好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S06E01
Part 2
Nov. 18, 2020, 9:09 a.m.
But that's not what I was asking about.
但我想问的不是这个
Charlie, times are tough.
查理 日子不好过啊
People don't get their drugs from their friendly neighborhood pharmacist anymore.
人们不再从附近友好的 药剂师那儿买♥♥药了
They go on the Internet.
他们都从网上买♥♥了
I know.
我知道
Sure, trust your mailman with your heart medicine and stool softeners.
就信任邮差送来的 心脏病药跟大便松弛剂吧
Russell, have you been hittin' the free samples again?
拉塞尔 你又在吸那些免费样品了吗?
What are you, a cop?
你是谁啊 条子吗?
No, I'm just a little concerned about you.
我只是有点担心你
Well, if you're so concerned, help me out a little bit.
如果你真那么担心 就帮帮我吧
Why don't you buy some reading glasses or a neck brace once in a while.
你为什么不偶尔买♥♥个放大镜 或者护颈支架什么的?
Sure, whatever. A bag of Skittles for God's sake.
随便啦 看在上帝份上买♥♥包彩虹糖也好
You know, 'cause my margin on condoms is bubkes.
避孕套的收益真是微乎其微
Yeah, well, speaking of condoms,
说到避孕套
I just want to know if somebody could get pregnant even if you were wearing a condom.
我只想知道是不是即使 戴着避孕套也会让女人怀孕
Have you been talking to the Wetzel's Pretzels lady?
你跟那个卖♥♥椒盐卷饼的女士聊过?
Because I just gave her a ride home, that's it.
我只是顺路送她回家 真没别的
No, no, no, no, I mean in general.
不 我是说一般情况下
What are the odds that a condom wouldn't work?
避孕套不管用的几率有多大?
Well, there are a number of things to factor in.
有很多因素呢
Oh, cough syrup?
来点儿咳嗽糖浆?
I don't have a cough.
我不咳嗽
Neither do I.
我也不咳嗽
Anyway, condoms.
总之 避孕套
Whenever you're dealing with a manufactured product,
无论何时你使用人工产品
there's always going to be flaws in the process.
制♥作♥流程中难免有失误
Yeah, but aren't they supposed to be tested before they go out? Or in?
但他们出厂前 或是进去前 不都是被检测过的么?
Well, sure, but they don't test every one.
当然 但不能每个都检测
They don't?
不能吗?
Masturbating's looking better and better, huh?
手♥淫♥貌似越来越好了吧?
Okay, okay, so bottom line, what you're saying is even if I'm wearing a condom,
那说到底 你的意思是 即使我用了避孕套
there's a chance I could get someone pregnant?
也是有可能让人怀孕的?
Did you miss eighth grade health class, Charlie?
你没上八年级的 生理卫生课吗 查理?
Oh, come on, who went to health class?
得了吧 谁上生理卫生课啊?
Well, amongst others, a certain self-medicating pharmacist
会有某个自我治疗的药剂师
who pays alimony to three different women,
他为三个不同的女人支付赡养费
but not one penny in child support.
但不用在子女抚养上花一分钱
All right, all right, for future reference,
为了将来在参考 用动物肠道
what about lambskin?
薄膜做的那种避孕套怎么样?
Are they more effective?
是不是更有效?
Well, um, less so than your latex product.
不比你用的橡胶制品更好
Now I had to stop wearing them myself because something about the smell made my cat go berserk.
现在我不得不停用了 因为那股味让我的猫变得狂暴
It kind of a cute story.
那是个有趣的小故事
I don't... I don't want to hear it.
我不... 我不想听
Not a cat person, huh?
不是爱猫的人是吧?
I'm not either anymore.
我也不是了
All right, well, thanks, Russell. I'll see ya.
谢谢 拉塞尔 再见
Th-Th-That's it?
就... 就这样了?
You're not going to buy anything? We've got Wiffle ball bats.
你什么都不买♥♥? 我们这儿有威孚球棒
Maybe your little bastard would like a Wiffle ball bat.
或许你的小私生子喜欢威孚球棒
Childproof.
计划生育
You all right?
你还好吧?
No, I am not.
不 很不好
What's going on?
怎么了?
Alan, I have always conducted my sex life according to three simple principles.
艾伦 我一直用三条准则来"规范" 我的性生活
One: if at all possible, ladies first.
第一 尽可能上女的 (有一集查理找了一个变性的)
Two: it's easier to be forgiven than ask permission.
第二 事后道歉比事前询问简单 (先上了再道歉)
And third, and most important:
第三 也是最重要的
the ten seconds it takes to put on a condom beats the hell out of the ten years
花十秒钟带套远比花十年
you have to pretend to like soccer.
假装喜欢 足球要划得来(因为要跟儿子玩)
Except when they don't work.
除非套套破了
Stupid tiny disclaimer on the side of the box.
包装盒上面的"不保证"字样太小了(==+)
They should put it in big letters right on the reservoir tip.
他们应该在套套顶上用大字体表明 (在套套顶上有一个储藏精♥液♥的设计 可以减少压力而减少破裂几率)
Do you feel lucky, dumb ass?
侥幸心理要不得 蠢货
Yeah, that'd do it.
嗯 兴许有效
So, what's your next move?
那 你下一步要怎么办?
Well, you'd think if Chrissy had my child and decided not to tell me,
如果克丽茜怀了我的孩子 又不打算告诉我
I'd just send her a little card.
那我就送张贺卡好了
You know, "Thanks for being a good sport" or something.
谢谢你让我尽"性"之类的
I'm not sure Hallmark has a deadbeat dad section.
我不觉得邮戳可以代表"我不赡养小孩"
It doesn't matter.
没关系
For some reason, I want to know the truth.
不知道为何 我还是希望听到实话
If I have a kid, I need to know about it.
如果我要做爸爸了 她应该告诉我
Of course you do.
那当然啦
Being a father is the greatest joy there is.
做父亲是世上最大的乐趣
Hey, Dad, where's the plunger?
嘿 老爸 搋子在啥地方?
Uh, laundry room.
洗衣房♥
Thanks, I over-wiped.
谢了 我排得太多了
No such thing, my son.
再怎么多也不为过 儿子
Where was I?
我说到哪里了?
The joys of fatherhood.
当父亲的乐趣
Right.
对
What? There was a time when he didn't wipe at all.
干嘛? 以前他根本就不会拉呢
Hey, I'm gonna need a mop, too.
嘿 我还要一个拖把
Excuse me. Father/son moment.
闪一下先 父子时间到了
** People, let me tell you about my best friend *
*大家 让我谈谈我最好的朋友
** He's a warmhearted person Who'd love me till the end *
* 他是热心的至始至终都爱着我的人
** People, let me tell you about my best friend *
* 大家 让我谈谈我最好的朋友
** He's one boy cuddly toy My up, my down, my pride and joy *
* 他是一个男孩的毛绒玩具 是我的骄傲与快乐源泉
** People, let me tell you about him, he's so much fun *
* 大家 让我谈谈我最好的朋友 他很搞笑
** Whether we're talking man-to-man *
* 不管是我们一对一的谈话
** Or whether we're talking son-to-son *
* 还是孩子与孩子之间的谈话
** 'Cause he's my best friend *
* 因为他是我最好的朋友
** Yeah, he's my best friend...*
* 对 他是我最好的朋友...
Daddy's home!
老爸回来了!
Hurry! Hurry!
快点! 快点!
Hey, Jake?
嘿 杰克?
Don't worry. It's all cleaned up.
别担心 都搞干净了
Not why I'm here.
我不是来说这个的
You can hardly smell it at all anymore.
你几乎都闻不到异味的
Don't kid yourself.
别没事找事
Although I may owe you a toilet.
就算我欠你一个厕所好了
I'll put it on your tab.
我会记在账上的
Now, I want to ask you a question.
现在 我要问你一个问题
Crumb cake, a frappuccino and a burrito supreme.
碎屑面包 星冰乐和特大肉卷
That's not the question.
我不是问这个
Oh, yeah, and a tangerine. That's what killed me.
噢 对了 再来一个橘子 死了也值了
Are you done?
你有完没完?
I hope so, 'cause the toilet won't flush anymore.
希望如此 因为马桶现在已经不能冲水了
What-What I wanted to ask you is do you think I've been a good role model?
我要问的是 我觉得我是个好榜样不?
Are you kidding?
开什么玩笑?
You drink, you gamble, you have different women here practically every night.
你酗酒 好赌 还和无数的女人在这里夜夜春宵
You're the best role model a guy could want.
你是男人最好的榜样
You think so?
你真是这么想的?
Yeah, they should put your face on money.
他们都应该把你印到钞票上面
Well, thanks, buddy.
谢了 乖仔
I appreciate it.
我真是欣慰
Oh, hey, one more question.
哦 嘿 再多问一句
How would you feel about having a cousin?
给你添个堂弟怎么样?
I've got a cousin.
我有堂弟了
I mean, another cousin.
我是说 再来一个堂弟
What do I need another cousin for?
要那么多堂弟来干嘛?
Forget it.
算了
What I need is a smartphone and a new toilet.
我要的是一台智能手♥机♥和新马桶
Cousin.
堂弟 (这都哪儿跟哪儿啊)
Charlie.
查理
What are you doing here?
你来这儿干嘛?
Well, I was in the neighborhood.
我也就是路过
I thought I'd stop by and say hello and bring you this.
顺便过来看看 打个招呼 再给你这个
A Wiffle ball bat.
一个威浮球棒
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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