first of all, good luck with your future exotic dancers.
而且我没时间让我的孩子对什么上瘾
Plus, I don't have time to get my kids addicted to something,
然后再拿走我现在就需要解决办法
and then take it away, I need a solution now.
我的天
Oh, my God.
我的iPad只有1%的电了我怎么办
My iPad is at one percent. What do I do?
关掉APP 爸把手♥机♥给我
Kill your apps. Dad, give me your phone.
我只是需要点能让我撑到家的东西
I just need a little something to get me to the house.
别激动感觉你们都有瘾...了
Relax. It's like you guys are addict... ed to those.
我的小瘾君子们
My little junkies.
恐慌开始
And... panic.
我们上不了网
We can't get online!
都不能用了出了什么事
Nothing works. W-what's happening?
是网有问题吗没网了吗
Is it the Wi-Fi? Is the Wi-Fi out?
不有网
No, it's not out.
我刚装了一个滚动WIFI密♥码♥软件
I just installed a rolling Wi-Fi password.
每天密♥码♥都会变
Every day, the password will change.
在你们的家务完成之前你们拿不到
And until your chores get done, you won't get your fix--
新的密♥码♥
the new password.
把你们的衣服从地上捡起来
So pick your clothes up off the floor,
把书包放在应该放的地方
put your backpacks where they belong,
手从裤子口袋里拿出来
and keep your hands out of your pants!
我的天你疯了
Oh, my God, you've gone crazy!
至少慢慢来嘛
At least ease us in.
今天先解释一下规定
Maybe today is just explaining it,
然后明天...
and then tomorrow...
我知道你们生我的气
I know you're mad at me,
可我告诉你们无所谓
but you know what? That's okay.
因为我不是你们朋友
Because I'm not your friend.
我是你们的爸爸
I'm your father.
我是监狱长
I'm the warden.
改造你们是我的工作
And it's my job to rehabilitate you.
我的家务做完了我有密♥码♥
Now, my chores are done, so I have the password.
失陪了糖果传奇还在等我去书写
If you'll excuse me... I have candy to crush.
亲爱的
Hey. Hi, honey.
好干净
Wow, it's so clean.
好安静
And quiet.
你又把孩子们关在食品室了吗
Did you put the kids in the pantry again?
没干净又安静是因为老爸赢了
No. It's clean and quiet because... Daddy won.
没错我没吼他们
That's right. And I didn't yell at them.
我智取了他们就像老鼠杰瑞
I outwitted 'em. Like the Roadrunner.
谢谢
Thank you.
听着
Look...
我爱你我想为你做这些事
I love you, and I want to do this for you
这是你应得的
because you deserve it.
现在我知道我可以做到
And now, I know I can.
所以别担心孩子们
So don't worry about the kids.
我可以的
I got it.
现在是你最有魅力时候
I think this might be the most attractive you have ever been.
我同意
I agree.
看来我去学校一趟还是值得的
So I guess me coming to school was worth it.
-什么 -什么
- What? - What?
慢着
Wait a minute.
所以你去了学校
So you came down to the school...
又说了那些话
and you said all that stuff...
于是我就...
so that I would...
让我去...
To get me to...
不我想明白了又忘了
No. I had it and I lost it.
太复杂了
It's too complicated.
喝你的啤酒吧小杰瑞
Eh, drink your beer, Roadrunner.
好
Yeah.
-妈 -孩子们
- Hey, Mom. - Hey, guys.
-爸 -什么事
- Uh, Dad? - Yeah?
我们是来道歉的
We just wanted to say we were sorry.
我们太不顾及他人的感受了
We were super inconsiderate.
被宠坏了
And spoiled.
你是全世界最棒的爸爸
You're then best Daddy in the world.
我爱你们来抱抱
Aw, I love you guys. Bring it in.
来
Come on.
爸我们可以养小狗吗
Daddy, can we have a puppy?
宝贝你知道不可以
Oh, sweetheart, you know we can't.
也许可以考虑一下小狗
Well, maybe we should think about a puppy.
真的吗妈妈你说真的吗
Really. Mom? Mom, are you serious?
这是什么情况
What happened here?
大家都爱约翰尼·卡什
Everybody loves Johnny Cash.