不期而至（2010）

Life Unexpected S01E01

Part 1 Dec. 5, 2020, 8:07 a.m.

Wake up Portland, it's monday.
早上好波特兰听众今天是周一
It's Cate and Ryan on K-1000 Moring Madness.
这里是凯特和瑞安带来的K-100电台节目
It is 6:23.
现在是六点二十三分
And if you are just waking up. Screw you
要是你刚睁开眼睛去你的吧
Ryan and I, we have been up since 5:00.
我和瑞安五点就起床了
Yeah, and as usual, arguing since 6:00.
是啊很平常一样从六点开始拌嘴
If you're just tuning in to Morning Madness,
如果你刚将收音机调到《清晨狂想曲》
Cate and I are in the middle of a rousing game
凯特和我正在进行一场激动人心的游戏
Of "Sex, marry, kill."
叫做 "献给谁嫁给谁杀掉谁"
I just did the Jessicas--
我刚刚抽到的是杰西卡们
sex Biel,
我要和杰西卡·贝尔做♥爱♥
marry Alba,
和杰西卡·阿尔巴结婚
and definitely kill Simpson.
杀了杰西卡·辛普森毋庸置疑
And Baby Jessica.
和杰西卡宝宝
See, now, Cate is telling me that sh-she doesn't want to play
你瞧凯特在告诉我她不想玩这个游戏
because doesn't believe in marriage.
因为她不相信婚姻
Screw marriage.
去他妈婚姻
I like the sex and kill part better.
我更喜欢"献给谁"和"杀掉谁"的部分
Wow. Somewhere in Portland, Cate's boyfriend
在波特兰的某个小角落
just breathed a huge sigh
凯特的男友长长得叹了口气
of relief.
他终于解脱了
There is no boyfriend.
我没有男朋友
We-- we're just hanging out.
我们只是一起出去玩而已
God.
天呐
What happened?
发生了什么事
Nothing.
什么事也没发生
What'd he do to freak you out this time, huh?
这回他做了什么让你受不了的事
Did he give you a compliment?
是他恭维了你
Did he want to meet the parents?
还是他想见父母
What, what happened?
到底发生了什么
Oh, he called me...
好吧他说我是他的...
Oh, god, "The one."
我的天他的真命天女
Oh, my god. Okay, well, I hope you gave it to this guy.
天呐我希望你给他点颜色看看
I mean, I hope you did something crazy
我的意思是你做了些疯狂的事情
or even slightly violent like,
甚至暴♥力♥的事情
like hurl a remote at his forehead.
比如朝他的脑门上摔遥控器
I'm never telling you anything.
我不会告诉你任何细节的
Good. Ever...
好永远
Great. Again.
好我重申
I love that.
我就喜欢你这样
Look, Cate, all right,
好了凯特
It's called talk radio, okay?
这是一个脱口秀节目好吗
You get paid to spill your guts...
你拿了钱就得在节目里说你的心里话
Stuey!
史图尔
Cate, I'm just, uh...
凯特我只是...
He did it again.
他又偷♥窥♥我
Your son seriously puts the "Ew" in Stuey.
你儿子实在是太恶心了
I swear to god, Lux, the
我向上帝保证莱克丝
state's not paying me enough to deal with this.
政♥府♥才给我这么点儿钱我才不管这事呢
And you would think with your last name
你怎么不想想既然
actually being foster,
你是我的寄养母亲
You'd be somewhat equipped to be a foster parent.
你多少应该负起寄养母亲的责任
Don't worry, in two days,
不过不用担心两天内
you won't have to be.
你就不用做我的代理母亲了
And what's that supposed to mean?
你是什么意思
It means I'm turning 16.
我的意思是我16岁了
I'm getting emancipated,
我就可以自立了
and I'm getting the hell out of here.
而且我要离开这个鬼地方
Well, don't make promises you can't keep.
你可不要许下不能兑现的承诺
Oh... Trace, you got to do this now?
特蕾丝你非要现在收拾东西吗
Oh, I can't go running in just one shoe.
我不能只穿一只鞋子去跑步
Help me look for it.
帮我一起找
Aah, I worked till 4:00.
我工作到凌晨四点
No, working is teaching western civ
得了吧你所谓的工作就是
to hormonal teenagers.
向青春期少年灌输"西方文化"
You drunk dialed me from your job.
你在"工作"的时候醉着给我打了电♥话♥
Well, that's a perk of the career path, baby.
亲爱的这就是这种工作的福利
I don't think that opening up a bar and living above it
我觉得开一个酒吧住在酒吧楼上
was what your dad had in mind when he gave you the building.
可不是你♥爸♥爸留给你这栋房♥子的初衷
Well, my dad said to do what I love,
我爸爸让我去做我爱做的事
and I love to drink for free.
我就喜欢免费畅饮无限♥量♥
But you sleep until noon every day,
但是你每天睡懒觉
You play video games.
你打电动游戏
Don't you ever want to grow up? I will.
你从来就不想长大吗我会长大的
After noon.
就在今天中午后
Hey, give me that. Look what I found.
快给我你瞧瞧我找到什么了
And we have got Linda on the line.
我们接进琳达的电♥话♥
Hi, Linda, you there?
你好琳达还在吗
Yeah, I'm calling 'cause I agree with Ryan.
是的我打电♥话♥来就是想支持瑞安
I really want to meet someone
我很期望能够遇到一个人
and settle down and have a million babies.
安定下来然后生一百万个宝宝
It's just seem impossible.
但这好像是不可能的
Yeah, well, you know what's impossible
好吧要知道不可能的是
is having a million babies.
生一百万个宝宝
Hey, Cate, you ever, uh,
凯特你有没有想过
You ever wonder why you're 32 years old
为什么你已经32岁了
and don't have a maternal bone in your body?
但还不想生孩子呢
I mean, where's the biological clock?
我的意思是你的生物钟不起作用吗
Where is that desire to make more than
你难道就没有一种欲望
ramen noodles and dry toast?
想要找个人安定下来吗
I learned it really early on,
我很早以前就领悟到
The only person you can depend on in this world is yourself.
在这世上你能够依靠的人只有你自己
I mean, if you expect anything else,
如果你对其他事情有所期待
You are just setting yourself up for heartbreak.
你就等着失望吧
Okay, well, on that uplifting note,
好吧随着这个斗志昂扬的音调
that's our show for today, people.
我们的节目到此结束
I'm Ryan Thomas,
我是瑞安·托马斯
Alongside my clinically insane
我旁边的是冷淡无情精神错乱
But moderately loveable cohost Cate Cassidy.
勉强算是可爱的搭档凯特·卡希蒂
Clinically insane?
冷淡无情精神错乱
Moderately lovable, okay.
勉强算是可爱
Why is it on every single talk show across America,
为什么在全美国的每一个脱口秀节目中
the guy is always the calm and stable voice of reason
男主持永远那么淡定那么有逻辑
and the woman is the, you know,
但是女主持是个
Bitter, unlucky in love, crazy sidekick?
没有桃花运疯狂的愤青
You know, it's-- it's kind of who you are.
你就是这样的人
plus you threw a remote my head last night.
而且你昨晚向我的脑袋扔遥控器
No, "Threw" Is very strong.
不 "扔"这个词有点过了
I tossed it.
我只是轻轻地抛了一下
It was more like a hurl.
那更像是"砸"
You know, I thought you were going to catch it.
我以为你会抓住它
I didn't think you were going to throw it.
我以为你不会朝我扔遥控器
Could you be any louder?
你还能再大声点儿吗
Seriously.
说正经的
Calorie counting's not quiet.
计算卡路里可不能马虎
Thank you very much.
非常感谢
So, um, uh... I'll text you. Ooh.
那么我会给你发短♥信♥的
Okay.
好吧
Yeah, there was a bachelorette party last night,
昨天有个婚前单身派对
And Jamie was supposed to be working.
杰米本该工作的
Instead he ends up with the maid of honor.
结果和伴娘搞上了
What's up with the beer guy?
送啤酒的人怎么搞的
He's, like, three hours early.
他提早了三个小时
Jamie, what am I paying you for?
杰米我付钱让你给我♥干♥活
This place is trashed. So was I.
这里就像是个垃圾桶我也是
Hi.
你好
Hi.
你好
Uh, uh, uh, I need to get a signature from someone.
那个我需要有个人帮我签个名
Okay.
好的
Probably not you. You know what?
可能不是你你知道吗