好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S06E20
Part 1
Nov. 18, 2020, 9:12 a.m.
Aren't you going to wash your hands before you eat?
吃饭前 不该先洗下手吗?
No. I wrap the toilet paper
不用 我上厕所时用厕纸
around my fingers like an oven mitt.
把手指缠起来了 就像戴着手套
You could catch a puck with it.
缠得可严实了 绝对没问题
So, Mom, what brings you to our neck of the woods?
老妈 你到我们这片来有何贵干呀?
I'm showing a house down at the beach.
我带顾客来看海滩别♥墅♥
Thought I'd swing by and see my grandson.
寻思着正好顺道看看我的孙子
Tada!
看到了吧!
Nice house?
豪华型的?
Oh, magnificent. And priced to move.
嗯 非常豪华 想住得花不少钱
The owner lost everything in the stock market, killed himself.
原来的房♥主炒股破产 自杀了
Oh, that's terrible.
真是太不幸了
Oh, no. He didn't do it in the house. Thank God.
没 没 他不是在房♥子里自杀的 真是老天有眼
Even with an ocean view, suicide homes are a bitch to unload.
就算是有再漂亮的海景 有人自杀过的房♥子也很难出手
Keephat in mind in case you ever want to teach your brother a lesson.
哪天你要是想教训你哥 别忘了这个茬
Thanks for the tip.
多谢提醒
Good morning, Alan. Morning, Jake. Satan.
早上好 艾伦 早上好 杰克 早上好 恶魔
Good morning, darling. Two coffee cups?
早上好 亲爱的 准备两个咖啡杯?
Did you have a friend spend the night?
有朋友在这过夜了吧?
Yes, I did.
是的 有
Couldn't get her to stand on the trapdoor, huh?
早上起来撵不走了吧?
Charlie, I don't have time for coffee, so...
查理 我没时间喝咖啡了 所以...
Oh, hello. Hello.
哦 你好 你好
Uh, Chelsea, this is my mother.
切尔西 这是我妈
Mom, this is Chelsea.
老妈 这是切尔西
Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, too.
很高兴认识你 我也是
Welcome back to the States.
欢迎回国
Thank you. Where have I been?
谢谢 不过我去哪国了?
Charlie says you have a place in Italy and...
查理说你在意大利有房♥子...
You know, Chelsea, sometimes when I'm drunk, I make up stories, so...
切尔西 有时候我喝多了 就会编点小故事 所以...
You know, grain of salt.
嘿 不要全当真啦
That is quite an engagement ring.
多漂亮的订婚戒指啊
Thank you.
过奖了
Does your fianc know about this one?
你的未婚夫大概不知道 你和我儿子在一起吧?
My fianc is thione.
我未婚夫就是您的儿子
You want me to put this in a travel mug?
想让我帮你把这杯咖啡打包不?
You didn't tell your mother we're engaged?
咱们订婚你都没和你妈说?
If she hadn't sold me the house, she wouldn't even know where I live.
如果这房♥子不是她卖♥♥给我的 她都不会知道我住哪
When were you going to tell her about me? At the wedding?
那你打算啥时候告诉她我们的事? 婚礼上吗?
Well, technically, I think we have up to a year after that.
严格的说 本打算是结婚一年后
Shame on you. I am so sorry.
你真是太丢人了 真对不起
It's all right, dear. I'm used to it.
没关系 亲爱的 我都习惯了
Although a phone call would have been nice.
话说回来 你打个电♥话♥会死呀
It's good to meet you. Excuse me.
很高兴见到你 失陪
So, yea or nay on the travel mug?
那 这咖啡到底还打不打包?
Charlie, you just broke your mother's heart.
查理 你伤了你♥妈♥的♥心
How is that funny?
这有什么好笑的?
It's not. Guys, a little respect.
一点都不好笑 各位 放尊重点
What is wrong with you?
什么毛病呀 你们这都是?
Same stuff as always, nothing new.
还是那些老♥毛♥病 没啥新鲜的
Does this smell like butt to you?
你闻我手上有臭屁♥股♥味吗?
Two and a Half Men Season06 Episode20
好汉两个半 第六季第20集
I'm glad you came over.
很高兴你今晚来我这住
That was the plan, wasn't it?
不是说好了吗?
Yeah, but I thought you might still be angry with me.
对 不过我以为你还在生我的气
I'm not angry, Charlie. I'm just disappointed.
我不是生气 查理 有点失望而已
Gee, I'd kind of prefer it if you were angry.
天 我倒是挺希望你在生气
Why?
为什么?
Because angry sex is hot.
因为气冲冲的嘿♥咻♥很带劲
Disappointed sex is... well, we might as well be married.
要是带着失望嘿♥咻♥... 嗯 我们最好是已婚了的
Just brush your teeth. Brushing.
刷你的牙去吧 刷着呢
Look, I understand you have a difficult relationship with your mom.
我知道你和你妈相处得不怎么样
But it makes things kind of tough on me.
但是这样让我很难做
Hey, I don't expect you to dislike her right away.
我没指望你这么快就能讨厌她
Give it time. Let it happen naturally.
假以时日 自然而然的就会发生了
That's not funny.
别拿无赖当有趣
If I'm going to marry into your family, I want us
要是我成了你们家的人 我希望
to act like a family, care for each other.
咱们能像一家人一样 相互关心
With my family, it's kind of either/or.
就我家的情况来说 两者不可兼得
Let me put it this way.
那我就直说吧
I'm taking your mother to lunch on Thursday.
周四 我要带你妈出去吃个午饭
You're doing wha
你要干啥?
I'm not going to participate in this childish little feud of yours.
我才不要像你这么孩子气
It's not a childish feud. Boy.
才不是孩子气呢 妈唉
Come on, Charlie.
快得了吧 查理
What's wrong with me having a warm and healthy relationship with your mother?
我和你妈保持亲密良好的关系 有什么不对吗?
Well, for starters, you'll be the only one.
跟你说吧 只有你才会这么做
Ever.
史无前例
Oh, don't be so dramatic.
别弄得跟演戏似的
No, no, no, no. I'm not being dramatic enough.
不 不 我表现得还不够到位
I should be wearing tights and holding a skull.
我应该穿上紧身裤 再拿个骷髅头
Preferably hers.
最好是我妈的头
It's just lunch.
不过是吃个午饭而已
That's what Hitler said Czechoslovakia.
当年希♥特♥勒♥就是这么哄捷克斯洛伐克的
Hitler said, "It's just lunch"?
希♥特♥勒♥说 "只不过是吃个午饭而已"?
Well, he said it in German.
嗯 他用德语说的
Watch the History Channel.
多看看历史频道吧
Charlie, I'm not doing this to hurt you.
查理 我这么做不是想伤害你
Did you ever think that by my spending time with your mother,
你就没想过 我多花时间陪陪你妈
I can get a better understanding of you?
就能更加了解你吗?
Chelsea, trust me.
切尔西 信我这一回
Any insight you gain into me via my mother will end our relationship faster
你从我妈那得到的对我的理解 只会加速咱们感情破裂
than catching me in bed with a farm animal.
比抓到我奸♥淫♥动物还有效
Just relax. It'll be fine.
别想那么多了 没事的
That's what Hitler said to Poland.
希♥特♥勒♥跟波兰就是这么说的
And for the record, as long as we've been going out, I've never met your mother.
话又说回来了 咱俩约会了这么久 我也没见过你妈呢
My mother's in Illinois.
我妈住在伊利诺斯州呢
Oh, yeah, and my mother's in "Italy."
是呀 我妈还住在"意大利"呢
My mother really lives in Illinois.
我妈是真的在伊利诺斯州
And besides, when you meet her,
而且 你要是见过了她就会知道
you will count your blessings you have someone as wonderful as your mom.
有你妈这么好的人当妈有多幸运
Tell you what, I'll trade you. Sight unseen, my mom for yours.
这么着吧 我和你公平交换 你妈我妈 咱们谁也不见
Charlie. I'll even throw in Alan and a couple of Omaha steaks.
查理 就算再搭上艾伦和几块奥马哈牛排也在所不惜
Come here.
过来
No, I don't want to. I'm too upset.
不 我不要 太心烦了
Okay. Good night.
行 那晚安
I'm sorry. I can't separate my emotions from my body.
很抱歉 我不能把我的精神同肉体分离
I understand. I don't want to punish you.
我理解 我不是想惩罚你
I'm just saying, if my heart's not in it,
我只是觉得 要是我的心思不在这上面
then it's just my penis going through the motions.
那就剩下我的小♥弟♥弟♥来回乱动而已了
Well, we certainly wouldn't want that.
嗯 那可不是咱们想要的
Good night. Good night.
晚安 晚安
17*****
17分钟后...
Chelsea?
切尔西
I'm not upset anymore.
我现在不心烦了
Charlie, I'm sleeping.
查理 我都睡着了
I know.
我知道
Can you just wake up enough so it's not weird?
你能配合我做点反应 让我感觉不那么奇怪吗?
Never mind. Sweet dreams.
没事了 好梦
Okay, let me remind you,
好吧 我只是想提醒你一下
this is Malibu beachfront property.
这可是位于马里布的海边别♥墅♥
The previous owner had a spectacular view as he filled his pockets with rocks
前房♥主在口袋里装满石头 毅然决然跳进去的时候
and jumped into the pool.
眼前可是无比壮观的海景啊
Mom? Hang on.
妈? 等一会先
No, it's not a suicide home.
不 那个房♥子里面没人自杀啊
At most it's... suicide adjacent.
你最多只能说它...挨着自杀现场
All right, get back to me.
好吧 我们再联♥系♥
What are you doing here?
你怎么会来这?
What, I can't come visit my mother at work?
难道我就不能是在工作时间 来看看我妈吗?
Well, I suppose you could, but I've been here for 22 years and you never have.
当然可以 只不过我在这工作了22年 你之前从没来过
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
剧集 | 好汉两个半（2003） | 导航列表