好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S06E10
Part 3
Nov. 18, 2020, 9:11 a.m.
like Thomas Edison and the telephone.
像托马斯·爱迪生发明了电♥话♥
That wasn't Thomas...
那不是托马斯
So you like to cook?
这么说你喜欢烹饪?
Yeah, I love it.
是的 我喜欢
'Cause, you know, I love to eat
因为 你知道 我喜欢吃
and I lo.
我喜欢让我的嘴巴充满惊喜
Well, you know, dear,
你知道吗 亲爱的
what you are talking about is becoming a chef,
你在说的是成为一个厨师
and there are schools for that,
有那样的学校
and-and the potential to make a terrific living.
可以给予你充满潜力的奇妙生活
Do I get to wear one of those poofy hats?
我需要带那种厨师帽吗
If you want to.
如果你愿意的话
Cool. Then I guess I'll be a chef.
太棒了 我想我将成为一个厨师
My grandson the chef.
我的孙子是厨师
I can live with that.
我会慢慢习惯的
You know what I could drive if I was a chef?
你知道如果我是个厨师的话我可以开什么车吗
The Oscar Mayer Weinermobile.
奥斯卡美食专车
I got a kayak.
我买♥♥了一个皮划艇
I see.
我看到了
Guess what I'm gonna do?
猜猜我要去做什么
Go kayaking?
去划船
Yep.
是的
I have decided that life is too short.
我觉得生命太短暂了
So you're going out in the Pacific Ocean in a plastic boat.
所以你打算划着一个塑料船去太平洋
Good thinking.
真是个好主意
No, I was at work today
不 我今天在工作的时候
and it suddenly became clear to me that...
突然明白
Sorry about that.
抱歉
It became clear to me
我明白了
that I don't like what I'm doing.
我不喜欢我现在做的
And nong care of Jake,
妈妈会照顾杰克
I can spend my time doing the things that give me joy.
我可以花时间做能给我带来乐趣的事情
So you're gonna masturbate in a kayak?
所以你打算去皮划艇里打飞机?
No, but that's the point.
不 不过你说到点子上了
You'll have to elaborate.
那你得精心计划一下
I could if I wanted to.
如果我想的话会的
Yeah, who could've seen that coming?
恩 真是没想到啊
Look, I'm sorry.
对不起
Here you go.
来了
Grilled cheese with gouda, Swiss and monster.
荷兰干烤奶酪 瑞士人和怪兽
You mean meunster.
你是说门斯特干酪(与怪兽音似)
No, that's an old TV show.
不 那是个老的电视节目
And they're called that 'cause they're monsters.
它们这样叫是因为他们是怪兽
This is a cheese.
而这是个奶酪
Anyway, the sandwich also has heirloom tomatoes
这个三明治是酸面吐司
and smoked applewood bacon on sourdough toast.
中间夹上西红柿和熏肉
Where did you learn this?
你这手是哪儿学的
Food Channel and FoodChannel.com.
美食频道和美食频道网站
Food Channel on Demand, Food Channel magazine.
美食点播频道 美食频道杂♥志♥
And the school lunch lady.
还有就是学校食堂阿姨
Oh, and save room for homemade potato chips.
对了 别吃太饱 还有我做的薯片呢
You're making potato chips?
你亲手做的薯片
Oh, yeah, it's easy.
对 其实不算什么
You slice the potatoes real thin,
先把土豆削成薄片
rub the sides with lemon and garlic,
用柠檬和大蒜调好
fry 'em up in a hot iron skillet
然后在铁锅里一炸
and then salt to taste.
吃时撒些盐
I can't get over this.
这真出乎我想象
Bon appetite.
吃好喝好啊
Teet.
应该念 teet
No, that's a cow's boob.
什么呀 那是奶牛的奶头
Oh, my goodness.
我的老天啊
This is delicious.
这个太好吃了
Don't eat more than three or you won't poop for a week.
如果吃3个以上 保证你一星期拉不出屎
Trust me.
我有亲身体验
Well, at least
不管怎么说
we have finally found a career path for you.
你的前途总算是明朗了
Cool. I'll go get the chips and then we'll talk about cars.
好的 我去拿薯片然后我们就可以谈谈车了
You know what?
其实我想
Let's settle this car thing first.
还是先谈谈车吧
Oh, God, it was incredible.
哇塞 感觉真是太爽了
The-the wind, the sky,
那海风 那蓝天
the surf.
那海浪
I feel like I'm reborn.
好像我获得了重生
You were out there for 15 minutes.
你可才去了15分钟而已
Yeah, well, my arms got tired.
可我胳膊已经累得抬不起来了
so you did decide to go with the kayanking.
原来你还是去“拔艇”去了
What?
说什么
Masturyaking?
边划边自己爽吧
You're terrible.
你想歪了
But, anyway, no one could see me.
但是没人能看到我去爽了
So now what?
那现在你准备干啥
Now?
现在吗
Now I just live.
现在我就体验生活
I enjoy.
享受生活
All right.
不错嘛
This rat has quit the race.
这只小老鼠已经退出比赛了
Good for you.
那很好
This hamster is off the treadmill.
这只小仓鼠已经停下不再跑了
Glad to hear it.
听起来蛮好嘛
This squirrel is satisfied with the nuts he has.
这只小松鼠已经满足现有的坚果了
No comment.
恕不置评
I'm not gonna make it, Charlie.
查理 我活不下去了
Didn't think you would.
不出我所料
No goals, no challenges,
没有目标 没有挑战
no, no gutrenching fear driving me forward.
没有了惊心动魄的恐惧使我前进
I mean, how can you stand it?
那你是怎么过下去的
Me?
问我吗
Well, I have kind of an existential philosophy
我有一套自己的生存哲学
that shapes my outlook.
来雕画我的未来
It involves a willingness
这是一种随波逐流 无欲无求
to let life carry me along in its wake
的犬儒主义思想
as I contemplate its infinite mystery.
而我会去幻想生命里的无穷奥秘
Plus I drink and take a lot of naps.
再有我没事时会喝喝小酒睡睡小觉
Yeah, well, I need something meaningful to strive for.
那是你 我需要些有意义的目标去努力
Sorry, I don't follow.
抱歉 听不懂你说什么
I need a carrot in front of me and a stick behind me.
我是需要威逼利诱的那种人
Without that, I... I have no reason to live.
没有奖罚 我 我就失去了活着的理由
That's it!
原来如此
What's it?
什么就如此了
"No reason to live."
失去了活着的理由
That's Mom's angle.
那才是老妈阴谋
This never had anything to do with Jake.
这根本就没杰克什么事
She's trying to kill you.
老妈是在谋你的命
Oh, come on.
别胡扯了
Think about it.
好好想想吧
She takes the financial pressure off your shoulders,
她很清楚排除了你的经济压力
knowing you can't live without it.
你就没有活下去的理由了
Oh, she's good.
老妈这招太高了
Why would Mom want to kill me?
但老妈为啥会想要杀我
I don't know.
我怎么知道
Why do I want to kill you?
那我为啥想杀了你
Why does your ex-wife want to kill you?
你前妻为啥也想杀了你
You just bring that out in people.
你这个人就是会让他人想杀了你
You're being ridiculous.
你真是可笑
Okay, okay, let's look at the alternate explanation.
那好 那我们来看看另外个解释
For the first time in her life,
这是她平生第一次
our mother is being totay selfless
老妈如此的无私
and thinking about someone else's well-being.
而且如此为他人的幸福所着想
Dear God, my own mother is trying to kill me.
老天爷啊 我亲生母亲想要我的命啊
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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