老爸有招

Man with a Plan S01E17

Part 3 April 12, 2020, 10:01 a.m.

我听见了乔
I heard that one, Joe.
天你真漂亮
God, you're pretty.
真有趣
Very funny.
重点是我们都想你去
The point is, we all want you to go.
好吧我会去的
Okay, okay, I'll go.
但有一个条件
But on one condition:
你也一起
You're going, too.
所以我不去你就不去吗
So you won't go unless I go?
对
That's right.
就像当时你训练他坐便
Just like when you potty-trained him.
好吧
Fine.
哈哈
Ha-ha!
你也一起小唐
You're going, too, Don.
这罩衣太滑稽了
These gowns are ridiculous.
至少你的是合身的
Well, at least your gown fits.
我这下面冷飕飕的
I'm flapping in the breeze down here.
那是因为他们没有绿巨人这么大的码
That's because they don't have the Jolly Green Giant size.
说到这个
Speaking of that...
把腿并拢
Legs together.
我们本来是可以在家里看比赛的
You know, we could be home watching the game right now,
但你偏偏要没完没了地拖我来
but, no, you had to go and make a big stink about this.
我只是想做个好儿子
Hey, I'm just trying to be a good son.
看看他
I mean, look at this one.
他一直在舔压舌板
He keeps licking tongue depressors
然后又放回去
and putting them back.
我起码比那家伙好吧
I got to be better than him.
我只知道我受够了
Well, all I know is I've had enough already.
你也别想让我进那扇门
And no way in hell you're getting me through that door.
早上好先生们
Good morning, gentlemen.
我是诺克斯医生
I'm Dr. Knox.
我负责你们今天的检查
I'll be doing your check-ups today.
谁先来
So, who's up first?
我
That'd me be.
让我们尽情享受吧
Let's get this party started.
-给你 -谢谢
- Here we go. - Thank you.
还好我今天穿了裤子
Well, it's a good thing I threw on some pants,
我还以为屋子里没人
'cause I really thought this house was empty.
亲爱的
Oh. Hi, honey.
我只是想他们回来的时候
I just wanted to be here when the boys
我能在这
came home from the doctor.
洛厄尔很贴心送我来的
And Lowell was nice enough to give me another ride.
我们起得很早还在农贸市场
We got up so early, we already stopped
停了一会
at the farmer's market.
还帮着他们摆摊子来着
We helped the farmers set up.
我看到了一个像猫王的土豆
I found a potato that looks like Elvis.
洛厄尔说他会贴些鬓胡
Oh. Lowell said he'd glue some sideburns on.
我的确那么说了
I did. I did say that.
我不知道为什么
I don't know why.
你知道吗贝弗
You know, Bev,
洛厄尔还有家人要照顾
Lowell has a family and-and responsibilities.
他不能成天开车送你吧
He-he can't keep giving you rides everywhere.
真抱歉亲爱的
I'm so sorry, dear.
我没想这么多
I just wasn't thinking.
你不用送我去商店了
You don't have to take me to the outlets.
安迪你送我
Oh, Andi, you can take me.
不不什么
No. No. What...
刚发生了什么
What just happened?
-我自♥由♥了 -洛厄尔
- I’m free. - Lowell?
回来不你得帮我
Get back here! No, you got to help me.
别想了妹妹咱俩总得有一个人遭殃
No chance, sister. One of us has to live to tell this story.
-你 -洛厄尔
- You... Hey, Lowell.
闪开
Out of my way!
你们身体♥检♥查的结果怎样
Hey, boys, did you get a clean bill of health?
很好我们都挺健康的
Yeah, yeah, we're all good.
这家伙运气特好
But this lucky guy
要做结肠镜检查呢
won himself a date with a colonoscopy.
这些准备事项看起来和打仗一样
These prep instructions read like a war movie,
我的屁♥股♥就是诺曼底登陆的那个海滩
and my rear end's Omaha Beach.
全都怪你
This is all your fault.
我是为你着想好吗
Hey, I was just looking out for you.
谁让你为我想了
Well, I don't need it.
能不能别多管闲事
Why don't you just mind your own business?
你怎么是闲事呢
Because you are my business.
我请了一天假就为了让你能
You know, I took the day off of work to make sure
健健康康长命百岁
you stay healthy and live a long time.
看你说的一套一套的
Jibbeda, jibbeda, jibbeda.
所以我才愿意找你哥不找你
And you wonder why I'd rather hang out with your brother?
我当爹虽然没你当的时间长
You know, I haven't been a dad as long as you,
但我知道这种话是绝不能说出口的
but I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to say that.
现在的这些新规矩啊
You and your new rules.
在过去当爹的可以随便伤害他人感情
In the old days, you could hurt anybody's feelings.
行吧我跟他没话说了
Okay, I can't even talk to him anymore.
我跟你也没话了
Well, I can't talk to you either! Ah!
乔你用得着这么生气吗
Joe, I think you're overreacting.
对啊结肠镜检查很常规的
Yeah, I mean, they do these colonoscopy things all the time.
电影上成天用
You know, they scare you
外星人戳你屁♥股♥来吓唬你
with the thought of aliens probing your butt,
结果其实你最该担心的还是自己人
but it's your own people you have to worry about.
奥利奥泡牛奶
Aw, Oreos and milk?
这是你的抑郁小零食啊
That's your sad snack.
我还没把饼干掰开
I'm not even pulling them apart
然后再好好玩一番呢
and having fun with them.
你知道吗
You know,
我只是想帮我爸
I'm just trying to help my dad.
狄痪湫恍荒芩缆?
Would it kill him to say "Thank you"?
亲爱的我觉得说不定真能死
Oh, honey, I think it might.
你说的对
Yeah.
我要求不高只要他跟我说句
I'm not asking for much, just a little,
亚当我知道你是关心我
"Adam, I see that you look out for me
谢谢你了因为你哥
"And I appreciate that, because your older brother
是个从早睡到晚的大猩猩
is a narcoleptic ape."
他其实挺感激你的
Look, he appreciates you.
他只是不说而已
He's just not the kind of guy that lets it out,
他把这种感情埋藏得很深很深
but it's in there, deep, deep down in there.
说不定检查的时候他们就发现了
Maybe they'll find it during the probe.
亲爱的你们男人就这样
Look, hon, it's always been this way with you guys.
他不喜欢把自己的感情说出来
He doesn't like to talk about feelings,
你也一样
you don't like to talk about feelings.
你们还都非常倔
You're both incredibly stubborn.
其实我觉得
In fact, you could say
你们简直完全uf8f5
that the both of you are almost exact...
行了停停
Yeah, whoa, whoa, whoa!
别说了
Don't say it.
我们说好了不谈这个的
We agreed many years ago you can't say that.
我要是说你和你妈都uf8f5
I mean, what if I were to say that you and your mother are...
我们还是就此打住
Let's just put the pins back in these grenades
以免造成永久性地阴影
and walk away.
你♥爸♥的检查挺顺利的
So your dad's colonoscopy went very well.
好那就好
Oh, good. Good news.
我知道我爸是个什么样的人
I have seen that man eat his whole life,
真抱歉
and I just want to say I'm very sorry
你今天要遭这样的罪
for what you had to go through today.
我得提醒你一下
Uh, just to warn you,
他可能会有点晕
he's probably going to be a little loopy
麻药的劲儿还没过去
from the anesthesia.
他可能会说一些胡话
He might say some things he wouldn't normally say.
什么比如他的感受吗
What, like what he's really feeling?
他要是真感受到了什么一定会说的
If he's feeling it, you'll hear it.
有时他说的话还挺中听的
Sometimes it's beautiful.
但在多数情况下都很诡异
Most of the time, it's creepy.