宋飞正传（1990）

Seinfeld S04E03

Part 5 March 3, 2022, 1:15 p.m.

你知道泰德·丹森挣多少钱吗？ (美国演员、作家)
You know how much Ted Danson makes?
泰德·丹森，时下的我们怎么可以和他比啊？
Ted Danson. Now, how are you comparing us to Ted Danson?
我没说我们是泰德·丹森 - 你说了，你说我们是泰德·丹森
I didn't say we're Ted Danson. - You did. You said we're Ted Danson.
你知道吗，我以为他穿补丁呢 - 别担心，人家又不是买♥♥不起
You know, I think he wears a piece. - Yeah, don't worry. He can afford it.
几点啦? - 刚好五点
What time do you have? - Five till.
我的表又慢了十分钟
See, I'm 10 minutes slow again.
垃圾死了，我都受够了
That's it for this piece of junk. I've had it.
你父母给的那个吗？ - 没准时过的
The one your parents gave you? - It never works.
我们现在应该到的了，我们打车吧
We're supposed to be there. We should take a cab.
我们会晚一点，但不要打车啦
We'll be a little late. I'm not taking a cab.
我出钱啦 - 不是钱的问题
I'll pay for it. - It's not the money.
那你为啥不坐啊?不舒服?太慢?不方便?
What is it you object to? The comfort? The speed? The convenience?
杰瑞!杰瑞！
Jerry!
里奥舅舅！ - 你好啊！
Uncle Leo! - Hello!
你好，最近还好吧？
Hello there. How you doing?
你好啊? 父母还好吧? - 很好
How are you? How's Mom and Dad? - Good. Fine.
咋啦，成大人物了都不给我打电♥话♥了
What, are you getting to be too much of a big shot now to give me a call?
你很久没和我联♥系♥了啊
I don't hear from you anymore.
噢，不是啦，只是有点忙
Oh, no, I've been kind of busy, that's all.
你知道我刚去哪了吗？
You know where I just came from?
丹尼·巴布尔 - 噢，丹尼·巴布尔啊
Danny Barber. - Oh, sure. Danny.
他以前是做睡衣生意的
He used to be in the pajama business.
还记得吗，我的睡衣就是免费的
Remember, I got my pajamas for free.
我以前过来给你睡衣的
I used to come over and give you pajamas.
哦，是的，是的，我记得
Oh, yeah, yeah. I remember.
但有趣的是，我穿不了了，太热了
Funny thing is, I can't wear them. I get too hot.
我就穿内衣和T恤睡觉
I sleep in my underwear and a T-shirt.
如果还热的话，我就脱掉T恤
If it gets too hot, I just take the T-shirt off.
总之，丹尼对我说：
Anyway, Danny says to me:
“你需要睡衣吗？” - 抱歉，里奥舅舅
"You need any pajamas?" - I'm sorry, Uncle Leo.
我真的得走了
I really gotta get going.
好吧，你要走啦，走吧
Well, you gotta get going, so go.
我们要和国家广播电视台的总裁开会
We got a big meeting with the president of NBC.
没人拿枪指着让你留下 - 是的，很抱歉
Nobody got a gun to your head. - Yeah. I'm really sorry.
去吧，真的，我理解
Go. Really, I understand.
你有约，去赴你的约吧
You got an appointment. Go to your appointment.
很抱歉，真的 - 你知道…
I'm sorry. Really. - You know...
…我也认识很多好莱坞的人
...I know plenty of people in Hollywood too.
不好意思啦，真的
Sorry. Really.
谁？ - 快点，你准备好了吗？出发啦
Yeah? - Come on, are you ready? Let's go.
干嘛去？ - 你怎么啦？
For what? - What's with you?
十五钟前不是告诉你了吗？
I just talked to you 15 minutes ago.
什么东西啊？ - 法♥院♥啊
About what? - The courthouse.
你得陪我去法♥院♥，我去申请传票
You gotta go with me to court. I'm contesting the ticket.
我不能去，呆会我还要去看医生 - 你必须得去
I can't. I'm going to the doctor's later. - You gotta go.
你有我的不在场证明，你得出席作证
You're my alibi. You have to take the stand.
嗯，我不能去 - 好吧，我提醒你些事情
Well, I can't. - Well, let me remind you of something.
要不是我和我的头盔，你就不会站在这了
You wouldn't even be here today if it wasn't for me and my helmet.
我救了你的命，不然你就死翘翘了！
I saved your life. You would be dead!
你就不复存在了，连来世都没了
You would cease to exist. You'd be gone for the rest of eternity.
现在你明白什么意思了吗？
Can you even begin to comprehend what that means?
别说了！
Shut up!
我去穿外套
I'll get my coat.
别乱踩东西
Don't step on anything.
你能找到很多…
There are many things that I think you can point to...
…证明人类不太睿智的证据
...as proof that the humans are not smart.
但我个人最喜欢的就是：人类发明了头盔
But my personal favorite would have to be that we had to invent the helmet.
然后我们参加了…
What happened was we were involved...
…许多活动中，那让我们很伤脑筋
...in a lot of activities that were cracking our heads.
尽管我们选择不逃避这些活动，但是…
We chose not to avoid doing these activities, but instead...
…我们还要设计一些设备…
...to come up with some sort of device...
…来帮助我们继续享受让我们头脑分♥裂♥的生活方式：
...to help us continue enjoying our head-cracking lifestyles:
头盔
The helmet.
即便没多少人戴…
Not enough people were wearing them...
…但我们还得制定有关头盔的法律…
...so we had to come up with the helmet law...
…更愚蠢的是，这些头盔法律的初衷…
...which is even stupider. The idea behind the helmet law...
是为了保护那些脑瓜迟钝的人的大脑…
...is to preserve a brain whose judgment is so poor...
…而不是阻止击头党
...it does not even try to stop the cracking of the head it's in.
你看见我舅舅的表情了吗？你看到他感觉多受侮辱吗？
Did you see the look on his face? Did you see how insulted he was?
我能做什么？我们能怎么办啊？
What could I do? What are we supposed to do?
你不能离开
You can't leave.
你完全没充分的理由就这样中断
There's no excuse good enough to justify walking away...
…你和亲戚的谈话…
...from a conversation with one of my relatives.
早上我没有刮胡子，我觉得很不自在
I didn't shave this morning. I don't feel like myself.
你就像一个坐在救火车去救火路上消防员
You could be a fireman on a fire truck on the way to a fire.
你碰到了我的一个亲戚， “对不起，里奥舅舅…
You bump into one of my relatives, "Sorry, Uncle Leo...
…有幢大楼起火了，我不得不赶过去”
...there's a building full of people burning down. I do have to be running."
他会说，“去，去吧，救你的所谓“大火”去吧
He'll go, "Go. Go ahead. Go to your fancy fire.
那是你应该做的
If that's what you have to do."
看这 - 为啥你早上没有刮胡子？
Look at this. - Why didn't you shave this morning?
因为我昨天下午刮过了
Because I shaved yesterday in the afternoon.
为什么？ - 那又得从前天说起
Why? - Because of the day before.
说来话长啦
It's a long story.
总之就是生活没法规律了
I can't get back on schedule.
那是乔伊·德沃拉吗？
Is that Joe Davola?
不是他啦！
It's not him!
我不能再这么担惊受怕地过下去了我总感觉自己被跟踪了
I can't live like this. I'm being stalked.
宋飞先生，他们准备好见您了
Mr. Seinfeld. They're ready for you.
宋飞先生，那我克斯坦萨先生呢？
Mr. Seinfeld. What about Mr. Costanza?
难道我不在这吗？
I'm not here?
说好了，你得保证
All right. You promised.
在关于“无题”这个点子上你得多变通一些
You're gonna be a little more flexible on the nothing idea.
就一点 - 好吧，就一点
Just a little. - All right. A little.
你都准备好了？记好你该说什么了吗？
Okay. You all set? You got your story?
没 - 交♥警♥拦住我的时候…
No. - When he stopped me...
…我跟他说我急着赶回去是因为我朋友要自杀了
...I told him I was rushing because my friend was about to commit suicide.
而你，就是那个朋友
Now, you're that friend.
我们现在要做的就是找个你要自杀的理由
All we need is a reason why you were gonna commit suicide.
我那没有空调
I never had an air conditioner.
不行，这算哪门子自杀理由
No. That's no reason to kill yourself.
为什么不行？晚上热得你没法睡觉
Why? It gets hot at night. You can't sleep.
你有在一个闷热的房♥间里睡过觉吗？
You ever try to sleep in a hot room?
我每晚睡的那间就很热可我不会这么着就想自杀
I sleep in a really hot room. I don't wanna kill myself.
我睡的房♥间都很热，热得我想自杀
I've slept in really hot rooms, and I wanted to kill myself.
不行，不行，这肯定行不通，换个别的
No, no, that's not gonna work. Something else.
我从来没当上银行家
I was never able to become a banker.
银行家！这么说你自杀是因为…
Banker! So you're killing yourself...
…因为你当银行家的梦想从来没法实现
...because your dreams of becoming a banker have gone unfulfilled.
你…你…你当不了银行家就活不下去
You... You... You can't live without being a banker.
没错，没错，如果我当不上银行家我就不想活了
Yeah, yeah. If I can't be a banker, I don't wanna live.
你一定要当银行家！ - 必须的！
You must be a banker! - Must be a banker!
好，我们就用银行家这个故事
Okay, we'll go with the banker story.
故事是所有娱乐方式的基础
Story is the foundation of all entertainment.
你一定要有个好的故事否则，简直就跟手♥淫♥一样
You must have a good story. Otherwise, it's just masturbation.
而且观众一定会非常关心剧中角色
And people really have to care about the characters.
关心？算了吧，是爱
Care? Forget about care. Love.
他们一定要爱上这些角色，否则…
They have to love them. Otherwise...
…还有谁会想看呢？ - 没人会看
...why tune in? - Wouldn't tune in.
他们会看吗？ - 当然不会
Would they tune in? - No tune.
我们希望这部剧像心电图一样
We like to look at a show as if it were an EKG.
要有高峰，低谷，得有起伏
You have your highs and your lows. And it goes up and down.
这剧会像心脏病突发
This show will be like a heart attack.
像场超级猛烈的心脏病
Just a huge, massive coronary.
那你上星期说的关于没有主题的故事…
So, what you said last week about no story...
…现在有些变通了
...you're a little flexible on that now.
我说过这样的话吗，“没有故事情节”？因为后来杰瑞跟我说了
Is that what I said, "no story"? Because Jerry had to tell me later.
他觉得难以置信
He couldn't believe it.
我说…我说，“少来，没有故事情节？
I said... I said, "Get out of here. No story?
这是我说的话吗？”
Is that what I said?"
是这样，我告诉他他超速了…
Well, I informed him that he was exceeding the speed limit...