好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S06E13
Part 2
Nov. 18, 2020, 9:11 a.m.
Baby? I'm lking about last week.
小时候?我是说上个礼拜
I walked into his room. He was trying to bite his toenails.
我去他房♥间的时候 他正想咬他的脚趾甲
Let's be honest. That's monkey behavior.
实话说 就跟猴子似的
son inot a monkey.
我儿子不是猴子
My point here is, rget the baby.
我是说 别管那个孩子了
You've already got a kid to raise. Yeah, I guess.
这个你都养不活呢 也是
He's not a monkey.
他不是猴子
Whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doing?
喔 喔 喔 你在干嘛?
I don't wanna watch football.
我不想看橄榄球
Nobody cares what you wanna watch.
爱看不看
Why do you get to decide evything around here?
为什么这里都你做主?
Oh, I don't know.
噢 不晓得
Maybe it's because I bought everything around here.
或许是因为这些都是我的
Oh, right, play the money card. That's all you got.
得得 又开始说你有钱 你也就这点本事了
That's all I need. Now shut up.
这还不够吗 闭嘴
No, you shut up.
靠 你闭嘴
All right, I'm gonna count to three and then I'm gonna kick your ass.
听着 我现在数到三 完后我就要揍你一顿
Ooh, I'm scared.
哟哟哟 我好怕怕
I'm only leaving 'cause I'm bored.
我是因为无聊才走的
He keeps growing, I'm screwed.
他要是再长大点 我就制不住他了
Hey, hey, uh, you wanna hear what I wrote the night you were born?
嘿 嘿 你想听听你出生的那天晚上 我都写了什么呢?
Not really.
完全不想
Oh, come on. Come on. Uh, sit down. You'll like it.
来嘛 来吗 过来坐 你会喜欢的
It's kind of a poem.
就跟诗词一样
"My son, my son, my only one.
"吾子 吾子 吾之独子
You open my heart like the morning sun."
尔若朝阳照亮吾心"
"Your tiny face, your tiny hand.
"亲汝脸庞 触汝手掌
Never have I felt a love so grand.
此爱恒久不变"
Gay.
你个同性恋
What do you know about poetry, you monkey?
你懂啥诗词 你个大猴子?
Oh, hey, Herb.
噢 嘿 哈珀
Just thought I'd stop by and see if you needed any help with the baby's room.
我刚好路过 就来看看你家婴儿房♥ 装♥修♥要不要我帮忙
Thanks, I'm painting today.
谢谢 我今天正打算刷墙呢
Oh, great. Just call me Vincent Van "Gogh-ing" to help you.
哇 这么巧呀 我来帮你
Funnier in my head. Let's go.
还是不说出来比较好 走吧
Oh, Judith, look who stopped by to help paint the baby's room.
喔 朱迪丝 看看谁来帮我们 装♥修♥婴儿房♥了
Surprise.
惊喜吧
Herb doesn't need any help, Alan.
哈珀不需要你来帮忙 艾伦
Yes, I do. Yes, he does.
我要的 你看 他要的
Come on, I'm just finishing up the base coat, but I'm gonna start on the unicorn stencils.
来吧 我才刚刷了底漆 不过我正要开始拼独角兽模型
Unicorns? Oh, Herb, that's just a pony with a strap-on1
独角兽? 晕 哈珀 这个不就是小马马的SM版嘛
I know, tell me about it.
可不是嘛
It's like nine kinds of "suck" in an eight-suck bag.
简直就是比烂还烂 无敌宇宙霹雳烂
Hey, Jake? Gotta go.
嘿 杰克? 我挂了
I didn't mean to interrupt your call.
我不是有意打扰你打电♥话♥的
Yeah, well, you should've thought of that before you barged in.
那你闯进来之前就应该注意点
Yeah.
好吧
The reason I barged in was to apologize for threatening to kick your ass.
我闯进来的原因就是为 我之前威胁要揍你道歉来的
I wouldn't really do that.
我不会这么做的
You couldn't really do that.
你是做不到
Anyway, I was thinking about ordering a pizza. You interested?
那么 我正要叫匹萨外卖♥♥ 你要不要来点?
No, thanks.
不用了 谢谢
Maybe you didn't hear me. Pizza.
你没听清楚吧 匹萨
Dough, sauce, cheese, grease, meat. I've seen you lick the box.
面 酱 酪 油 肉 我都见过你舔那个盒子
I'm not hungry.
我不饿
Okay, what the hell's wrong with you? Nothing.
你抽什么风呢? 我好着呢
Fine. Be that way.
好吧 随你便
I know what's going on here.
我知道是怎么回事了
You're bent out of shape 'cause your mom's having another baby.
你最近越来越肥了 因为你老妈要给你生妹妹了
No, I'm not. It's okay. Nothing to be ashamed of.
我才没有 没事 没啥丢脸的
In fact, I know exactly how you feel.
我与你感同身受
My mom's second child ruined my life.
我老妈的第二个儿子毁了我的童年
That's my dad.
那是我爸
Listen, it wasn't all bad.
听着 也不全是坏事
When babies grow up a little, you can have fun with 'em.
等小屁孩长大点了 你就可以随便戏弄他了
You know, pee in their canteen, teach 'em to stutter.
在他们水壶里撒尿啦 故意教他们口吃啦
Of course, the down side is they're so damaged later on
当然了 坏的方面是他们在搞砸一切之后
they move into your guest room
会搬到你的客房♥住
with their kid and never leave.
还带着他们的孩子 并且赖着不走
Not that I don't love having you here.
不是说我不喜欢你住在这里
You're a delight.
你是个开心果
I'm fine with the baby.
我不是因为小孩的事
Really? Yeah. I'm actually kinda looking forward to it.
真的? 是 其实我很想有个妹妹
Well, that's a novel approach.
这可就稀奇了
So if it's not the baby, why have you been such a dillweed lately?
既然不是小孩的事 你为什么最近郁郁寡欢呢?
None of your business.
不关你事
So it's a girl.
那就是为情所困啦
Just get out of my room.
赶紧滚出我的房♥间
Make me. God, you're such a child.
你让我走 我就走啊 天呐 你真幼稚
Oh, yeah, it's a girl.
哦 没错 你的确为情所困
Hmm, Jolene. Yeah.
嗯 茱莲妮 对
Jolene Melnick.
茱莲妮 梅尔尼克
Nope, I don't think so.
不 我觉得不好听
Why not? You could call her Jo or Josie.
为什么? 你可以叫她Jo或者Josie
Kinda wanted to name her after my Grandma Mildred.
我想以我祖母米尔德里德的名字给她命名
Mildred Melnick? Yeah. We could call her Mil, or Millie.
米尔德里德 梅尔尼克? 咱们可以叫她Mil或Millie
I'm sorry, Herb.
对不起 哈珀
But with a name like Mildred you might as well call her Staff Sergeant Melnick.
但是叫米尔德里德的人 你还是会称她为上士梅尔尼克
Herb, can you get the cookies for me?
哈珀 你给我拿些小甜饼好吗?
Oh, sure. We, uh, keep 'em on the top shelf of the pantry.
好的 我们把小甜饼放在食品室的最顶层
You know... Jake. Yeah.
你知道的...杰克 我明白
Charlie keeps his fudge nuggets in the trunk of his car.
查理把奶油巧克力软糖 藏在他汽车的后备箱里
Thank you, dear.
谢谢你 亲爱的
What are you doing here?
你在这里干什么?
I'm helping my friend, helping you.
我在帮助我的朋友 帮助你
If not for me, our little girl would be surrounded by metaphorical pony peni.
要不是我 咱们的小女儿 就会被小马的老二所包围
Our little girl?
咱们的小女儿?
Alan, I don't know what you imagine happened between you and me,
艾伦 我不知道你幻想你我之间发生了什么
but if you say anything to Herb,
但如果你跟哈珀提起半个字
I swear to God I'll put a gun in your mouth
我发誓 我会拿枪打破你的喉咙
and paint these walls with your brains.
用你的脑浆粉刷这些墙壁
I think we settled on mermaids.
我想咱们一致同意用小美人鱼图案了
Cookie for my cookie?
亲爱的 给你小甜饼
Oh, yum. Thank you.
太好了 谢谢你
Pregnancy's a wild ride, huh?
妊娠期这段很疯狂 是吧?
One minute she's loving and affectionate, the next minute she's, well...
一分钟前她还深情款款 下一分钟她就...
Cruel, vengeful, castrating?
残忍♥ 报复 想阉了你?
I was going to say moody.
我本想说喜怒无常
Wait for it.
走着瞧吧
Of course I want to go to the party.
我当然想去参加派对了
'Cause my stupid uncle won't let me.
因为我的蠢伯伯不让我去
I don't know, 'cause he's old and clueless.
我不知道 因为他又老又愚蠢
No, I can't sneak out.
不行 我不能溜出来
'Cause I gotta be here to change his adult diapers.
因为我得留下给他换成人尿布
Otherwise he just sits in his own filth.
否则 他就会坐在他自己的屎尿上
I know, it's really gross.
我知道 的确很恶心
Hi there. Gotta go.
你好啊 我得挂电♥话♥了
You're not supposed to listen to my private conversations.
你不该偷听我的私人谈话
You're not supposed to tell people I crap my pants.
你也不该告诉别人我拉裤子
Okay, whatever.
随便你怎么说
So what's the deal with this party that I'm supposedly not letting you go to,
那个我不让你参加的派对 到底是怎么回事
like I actually give a rat's ass about your social life?
好像我在意你的社交生活似的?
Just leave me alone.
别烦我
You know that's not going to happen.
你知道我不会袖手旁观的
Come on. You can trust me.
拜托 你要信任我
You told me never trust a guy who says "trust me."
你跟我说过 别相信对你说"相信我"的人
Did you trust me when I told you that?
我告诉你那些时 你相信我了吗?
I'm confused.
我被你搞糊涂了
Of course you are. Now tell me why you don't want to go to this party.
你当然得相信我啦 现在告诉我 你为何不想去这个派对
I can't tell you. It's embarrassing.
我不能告诉你 这很尴尬的
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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