好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S06E22
Part 2
Nov. 18, 2020, 9:12 a.m.
Well...
呃...
Oh,boy!
老天呐!
Come on,I want to show you what I did in the bathroom.
进来 看看我把浴室布置得怎样
Oh,boy.
老天呐
What do you think?
如何?
I don't know.
说不上来
I have this sudden urge to pee sitting down.
让我突然有种要坐下来尿尿的冲动
You like the new towels?
新的毛巾 还满意吧?
I guess.
可能吧
What was wrong with the old ones?
旧毛巾哪儿去了?
They didn't match my shower curtain.
那些毛巾跟我的浴帘不搭
What was wrong withmyshower curtain?
我以前那浴帘呢?
Didn't match your towels.
跟以前的毛巾不搭
Maybe that's how I tell them apart.
不这样怎么把它们区分开
Oh,oh, please tell me that's one of those Zen sand gardens.
拜托告诉我这是个微型禅宗花♥园♥
You know very well that's Sir Lancelot's litter box.
你知道的 那是兰斯洛特先生的沙盆
You brought the cat?
你还把猫带来了?
Of course I brought the cat. What did you think I was gonna do with him?
我当然要带过来 不然要怎么安置它?
I don't know. Return him to the wild?
我不清楚 或者把它放生了?
You're being ridiculous.
你真搞笑
Is it ridiculous to want the turds in my bathroom to be human?
想让自己的厕所里 只有人类的便便很搞笑吗?
Fine,we'll put it in the laundry room.
好啦 我把沙盆放在洗衣房♥里
Near my clean clothes? Forget it.
放在干净衣服旁边? 别想了
So where am I supposed to put it?
那你要我放在哪里?
Oh,I don't think you really want me to tell you where to put it.
你不会想知道我要你放哪的
I'm just saying it's too much!
真是这太过分了
Pillows,towels,shower curtains,cat crap!
那些枕头 毛巾 浴帘 猫便便!
I don't like it, I don't need it, I don't want it!
我不喜欢 不需要 也不想要!
What do you want me to do,Charlie? You want me to leave?
你要我怎么办? 查理 你要我走吗?
No,no,no! You just got here! I'll leave!
别别别! 你刚搬来! 我走!
It'll make more room for you and Sir Crapsalot!
给你跟便便多先生腾多点地方!
Charlie!
查理!
Get a good earful? No.
都听见了吧? 没有
I did. And I don't appreciate being called Sir Crapsalot.
我都听见了 而且我不喜欢被人叫做便便多先生
Oh,good. For some reason, I can't find my house key.
太好了 不知怎么回事 我找不到自己的家门钥匙了
I hope you're happy with yourself.
你自己一个人开心去吧
Why would I start now?
为啥要现在开始自己玩?
How'd you find me?
你怎么找到我的?
Wasn't hard.
不难呀
When you're not volunteering to read stories to the elderly or feed the homeless,
要是你没志愿给老年人讲故事 或者照顾无家可归的人
you're usually here.
通常你都在这
Sea breeze, extra pineapple.
来杯Sea Breeze 多加点菠萝汁 (加菠萝汁的叫Bay Breeze Sea Breeze加的是西柚汁)
I'm not cut out for this living together stuff,Alan.
我不是故意搞砸同居这档事
I mean,I tried,I really tried.
我努力过了 真的努力了
That's true. You gave it a whole,uh...
那是 你整整努力了 呃...
hour and 20 minutes.
一小时零20分钟
Hey,now Berta owesmefive bucks.
嘿 现在轮到贝塔欠我5块钱了
Charlie,it's not really that difficult to live with a woman.
查理 跟女人同居其实没那么难
Says the man who's been thrown out twice.
一个曾两次被赶出家门的人如是说
I didn't say it wasn't hard for them.
我可没说对于她们来说不难
Did you see the salt and pepper shakers Chelsea put in the kitchen?
你看见切尔西放在厨房♥里的调味瓶了吗?
No.
没有
They're like these foot-high ceramic roosters with little S and P holes in their beaks.
就像个高脚的瓷质公鸡 鸟喙上有撒盐和胡椒粉的孔
Cute. I think I saw those in the Williams-Sonoma catalog.
挺可爱的 我在威廉皇家精品公♥司♥的 商品目录上看过
What am I freaking out about?
我发什么脾气呀?
A woman's been living with me for six years.
我都跟一娘们儿生活六年了
Cheap shot. Canned pineapple?
别乱说 你是用罐装菠萝榨汁的吗?
It's not just the salt shakers.
不光是调味瓶
It's the fancy pillows on the bed, the fruity towels in the bathroom,
还有花哨的枕头和五颜六色的毛巾
and then there's the clothes and the shoes.
还有那些衣服和鞋子
Oh,my God,the shoes. She's got almost as many as I do!
好家伙 她的鞋子都快跟我一样多了
And lest we forget, she brought her big,fat, pooping cat to live with us.
别忘了 她还把那只大胖猫带过来了
As opposed to what, having it put to sleep?
它碍你啥事了 她抱着它睡?
I suggested letting it go. I didn't even think of that.
我就提议把它放生了 没想这么深
The cat aside,you do know
猫的事先不说 你就这么气冲冲地走了
it was wrong to storm out the way you did.
你知道这是不对的吧
Of course I know. I'm an ass,not an idiot.
当然知道 我是个混♥蛋♥ 不是笨蛋
One does not preclude the other.
混♥蛋♥也可以是笨蛋哦
You realize this has nothing to do with the cat or the towels or the pillows,don't you?
你自己清楚 这跟猫 毛巾或者枕头都没关系吧?
Tell you what. Here's 20 bucks.
这么着 给你20块
Don't tell me what it's really about.
别告诉我事实
Boy, you're putting me in a tough spot here,Charlie.
你把我置于两难境地了 查理
40. Good night.
40块 晚安
Nah,I care too much about you two kids. Here.
哎呀 我太关心你们小俩口了 拿着
Now,the reason you panicked is that...
你害怕的原因是...
This is just 20.
这只有20块
Is it? My mistake.
真的吗? 我搞错了
The reason you panicked and ran away is that you recognize that the old Charlie is dying.
你害怕 而且逃避是因为 你知道以前的查理已经快死了
But what you have to understand is, he has to die in order for a new Charlie to be born.
但你要明白 为了新生的查理 老的那个一定得死
Well,that makes sense.
有道理
Let me ask you a question. Of course.
问你个问题 好的
Does the new Charlie still have the old brother?
新生的查理还有同样的兄弟吗?
Absolutely,and he's here for you.
当然 他与你同在
Man,I can't catch a break.
我的妈 就不能让我歇会儿
So,how pissed off was Chelsea when I left?
我走了 切尔西有多生气?
It was pretty bad at first.
刚开始相当生气
Did you really suggest that she do something anatomically impossible
你真建议她对猫沙盆做一些
with the kitty litter box?
从解剖学角度讲不可能的事吗?
I didn't suggest anything.
我啥都没建议
She may have inferred.
可能她听错了
Well,regardless,I think I may have been able to smooth it over for you a little bit.
不管怎样 我已经帮你把这事摆平了
Really? What'd you say?
是吗? 你咋说的?
Uh,I said you had the emotional maturity of a nine year-old,and that she had to make allowances.
我说你就跟九岁小孩似的 心理还不成熟 叫她让着你点
That's good. That's good. Make it her fault.
对 太对了 弄成是她的错
So now all you have to do is go home,
所以你现在该做的就是先回家
admit that you're a frightened little man
承认你是个被吓坏了的小孩
who doesn't deserve her love, and beg for her forgiveness.
不配她对你的爱 恳请她原谅你
Groveling comes easy for you,doesn't it?
低三下四是你强项 是吧?
Not at first. I didn't really hit my stride till my second marriage.
刚开始也不行 直到结第二次婚才练成
Oh,by the way,have you seen my house key anywhere?
对了 你看见我的家门钥匙没?
Nope.
没
Oh,Chelsea,I was such a fool.
切尔西 我太蠢了
Thank God my brother talked some sense into me.
多亏我弟弟跟我把道理讲通了
Oh,Charlie, I love your brother.
查理 我很喜欢你弟弟
He's so smart and masculine, and yet,his femine side makes him sensitive and intuitive.
聪明 阳刚 而他女性化的一面 又使他敏感 善解人意
You're right. I only tease him 'cause I'm jealous.
你说的对 我总戏弄他只是因为嫉妒
And secretly gay.
而且内心有同志倾向
Oh,hello.
嗨
Don't worry.
别担心
This ain't the most embarrassing thing I ever walked in on you doing.
这也不是我撞见你做过的最丢人的事
Oh,yeah. Thanks for not making a big thing about that.
多谢你这么大度
Right back at ya.
承让了
You know, I really should cut down on the talking to myself.
我真该戒掉自言自语这毛病了
Yes,you should. It's getting a little weird.
对 该戒 不是啥好习惯
Son of a bitch!
奶奶的!
Can I say I'm sorry again, or are you sick of it?
我能再说一次对不起吗? 你听烦了没有?
Say it again. Let's see.
再说一遍 我听听看
I'm sorry.
对不起
Nope. Still fun.
没烦 依然有乐子
And?
还有呢?
And... I'm a big, stupid jerk.
还有我是个大蠢蛋
And?
还有...
And I'd really like to go upstairs and finish this apology with my mouth.
还有我很想上楼用嘴完成这次道歉
Charlie,a moment?
查理 来一下?
Not now,Alan.
现在不行 艾伦
Uh,yeah,well, there's a bit of a situation, and I'm afraid I'm gonna have to insist.
这出了点状况 恐怕我得坚持让你来一下
I'd better talk to him.
我还是去跟他谈谈吧
He's about to go full fruit fly.
他马上就要抓狂了
What is your problem?
你脑袋缺弦啊?
Well,I noticed you put a lot of stuff in my room,
才发现你把一堆东西放在了我屋里
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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