好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S06E11
Part 2
Nov. 18, 2020, 9:11 a.m.
Any way I can make it easier?
有什么我能做的让它变简单些?
Yeah.
有
Call Mom and tell her I'm on my way over.
给老妈打电♥话♥ 告诉她我要过去
Oh, Charlie, what a beautiful watch!
查理 多漂亮的表啊!
Do you really like it?
你真喜欢它?
Are you kidding? It's gorgeous!
你开什么玩笑? 它棒极了!
And the best part is now I don't have to wear my good one every day.
最妙的是现在我不必 天天戴着我的高级表了
Anyway, you're probably wondering why I bought it for you.
总之 你可能会想我为什么给你买♥♥表
Well, I just assumed you love me and did it out of the goodness of your heart.
我想你是因为爱我 发自内心的由衷之举
I'm kidding. Why, dear?
我开玩笑的 为什么 亲爱的?
Okay, I deserve that.
好吧 我活该
But the truth is I do love you
事实上我确实爱你
and despite our many differences, I'm glad you're my mother.
尽管我们有很多分歧 我很高兴有你当我妈
You didn't drive over here drunk, did you?
你不是醉醺醺开车来的吧?
I'm not drunk. I just...
我没喝醉 我只是...
I've been thinking a lot about how fleeting life is,
我想了很多 人生易逝啊
and that none of us really knows how long we're gonna be here.
我们谁都不知道自己还能活多久
Did you find another lump on your pee-pee?
你在小便里又发现结石了?
No, Mom, my pee-pee's fine.
没有 妈 我小便没事
I don't know how "worn down to a nub" can be fine, but all right.
我不知道"磨出个瘤"怎么会没事 但你说没事就没事吧
My point is, I don't want to be angry with you anymore.
我的意思是 我不想再生你的气了
I want us to be friends.
我想让我们成为朋友
I was always your friend, Charlie.
我一直都是你的朋友 查理
You were just too self-involved to see it.
你太自我陶醉了没发现而已
Okay, I got to go.
好吧 我要走了
Where you off to?
你要去哪儿?
I have to pick out a casket for a friend of mine.
我要去给朋友选个棺材
Oh, I'm... I'm so sorry.
我... 我很抱歉
Yeah, well, what are you gonna do.
还能怎么办呢
Don't cheap out.
别捡便宜的
It's one thing to do it with a watch, but a casket is forever.
买♥♥个便宜表倒没什么 但棺材可是永远的
So young. I can't believe it.
他还那么年轻 我真不敢相信
Yeah...
是啊...
Who'd have thought smoking, drinking and whoring could kill you?
谁能想到吃喝嫖赌抽会置人于死地?
You realize that could just as easily be me in there.
你意识到了没 躺在那儿的很可能是我
Yeah.
对啊
Don't even think that.
你可别这么想
It is a nice casket, though.
但棺材还是很不错的
Should be. It cost me ten grand.
当然不错 花了我一万块呢
Ten grand? Wow.
一万块? 哇
What can I say? I take care of the people I love.
我能说什么呢? 我会照顾我爱的人
Could've taken care of me with a freakin' robe.
买♥♥个睡衣来哄我一下都不行
Kind of a light turnout.
出席的人真少啊
You'd probably get more people with an open bar.
要是有免费酒精 来的人可能会多些
Hey, make sure there's an open bar at mine.
我的葬礼上一定要有免费酒精
Oh, now I'm your funeral planner?
我成了你的葬礼策划人了?
Don't you want a friend or someone you really care about in charge of that?
你不想让朋友或者你真正关心的人 来负责这事吗?
No, you do it.
不 你来负责
Good afternoon and welcome.
下午好 欢迎大家
We are here to celebrate the life and mourn the passing
我们在此庆祝生命 缅怀逝者
of Andrew Donald Patterson.
缅怀Andrew Donald Patterson
How do we measure a man's life?
我们如何估量一个人的一生?
Geez, this guy's a load.
老天 这家伙像个醉鬼
Don't get a guy like this for me.
别给我找个这样的
I want someone with a little bit of gravitas.
我想要个更庄严的人
I'll see if James Earl Jones is available.
我会看看到时 James Earl Jones有没有空
That would be nice.
那敢情好啊
"...a time to die,a time to reap,"
"...死有时 收割有时"
"a time to sow,a time to mourn..."
"播种有时 哀悼有时..."
"...a time to heal."
"...愈合有时" (James Jones本人出演)
"a time for every purpose under heaven."
"天堂之下 皆有定时"
And so we say goodbye to Charles Francis Harper.
让我们来告别查理 Francis 哈珀
Devoted son, loving brother, caring uncle.
一个孝顺的儿子 亲密的兄长 慈祥的伯父
Bon vivant and world-class connoisseur of the booty.
花天酒地世界级的美臀鉴赏行家
Nice turnout.
人来的还真不少
Yeah, man. Standing room only.
是啊 就剩站的地儿了
Goes to show you, give the people what they want.
由此可见 人家想要什么就成全他吧
You mean the open barright?
你指的是免费酒精 是吧?
Sure.
当然
Thanks for coming, by the way.
捎带的说 多谢你造访
Well, you came to mine.
呃 你都来了我的哦
Yeah, but you're dead.
恩 但是你死了啊
Charlie, take a look in the box.
查理 看看那小盒吧
That's not a tanning booth.
那可不是荧光晒肤台
Oh, yeah.
哦 是啊
So, listen, as long as you're here--what's Heaven like?
既然你来了 天堂里咋样啊?
It's unbelievable. It's paradise.
太不可思议了 乐园啊
Like your house. Before your brother moved in.
像你家一样 在你弟弟搬进来前的
Oh, that was good.
哦 那时过的确实美啊
You can drink all you want and there's no hangover.
你想喝多少喝多少 还没有宿醉
Endless supply of women,
无休止的美女送上门来
each one more beautiful than the last, and, Charlie, get this:
每个都比上一个赞 查理 记住了
they believe everything you tell 'em.
无论你说什么她们都信
Everything?
无论什么?
It's Heaven, dude.
那可是天堂啊 老兄
Well, save me a good seat.
那 帮我占个好位置啊
I wish I could, but that's not where they sent me.
我倒希望啊 但是我可不是被送去那儿了
Then how do you know what Heaven's like?
那你怎么知道天堂啥样的?
They make us look at a video every day,
他们让我们每天都看个视频
while they're putting lube on the pitchfork.
在他们给"干草叉"上润滑油的时候 (意为地狱里只能搞gay)
Well, at least you get lube.
呃...至少还给你润滑油了嘛
Only on the little prong.
恩 但是只给那叉子上
To be completely honest, I didn't know Charlie Harper,
说句大实话 我并不认识查理 哈珀
but any man who, with his dying breath, would set aside $25,000
但他在临终前还掏出25000元
and a first-class air ticket, so I could deliver his eulogy...
还给我买♥♥了头等舱票 来让我给他念悼词...
is aces in my book!
在我看来他就是牛人!
That being said, uh...
不管怎样 呃...
there are many people here today who did know Charlie,
今天这里还是有很多人认识查理的
and perhaps some of them would like to stand up and say a few words.
也许还有人想站出来讲几句
I want to say something.
我想来两句
Hello, everybody.
大家好
Hello, James Earl Jones.
你好 James Earl Jones
hey, bro. Don't get up.
嘿 老哥 别诈尸啊
What can I say about Charlie?
关于查理我能说啥呢?
Uh, so many words come to mind--so few that you can say in church.
呃 好多话涌上心头啊--但大部分都不适合在教堂里说
But we'll give it a shot.
但咱们来试试吧
Charlie was a man of love.
查理是个有爱的人
Um, he loved his friends; he loved his family;
呃 他爱他的朋友们 他爱他的家庭
but, most of all, he loved his penis...
但是 最重要的是 他爱他的小♥弟♥弟♥...
the only part of him that ever had an actual job.
他身上唯一一处有实际功效的部位
Well, anyway...
呃 总之...
this was a man so full of love that it practically oozed out of him,
他是个如此有爱的人 以至于这爱都要"溢"出来了
at which point, of course, he would see a doctor.
说到这个 当然 他本该去看看医生的
But I kid the deceased whoremonger.
但我正开这死嫖♥客♥的玩笑呢
Anyway...since he never made out a will,
总之...既然他从没留下过遗嘱
I hope you will all join me for a wake-slash-luau
我希望大家都来我在马利布海滩的房♥子
at my Malibu beach house!
参加守夜烤猪野宴!
He got my house?
他继承了我的房♥子?
He got everything you had.
他继承了你的一切
Everything?
一切?
Well, not the diseased liver and the swollen prostate.
呃 当然不包括你那破肝和增生的前列腺
Oh, look, your old girlfriends are saying their final goodbye.
哦 瞧 你的前女友们在和你诀别呢
That's not very respectful.
这也太不尊重人了吧
Just FYI--spit is the Devil's lube.
顺便提一句--撒旦的润滑油用的就是口水
Listen, would you mind recording my answering machine message for me?
能帮我的答录机录下音不?
That'll be an extra $500.
再多给我500
That's okay. I'm rich now.
好的 咱现在有钱啦
Well, what do you want: "This is CNN" or "Luke, I am your father"?
那你想要啥呢"这是CNN电台"还是 "Luke 我是你的父亲"? (星战中的台词)
So, Charlie, it's been great catching up but I gotta go.
那查理 叙旧很愉快 但我得走了
Already? Can't you stay awhile?
这就完了? 不能再呆会儿?
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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