好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S06E04
Part 3
Nov. 18, 2020, 9:10 a.m.
Can I pick you up anything?
要我帮你带点儿什么吗?
Yeah, yeah, um, ear plugs would be nice, um, and that gun I mentioned.
给我带个耳塞吧 还有我刚才提到的那把枪
Nothing special.
没啥特别的
I'm only going to use it just the once.
我只会用到一次
Hi, Jake. Hey, got to hit the crapper.
嗨 杰克 嗨 得赶紧撒泡尿
You must be Judith.
你一定就是朱迪丝
I'm sorry. Do I know you?
对不起 我认识你吗?
I'm Melissa, Dr. Harper's receptionist.
我是梅丽莎 哈珀医生的接待员
We talk on the phone all the time.
我们一直在电♥话♥里说话
Oh, right, Melissa. It's so nice to finally meet you. Alan!
对 梅丽莎 很高兴终于见面了 艾伦!
Oh, oh, hey, hey, hi, uh, hi, Judith, this is Melissa. Melissa, Judith.
嗨 朱迪丝 这是梅丽莎 梅丽莎 这是朱迪丝
It's not what it looks like. Charlie's doing her, not me.
事情不是你想的那样 是查理跟她有一腿 不是我
And, uh, where is Charlie anyway?
那查理到底是去哪儿了?
Taking a nap.
打盹呢
He says I drain him.
他说我把他榨干了
Isn't that adorable?
可爱吧?
Adorable, disturbing, whatever.
可爱 烦人 随便吧
Uh, thanks, I've got this.
谢谢 我来就行了
Your brother and your receptionist? What do you want from me?
你哥哥跟你的接待员? 我有什么办法?
Th-The Volvo's in the shop, he twisted my nipples and peed in my office.
沃尔沃送去修了 他拧了我的乳♥头♥ 还在我办公室里撒尿
What?
什么?
I'm not thrilled about this either, but what can I do?
我也超不爽 但我还能怎么办?
You could think about the effect these shenanigans have on your adolescent son.
你该考虑下这场闹剧 对你未成年儿子的影响
Okay, you know what, Judith? I have enough problems.
知道吗 朱迪丝? 我问题够多的了
If you're not comfortable leaving Jake here for the weekend, then take him home.
如果你不爽杰克在这儿过周末 尽管把他带回家去吧
Nice try, Alan.
干得好 艾伦
You think Uncle Charlie and Melissa are coming down for lunch?
你觉得查理伯伯跟梅丽莎 会下来吃午饭吗?
I doubt it.
我表示怀疑
Can I have their chicken?
我能把他们的鸡肉吃了吗?
Knock yourself out.
尽情吃吧
You know how you always say I can ask you anything?
记得你一直跟我说 什么都可以问你吧?
Yeah?
嗯?
Is them being together weird for you?
他俩好了 你不觉得不合理吗?
No, no.
不 不觉得
Well, you're a better man than I.
你做人比我强多了
How so?
为什么这么说?
Well, you remember when Uncle Charlie was hittin' my fifth grade teacher?
记得查理伯伯跟我 五年级时的老师乱搞吗?
Okay...
好吧...
can we please stop calling it "hittin'"?
我们能不能不说"搞"?
Well, I got another word, but I don't think you're going to like it.
还有另一个词 但我觉得你也不会喜欢的
Fine, fine, then I, uh, I do remember when he was...
好吧 我确实记得他...
hitting your fifth grade teacher.
搞过你五年级时的老师
That kind of bugged me.
那事让我很火大
Well, I'm, I'm sorry.
抱歉
I mean, don't you think there should be boundaries?
你不觉得该有个界限吗?
I do think that.
我确实这么认为
But I thought you said it's not weird that he's hittin' your receptionist.
但你刚才说他跟你的接待员乱搞 你没觉得不合理
Ah, uh, w... uh, well, pal, um, the thing is, um, Daddy lied.
伙计 事实上... 你老爸撒谎了
Oh, then it is weird for you?
那实际上是不合情理喽?
Yes, yes, it is weird for me.
对 我确实觉得很不合情理
Are you jealous?
你嫉妒吗?
Uh, no, no.
不 才没有
'Cause I was a little bit jealous about Miss Pasternak.
我那时有点嫉妒他跟帕斯捷尔纳克小姐
She had a rockin' bod.
她身材超赞
Eat your chicken.
吃你的鸡
Melissa? We, uh, need to get a move on.
梅丽莎? 我们得走了
A lot of traffic what with the rain and all.
下着雨路就更不好走了
We need a minute, Alan. Oh, God.
就一分钟 艾伦 天呐
What can they do in a minute that they didn't do all weekend?
一分钟都能干的事 整个周末都干嘛了?
You are just a selfish son of a bitch and you can go right to hell!
你这个自私的狗♥杂♥种♥ 直接去死吧!
Sorry, Dr. Harper. I'll be in the car.
对不起 哈珀医生 我在车上等你
Well... that could have gone better.
呃... 本该发展得更好点儿的
I knew it.
我就知道
I thought it might take longer than 48 hours, but I knew it.
我以为这次会超过48小时呢 但我就知道行不通
A little sensitivity would be appreciated. I'm hurting here.
你稍微同情一下 我就感激不尽了 我这儿正受伤呢
I'm sure a lot of that is friction burn.
我敢肯定大部分都是摩擦烧伤
Where does that come from?
怎么这么说?
Where does it come from?
怎么这么说?
It comes from a long history of you using my life as a specimen cup.
就凭你一直都把 我的生活当成个尿杯
Excuse me, but you're still talking about the old Charlie.
对不起 但你还在跟 以前那个查理说话
This Charlie was hoping to have a relationship of substance and depth.
现在的查理希望有一段 有内涵有深度的感情
By locking a stranger in your room and hittin' it for two days straight?
就把个陌生人关在屋里搞了整整两天?
Okay, mea culpa.
好吧 我的错
Change is hard.
改变很难的
And now that I'm hearing it, I agree with you.
我听你说了之后 我同意你的意见了
Hittin' it is an ugly term.
"搞"确实是个恶心词
Don't change the subject. What happened?
别改变话题 怎么回事?
Nothing.
啥都没
I just said to her that maybe we should slow things down, see other people.
我只是跟她说或许我们该 放慢脚步 跟别人约约会
Wait, y-y-you said this after the two days?
等等 你两天后才这么说?
How could I know beforehand?
我之前怎么能知道?
I thought you'd be happy.
我以为你会高兴的
You didn't want me to go out with her in the first place.
你一开始就不想让我跟她约会
Yes, but it's no longer the first place. It's the last place.
但现在不是一开始了 现在是最后一刻
What can I tell you, Alan?
我能说什么 艾伦?
I made a mistake.
我犯了个错
I rushed to love.
我坠入爱河太匆忙了
No, no, your mistake was you rushed to love my receptionist,
不 你错在匆忙地跟我的接待员坠入爱河
the woman who I depend upon to run my business.
跟那个我工作上很倚赖的女人
Oh, she's a good kid.
她是个好孩子
She'll get over it.
她会好起来的
You hear that? You hear that?
你听见了吗? 你听见了吗?
Does that sound like a woman who's getting over it?
这像是个会好起来的女人吗?
Well, Alan, the wounds are fresh.
艾伦 刚受的伤
You're going to need to be patient.
你得有点儿耐心
Why should I have to be patient?
我为啥要有耐心?
Well, you have to work with her.
你还得跟她一起工作
And it sounds like you'd better get going.
听起来你最好赶紧走了
Sure you don't want to come back to my office and hump my fax machine?
确定你不想再来趟我办公室 搞搞我的传真机?
You still have a fax machine?
你还有传真机?
You're despicable.
你太卑鄙了
Alan, wait. What?
艾伦 等等 干嘛?
Let me make it up to you.
让我补偿你吧
How could you possibly make it up to me?
你怎么可能补偿得了我?
Well, I'm guessing she won't be inclined to bring you back here tonight.
我想她今晚不会再载你回来了
So why don't you take a cab and I'll pay for it?
你干嘛不打个车 我来付账?
Thanks. That makes up for everything.
谢谢 一切都得到补偿了
I'm talking cab, not Town Car.
我说的是出租车 不是林肯车
Oh, man.
哦 伙计
Break-ups are so hard.
分手太困难了
I do have a little friction burn.
我确实有点儿摩擦烧伤
That miserable son of a bitch.
那个该死的狗♥杂♥种♥
Might want to extend your brake zone on the wet roads.
湿滑路面上最好拉大点儿车距
I'm so stupid. No, no, no, no, you are not stupid.
我太蠢了 不不不 你不蠢
You're, you're a dear, sweet, remarkably bright...
你是个可爱 贴心 非常聪明的...
Truck, truck--watch out for the truck. Watch out for the truck.
卡车 卡车... 注意那辆卡车 注意那辆卡车
I want a raise. Sure, sure.
我要加薪 当然 当然
And health insurance. That's a given.
还有医疗保险 那是应该的
I-I can't believe you don't have it already.
不敢相信你还没有
and the paid vacation.
还有带薪假期
Now hanging on,you're just...Oh two weeks two weeks.
等等 你只是... 两周 两周
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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