老爸有招

Man with a Plan S01E14

Part 3 April 12, 2020, 10:01 a.m.

可我是她的英雄
But I'm her hero.
说不定这事应该怪你
Maybe you should take the rap on this one.
我错了我这就去
I'm going, I'm going.
凯蒂
Hey, Katie.
亲爱的我知道你觉得这件事都怪你
Look, honey, I know you think this whole thing is your fault,
但其实不是
but it isn't.
事实是...
The truth is...
其实是我... 觉得应该怪罗伊斯
The truth is, it's my... feeling that it's Royce's fault.
他又是拯救鲸鱼又是遛狗
I mean, between saving whales, walking dogs,
每四秒钟就要自♥拍♥一张
he takes a selfie every four seconds--
他太自恋了
he's just too into himself.
你怎么知道这么多罗伊斯的事
How do you know all that stuff about Royce?
这真是个好问题
Uh, that's a good question.
没想到你会问这个...
I did not see that coming.
你干了什么好事
What did you do?
你知道吗你现在越来越像你妈了
You know, you are really starting to remind me of your mother.
进展如何
How'd it go?
很不好
Not good.
她现在知道这件事怪我了
And now she knows it's my fault.
我搞砸了从今往后
I blew it. You know, from now on,
我应该事事听你的
you should just make all the decisions.
等等
Wait.
等下等下
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
-再说一次我录下来 -行了
- Say that into my phone. - Oh, come on.
别闹这件事该怎么解决
Come on. How are we gonna fix this?
要我说...
Well...
很简单
it's simple.
我们一起做决定
We are gonna make the decision, together...
去那家商场...
to go down to the mall and...
求一个小男孩跟咱闺女约会
beg a teenage boy to date our daughter.
好吧我同意
Fine, I'll do it.
但我还是觉得他是花♥花♥公♥子♥
But I still think he's a player.
他不是花♥花♥公♥子♥ 对了我得告诉你
He's not a player. And I have news for you,
你也不是花♥花♥公♥子♥了你都当爹了
you are not a player anymore, either-- you are a dad.
-你收回这句话 -行了
- You take that back! - Oh, come on.
-收回那句话快收回 -不我不要
- Take it back. Take it back. u202d- No. No.
我还是花♥花♥公♥子♥
I'm a player.
好吧
Okay.
这里面有什么
What's in here?
这里是玛茜最喜欢的房♥间
Okay, this is Marcy's favorite room.
只有特殊场合才让我进来
I'm only allowed in here on special occasions,
或者我洗完澡后
or after a bath.
可这里有她最宝贝的东西
But these are her most precious things.
我要是想帮你找到最完美的礼物
If I'm gonna help you find the perfect gift,
我就得明白玛茜的兴奋点在哪里
I need to understand what makes Marcy tick.
这个简单她兴奋点是霞多丽葡萄酒和复仇
Oh, well, that's easy-- it's Chardonnay and revenge.
我好喜欢这些盘子
Oh, I love those plates.
等下不应该上地毯的
Whoa, whoa, we shouldn't be on the carpet.
所有事物都必须保持原状
We have to leave this place exactly as it was.
玛茜能看到这些脚印
Marcy will see those footprints.
我为了吃这里的M&M巧克力豆
I came up with this technique
就想出了这个办法
to get to the M&M's she keeps in here.
小心点
Careful.
小心别乱动不要乱摸
Careful. No touching, no touching.
我认识这些
Hey, I recognize these.
这些是山水纪念碟
These are Criscioni commemorative plates.
每个月都有一个她没有买♥♥到12月的
There's one for each month, and she's missing December.
她一定会喜欢
She'll love it!
而且只需要买♥♥一个盘子
And I only have to buy one plate.
剩下的钱可以买♥♥越野摩托车
So I'll have enough for a dirt bike.
这样不行如果摆不好
Okay, okay, she'll know
她会发现的
if it's a little off.
帅哥
Hey, sport.
我跟商场警卫很熟
I'm friends with the mall cop.
行了别害怕罗伊斯
Come on. Relax, Royce.
我今天早上不应该那样说话
What I said this morning was wrong.
我不应该插手的
I should have just stayed out of it.
其实我本来也没想插手
And I probably would have
可你看看你那一头杂毛
if you didn't have such ridiculous hair.
-你家里是没有镜子吗 -亚当
- Do you even have a mirror at home? - u202dOh, Adam.
-怎么了 -亚当...
- What? What? - Adam...
别跑题
Stay focused.
好吧
Okay.
总而言之凯蒂喜欢你你也喜欢她所以
Bottom line, Katie likes you and you like her, so...
请你跟她约会吧
please take her out.
可是你威胁说要把我埋在树林里
But you threatened to bury me in the woods.
你说了什么
You did what?
他这是断章取义
He's paraphrasing.
这就是我为什么取消了约会
That's why I cancelled.
我绝不参与父女之间的事
I would never come between a father and a daughter.
我的天这孩子真棒
Oh, God, this kid is great.
你相信他这套他在耍你呢
Are you buying this crap? He's playing you.
-别再耍我们了 -亚当
- Stop playing us. - u202dAdam!
不
No.
不不我知道你的情况
No. No. I know who you are.
我也曾是个花♥花♥公♥子♥ 现在也是
Okay? I was a player, too. And still am.
-知道吗 -知道
- Okay? - u202dOkay.
但我落选了
But I've been outvoted.
所以你最好按我说的做
So here's what's gonna happen.
你得和我女儿约会不管你想不想
You are gonna date my daughter, whether you like it or not.
我可知道你的住址知道你在哪上班
'Cause I know where you live, I know where you work,
-我会挖一个深坑然后 -好了
- I will dig a deep hole, and I'll...- u202dOkay, okay,
好了够了够了
okay, that's it, that's enough, that's enough.
好了
Now...
是这样的
Okay, what...
亚当的意思是
Adam is trying to say is...
我们只是非常欣赏你的
we're just... we're really impressed
成熟和体贴
by how mature and-and caring you are.
非也
Wrong.
我们觉得你是个非常出色的孩子
We just think you're an incredibly nice kid.
才怪
Doubt it.
你要能和凯蒂约会我们会很高兴
And we would be thrilled if you dated Katie.
亚当
u202dAdam!
我要让你去车里等我了
I'm gonna make you wait in the car.
别让我们坏你的大事
So just, don't let us spoil this for you.
所以你觉得呢
You know? So... what do you say?
好的我们会去约会的
Okay, we'll go on the date.
太好了
Oh, great!
惊喜你们好我是达芙妮
Surprise! Hi. I'm Daphne.
罗伊斯的女友
Royce's girlfriend.
你们是他爷爷和奶奶吧
You must be his grandparents.
我听说了很多你们的事
I've heard a lot about you.
你说什么
Excuse me?
我说我听说了很多你们的事
I said, I've heard a lot about you.
你都有女朋友了怎么还敢
How dare you try to date our daughter
和我们家女儿约会
when you have a girlfriend!
慢着你约了别的女孩出去
Wait, you asked another girl out?
我走了
I'm out of here.
听我说你这个...
Listen to me, you...
蓬头的卑鄙小人
poofy-haired little rat.
好好教训他
Get him, babe.
我知道你的住址知道你在哪上班
I know where you live, and I know where you work,
如果你再敢接近我们家女儿
and if you ever come near our daughter again,
我会跨过你的彩虹桥
I will come to the end of your rainbow
拆了你家吱悠悠转的大风车
and I will kick you right in the tots.
送你条小建议
A little free advice:
疯子并不可怕
never be afraid of the crazy one,
连疯子都怕的人才可怕
be afraid of the one the crazy one's afraid of.
你猜怎么
You know what?
刚刚挺好玩的
That was fun.