老爸有招

Man with a Plan S01E01

Part 3 April 12, 2020, 9:59 a.m.

I understand you had a tough day,
我懂
I do. I do.
但你要记住的是
But the thing you need to remember is:
你已经领了奖品
you already got your reward,
所以不能反悔了
so, no takey-backsies.
我不适合做全职老爸
I'm just not all-the-time guy, okay?
我是老爸的欢乐时光
I'm Daddy fun times!
我就像约翰尼·卡什[著名歌♥手]
I'm like Johnny Cash.
明白吗
Okay?
我飞过去在监狱里演出
I fly in, I play the prison,
所有人都喜欢我
everybody loves me,
然后我就走了
and then I'm out of there.
我不想做监狱长
I don't want to be the warden.
我也不想做监狱长
Well, I don't want to be the warden, either.
又不是说我很擅长
I mean, it's not like I'm so great at it.
说真的泰迪
No kidding. Teddy?
他的手一直插在裤子里
He has his hands in his pants all the time.
他用肩膀开门
He opens doors with his shoulders.
他不碰门把手更好
Well, I think we're better off with him not touching doorknobs.
我只知道
Yeah, look, all I know is
我给了你三个完美的宝宝
I gave you three perfect babies.
就我现在看来
And as far as I can tell,
你毁了他们
you ruined 'em.
慢着约翰尼·卡什
Whoa there, Johnny Cash,
你是说我们毁了他们吧
I think you mean we ruined 'em.
不 13年来
Uh-uh, no, no, no, for 13 years,
开车的一直是你
you have been in the driver's seat.
我只是坐前排而已
I was just riding shotgun.
之前谁开车不重要
Well, it doesn't matter who was driving before,
现在方向盘归你了
because you're behind the wheel now.
是吗
Oh, really?
你猜怎样
Well, then, guess what,
我不碰方向盘
I'm taking my hands off the wheel,
我打开车门
I'm opening the car door,
我下车
and I'm rolling out.
是吗我从另一边下车
Oh, yeah? Well, I'm rolling out the other side.
我希望你一脚踩在臭水沟里
Then I'll see you in the gutter.
踩臭水沟的是你
It's where I found you.
-妈 -小可爱们今天好吗
- Hey, mom. - Hi, cuties. How was your day?
我们不想要爸爸继续在家了
We don't want Daddy to stay at home anymore.
我们必须排队
We had to line up,
排成一队
in a line.
所以我们想知道你是否可以
So we were wondering if you could...
不去上班了
you know, stop going to your job.
有时候孩子们说的话是最充满智慧的
Sometimes the wisest words come from children.
你们昨天没意见啊
Well, you guys were okay with it yesterday.
我们的零食是李施德林洁口片
Our snack was Listerine strips.
让我跟爸爸谈谈
Okay, just let me talk to Daddy.
-就是说行 -是吗太好了
- That means yes! - Oh, really? Yes!
谢谢
Thank you.
这样怎么能行
How's this supposed to work?
我不会辞职的
I mean, I'm not quitting my job.
所有事都要我自己来做吗
So what, I'm just supposed to do everything myself?
听起来是个皆大欢喜的计划
Well, sounds like a plan that makes everybody happy.
知道吗你真是一个混♥蛋♥
You know what? You can be a real jackass.
也许这是一个词
Maybe it is one word.
-大家早上好 -早上好妈妈
- Morning, everyone. - Good morning, Mom.
-早上好妈妈 -早上好妈妈
－ Morning, Mom. － Morning, Mom.
你还好吗
You okay?
我很好
Yeah, yeah, I'm great.
我今早5点起来了
I, uh, got up at 5:00 this morning,
我写好了放学后的安排
and I-I figured out an after-school schedule,
拼车带孩子和其他孩子一起玩
a couple carpools, couple play dates.
现在我只需早点送孩子们上学
Now I just have to do morning drop-off a little early
我就能准时上班了
so I can get to work on time.
我能行的
I got this.
你会来参加冰淇淋圣代♥开♥心日吗
Are you coming to Ice Cream Sundae Fun Day?
是今天吗
That's today?
好的
Um... yeah, you know,
我可以问我的领导
I-I-could just-- I can ask my boss
复职第二天就不去上班成不成
if-if-if-if I can miss, uh, my second day, uh...
老天
Oh, jeez.
妈妈有点呼吸困难
Mommy's having a little trouble breathing.
孩子们妈妈和我需要谈谈
Okay, kids, your mom and I need to have a talk,
所以
so, uh...
进食品室
get in the pantry.
拿上麦片
Come on, take your cereal with you.
所以这种开放式厨房♥不好
This is why these open-floor plans don't work.
根本没地方进行私人对话
There's no place to have a private conversation.
泰迪一手拿碗一手拿勺
Teddy, one hand on the bowl, one hand on the spoon.
我想这样不行
Okay, I don't think this is working.
我不想辞职
I don't want to quit my job.
你不必辞职
Yeah, well, you shouldn't have to, okay?
这对你来说很重要
This is important to you,
我不会袖手旁观
and I am not gonna stand by
让你忙成那样
and let you be treated like this.
你明明是维护我为什么你要大叫
Why are you yelling my side of the fight?
我不知道
I don't know.
我很内疚
I feel bad.
我不喜欢这种感觉害我想大叫
I don't like it. It makes me want to yell.
我也内疚
Well, I feel bad, too. I mean,
我不想把一切弄得乱了套
I don't want to turn everything upside-down.
行了听着
All right, look,
我们现在没时间把一切想清楚
we don't have time to figure this whole thing out now, okay?
我送孩子去学校我去参加圣代蠢蛋日
I'll take the kids to school, I'll do Sunday Dumb Day,
但只有今天好吗
but just for today. Okay?
我们得找到解决办法让你开心
We need to find a solution that makes you happy,
我开心孩子们开心我开心
and me happy, and the kids happy, and me happy.
我明白你不想干了
Okay, I get it. You want out.
但最重要的
But look, the most important thing
是照顾好孩子们
is that the kids are taken care of.
没错最重要的就是孩子
That's right, we're all about the kids.
我得走了拜
All right, I gotta go. Bye.
你落了东西
You left something.
忘了手♥机♥
Forgot my phone.
亚当
Adam!
我知道
I know, I know.
没有这个哪里也去不了
Can't go anywhere without these.
我今天志愿来做你的助手
I volunteered to be your assistant today.
你的大老爷们精气神深深打动了我
I'm finding myself very drawn to your alpha-male energy.
这样的话别说出来洛厄尔
Don't say stuff like that, Lowell.
好奇怪
It's weird.
真是个大老爷们
Such an alpha.
玛丽亚
Oh, hey, Marie.
抱歉我昨天那样说维克托
Look, I'm sorry for what I said yesterday about Victor.
事实上你的话让我好好想了想
Actually, it made me think.
他正处于艰难时期
He has hit a rough patch.
我是单亲妈妈
I'm a single mom.
也许维克托有个男性楷模比较好
Maybe Victor could use a male role model. Oh.
你下周带他去露营好吗
Maybe next weekend you could take him camping?
那个我
Oh, uh, I...
上当了你都吓出汗了
Gotcha. You were sweating.
他冒汗我才冒汗呢
He was sweating? I was sweating
他可是我的楷模
because he's my role model.
-安迪 -各位好
- Andi. - Hey, guys.
-你怎么来了 -我提前午休过来的
- What are you doing here? - Oh, uh, took an early lunch.
猜你可能需要帮忙
I thought you might need some help.
你是来检查工作的吗
What, are you checking up on me?
你的确把孩子落在了食品室
Well, you did leave the kids in the pantry.
你把你的孩子关在食品室吗
You put your children in the pantry?
维克托也应该被关进食品室