老爸有招

Man with a Plan S01E15

Part 3 April 12, 2020, 10:01 a.m.

一定是经常洗衣服做饭弄的
Must be all that cooking and cleaning.
很多家庭主妇都这样
A lot of housewives get like that.
抱歉
Sorry.
为什么我是拉丁人他们也很友好
For what? I'm Latina, and they were being nice.
你从来也没问过我是哪里人
You've never once asked me where I'm from.
是的但坦白讲我不关心
Yes, but, to be fair, I don't care.
-心里话都说了吧伯恩斯 -没错
- It's all coming out now, isn't it, Burns? - That's right.
再上三个月的学
Three more months of school
我们就用不着再见到对方了
and we never have to see each other again.
更重要的是我再也不用见到你了
More importantly, I never have to see you again.
信不信由你我会想你的
Believe it or not, I'm gonna miss you.
我很少当赢家但对付你我总能赢
I don't get a lot of wins. But with you, I always win.
多有趣的教室啊
What a fun classroom.
就像狂欢节[西语]
Like a fiesta, right?
大部分是您儿子的功劳
That's mostly your son's doing.
他是今年的家长代表
He's room mom this year.
我的老天爷啊
Oh, for the love of God.
好了我们走吧
All right, let's go.
再见[西语]
Adios!
妈
Ma!
宝贝们我们回来了
Hey, cuties, we're home.
你们在看什么
What are you watching?
《极端尸检》
Extreme Autopsy.
他们把尸体剁碎
They chop up dead bodies.
爷爷找到的
Grandpa Joe found it.
来了他要锯骨头了
Here we go, he's getting the bone saw.
没必要尸体已经在湖里泡几周了
He won't need it. That body was in the lake for weeks.
不不不不
No, no, no, no, no, no!
你们作业写完了吗
Is your homework done?
奶奶说我们这么可爱不用做作业
Grandma said we were too cute to do homework.
这是糖吗
And is that candy?
我们在吃糖果晚餐
We're having candy dinner.
你们怎么从不给我们糖果晚餐
Why don't you ever give us candy dinner?
知道吗尽管我想到了有多坏
No. You know, as bad as I thought this would be,
结果还要坏得多我想着是
it's so much worse. And I was like,
"他们万一这么做万一那么做"
"What if they do this or that or the other thing""
结果他们都做了
And then they did all the things.
全都做了亚当
They did all the things, Adam.
好了好了让我来处理
Okay, okay, okay. I will handle this.
妈妈爸爸
Mom? Dad?
只有我
It's just me.
贝弗在睡觉乔去邓肯甜甜圈店了
Bev is resting her eyes, and Joe's down at Dunkin' Donuts,
他最喜欢那里的卫生间
because it's his favorite bathroom.
你怎么会在这
What are you doing here?
我在接送点见到了他们
I saw them at pick-up
他们找不到回来的路了
and they couldn't remember how to get back.
然后你妈妈坚持让我
Then your mom insisted
吃些小牛排
I eat some veal
让我长胖点
to fatten me up.
她说我吃不完不能走
She said i couldn't leave until it's all gone.
我整个人都小牛排了
I'm the veal now.
意大利妈妈喜欢给人做吃的
Italian mothers like to feed people.
她们还喜欢亲你的嘴
They also like to kiss on the mouth, Adam.
下次亲回去就是了
Well, kiss her back next time,
看看结果如何谁知道呢
see what happens. I don't know.
亚当这不好笑
Adam, this is not funny.
听着不用担心这些只是
Look-look, don't worry, these are just, you know,
第一天的烦恼
day one growing pains.
果汁盒子都没有了
There's no more juice boxes.
感谢奥巴马
Thanks, Obama.
就一天让你父母看孩子一天时间
One day, one day your parents watched our kids,
就把小女儿变成了评论员欧莱利
and they turned our little girl into Bill O'Reilly.
我能怎么办安迪
What am I supposed to do, Andi,
去外面的房♥车敲门
go out to the RV, knock on the door,
让我的父母走人吗
and tell my own parents to leave?
好主意就这么办
That's a great idea. Do that.
好啊如果你觉得可行
Oh, okay. If you feel so strongly about it,
你为什么不去把这事做了
why don't you go out there and do it.
我不能这么做他们喜欢我
Well, I can't do it. They like me.
他们也爱你但他们真的很喜欢我
I mean, you know, they love you, but they really like me.
我知道我们必须让他们走
Look, I agree. We got to get 'em out of here,
但我不想伤害他们的感情
but I don't want to hurt their feelings.
我知道我只是
I know. I just...
希望他们还有别的地方可去
I wish there was someplace else they could go.
你知道什么地方他们不想留吗
Hey, you know where they've never stayed?
汤姆·塞立克家
u202dTom Selleck's house.
有道理
Nice.
没错所有人受罪才叫家庭
That's right. It's not a family until everybody suffers.
我想让他们去你家行车道上
So I'm thinking we put 'em in your driveway.
不行
Oh, no way.
我为什么要让他们来
Why would I want them here?
因为你邀请乔和贝弗来
Uh, well, because your invitation to Joe and Bev
会缓解你们之间
will heal the awful breach
纠结多年的严重不和
that you've been struggling with for years.
怎么样
Boom.
我不想缓解不和
I don't want to heal the breach.
我度过了19年没有婆婆的愉快时光
I have enjoyed 19 mother-in-law-free years.
这就是天堂都不用当好人就进了
It's like heaven, but you don't have to be a good person.
好吧但我需要
Okay, but I-I need them
他们搬离我家车道行了吧
out of our driveway, all right?
我家的玫瑰丛里有根烂水管
There's a septic hose in my rosebushes.
好这样如何爸妈宠儿
Okay, how about this, golden boy, huh?
我会告诉爸妈你希望他们住在这
I'll tell Mom and Dad that you want them to stay here.
等他们过来以后你再当着他们
Then when they come over here, you can tell 'em no
无辜可爱的面容拒绝他们
to their innocent, loving faces. Hmm?
我们被吃定了宝贝
They got us, baby.
没有没有
No, no.
放松老大哥
Relax, Big Daddy.
这样吧
You know what?
你就去把他们带过来
Go ahead and bring them over here.
我会告诉他们是你先来找我们的
And I'll just tell them that you came to us first,
因为你不想让他们住在你那
'cause you don't want them staying at your place.
我无所谓大家同归于尽吧
Fine by me. Let's burn this whole thing down!
冷静冷静所有人
Okay, okay, okay. Everybody just take...
冷静点好吗
just take it easy, all right?
我是说肯定有个解决办法
I mean, there has to be a solution.
好的除了我们装死以外还有什么方法
So, short of faking our own deaths, what do we do?
我爸妈住在养老镇
Well, my parents live in a retirement village,
过得挺好的
and they love it.
我爸讨厌那种地方
Oh, Dad hates those places. Well, yeah,
除非我们不告诉他那是养老镇
but what if we don't tell him it's one of those places?
对我们可以带他们过去告诉他们
Yeah, we can just bring 'em there and-and tell 'em
是你们在找的普通公♥寓♥
it's a regular apartment that you guys are looking at
因为你们想找个小点的地方住
because you're thinking of downsizing.
对等到那时候
Yeah. Yeah, and then by the time
老爸一看那地方
Dad figures out where he is,
肯定喜欢
he'll love it. u202dYou know,
这样真的可以那些地方现在可高档了
that could really work. Those places are fancy now.
骗老爸很容易的他到现在都以为
And Dad won't be hard to trick. He still thinks
你是不小心投给了奥巴马
you voted for Obama "By accident""
这个公♥寓♥真不错
Wow, this is a nice apartment. u202dYeah.
家具都没有尖角
And no sharp corners.
大门口的女人欢迎我们真热情啊
What a warm welcome from that lady at the gate. Yeah.
我觉得她肯定是个越南人
I think she was Vietnamese.
我想看她吃烤土豆
I'd love to watch her eat a baked potato.
所以安迪这个地方怎么样
So, Andi, how about this place, huh?
天啊大唐
Psh. Gosh, Don,
你和玛茜说这这是小地方
you and Marcy may call this downsizing,
我觉得你们分明是升级了
but I-I call it upgradezing.
没有客房♥ 你肯定喜欢
And no guest room. You'll like that.