宋飞正传（1990）

Seinfeld S04E18

Part 2 March 3, 2022, 1:18 p.m.

...Jack.
你好，我是杰瑞·宋飞机构派我来的
Hi. I'm Jerry Seinfeld. The agency sent me.
机构？ - 是的，这里是席德·菲尔兹的家吗？
Agency? - Yeah. Is this Sid Fields' residence?
席德·菲尔兹 - 搞什么鬼啊？
Sid Fields? - What the hell is it?
菲尔兹先生？ - 咋啦？
Mr. Fields? - What?
你好，我是杰瑞·宋飞机构派我来的
Hi. I'm Jerry Seinfeld. The agency sent me.
局子？什么局子？中情局？
The agency? What agency? The CIA?
不，不，是老年人… - 谁让你进来的？
No, no, the senior... - Who let you in here?
那、那个女人 - 哦，她啊
The woman. - Oh, her.
她在我这儿偷东西，偷我的钱还跟我说她不懂英语
She steals from me. Steals my money. She says she doesn't speak English.
去她的不懂英语
My ass, she doesn't speak English.
放些吓人的巫术音乐
Plays that freaking voodoo music.
想催眠我
Tries to hypnotize me.
她想把我变成一个僵尸…
She thinks she's gonna turn me into a zombie...
…再把我抢得一文不剩
...and then rob me blind.
我又不是三岁小孩
Well, I wasn't born yesterday.
我也许今天就会翘掉但我绝不是容易骗的
I might drop dead today, but I sure as hell wasn't born yesterday.
快给我滚
Now, get the hell out of my house.
但是，菲尔兹先生我来这儿是想花点时间陪陪你的
But, Mr. Fields, I'm here to spend some time with you.
哦，真的吗？
Oh, really?
你是她那男友吗？我知道她有个男朋友
Are you the boyfriend? I know she's got a boyfriend.
你要杀我吗？我只是个老人，天哪！
Are you gonna kill me? I'm an old man, for crying out loud.
你要杀个老人家吗？你这个胆小鬼
You gonna kill an old man, you coward?
不，菲尔兹先生，我真的是来… 这是我的身份…
No, Mr. Fields. Look. Really. I'm... Here's my ident...
我看不见的，你个笨蛋
I can't read that, you fool.
哦，这都是什么？ - 垃圾呗
Well, what's all this stuff? - Trash. Garbage.
你要把这些都扔了？
You're throwing this out?
我相信你是那样处理垃圾的你个白♥痴♥
I believe that's what you do with garbage, you idiot.
真的吗？你都不想要了？
Really? You don't want any of this?
如果我想要，我就不会扔了对吧，爱因斯坦？
Well, if I wanted it, I wouldn't be throwing it away, would I, Einstein?
我有些朋友真的很喜欢这些
I have friends that would really love to have these.
那就拿走吧我肯定不会留给我的家里人的
Well, take it. I sure as hell am not gonna give it to my family.
你想出去散散步，喝杯咖啡吗？
Well, do you wanna go out and go for a walk, get a cup of coffee?
和你？
With you?
我还不如死了算了
I'd rather be dead.
那么，也许我该走了
Well, maybe I'll get going, then.
我刚想起来我该去切除我的扁桃腺
I just remembered I got an appointment to get my tonsils out.
太好了，谢天谢地，总算要走了
Good. Thank God. Good riddance.
听着，你走之前…
Oh, listen, before you go...
…不介意帮我换尿布吧？
...would you mind changing my diaper?
我觉得85岁挺好的
Oh, I feel great for 85.
你知道，美国成年男性的平均寿命是大概72年
You know, the average life span for an American male is, like, 72.
你真的…
You're really...
活得有点太长了吧
...kind of pushing the envelope there.
我又不怕死，而且我从来就没想过
I'm not afraid to die, and I never think about it.
你没有？
You don't?
天啊，我倒想了好多
Boy, I think about it a lot.
我现在这年龄都一直想
I think about it at my age.
更何况是你这种年龄的
Imagine how much I'll be thinking about it at your age.
我是一直想,直到疯掉为止
All I'll do is keep thinking about it till it drives me insane.
我过的每一分钟都很愉快
I'm grateful for every moment I have.
愉快？
Grateful?
你怎么可能愉快呢？你都快到生命的尽头了
How can you be grateful when you're so close to the end?
当你知道每一秒
When you know that any second:
你都可能会死，你又不笨
It could all be over. I mean, you're not stupid.
你都可以看到死前的征兆了
You can read the handwriting on the wall.
看在上帝的份上这是多简单的算术啊
It's a matter of simple arithmetic, for God's sake.
我猜我只是不担心
I guess I just don't care.
你在说什么啊？
What are you talking about?
你怎么会坐在这看着我的眼睛…
How can you sit there and look me in the eye...
…跟我说你不担心？你一点感觉都没有吗？
...and tell me that you're not worried? Don't you have any sense?
你没脑子吗？
Don't you have a brain?
你是不是老得都不知道…
Are you so completely senile you don't even know...
…自己在说什么了？
...what you're talking about anymore?
等等你去哪儿？
Wait a second. Where are you going?
跟你呆一起实在是浪费生命啊
Life's too short to waste on you.
哇哦，哇哦，拜托留下来吧 - 滚开点
Whoa, whoa, please. - Get out of my way.
但是，坎特维尔先生你还没付我汤钱呢
But, Mr. Cantwell, you owe me for the soup.
奥利弗太太？ - 是的，亲爱的
Mrs. Oliver? - Yes, my dear?
怎么了？你还好吗？ - 是的
What's the trouble? Are you all right? - Yeah.
是…是…是还行
Yeah... Yes. Yeah.
是因为我的甲状腺肿块吧？
It's my goiter, isn't it?
你说甲状腺肿块？什么甲状腺肿块？
Did you say goiter? What goiter?
我脖子边上的橄榄球大的肿块
This football-shaped lump jutting out the side of my neck.
那个肿块啊
That goiter.
嘿
Hey.
跟你说吧
What do you know?
它吓到你了吗？
Does it bother you?
吓到我？
Bother me?
为什么那么小个肿块会吓到我呢？
Why would a little goiter like that bother me?
不，不，一点也不没什么，没什么的，那个…
No. Not a bit. It's nothing. It's nothing. It's...
实际上，那个真特别你知道吗？
In fact, it's very distinctive. You know?
我跟你说吧？
I mean, you wanna know something?
我希望也有一个
I wish I had one.
真的
Really.
算了吧，伊莲，只是个甲状腺肿块
Come on, Elaine, it's just a goiter.
我不知道自己要做什么我不敢直面那女人
I don't know what I'm gonna do. I can't look the woman in the face.
我一直觉得那个肿块要和我说话
I mean, I keep thinking that goiter's gonna start talking to me.
派你去之前,他们应该说清楚
You'd think that they'd mention that before they sent you over there.
“哦，顺便说一下这个女人差不多有两个脑袋”
"Oh, by the way, this woman almost has a second head."
但是没有啊我压根都不知道肿块的事
But no, no. I didn't get any goiter information.
他们的确应该详细说一下身高、体重、肿块
They really should mention that in the breakdown. Height. Weight. Goiter.
你知道，你试着做些好事
You know, you try to do some good.
想做个好人但这要求太高了
You wanna be a good person, but this is too much to ask.
我宁愿和一个好脾气的肿块谈话…
Well, I'd rather talk to a goiter with a nice disposition...
…也不要和那个白♥痴♥谈话
...than the nut they sent me to.
乔治，你的怎么样啊？
Georgie, what happened with your guy?
我觉得不怎么好
I don't think it's gonna work out.
你什么意思？ - 他把我解雇了
What do you mean? - He fired me.
他炒了你？
He fired you?
你做志愿者怎么会被炒呢？
How do you get fired from a volunteer job?
我不知道，我只是和他聊天他就抛弃了我
I don't know. I was just talking to the man, and he walked out on me.
我不知道你们俩怎么样我反正要退出了
Well, I don't know about you two, but I'm quitting.
我恨那人
I hate my guy.
他是个超级刻薄的家伙
He's a mean, mean guy.
我希望我也可以退出 - 那就退出吧
I wish I could quit. - So quit.
对啊，临阵退缩可是我强项
Yeah, I'm a great quitter.
这是我能干好为数不多的事
It's one of the few things I do well.
我在一大群爱放弃的人中长大
I come from a long line of quitters.
我爸爸喜欢放弃我爷爷喜欢放弃
My father was a quitter. My grandfather was a quitter.
"放弃"把我养大
I was raised to give up.
嘿 - 嘿
Hey. - Hey.
你的专辑
Well, here's your albums.
怎么啦？ - 五块钱
What happened? - Five dollars.
他只给我们五块钱 - 你听的都是什么鬼东西啊？
He offered us 5 dollars. - What kind of stuff you listening to?
你让我在那个店难堪死了
You embarrassed me at that store.
那个人以为我们都是些土包子
That guy thought we were a couple of total squares.
哦耶，你和你的塞尔吉奥·门德斯
Oh, yeah, you and your Sergio Mendes.
嘿嘿，那人都不敢进南美的卫生间
Hey, that guy can't even go to the bathroom in South America.
你应该看看那些唱片…
You should have seen the albums...
…我今天去看的那个老人要丢掉的
...this old guy I was visiting today was throwing away.
西纳特拉、艾灵顿公爵艾尔·约翰逊、班尼·古德曼
Sinatra, Duke Ellington, Al Jolson, Benny Goodman.
等等，他要扔了？ - 我问他我朋友是否可以拿走
Wait, he's throwing them out? - I asked if my friends could have them.
他说，“可以” - 那个老傻瓜可是坐拥…
He said, "Yeah." - The coot's sitting...
…金山呢 - 是啊
...on a mountain of gold. - Yeah.
你们得自己去拿我是不会去搬的
You have to get them. I'm not carrying them.
是啊，但你也要来啊 - 我今天要去的
But you're gonna come. - Yeah. I'm going there today.
其实，你们应该看看那个保姆
In fact, you should see this housekeeper.
她从塞内加尔来的
She's from Senegal.
相当、相当的狂野
Wild, wild stuff.
塞内加尔？