好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S06E19
Part 1
Nov. 18, 2020, 9:12 a.m.
Oh,come on,Melissa.
别这样 梅丽莎
How long are you gonna keep punishing me for this?
你还要为这事惩罚我多久呢?
Okay,okay, uh,once again,
好 好 我再说一遍
uh,I did not technically have sex with your mother.
严格来说 我并没有和你母亲上♥床♥
You want to catch me up?
能解释一下是怎么回事吗?
Yeah.
知道
Apparently,she caught him in bed with her mother.
很显然 她把他和她母亲捉奸在床
What do you know?
真出乎意料啊
I've been calling him that for years, and now he's up and done it.
多年来我一直想让他这样做 而现在他突然就搞定了
I was not responsible for my actions.
我对自己的行为没有责任
I was stoned out of my mind.
我当时吸大♥麻♥吸得什么都不知道
You know,that excuse has never once worked for me.
我用那个借口一次也没奏过效
Me,either. Copsorboyfriends.
我也是 不论是警♥察♥还是男友
No.Hey,hey,hey, your mother
不 嗨 嗨 嗨 你母亲在那个
put enough pot in that bana bread
香蕉面包里放了那么多大♥麻♥
to treat every case of glaucoma in the San Fernando Valley.
足够治疗圣弗尔南多谷地区的 每一个青光眼病人
I have a recipe for macaroons. Very similar.
我有个制♥作♥杏仁饼干的配方 非常相似
I was so high, I didn't even know who she was.
我当时迷迷糊糊的 甚至都不知道她是谁
We were just colors.
我们只是一堆颜色
I was red,she was blue.
我是红的 她是蓝的
We were trying to make purple.
我们想弄出紫色来
Honey,my phone's dead. Can I borrow your cell?
亲爱的 我手♥机♥没电了 能借你的手♥机♥用一下吗?
Sure. It's on the coffee table. Thanks.
当然 在咖啡桌上 谢啦
Okay,so-so bottom line, I was drugged
好 那基本情况就是 我被你母亲下了药
and molested by your mother, andI'mthe bad guy?
还被调戏了 但坏人反而是我了?
Man,how many times have I heard you make this phone call?
伙计 这种电♥话♥我听你打过多少遍了?
Yeah,who'd have thought, of the two of us,
是啊 谁能想到在我们两人当中
I'd be the one to end up in a healthy, stable relationship?
居然是我建立了健康稳定的恋爱关系?
Who is Rachel, and why is she sending you topless photos?
谁是瑞秋 她为什么给你发半裸照片?
Yeah,who'd have thought?
是啊 谁能想到呢?
Two and a Half Men Season06 Episode19
好汉两个半 第六季第19集
You want to explain to me why this woman
你想解释一下为什么这个女的
is sending you naked pictures of herself?
要把她自己的裸照发给你吗?
I'd love to explain it.
我很乐意解释
Go ahead.
说啊
I said I'd love to. I didn't say I could.
我是说乐意解释 但没说可以解释
Are you sleeping with her?
你和她上♥床♥了吗?
No,no,of course not.
没有 没有 当然没有啦
Then why the pictures?
那这些裸照是怎么回事?
Uh,well, my-my-my-my...my best guess would be that,
呃 我-我-我...我的最佳猜测是
like a lot of girls,
和大多数女孩一样
she wanted to show off her new boob job.
她想炫耀一下她新隆的胸吧
That'syour best guess?
这就是你的最佳猜测?
Well,you wouldn't understand because clearly, God has blessed you
你是不会理解的 因为显然上帝
with this great bounty.
赐予了你这对美好的礼物
Damn it,Charlie, I want to know... Excuse me. I am on the phone.
见鬼 查理 我想知道... 不好意思 我在打电♥话♥
Alan's on the phone.
艾伦在打电♥话♥
Don't shush me. Who is this Rachel?
别"嘘"我 这个瑞秋是谁?
Nobody really.
谁也不是
I used to go out with her way,way before you and I met
我跟她约会过几次 那是遇见你之前的事了
and I fell so deeply in love.
现在我深深地爱着你
Head-over-heels in love. Puppy dog love. Woof!
疯狂地爱着你 忠诚地爱着你 汪!
Hang on,Melissa.
等一下 梅丽莎
I couldn't hear anything after "You son of a bitch."
"你这个狗♥娘♥养♥的"之后的话我都没听见
Does this Rachel know you're engaged?
这个瑞秋知道你订婚了吗?
Think long and hard before you start lying to me.
在你开始撒谎之前可要想好了
I was. That's why I said,"Um..."
我想着呢 这是为什么我说"呃..."的缘故
Charlie... She doesn't know.
查理... 她不知道
Why not?
为什么?
Boy,you're gonna keep this flapjack on the griddle, aren't you?
哎呀 你非要打破砂锅问到底啊?
Berta,would you give us a minute?
贝塔 能给我们一分钟吗?
Oh,you're gonna need more than a minute.
噢 你需要的可不止是一分钟
So long. I'm gonna miss you.
再见 我会想你的
What are you talking about? She's not going anywhere.
你在说什么? 她才不去别的地方呢
Are you? Where-where you going? Chelsea?
是吧? 你要去哪? 切尔西?
Chelsea,wait.
切尔西 等等
Can't we just put this behind us?
我们能不能别再计较这件事了?
I -I swear I'll never make out with your mother again.
我发誓我再也不会和你母亲搞在一起
Let's face it,Charlie. We both knew you were gonna blow it eventually.
让我们面对现实吧 你我都知道迟早有一天你会搞砸的
I didn't. I had my suspicions, but I wasn't sure.
我才没有 我曾有过怀疑 但是我也不确定
I wish I could say the same. Good-bye.
真希望我也能说出同样的话 再见
Oh,please don't leave. Oh,please don't hang up.
噢 请不要走 噢 请不要挂电♥话♥
I love you!
我爱你!
And I love you,too.
我也爱你们
Sure you don't want a drink?
你真的不想来一杯?
No. When I'm depressed,alcohol just makes me feel worse.
不了 当我沮丧的时候 酒精只会让我感觉更糟
Yeah,see,the trick is to drink past that.
你看 诀窍就在于喝过那个劲
Not a sprint,it's a marathon.
一两杯可不行 需要长时间慢慢来
You ever think we're both doomed to grow old alone and unloved?
你有没有想过我俩会孤独终老?
A couple of pathetic bachelors with no one to talk to but each other?
两个可怜的老光棍 没人可以说话 只能相互聊天?
You ought to do ads for this stuff.
你应该给这个做广♥告♥
So,are you gonna tell me what happened with Chelsea?
你要告诉我你和切尔西之间 发生了什么事吗?
I can show you.
我给你看样东西
Chelsea found this on my phone.
切尔西在我手♥机♥里发现了这个
I ask you, is that worth breaking an engagement?
我来问你 这个值得你取消订婚吗?
It's worth breaking a spine.
值得折断脊椎骨
Were you sleeping with this girl?
你和她上♥床♥了?
No. No. She just sent me a few pictures.
没有 她只是给我发了几张照片
Well,then, why'd you keep 'em?
那你为什么还留着这些照片?
All right,all right, all right.
行了 行了 行了
But you got to understand the-the message that this sends to Chelsea.
但你要明白这个会让切尔西怎么想
Other than,you know, "Got milk?"
而不是 "喝奶了吗?" (美国向大众宣传喝牛奶好处的公益活动)
But I'm not cheating.
但是我没有背叛她
There are other forms of cheating. There's,uh... there's,uh,flirting.
背叛有很多其他形式 比如打情骂俏
There's fantasizing about other women...
幻想其他女人...
Oh,come on. Fantasizing is not cheating.
得了吧 幻想才不算背叛
To women it is. They-they don't like the idea that
对于女人来说就算是背叛
you're mentally replacing them with someone else.
她们不喜欢你在心理上用别人代替她们
What if I'm mentally supplementingthem with someone else?
如果我是在心理上用别人来补充她们呢?
You know, like I'm making love to Chelsea,
比如我和切尔西做♥爱♥的时候
and in my mind, Rachel here is just helping out.
在我心里有瑞秋来助我一臂之力
She does look very helpful.
她确实看起来很有帮助
Nevertheless,I-I can understand why Chelsea would take a dimmer view.
不管怎么说 我能理解 为什么切尔西会那么想
Yeah,well,I think she overreacted.
是啊 我想她是反应过度了
In fact,I think she owes me an apology.
实际上 我认为她该向我道歉
Really? So,you're just gonna sit here and wait till she comes crawling back, are you?
是吗? 所以你只是坐在这里 等到她回来乞求你原谅?
Yes,I am.
没错
And then,because hell will long since have frozen over, we can go ice-skating.
到那时地狱都冻住了 我们就可以去溜冰了
It's good that you have a plan.
你都想好了 不错啊
Now if you will pardon me, I have to go pick up Jake at his mother's.
失陪一下 我得去杰克的母亲那里把他接回来
Oh,good. Just what we need to brighten up our weekend.
好极了 我们正需要他来给周末增增色
A large,sullen teenager
一个大个子闷闷不乐的青少年
with gas and questionable hygiene.
不停的放屁 还有一堆生理卫生问题
There's nothing questionable about it.
这方面他已经没什么问题了
There we go. Over the hump.
好极了 已经度过最难熬的阶段了
She's my mother,Herb!
她是我妈妈 哈珀!
I want her here when I have the baby!
当我生孩子的时候我希望她在这里!
Yeah,well,I don't need yet another woman in this house
我不需要这个房♥子里再来一个女的
yelling at me, calling me an idiot!
冲我大喊大叫 骂我白♥痴♥!
My mother doesn't yell, you idiot!
我妈从不大声喊叫 你这个白♥痴♥!
Okay,I'm gonna let that pass because you're pregnant!
算了 看在你怀孕的份上我就不计较了!
Don't you dare blame this on hormones!
你敢把这个归咎于荷尔蒙!
What's my alternative, Judith?
那我还有什么选择吗 朱迪丝?
Accept the fact that I'm an idiot?
接受我是个白♥痴♥这个事实?
Oh,hey,Alan.
哦 嗨 艾伦
Is this a bad time?
我是不是来得不是时候?
They're all bad.
永远都没有好时候
Seven-and-a-half months of bad.
7个半月的恐怖时光
Don't you walk away from me.
你居然从我身边走开
Well,I'm sorry. I was answering the door!
对不起 我在给人开门!
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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