神烦警探

Brooklyn Nine-Nine S01E09

Part 1 Oct. 1, 2020, 12:36 p.m.

Oh, this is amazing. This is so amazing.
这个太棒了真的太棒了
Everything about this is amazing.
真的真的太棒了
What are you talking about?
你在说什么啊
A virus got on the server
服务器中病毒了
and sent all of us an email
我们每个人都收到一封邮件
with everyone's search histories.
里头有每个人的搜索记录
Check this out. Sergeant Jeffords searched the Internet for
看这个 Jeffords警长搜索了
"Undiscovered muscle."
"未被发现的肌肉"
I was working out and saw a muscle in my shoulder
我那天在锻炼然后看到肩膀上
I'd never seen before.
有一块从没见过的肌肉
I thought it might've been a scientific discovery.
我还想着也许是个科学发现呢
Listen to this. Scully searched for "How much fudge is in a calorie?"
听听Scully搜索的 "每卡路里中有多少软糖"
I never found the answer, but it was a good question.
没找到答案但这是个好问题
Boyle looked up, "How to make desk yogurt."
Boyle搜索了 "如何制♥作♥办公桌酸奶"
Yes, I did, and I am thrilled with the results.
是的而且我很高兴找到了答案
Although the jar is really hot.
不过这罐子太热了
That's gross. And Amy searched for
真恶心 Amy搜索了
"Daniel Craig hands" Plus "Close up."
"Daniel Craig的手" "特写"
You should talk.
你好意思说
You searched for "Cheapest date possible."
你搜索了"最便宜约会"
And I wear that search like badge of honor.
这条搜索乃是我的荣誉勋章
So, ready for dinner?
吃晚饭吧
Here we go.
来吧
Would you like something sweet?
你想吃点甜的吗
Or maybe savory?
还是咸的
Apple pie... And I'm stuck.
苹果派我卡住了
I'm stuck!
我卡住了
Peralta, Hey, Sal. To what do I owe the honor?
我是Peralta Sal 你好有何贵干
Oh, my God. Yeah, we'll be right there.
天呐我们马上到
Boyle...
Boyle
No!
不
I can't believe Sal's is gone.
Sal的披萨店居然就这么没了
This place is an institution.
他家是经典啊
It's the best pizza in the neighborhood.
他家的披萨是这一片最好吃的
Well, eighth-best.
第八好吃
But yeah, a tragedy.
是的太惨了
I mean, any food-related crime is a tragedy.
所有和食品有关的犯罪都好惨
Oh, no. Heads up, fire marshal.
不好注意消防队长来了
Oh, Boone. What's that nimrod doing here?
Boone那个蠢货来干嘛
Hey, Peralta.
嗨 Peralta
Hey, Boone.
嗨 Boone
What are you doing here, you nimrod?
你这个蠢货来这儿干嘛
Uh, there was a fire.
这儿有场火灾啊
Big question is, what are you doing here?
你来这儿干嘛
What, did somebody call in a missing doughnut?
有人报案说甜甜圈不见了吗
Uh, actually someone reported
其实是有人报案说
they couldn't find your head.
你的头不见了
But we found it. It was up your butt.
但是我们找到了在你屁♥股♥上呢
You're a fireman, you should know how to treat that burn.
作为消防员你应该很清楚怎么应对烧伤(侮辱)吧
Joke's on you, 'cause this is a fire,
傻了吧你这是场火灾
which means it is fire department jurisdiction.
意味着管辖权属于消防部
So why don't you back off
你还是一边凉快去
and let New York's bravest handle it?
留给纽约最勇敢的人来处理吧
You know they only call you that because
大家这么叫只是因为
"New York's best at spraying stuff with water" is too wordy.
"纽约最擅长往东西上洒水的人" 太长了
Ha, well, it's too bad
太可惜了
we all can't be as awesome as New York's finest,
不是人人都像你们是纽约最棒
which by the way, sounds like my mom
对了我妈就是这么形容
describing her dishware, which... and she's dead,
她的餐具的我妈已经去世了
so let's tread lightly on the response.
你们的回击请注意点分寸
That's not fair. Yeah.
真不公平就是
Well, look, we heard this might be arson,
我们接到消息这可能是纵火
so we wanted to check it out.
所以我们想进去看看
No, I'm not letting you onto my crime scene.
不我可不会让你们到我的犯罪现场来
Okay?
懂了吗
All right, fine. You know what?
算你狠我告诉你
You're not invited to our next murder.
我们下一次有谋杀案你也别想来
Good solve on the Herman Avenue burglaries.
赫尔曼大道的那起入室偷窃案你们做得很好
Finish up the paperwork as soon as possible.
尽快把文书工作弄完
Your wish is my command.
您的愿望就是我的命令
No, that was actually a command.
那就是一道命令
So my command is your command.
我的命令就是你的命令
Well, then I guess you still have all three of your wishes.
那你还有三个愿望呢
You're not a genie. I know that.
你不是精灵我知道
Okay. We're leaving.
好了我们走
What was the name of the clerk we questioned
第二起偷窃案我们询问的那个职员
about the second burglary?
叫什么名字
Where do farts go?
放的屁都到哪里去了
I was reading Scully's searches.
我在看Scully的搜索记录
Hey, why'd you do a search for "Magic-themed singles night"?
你为什么要搜索"魔法主题单身之夜"
My last four dates were really boring,
我之前四次约会都很无聊
so I thought I'd mix things up.
我就想尝试一点新花样
Oh, wow.
哇
Oh, no.
不要
What about you?
你呢
Why were you looking for real estate in Ropesburg, New Jersey?
你为什么要搜索新泽西罗普斯堡附近的房♥地♥产♥
Ropesburg P.D. Offered me a job as their new police Captain.
罗普斯堡警局给我提供了一个警监的职位
I turned it down.
我拒绝了
Oh!
噢
You... Captain.
你当警监
Oh... that's super...
天那真是
Super cool.
太酷了
If we're gonna figure out what happened at Sal's,
如果我们想弄清楚Sal披萨店到底发生了什么
we've gotta get past those firemen.
就要过消防员那关
We need access. How 'bout this?
得找个法子不如这样
We light a bunch of fires throughout Brooklyn,
我们在布鲁克林搞几场大火
and when the firemen go to "Fight the fires,"
趁消防员过来"与烈焰搏斗"的时候
we walk right into Sal's, the crime scene's ours.
直接溜进披萨店犯罪现场就是我们的了
Why do we want to start a turf war with the fire department?
我们为什么要和消防部门争地盘呢
I feel very uncomfortable saying this to you,
很抱歉跟你说这些
but it doesn't seem like it's worth it...
但这么做好像不值啊
Unless you think it is. I do.
除非你觉得值我觉得值
Like I said, Sal's is an institution,
我说了 Sal披萨店是经典
and it's the best pizza in the neighborhood.
也是附近最好吃的披萨
I'm sorry, Jake, Sal's is only the eighth-best.
抱歉 Jake 它只是第八好吃而已
I put out a weekly Brooklyn pizza-ranking email blast.
我在做电子版布鲁克林披萨周评
Sal's has the fourth-best texture,
Sal的披萨质感排第四
ninth-best crust, twelfth-best cheese,
外壳面包皮排第九芝士排第十二
and honestly, they're only seventh in mouth-feel.
而且说实话它的口感才排第七
"Mouth-feel"? What is that?
"口感"是什么
The inside of your cheeks are very sensitive.
你脸颊的里侧是很敏感的
It's like the inside of your thighs,
就像大腿内侧一样
except with a tongue.
不过多了个舌头
Ugh, God.
恶天哪
Look, no, Sal's has the secret sauce recipe
Sal家的秘密酱汁配方
that puts all the other pizza places to shame.
完胜任何一家披萨店
But more importantly, fire marshal Boone
更重要的是消防队长Boone
is incapable of conducting a crime investigation.
完全不懂罪案调查
All fire marshals are doofuses,
所有的消防队长都是蠢货
but Boone is King doofus of doofus island.
Boone是蠢货之王
Gasoline?
汽油
I'm pretty sure that's water.
肯定是水
Only one way to tell.
只有一个办法了
There were more ways to tell.
还有很多别的办法好吗
And he's their leader.
他还是带头的
Captain, here's the mope who hacked our computer system.
警监这就是黑了我们系统的那小子
His mother turned him in. His name is Corey Park.
他妈妈把他送来的名字叫Corey Park
My name is Savant.
我叫Savant
His web handle is "Savant."
他的网名是Savant
His people name is Corey Park.
人名是Corey Park