宋飞正传（1990）

Seinfeld S04E20

Part 1 March 3, 2022, 1:18 p.m.

偷人可不是随随便便就能偷的
You can't have adultery. You commit it.
要是没有个爱人你还真偷不了人
You can't even commit adultery unless you already have a commitment.
所以你要是想偷人，就得先找个爱人
So you have to make the commitment before thinking about committing it.
要是没有爱人，就谈不上偷人了
There's no commit without the commit.
你只有找到了爱人，才能偷人
Then, once you commit, then you can commit the adultery.
才能被捉奸在床，才能离婚，才能抓狂…
Then you get caught, get divorced, lose your mind...
随后才会被判为罪人
...and they have you committed.
知道不，有些人在偷人的同时还脚踏三只船
You know, some people actually cheat on the people they're cheating with...
这情况就好比你正在抢银行的时候
...which is like, you know, being in a holdup...
突然把枪口对准了同伙，喝道：
...and turning to the robber next to you and going:
“你也老实把东西交出来！”
"All right, give me everything you have too."
《宋飞正传》第四季第22集
你在超♥市♥认识她的？咋回事？
You met her at the supermarket? How?
在蔬果区，那个撩人之处啊
Produce section. Very provocative area.
到处都是瓜瓜果果，人人都在捏捏闻闻
Lots of melons and shapes. Everyone squeezing and smelling.
自然而然就发生了
It just happened.
那你啥时候见她？ - 今晚
So when you gonna see her? - Tonight.
她叫啥？ - 不晓得
What's her name? - I don't know.
你怎么能不知道她叫什么？ - 我当时紧张啊，又被什么分散了注意力
How could you not know her name? - I was nervous. I got distracted.
好像是车啊鱼啊什么的
It had something to do with a car or a fish.
瞧瞧这…我当初干嘛要买♥♥香蕉？总是只能放一天而已
Look at... Why do I get bananas? They're good for one day.
哦，天，忘了告诉你了
Oh, my God. I forgot to tell you.
我今天收到一封国家审♥计♥署♥的信
I got a letter today from the State Controller's Office.
当年在布鲁克林上学的时候…
Back in public school in Brooklyn...
我每周都会往林肯储蓄银行的账户上存50美分
...every week I put 50 cents in the Lincoln Savings Bank.
哦，我也是 - 还记得那个小存折不？
Yeah, I did that too. - Remember the little bankbook?
自从六年级之后我就再没存过一分钱压根就忘了
I haven't put anything in it since sixth grade. I completely forgot about it.
结果他们千方百计找到我
The State Controller's Office tracks me down.
因为当年的利息现在已经攒到1900元了！
The interest has accumulated to $ 1900.
1900块！他们会寄支票给我
Nineteen hundred dollars. They're sending me a check.
利息，真是个神奇的东西
Yeah. Interest. It's an amazing thing.
你啥也不做就能赚钱
You make money without doing anything.
我有些朋友一辈子都是这么赚钱的
I have some friends that try and base their whole life on that principle.
真的？谁啊？ - 你不认识
Really? Who? - Nobody you know.
或者我该拿这钱赌马去
Maybe I'll go down to the track, put it all on a horse.
干嘛不还继续存在银行？
Why don't you put it in the bank.
银行？这钱可是失而复得的宝贝啊
Bank? This is found money.
我得好好利用它，狠狠赚上一笔
I want to parlay it. I wanna make a big score.
你是说你想输光它吧
You mean you wanna lose it.
哦，好极！
Yeah. All right.
买♥♥到了？ - 正是
You got it, huh? - Yes, I did.
好极！ - 这手套干嘛使的？
Yes. - What's with the gloves?
我在给地板上色，可不想弄脏了手
Well, I'm staining my floors. You know, I don't wanna get my hands dirty.
整个公♥寓♥的地板？ - 正是，整个公♥寓♥
What, the whole apartment? - The whole apartment.
我还买♥♥了些木头图案的墙纸
And I'm buying that fake-wood wallpaper.
我要拿木头把自己围起来
I'm gonna surround myself in wood.
那样看上去就像个小木屋了
It's gonna be like a log cabin.
因为我就是要让身边到处是木头
Because I need wood around me.
木头，杰瑞，木头
Wood, Jerry. Wood.
木头不赖啊 - 那是当然
Wood is good. - Definitely.
我们还去玩壁球的吧？
So we're still going to play racquetball, right?
当然了，只要你准备好就去 - 好，伊莲来了就出发
Yeah. Whenever you're ready. - Okay. Soon as Elaine gets here.
你租了《小鬼当家》？ - 对啊
What, you rented Home Alone? - Yeah.
你不是看过了吗？ - 我看过的是《小鬼当家2》
I thought you saw that. - No, I saw Home Alone 2.
得，可你不喜欢看啊
Oh, right. But you hated it.
那是因为我没看第一部所以才一头雾水
Well, I was lost. I never saw the first one.
我能在这看吗？ - 为啥？
By the way, you mind if I watch it here? - What for?
要是我在自己那看，会觉得自己无所事事
If I watch it at my apartment, I feel like I'm not doing anything.
要是在这看，就好像在做什么
If I watch it here, I'm out of the house, I'm doing something.
得，自便吧
All right, go ahead.
谁？ - 我，你们准备好了吗？
Yeah? - It's me. Are you ready to go?
还没，先上来吧
No. Come on up.
这些不行
I can't work with these.
怎么了？ - 你给我买♥♥的是洗碗用的手套
What's wrong? - You bought me dishwashing gloves.
这个手感完全不对嘛 - 你说要“手套”（这就是“手套”）
There's no fine touch. - You said "gloves."
不行不行，这太厚了
No. No, these are too thick.
那是《小鬼当家》吗？ - 对，第一部
Is that Home Alone? - Yeah. The original.
嘿，小的们！ - 嘿
Hey, boys-o. - Hey!
你好
Hello.
嘿，带上家伙，出发了
Hey, get your stuff. Let's go.
等下，计划有变
Wait a minute. There's a change of plans.
啥？ - 还记得罗伊吗？就那个艺术家
What? - Remember Roy, the artist?
哦，三角男嘛 - 对，就是他，三角男
Oh, the triangle guy. - Yeah. Exactly. The triangle guy.
你还喜欢过他呢，怎么了？
Yeah. You liked him. What happened?
我是喜欢过，人家很有才的
Yeah, I did. He was very talented.
可就是有点，我也说不好，太…
He was just, I don't know, a little too...
太“艺术”了？ - 是太肥
Artsy? - Fat.
他是个饿得半死的艺术家肥仔
He was a fat starving artist, you know?
那可稀罕了 - 有点
That's very rare. - Yeah.
不管怎么说吧，他住院了，要动手术…
Anyway, he's in the hospital, he's having surgery...
我理应去探望探望 - 他得啥病了？
...and I should go visit him. - What's wrong?
好像是脾脏有问题我就去看五分钟
Something with his spleen. It'll just take five minutes.
行吗？医院也顺路的
Okay? The hospital's right on the way.
没问题，我们等你 - 我也能顺道搞些橡胶手套（就是医用手套）
All right. We'll wait for you. - I can get some rubber gloves there.
杰瑞，你能帮我个忙吗？
Listen, Jerry, could you do me a favor?
能不能陪我一起去看他？
Could you go into the room with me to visit him?
我不想让他误以为我对他还有兴趣
Because I don't want him to think that I'm, you know, interested.
哦，你是想让我假装是你男朋友吧
Oh, you want me to pretend to be your boyfriend.
那个… - 得，没问题
Well... - Well, I think I can do that.
当年我在男朋友这个“岗位”上可是业绩斐然哦
I've played that role before to some critical acclaim.
好吧，出发吧 - 好嘞
All right, let's go. - All right.
他是咋回事？
Yep. - What's with him?
可不止你一个人想知道
You know, a lot of people have asked that.
罗伊
Roy.
伊莲
Elaine.
真是个大惊喜啊
What a surprise.
哦，天
Oh, my God.
我差点都认不出你来了，你看起来…
I hardly recognize you. You look so...
耶，我是减了点肥 - 可不止是一点
Yeah, I've lost some weight. - A lot of weight.
我晓得 - 你看上去好极了
I know. - You look terrific.
多谢，你也是
Thank you. So do you.
这是…你真的减了不少啊！
This is... You really lost weight.
多谢 - 我是杰瑞，她男朋友
Thank you. - Jerry. I'm the boyfriend.
大宝藏（这里是医疗器材室）
The mother lode.
我简直不敢相信，你当初可是“大块头”！
I can't believe it. You were huge.
就跟头鲸鱼似的（Blubber本身就有过度肥胖之意）
Like blubber.
我两只手都抱不过你呢
I couldn't even get my arms around you.
我记得
Yes. I remember.
看来生病也算是好事
Well, that's a positive thing about getting sick.
至少让你减肥了 - 伊莲，生病可不是原因
You get to lose weight. - Elaine, it wasn't the illness.
你才是 - 我？
It was you. - Me?
对啊，自从你从我的生命中消失之后我痛不欲生
Yeah. After you stopped seeing me, I was devastated.
几个星期都食不下咽
I couldn't eat for weeks.
少来了！
Get out!
真的，句句都是大实话 - 杰瑞，你听听
Really. It's the truth. - Jerry, did you hear this?
他几个星期食不下咽
He couldn't eat for weeks.
真是太惨了
That's terrible.
我没想到我对你影响那么大
I had no idea I had that kind of effect on you.
可确实就是这么大
You did.
这玩意我老是玩不好
You know, I can't get this damn thing to sleep.
嘿，罗伊，告诉我
Now, listen, Roy, tell me something:
你什么时候出院？ - 下周四
When are you getting out of here? - Next Thursday.
那这样吧，下周五
Okay, I tell you what. How about on Friday...
我请你吃大餐如何？你这也太苗条了
...I take you out for a big meal, because you are getting too thin.
亲爱的
Honey...
咱们下周五♥不♥是要去波科诺斯吗？（美著名旅游景区）
...aren't we going to the Poconos next Friday?
才不是，那是下下周五的事
No, that's the week after.
我怎么记得就是下周五呢
No, I believe it's next week.
你记错了 - 我没记错
You're wrong. - No, I'm not.
闭嘴
Shut up.
宝藏到手