老爸有招
Man with a Plan
第一季
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老爸有招
Man with a Plan S01E11
Part 2
April 12, 2020, 10 a.m.
不过
but, uh...
你 你还好吧 儿子
You, uh, you doing okay there, buddy?
我...
I, uh...
给你十美元 去买♥♥点喜欢的东西吧
Here's ten dollars. Buy yourself something nice, okay?
亲爱的 我要去医院参加个安全会议
Oh, hey, honey, I have a-a safety meeting at the hospital,
不过我带了披萨回来给...
but I brought home some pizza for the...
你这是怎么了
What happened to you?
我给我唯一的儿子
I just put on a pornographic puppet show
演了一出色情木偶剧
for my only son.
你跟泰迪聊了那些东西 挺好的
Well, hey, you had the talk with Teddy, that's great.
还是木偶剧 也算是寓教于乐了
Yeah, and a puppet show, you found a way to make it fun.
倒不觉得有多乐
I wouldn't call it fun.
我本来只想给他讲讲基本常识 但是
I was just gonna give him the basics, but..
他一直盯着我看
he kept staring at me.
然后我为了填补沉默 加了很多细节
So I kept filling the silences with more detail.
是这样 然后
You know, and,
他越沉默
and the quieter he got,
我解释得越多
the more I explained, and...
然后 我觉得在儿子的眼中
and then, 'cause I thought I'd never see happiness
可能再也看不见快乐了
in my son's eyes again,
就给了他十美元
I gave him ten dollars.
好吧 我觉得第一课就把性和金钱联♥系♥起来
Okay, well, I-I don't know if combining money and sex
可能不是个好主意
is a great first lesson.
我就是花钱逃出那个房♥间而已
I was buying a ticket out of that room.
花多少代价我都愿意
I would have paid anything.
你当初跟凯蒂谈这个事时
Was it this horrible when you
也是这么糟糕吗
had the talk with Katie?
不 不过呢
No, but, you know,
母女之间是互相懂得的
mothers and daughters understand each other.
很多话根本就不需要说出来
There's a lot more unsaid than said.
我必须要解释每一件事
Oh, I had to explain everything.
从什么东西放在哪个地方开始
Starting with what goes where.
他对那个地方一无所知
He had no idea about the where.
而且 说实话
And, honestly,
他对那个东西也不很清楚
he was a little hazy on the what.
不过他有那个东西
He... But he has a what.
他不知道那个能用来干吗
He doesn't know what the what's for.
行行 可他在看那些图片
Okay, but he-he was looking at those pictures,
他肯定知道些什么
he must have known something.
什么都不知道
Not a clue.
而我新教的那些东西
A-And the new information?
-他不喜欢 -亲爱的
- He doesn't love it. - You know what, honey,
他只不过需要一些时间来消化 就这样而已
he just, he needs some time to process this, that's all.
就好像那次在商场洗手间里
Like that time in the mall bathroom
他看见圣诞老人小便
when he saw Santa Claus at the urinal.
对对 圣诞老人还跟他说
Oh, yeah. Yeah, and Santa said to Teddy
-真抱歉 我实在抓不住 -对
- I'm sorry, I couldn't ho-ho-hold it. - Yeah.
对 我记得
Yeah, I know.
那件事他都撑过去了 这事也没问题的
I mean, he got through that, he'll get through this too.
我不知道 向他解释男人和女人做什么
I don't know. Explaining to him what men and women do,
还大声说出来
saying it out loud?
我跟他一样震惊
I was just as shocked as he was.
我们应该感到羞愧
We should be ashamed of ourselves.
你看起来不太好
Oh, you're in bad shape.
是啊
Yeah.
宝贝 我很抱歉
Uh, look, honey, I'm sorry,
-医院那个会我逃不了 可我... -没关系
- I can't get out of this meeting, but I... It's okay.
你能处理这件事我觉得很了不起
I'm really proud of you for handling this.
想吃点饼干吗
You want some crackers for your tummy?
听起来不错
Yeah, that-that sounds nice.
谢谢你
Thank you. Okay. Okay.
我
I'll, um...
-我尽早回来 -好吧
- I'll get home as-as soon as I can. - All right.
你还能动 很好
You're moving, that's good.
你为什么要告诉我那些东西
Why did you tell me that stuff?
我们不是朋友吗
I thought we were friends.
因为你看了那些图片
Because of the pictures.
什么图片
What pictures?
你昨天晚上
The ones you were looking at
在平板上看的那些
on your iPad last night.
我昨晚没有用平板
I wasn't on my iPad last night.
凯蒂借走了
Kate borrowed it.
凯蒂
Katie?
凯蒂为什么要看那些东西
Why would Katie be looking at that stuff?
我不知道 我现在什么都不知道了
I don't know. I don't know anything anymore.
我要把披萨拿到外面秋千上去吃
I'm gonna take my pizza out to the swing set
回忆一下当小孩是什么感觉
and remember what it was like to be a child.
好吧儿子
Okay, buddy.
泰迪 听我说
Hey, uh, Teddy, listen, um...
我们在楼上聊的那件事
That thing we talked about upstairs, right?
是很好的
It's good.
即便在不好的情况下
Even when it's bad...
也是好的
it's good.
我们能不能就此打住
Can we stop talking now?
好 好
Yeah, okay.
你怎么拿着泰迪的平板电脑
Why do you have Teddy's iPad?
因为上面存了
Well, because there are some very
很多有趣的图片
interesting pictures on it.
跟我说干什么 我从没拿过
Why are you telling me? I never had it.
他说你用过
Oh, well, he says you did.
我们一起去审问他吧
Hey, let's go question him together.
我扮好警♥察♥
I'll be the good cop,
你扮那个撒谎的
and, you, you be the cop
那个警♥察♥
that lies about being on the iPad.
来
Come on.
好吧 是我
Okay. Fine, it was me.
什么
Wh...?
为什么
Why?
我在健身房♥换衣服的时候
I was getting changed for gym, and...
看见有些姑娘的那个小 有些大
some girls have small ones and some girls have big ones
有些很奇怪 我就...
and some girls have... really weird ones and I just,
我想看一下正常的 我也说不清
I wanted to see what the average was, I don't know.
我不想再说了 没什么好说的
I-I don't want to talk about it and everything's fine.
好 我懂 你说的
O-Okay. Okay, I get it. That, uh...
很在理
that makes sense.
给你十块钱 去买♥♥点喜欢的东西吧
Here's ten dollars. Go buy yourself something nice, okay?
亲爱的
Look, honey...
我觉得你很完美
I think you're perfect.
好吗 以后再有这一类问题
Okay? And, in the future, when you have questions like this,
直接问妈妈就好
just ask Mom.
好吗 因为...
Okay? Because...
她跟你聊过了这方面的话题
she gave you the birds and the bees talk,
所以你们已经有一个沟通渠道
so you already have, you know, open channels.
我们从没聊过这方面
We never had a talk about that.
什么 她没给你展示过那些小人吗
What? She never showed you any dolls?
什么
Wh-What?
污污的小人 你没见过吗
Dirty dolls-- have you seen them?
没 我都是在学校生理课上学的
No, I learned all about that stuff in health class at school.
什么 他们还教这呢
What? They still teach that?
原来我根本不用操心这事
I could've stayed completely out of this?
最近我接受了太多错误信息
Oh, I have been misinformed about a lot of things lately!
简直就是屁♥股♥生孩事件重演
It's butt babies all over again!
亲爱的
Hey, honey.
今晚怎样 泰迪如何
How was your night? How's Teddy?
还行 骗子
Not bad, liar.
什么
What?
今晚你走后发生了好多事
A lot happened tonight while you were gone.
是凯蒂在网上
Turns out it was Katie who was looking
搜的那些图片
at those pictures on the Internet.
你开玩笑的吧
Are you serious?
老爸有招
Man with a Plan
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