神烦警探

Brooklyn Nine-Nine S01E20

Part 1 Oct. 1, 2020, 12:40 p.m.

All right, gang, Diet Day Four.
好了同志们节食第四天
How's everyone holding up?
大家坚持得如何
Honestly, I'm going to last forever.
老实说我会坚持到底的
You hear that, bitches? "I'm gonna last forever"
贱♥人♥们听见没 "我会坚持到海枯石烂"
I'm doing great.
我一切顺利
This morning the homeless guy on my stoop said my skin looked dope.
今早我家门廊的流浪汉夸我皮肤很赞呢
What's going on?
这是咋了
Why do you all have matching bags?
你们怎么用一样的餐包
We're doing a diet together. My wife found it.
我们在一起节食我老婆发现的
She heard about it at Mommy And Me Graphic Design.
她在妈咪宝贝图片设计课上听说的
Wait, it might've been Toddler Karate.
等等也可能是宝宝空手道课
She takes our little ladies to so many classes,
她带着我们家闺女上了太多课
I can't keep it straight.
我记不清了
Childhood is truly a time of wonder.
小孩就是爱探索学习
This diet is very scientific, sir.
这个节食很科学的长官
All the meals are pre-planned and delivered to your doorstep.
每餐都提前计划好还送货上门
This is our breakfast:
这是我们的早餐
An orange wedge, three cashew nuts... and a solitary grape.
一瓣橙子三颗腰果还有一粒提子
It's actually more than you realize.
其实比你想的要多
Sometimes I can't even finish all the grape.
有时候我提子都吃不完
Well, this seems unnecessary to me. You're all in perfect shape.
我觉得这是多此一举你们身材都很好
You can always be healthier, sir.
没有最好只有更好长官
And I like the challenge.
我喜欢挑战
Plus, it's good team building.
而且还有助于培养团队精神
We're gonna get through this together.
我们要一起熬过这次节食
Hey, guys, pro tip.
嘿伙计们专业技巧
Lick the baggie. There's food molecules in there.
舔一舔包装袋里面有食物分子哦
Oh. Oh, that's so smart.
哦聪明绝顶
Mmm.
嗯
What are you doing here? Isn't it your day off?
你来干嘛不是休假吗
Yeah, stalker. It is my day off.
对跟踪狂我今天是休假
But I am here to meet Charles.
但我得来见Charles
Did you hear what he did last night?
你知道他昨晚干啥了吗
Drink it, Jake. Drink it.
喝吧 Jake 喝了
What's up your tiny sleeve?
怎么了你个小贱♥人♥
Oh!
哦
Why is there a bow tie in here?
为啥里面有个领结
Wait a minute.
等一下
Jake Peralta, will you be my best man?
Jake Peralta 你愿意做我的伴郎吗
Yes. Yes! A thousand times, yes!
愿意我愿意一千个愿意
Wow. Best man.
喔伴郎
So are you gonna set up shop in a strip club?
你这是打算赖在脱衣舞酒吧里(开店)了吗
What kind of shop would I set up?
我会开什么店呢
Hand sanitizer. I would sell hand sanitizer.
洗手液店我要卖♥♥洗手液
And no.
不是啦
I was hoping that my best-man duties would be all whiskey and cigars,
我本以为伴郎就是喝威士忌和抽雪茄的
but this is Charles we're talking about.
不过新郎是Charles
So we've got two straight days of wedding planning,
所以我们有整整两天做婚礼准备
plus, he gave me this to prep.
他还给了我这个预热
Fancy Brudgom!
梦幻"新狼"
It means "Fancy groom" In Danish.
丹麦语的"梦幻新郎"
According to Charles, the Danes throw the most beautiful weddings in the world
Charles说论婚礼全世界属丹麦最浪漫
and the most violent funerals.
论葬礼丹麦也最血腥
This does not look like something you'd be into.
这不像是你会喜欢的东西啊
Normally, yes.
一般情况下没错
But I am now Charles's forlover...
但我现在是Charles的"伴狼"
"Best man," Danish.
丹麦语"伴郎"
So it is my duty to support him,
所以支持他就是我的职责所在
no matter what weird, crazy, Charles-y ideas he has.
不管他的想法多诡异疯狂又具有Charles风格
Let's do this.
行动起来吧
There he is! My groom!
他来了我的新郎
Hello, my big, beautiful B.M.!
我伟岸而美型的BM(便便)
"Best man." Just "Best man" Is fine.
伴郎说伴郎就行
I hope you're rested.
我希望你休息好了
We're gonna be on our feet all day.
我们一天都要来回奔波
I am totally prepared. I even bought some nurse shoes.
完全准备好了我还买♥♥了双护士鞋
I love them! Mm-hmm!
我喜欢嗯哼
Let me grab this! Let me grab this!
拿上这个还有这个
Let me grab this! Grab me!
再抓住这个来抓人家啊
First stop, kagesmagning! Cake tasting!
第一站 "蛋搞屎吃" 蛋糕试吃
Wow.
哇哦
You wanted to see me, sir?
你找我长官
I understand you stopped by the patrol officers' morning briefing.
我知道你去了巡警的早间例会
Yeah. Officer Deetmore helped me out with my crime scene,
是的 Deetmore警官帮我侦查现场
so I gave him a little thank-you present.
所以我给了他份小小的谢礼
Hey, Deetmore.
嘿 Deetmore
If you're gonna bag evidence like a five-year-old,
你装袋证物就像个五岁小屁孩
you should have the proper tools.
装备也要跟上啊
It's a "My First Police Kit."
这是"警♥察♥小鬼套装"
The walkie-talkie blows bubbles.
对讲机还能吹泡泡
Hope you can handle it.
希望你知道怎么玩儿哦
He mislabeled the weapon, like an idiot.
他给凶器贴错标签了十足的傻瓜
And it almost got filed with the wrong case.
为此差点就入错档了
He could've blown months of work!
那样几个月的努力就被他搞砸了
You humiliated Officer Deetmore in front of his peers.
你当着Deetmore警官同事的面侮辱了他
He submitted an official complaint against you.
他正式投诉你了
Did he fill it out in crayon?
他是用蜡笔填的投诉表吧
No.
没有
But he did use a green pen, which seems crazy to me.
但是他用了绿色笔我也觉着挺疯癫的
The good news is, if you go down there and apologize,
好消息是如果你回去道歉
he'll let the whole thing go.
他就不计较这事了
Fine. I'm great at apologizing.
好吧我擅长道歉
I'm a very sweet person.
我可温柔了
Out of my way, Chunk.
滚开死胖子
Ooh!
哦
Jake, I got to tell ya, the engaged life is amazing,
Jake 你听我说呐订婚之后爽歪歪啊
especially sexually. Well, I don't want to pry.
特别是性生活够了我不想窥探隐私
You're not prying. I want you to know this. No.
不算窥探我主动坦白的别了
Vivian and I have a wonderful intercourse itinerary that we have planned.
我和Vivian有一套共同设计的性♥交♥步骤
Ah, ha! I'm usually more of a chocolate guy,
啊哈我一般喜欢巧克力口味
but this one's closer, so I'm gonna do that.
但是这个离得近先吃这个吧
Oh! Hot, hot!
哦辣辣
Spicy cake! Why?
辣味蛋糕搞什么呀
That's habanero pepper frosting,
那是哈瓦那辣椒糖霜
because our marriage is going to... "Sizzle"
因为我们的婚姻会"火♥辣♥辣"
Unless you think it's a bad idea.
除非你认为这主意很糟
No.
没有的事
Sounds like a great idea, Oprah.
听着棒极了奥普拉
Two... One.
二一
Okay, be kind.
好了嘴下留情
I don't have a model's body like you.
我没有你的模特身材
Come on, show me what you got.
来吧让我看看
Fred Astaire, Gene Kelly.
像不像弗雷德阿斯泰尔和金凯利
Liberace, Diane Keaton.
像李伯拉斯和戴安基顿
Roger that.
我懂了
God.
天哪
OK, Charles. You're not Scottish.
好了 Charles 你不是苏格兰人
Yeah, get back in there, Braveheart.
乖再去试吧勇敢的心
Summer linen suit...
夏季亚麻西装
casual but classic.
随意却经典
Actually not bad.
其实还不错
One question... can you see my underwear?
有个问题看得到我的内♥裤♥吗
Ah, thong! Why are you wearing a thong?
哦丁字裤你干嘛穿丁字裤
It's my something borrowed.
这就是我借来的玩意儿
Get back in there.
快滚回去
Yes!
噢耶
Lunchtime. Wait's over.
午餐时间等待结束
That was easy. Totally.
一点不难熬绝对的
I feel like we just had our snack an hour and 17 minutes ago.
我感觉像是一小时十七分之前刚吃过零食
I never got into diets...
我从没节食过