好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S06E14
Part 2
Nov. 18, 2020, 9:11 a.m.
This is so nice.
太棒了
A private, intimate dinner for just the two of us.
一顿就咱俩的私密晚餐
Oh, my God, you guys!
哦 天呐 你们都来啦!
There's nobody here.
没人在
I don't understand it. I told them to be here an hour ago.
我不明白 我告诉他们要一小时前到的
Yeah, well, what are you gonna do?
是啊 你还能怎么做呢?
My family are a bunch of thoughtless, selfish butt-wipes.
我的家人就是一群自私的蠢货
Surprise.
真是惊喜啊
Evelyn, smile.
伊夫琳 笑一笑
That's a keeper.
一定要留下这张
Listen, darling, are you going to be cutting the cake soon?
听着 亲爱的 你能不能快点切蛋糕?
Because, actually, I have a real party to go to.
因为 事实上... 我有一个真正的派对要参加
You can't go. We haven't even done the speeches yet.
你不能走 咱们还没致祝酒词呢
Oh, of course.
哦 当然了
Were we supposed to write speeches?
我们要写祝酒词的吗?
For what?
给谁?
For Alan.
给艾伦
Let him write his own speech.
让他自己写呗
Uh, can I have your attention, please?
请大家注意一下
I want to thank you all for coming to celebrate this wonderful occasion.
我想感谢大家前来庆祝这个美好时刻
I thought it was Alan's birthday.
我以为这是艾伦的生日
And now it's time to say a few words about the guest of honor.
现在请大家跟主宾说几句
I can think of a few words.
我是想到了一些话
Not only is he a terrific doctor and fantastic boss,
他不仅是个了不起的医生和最好的老板
he is also good and kind and smart and funny...
他还非常善良和蔼 聪明风趣...
and... a really swell kisser.
而且是一流的接吻高手
I can still hear you.
我还是能听见你说话
Sorry I'm late. I was burning a fatty with one of the busboys in the parking lot.
不好意思我来晚了 我刚跟个餐馆工在停车场吸了大♥麻♥
How are you?
你好吗?
Everyone, this is my mother, Shelly.
给大家介绍一下 这是我母亲Shelly
Mom, this is Alan's mother, Evelyn, and...
老妈 这是艾伦的母亲伊夫琳...
Sweetie, save your breath, because I'm way too toasted to remember a lot of names.
亲爱的 省省劲吧 我大♥麻♥抽太多了 记不住这些个名字
Ooh, bread.
哦 面包
All right, well, uh, now that we're all here,
好吧 既然人都到齐了
why don't we take turns saying something about Alan and how much he means to us.
咱们不如轮流跟艾伦说祝酒词 告诉他对咱们多么重要
Okay, Jake, you want to start?
好 杰克 你想先开始吗?
No, I got to go make room for cake.
不 我得去给蛋糕腾地方
Uh, Berta, why don't you get the ball rolling?
贝塔 要不你先说吧?
Sure. What the hell?
好吧 管他呢
Zippy, I got to tell you, when you first moved in, I didn't really care for you.
呆子 我得告诉你 你刚搬进来时 我并不把你当回事
You were a persnickety, self-righteous, smug son of a bitch.
你是一个挑三拣四的 自以为是的混♥蛋♥
And now here we are, six years later.
而现在 六年之后 我们还得共处一室
Thank you.
谢谢大家
Hear, hear.
我同意
Oh, okay. Anyone else?
好吧 还有谁要发言?
Okay. I'll go.
好吧 我来
I have pictures of myself dressed in a forest ranger uniform,
我经常梦到自己穿着护林员的制♥服♥
and I have absolutely no memory of ever working as a forest ranger.
我可不记得我当过护林员
Thank you.
谢谢
All righty.
好吧
Uh, who's next? Evelyn?
轮到谁了? 伊夫琳?
Me? Isn't it enough I carried him for seven and a half months?
我? 我怀了他七个半月还不够吗?
You'd be surprised how many women opt for the full nine.
很多女人怀足了九个月呢 惊讶吧?
Come on, Evelyn, you have to say something.
来吧 伊夫琳 你得讲点什么
Oh, fine.
好吧
Alan, darling.
艾伦 亲爱的
You were always the good son.
你一直都是比较乖的孩子
Of course, your brother didn't set the bar very high.
当然了 你哥哥没把标准定高
Hear, hear. Wait a minute.
我同意 等等
Charlie, do you want to say anything?
查理 你想说点什么吗?
Uh, all right.
好吧
Alan, you're my little brother.
艾伦 我亲爱的弟弟
And I know over the years I've tormented you.
这么多年我一直折磨你
I've embarrassed you in public.
我在公共场合羞辱过你
I've tied you to streetlights,
我曾把你绑到过路灯上
car bumpers, the occasional angry animal...
保险杠上 偶尔还有愤怒的动物上
Oh, remember that Fourth of July when I used your ass as a launch pad for my bottle rockets?
还记得国♥庆♥日的时候 我用你的屁♥股♥当烟火发射器吗?
Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is...
总之 我想说的是...
thanks for the memories.
谢谢你给的美好回忆
That's it? That's all you have to say?
就这些? 这就是你们想说的?
I suppose I could talk about his bed-wetting.
我想我本该讲讲他尿床的事
You people are horrible.
你们太坏了
No. Honey, it's okay.
没事 亲爱的 没事的
No-no-no-no, it's not okay.
不 才不是没事
You should be ashamed of yourselves.
你们该为自己感到羞耻
This is a warm and wonderful human being
他是一个亲切又出色的人
and he deserves more, especially from his family.
他理应获得更多尊重 特别是从家人那里
I don't even know why you guys showed up tonight.
我都不知道你们今晚干嘛要来
Well, I can't speak for anybody else, but I'm getting overtime.
别人怎样我不知道 我来是算加班的
Come on, Alan. We're leaving.
来 艾伦 我们走
Really? Before the cake?
真的? 没吃蛋糕就走?
You don't need people who don't appreciate you.
你不需要不珍惜你的人
Uh, well, no, but I do kind of need Charlie's house.
没错 但是我确实需要查理的房♥子
No, you don't. You'll come live with me and Mom. Right, Mom?
你不需要 你可以来和我们住 对吗 妈妈?
You know, I did spend a summer in Yosemite doing shrooms,
有年夏天我确实在 Yosemite(国家公园)采过蘑菇
so maybe I wasn't an official forest ranger.
可能我是非正式的护林员吧
Let's go. Mom, we're leaving.
走 妈妈 我们离开这
Okay. I'm sorry. This is the best bread I ever had.
好的 抱歉 这是我吃过最好的面包
Who likes magic?
谁喜欢魔术?
I shaved for this?
我们还是掠过吧?
Berta? Who's asking?
贝塔? 是谁?
What's wrong?
怎么了?
Too much celebrating last night.
昨晚玩的太疯
I didn't notice you drinking at Alan's party.
我没见你在艾伦的派对上喝酒
No, afterward.
不是 后来喝的
With the magician at his place.
和魔术师 在他那里
You went back to his place?
你跟他去他那里了?
Well, technically, his van.
准确的说 他的货车里
Well, why didn't you just stay home?
你怎么不在家待着呢?
If I stay home, you don't pay me.
我待在家里 你又不付我工钱
So you just came in to lie on my couch?
那你就进来躺在我沙发上了?
Tough times, Charlie.
世道不行啊 查理
Some people are living in their vans.
还有人住在货车里呢
Oh, make it stop!
快别让它响了!
Hello?
喂?
Hi, Mom.
你好 妈妈
Alan? Nah, he didn't come home.
艾伦? 他没回来
You're right. We were funny. He just overreacted.
你说的对 我们开玩笑的 他反应过激了
I'm sure he'll come back eventually. He always does.
我肯定他最终会回来的 他总是这样
You should've named him "Herpes."
你应该给他起名叫"疱疹"
Yeah, I wish I'd thought of it last night, too.
我也希望我昨晚就想到这个了
Talk to you later.
再聊
So what are we going to do today?
今天我们干点啥呢?
Aren't you going to ask about your dad?
你不想问一下你♥爸♥爸的事吗?
What about him?
他怎么了?
Were we not at the same party last night?
我们昨天不是参加了同一个派对吗?
Did you not notice when you finally came out of the toilet that your father was gone?
当你终于从厕所里出来时 你没注意到你♥爸♥爸已经走了?
You know, now at you mention it...
你一说我想起来了...
Herpes, Jr.
疱疹二世
Look who's back.
看谁回来了
I'm not back I just came to get my stuff.
我只是回来拿我的东西
You're really going to milk this thing, huh?
你还真要借题发挥?
I'm not milking anything, Chlie. There is no milk.
我没借题发挥 没什么好发挥的
I'm moving in with Melissa and her mother.
我要搬到梅丽莎和她妈妈那里去
Sounds like milk to me.
对我来说就是借题发挥
I need to be someplace where I'm appreciated, someplace where I'm nurtured and loved.
我要去一个尊重我的地方 一个滋养我 爱护我的地方
You're not taking me seriously, are you?
你觉得我不是认真的 是吗?
Oh, come on, Alan.
得了吧 艾伦
You ain't going anywhere.
你哪儿都不会去的
You know it. I know it.
你我心知肚明
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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