老爸有招

Man with a Plan S01E03

Part 3 April 12, 2020, 9:59 a.m.

这很重要吗
Is that really important?
我告诉她为了让艾米能进她的班
I told her that you kissed her butt
你拍她马屁
to get Emme into her class,
不知什么原因她生气了
and, for some reason, she took offense.
接下来怎样
Yeah, so what happened next?
你对着她的脖子来了一拳吗
Did you punch her in the throat?
我只是
I just...
你怎么能把这个告诉艾丽西娅
how could you say that to Alicia?
艾丽西娅
Alicia!
她叫这个名字
That's her name.
总之
Look, you know, anyway,
我应该能够做这种决定
I should be allowed to make these kind of decisions.
毕竟我是船长
After all, I am the captain.
我这样跟你说只为让你
Yeah, I only told you that so you'd finish
把气球吹完
blowing up the balloons.
等等
Hold on a second.
你是说我不是船长吗
Are you saying that I'm not the captain?
你是气球船长
Well, you're the captain of balloons.
这样做
Look, here's what's gonna happen.
我明天和你一起去
I'm gonna go down there tomorrow with you
带上一盒巧克力然后我
and a box of chocolates, and I'm gonna...
更用力地拍她马屁
kiss her butt some more,
我来解决这事
and I'm gonna fix this.
我不需要你
I don't need you
清理我的烂摊子
cleaning up my messes, okay?
我可以处理
I can handle this.
亚当听我说
Adam, listen to me,
我现在是船长
I am the captain now.
我不知道这是不是你的目的
Okay, I don't know if this is what you were going for,
但我现在好性奋的说
but I am really turned on right now.
你也知道亚当这个人
Look, you know what Adam's like.
他说话不经大脑的
He-he just says stuff, he doesn't think.
真是这样
I really don't.
但暗示巴结行为与我管理班级
But to imply that currying favor has any impact
有关系对我是一种侮辱
on how I run my classroom is insulting.
我清楚知道那些家长送我礼物
Look, I'm well aware that parents give me presents
是因为他们有求于我
just because they want something from me.
这些家长最差劲了
Ugh. Yeah, those parents are the worst.
-不过那些礼物非常棒 -是啊
- Although the presents are nice. - Oh, yeah, I mean,
谁不喜欢一点小礼物呢
who doesn't like a little treat now and again?
-但这改变不了什么 -当然不会
- But it doesn't change anything. - No, of course not,
你不会被礼物收买♥♥
you're above all that.
把巧克力给我就成
Just give me the chocolates.
里面有张清单表
There's a little chart in there
所以你不会碰到什么意外
so you don't get surprised by anything.
你可不希望穿着白色衣服时
You wouldn't want to bite into one of those cherry squirty ones
一口咬下樱桃夹心的
when you're wearing a white blouse.
我们不是想羞辱你
Look, we didn't mean to insult you.
这是我们表达感谢的方式
You know, it's just how we show appreciation.
因为有爱我们才会拍马屁
I mean, we kiss butt because we love.
对
Yeah.
说实话
Let's be honest,
拍马屁令这个世界更和谐
butt kissing makes the world go round.
大家都这样做我会拍客户的马屁
Everybody does it. I kiss my clients' butts.
我的工人拍我的马屁
My crew kisses my butt.
"全世界最伟大的老师"
Yeah, I mean, "World's Greatest Teacher""
这不是你自己买♥♥的对吗
You didn't buy that for yourself, right?
有道理亲爱的
Good point, honey.
瞧我刚拍了我老婆的马屁她没生气
See, I just kissed my wife's butt, she's not mad.
不我挺开心的
No, I rather enjoyed it, yeah.
他是个优秀的马屁精
Now, he's a very good butt kisser.
不他差劲透了
Uh, no, he's not, he's terrible.
他因为教师感谢日辞职
He quit because of Teacher Appreciation Day.
这可是马屁界的超级碗
That's the Super Bowl of butt kissing.
如果你真心去做
Look, there are plenty of ways
讨我欢心的办法多的是
to get on my good side, if you cared enough to try.
等等这不公平
Oh, whoa, hold on, that's unfair.
不我想我很公平
No, I think I'm being perfectly fair.
他都为你累成狗了
He's been working like a dog for you.
别跑题
Stay on track.
他大半夜的还不能睡
I mean, he's up in the middle of the night,
他每天来这里
he's here every day...
我要他做的
He complains all the time
每件小事他都会抱怨
about every little thing I ask him to do.
好了为什么大家要站起来
Okay, all right, why is everybody standing up?
我不允许你这样说我的老公
Yeah, well, I'm not gonna let you talk about my husband that way.
-我对他很宽容好吗 -你没有
- If anything, I'm being easy on him. - No, you're not.
你要他做的太多了
You're asking him to do too much.
看起来很多也许是因为每件事
Well, maybe it seems like a lot because I have to ask him
我都要跟他说三遍
to do everything three times.
-没事 -有事
- Which is fine. u202d- It's not fine.
他最多只是花了最少的工夫
He does the bare minimum at best.
我让他做木偶他就对我臭脸
I ask him to make puppets, all I got was attitude.
我没看到任何承诺
I don't see any commitment.
知道吗我想没人
You know what? I don't think anybody
可以达到你的要求
could live up to your standards.
-你知道吗你... -别激动
- 'Cause you know what? You're... - u202dEasy.
-你... -小心
- You're... u202d- Careful.
你太难伺候了
You're high maintenance.
比我想象的要好
Better than I thought it would be.
怎么样艾米要回班上吗
How's it going? Are they getting Emme back in the class?
我不知道你一直在说话
I don't know, you keep talking.
不好愤怒的脚步声
Uh-oh, angry footsteps.
愤怒的脚步声
Angry footsteps.
亚当你回来了怎么样了
So, Adam, you back? What happened?
女人吵架情况更糟糕了
Lady fight, big step backwards.
所以做任何事之前要先问老婆
And that's why you never do stuff without asking your wife.
我曾经做过一个决定没有咨♥询♥我的老婆
I once made a decision without consulting my wife.
不过反正我们结婚了
But then we got married anyway.
-安迪 -唐
- Hi, Andi. - u202dHey, Don.
亲爱的
Hey, honey.
你今天怎么样好些了吗
How was the rest of your day? You feeling better?
不因为我发脾气
No, I mean, because I lost my temper,
艾米困在了幼儿园的差班
Emme's stuck in the crummy kindergarten class.
我真心觉得没什么
I really don't think it's that big of a deal.
这可能让她做不了
Or it could be the difference between her being
最高法♥院♥法官而沦落为
a Supreme Court justice, or a...
印第安赌场的鸡尾酒女招待
cocktail waitress at an Indian casino.
不管怎样她的工作服都很傻
Hey, either way, she's wearing a silly outfit.
我想好消息是
Well, I guess the good news is
你不再是家长代表了所以
that you're not room parent anymore, so...
你胜利了
that's a win.
你赢了
Hey, you won.
享受胜利吧
Savor this.
我没赢
I didn't win.
你没听到她的语气吗
Didn't you hear her tone?
怎么说不重要重要是说什么
It's not how you say it, it's what you say.
比如说仙妮亚·唐恩要和你洗鸳鸯浴[歌♥手]
Like, "Shania Twain wants to take a bath with you."
唱着说叫着说哭着说不管怎样
Sing it, scream it, cry it, either way
我又干净又开心
I'm clean and happy.
为什么是洗澡
Why the bath?
我不在乎
You know what? I don't care.
这事是我挑起来了
I started this whole thing.
我得想办法拉拢罗德里格兹
I got to find a way to win Rodriguez over.
船长会怎么做
What would a captain do?
让我想到
Which reminds me--
我给你准备了东西可能有帮助
I got you something that I think might help.
给你船长
Here you go, Captain.
好吧我活该
Yeah, yeah, I deserve that.
航行愉快
Happy sailing!