老爸有招

Man with a Plan S01E09

Part 2 April 12, 2020, 10 a.m.

What a jerk!
是啊
I know!
其实一开始我还挺欣慰的
I mean, at first, I was... I was proud of him,
可后来我就觉得他怎么能这么冷静呢
but then I started thinking, why is he so fine with it?
不这种行为完全不可饶恕
No, no. This is totally unacceptable.
你这么有魅力他应该吃醋
You deserve a little jealousy, okay?
我要是你老公就把这个鲍勃打包
If I was your husband, Bob would be in a suitcase
直接扔进河里
at the bottom of a river.
矮油你好贴心玛茜
Aw. That's sweet, Marcy.
我也说不好也许这样才正常
I don't know. Maybe it's normal.
毕竟我跟亚当结婚已经十五年了
I mean, Adam and I have been married for 15 years.
有一天晚上我们试了下...
And the other night, we... we made, um,
假装约会来玩结果我俩都睡着了
you know, a date to fool around, and we both fell asleep.
真的以前从来没这样过
Oh. u202dYeah. That's the first time that's ever happened.
不是中途睡着的吧
It wasn't during, was it?
有时候老唐的降压药吃错时间
'Cause if Don mistimes his blood pressure pill,
我得被压着睡一晚上早上才能爬出来
I'm not crawling out from under that until the morning.
不不是你想的那样
No, it wasn't quite like that.
我也不知道也许我应该直接跟亚当说
I don't know. Maybe I should just talk to Adam about it.
怎么你想让他吃醋来可怜你吗
And, what, get pity jealousy?
你要他可怜你吗
Is that what you want?
我不要可怜我要他真的吃醋
Oh, you know what, I want the real thing.
你要是想跟男人玩心思和手段
Well, if you want to mess with a man's head,
今天这顿午饭算是吃对了
you are having lunch with the right person.
我告诉你该怎么做
Okay, here's what you do:
你跟他说鲍勃经常给你发短♥信♥
you tell him that Bob is texting you.
绝对见效
That'll wake Adam up.
可鲍勃是我上司不会给我发短♥信♥的
But Bob's my boss. He doesn't text me.
你知道谁不知道这一点吗亚当
You know who doesn't know that? Adam.
亚当鲍勃给我发了条特别搞笑的短♥信♥
Hey, Adam, I just got the funniest text from Bob.
妈的
Damn.
这几条短♥信♥也太逗了吧鲍勃
Your texts are too much, Bob.
真是够了
Aw, come on.
小心点别电着自己
Hey, uh, careful you don't shock yourself,
线上有段地方没有胶皮
there's a bare spot on that cord.
我摸了
I touched it.
我本来想修好的
I was gonna fix it,
但是我知道你肯定会碰
but I knew you were gonna do that.
等下我心脏停跳了
Hold on, my heart stopped beating.
又开始跳了好的没问题了
There it goes. Okay, we're back.
对了我们之前聊过的事
Yeah, hey, you didn't tell Marcy
你没告诉玛茜吧
what we talked about, did you?
就安迪和那个男同事的事
About Andi and that guy at work?
你别说这事要保密
Oh, don't tell me it's a secret.
因为我没办法对玛茜保密
I cannot keep a secret from Marcy.
她总能感觉到
She senses it,
就跟久经沙场的老将军一样
like an old sailor senses a storm.
你不是总对她撒谎吗
But you lie to her all the time.
但是每次都被她识破
And she catches me all the time.
也不是每次
Well, that's not true.
她不是还不知道
She still doesn't know about
我们湖边那艘钓鱼船吗
our secret fishing boat up at the lake.
我们俩的老婆都不知道这事
Both our wives are in the dark on that one.
我之所以能保守住那个秘密
Well, I was only able to keep that a secret
是因为那艘船我根本就没出钱
because I never paid for my half of the boat.
不是我买♥♥的就不算我的秘密
Not my boat, not my secret.
发现我的秘诀了吗
See how I did that?
真该让人研究下你脑子怎么运转的
Hmm, yeah, someone should study your brain.
反正你管好嘴就行了
Okay, just keep your mouth shut.
宝贝
Hey, babe, u202dHuh?
晚餐马上就做好了
dinner's gonna be ready soon.
抱歉我总忍♥不住要笑
I'm sorry I'm laughing. I just--
鲍勃给我发了一条特别逗的短♥信♥
I got the funniest text from Bob.
真搞不懂他怎么能这么搞笑
You know, I-it's actually weird that he's funny,
谁能想到呢
because, I mean, you wouldn't think that
一个做铁人三项的人
someone that does triathlons
居然这么有幽默感
would have a sense of humor.
他会长跑会骑自行车还会游泳
Wow, he runs, he bikes, he swims.
真希望他别被鲨鱼吃了
I hope the sharks don't get him.
你真应该听他讲一讲
You know, you should hear
他有一次找自行车裤找了很久
his stories about trying to find bicycle pants
因为他大腿肌肉太粗一般裤子穿不上
that are big enough to fit his muscular thighs--
简直太好笑了
I mean, they're hilarious.
而且很感人
And touching.
够了
Okay...
刚才发生了什么
Oh, what happened there?
你好像很生气
You seem mad.
没有就是老唐
N-no. No, no. No, Don
他不小心电到了我
accidentally shocked me...
电力很足
too much.
那好吧
Oh, okay, well,
那我继续去做晚餐了
I guess I'll just go finish dinner.
-好的 -好
- Yeah. u202d- Yeah.
看我扁死那坨鸡肉
Pound that chicken flat.
你听见她刚才说什么了吗
Did you hear what she said?
鲍勃和他粗壮的大腿在给她发短♥信♥
Bob and his giant thighs are texting her now.
我有点想支持鲍勃了
I'm starting to root for Bob,
他真的很拼
he sounds like a winner.
亚当完全没反应
I got no reaction out of Adam!
我就差直接跟他说
I mean, I did everything short of
我跟鲍勃在食堂里
telling him that Bob and I were slow dancing
相拥跳慢舞了
in the cafeteria.
好吧不如你就接受现实吧
Well, maybe you just have to accept the fact
毕竟今时不同往日
that things are different now.
玛茜
Marcy,
我打给你不是为了听你
I did not call you to get a levelheaded
对现状进行一个客观评定
and fair assessment of the situation.
你说得对我错了
You're right, my bad.
我回头套套老唐的话
Okay, maybe I can get some intel from Don,
不过你呢
but in the meantime,
你再下点猛药吧
you-you got to kick it up a notch.
就跟训狗一样
It's like with dogs,
懂吗不能把食物直接扔出来
okay? You can't just put the food out
让他们去找
and expect that they'll find it.
你还得摇一摇狗粮碗
You got to shake the bowl.
好我就使劲摇一摇碗
Oh, I'm gonna shake my bowl.
等等那我算是食物还是食盆呢
Wait, am I the food or the bowl?
我不是那条狗吧
Well, I'm not the dog, am I?
那个鲍勃现在肯定在跟安迪打情骂俏
This guy Bob is definitely flirting with Andi now.
那你会跟她调情吗
Well, are you flirting with her?
会吧
Yeah,
有的时候我会敞开浴袍走来走去
sometimes I walk around with my robe open.
那不叫调情那叫邋遢
That's not flirting, that's just sloppy.
你需要重振雄风
You need to get back in the game.
要不你给她发一张你的艳照
Hey, text her a sexy picture.
不是吧
Really?
对啊这叫短♥信♥调情
Yeah, it's called sexting.
你怎么知道短♥信♥调情
What do you know about sexting?
我喜欢尝试一些新鲜的东西
I like to dip my toe in popular culture.
话说回来
Actually,
发艳照也不错
a picture's not a bad idea.
我看你被电线电了一下
I think getting shocked by that cord
脑袋更灵光了
might have fired a neuron or two up in your attic.
你要做的就是让她知道
Look, all you need to do is remind her
她还有个稍微有点失色的猛♥男♥
that she's got this slightly faded stud
在家里等着她
waiting for her at home.
如果我都失色了
Well, if I'm faded,
那你又如何呢
then what the hell are you?
我还不错
I do all right.
这太傻了我觉得太荒唐了
This is stupid, I feel ridiculous.
看出来了因为我没感受到你的性感气息