好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S06E12
Part 2
Nov. 18, 2020, 9:11 a.m.
Please, Dr. Harper, you don't have to say anything.
拜托 哈珀医生 你什么都不用说
Yes, yes, I do.
不 我得说
We obviously have feelings for each other, and...
我们显然相互有感觉...
there's nothing wrong with that. It's-it's a beautiful thing. It's-it's natural.
这本身没错 这是美好 自然的事
But for us to maintain a-a working relationship, and I hope friendship,
但我们要保持工作关系 甚至是我期望的友谊的话
I-I think it would be unwise to succumb to those feelings.
我想我们屈服于那种感觉是不明智的
I agree.
我同意
Oh, good, good. I'm glad.
很好 我很高兴
Oh, well, now we got that out of the way...
现在我们把这事说开了...
Uh, what time does my packed schedule begin?
我满满一天的行程从什么时候开始?
Uh, not for a half hour.
半小时以后
Half hour?
半小时?
Yeppers.
没错儿
Nothing for a half hour?
半小时没事做?
Wide open.
空的很呢
Everything work out at the office?
上班一切顺利吗?
Manage to keep your hands off Really Little Annie Fanny?
管好了你的手没往现实版的 Little Annie Fanny身上摸?
Well, not exactly, but, uh, we did keep it above the waist.
不完全是 但我们确实只碰腰部以上
Her waist or yours?
她的腰还是你的?
Both. And it wasn't easy.
我们俩的 真是很不容易
I haven't checked, but I'm pretty sure my balls
我还没检查 但我确定我的蛋蛋
look like two-thirds of the Blue Man Group.
肯定像三分之二个蓝人乐队
Berta, hide the vacuum cleaner!
贝塔 快把吸尘器藏起来!
For the last time, I use it to get lint off my trousers.
最后说一遍 我用它是要把 细毛从裤子上弄掉
Then why do you call it Brenda?
那你为什么叫它Brenda?
So when the mood strikes and she's ready, you'll be ready, too.
所以当气氛刚好 而且她准备好时 你也要做好准备
Ready today, ready tonight, ready tomorrow.
为今天 今晚 明天都做好准备
I'm ready now.
我现在就准备好了
What's he ready for?
他准备好干什么?
If I were to guess, I'd say he's ready to screw up his life a little more.
我猜他是准备把他的生活搞得更糟一些
Is that even possible?
有这个可能吗?
We'll see.
咱们拭目以待
I'm hungry.
我饿了
So eat something.
那就吃东西啊
There's nothing here I like.
这里没我喜欢的
Welcome to my world.
欢迎来到我的世界
****
咱们为什么到这里吃饭?
让我看着你的吃相 我就得喝一杯
Am I even allowed to be in a bar?
我来酒吧合法吗?
Probably not. So if anybody asks,
可能不合法 如果有人问起
you're a homely lesbian.
你就说自己是一难看的女同志
Why do I have to be homely?
为什么非要说我难看?
Just sit down.
赶紧坐下
What's that smell?
这是什么味道?
Stale beer, vomit, urine. You hungry?
陈啤酒 呕吐物和尿 你饿吗?
Hey, Charlie. Hi, Janine. This is my nephew Jake.
嘿 查理 嗨 珍妮 这是我的侄子杰克
Hey, Jake. How old are you, sweetheart?
你好 杰克 你几岁啦 亲爱的?
Keep your hands off him, Janine, he's married.
别勾搭他 珍妮 他结婚了
I thought I was a lesbian.
你不是让我说是女同志吗?
We're just gonna have a couple of hamburgers and a basket of fries,
我们要两个汉堡和一份薯条
he'll have a soda and I'll have a draft.
他要一杯汽水 我要一杯酒
That's not a very healthy dinner for a growing boy.
对于正在生长发育的男孩来说 这餐可不算健康啊
Well, don't worry, he can process anything.
别担心 他能消化各种食物
The other day, he ate a handful of packing peanuts.
有一天 他吃了一把带壳的花生
You bet me ten bucks I wouldn't.
你赌10块钱我不敢吃
Oh, Charlie, shame on you.
查理 你真可耻啊
Yeah, shame on you.
对啊 你真可耻
Tell you what, Jake, I get out of here in ten minutes.
杰克 我十分钟后下班
Why don't you get your uncle to bring you over to my place,
你和你伯伯来我家吧
and I'll cook you a nice, healthy dinner?
我给你做一顿健康可口的晚餐如何?
Thanks, but I'm already healthy. I'll have a hamburger.
谢谢 不过我本来就很健康 我吃个汉堡就行
No, you won't. We'll be there.
不行 我们会去的
I don't get a vote?
我说的话没用吗?
You're lucky you're getting dinner. Thanks, Janine.
你有吃的就很幸运了 谢谢你 珍妮
You're welcome.
不客气
What is wrong with you, turning that down?
你有病啊 干嘛拒绝她?
Excuse me, but we have no idea what kind of cook she is.
对不起 可咱们又不知道她厨艺如何
Oh, God...
天呐...
For all we know, she's a vegetarian.
据我所知 她是素食主义者
Dr. Harper, what are you doing here?
哈珀医生 你来这里干什么?
What do you think I'm doing here?
你认为我来干什么?
Please don't make me guess.
请别让我猜你的心思
I'm making you guess.
你就是要让你猜
Correct.
回答正确
Melissa, honey, who's here?
梅丽莎 亲爱的 谁来了?
Uh, Mom, this is my boss, Dr. Harper.
妈妈 这是我的老板 哈珀医生 (Carol Kane 曾获奥斯卡最佳女主提名)
Dr. Harper, this is my mother.
哈珀医生 这是我妈妈
Hello. Hello yourself.
你好 你好
I understand there's been some inappropriate behavior in the workplace.
我知道有些行为不适合在工作场所发生
Yeah, well, about that, I-I-I just want you to know that I have nothing but respect for your daughter,
是的 关于这个 我希望您知道我非常尊敬您的女儿
and I would never do anything...
而且我绝不会做...
I'm just yankin' your chain!
我跟你开玩笑而已!
Ain't nothin' wrong with beddin' the boss.
和老板上♥床♥没什么错啊
That's how I wound up with the little princess here
我就是这么怀上我的小公主的
and half a Black Angus franchise.
还拿到了Black Angus餐馆一半的经营权
Come on in. I'm watchin' Hellboy.
进来吧 我正看"地狱男爵"呢
Okay. Thanks.
好的 谢谢您
You smoke dope?
你吸毒吗?
This is, like, the best dinner ever.
这是我吃过最棒的一顿饭
I'm glad you liked it, Jake.
我很高兴你能喜欢 杰克
You are a great cook.
你真是个好厨子
And you are a cutie pie. I could just eat you up.
而你就是一个可爱小甜饼 我真想吃掉你
Want another root beer? Sure.
再来一杯根汁汽水吗? 好
Comin' right up.
马上就来
Listen, buddy, you're gonna have to make yourself scarce.
听着 小子 你得马上消失
Maybe take a cab home.
搭计程车回家吧
You take a cab home. I'm doin' great.
你搭车回家 我进展一切顺利
How do you figure?
你怎么知道?
You blind? First base on the top of my head,
你没长眼睛吗? 一是她摸了我的头
second base in my ear?
二是她对我的耳语?
Listen to me, knucklehead.
听我说 笨蛋
That woman's got to be ten years older than you.
那个女人比你大10岁
So? You're, like, 15 years older than her.
那又怎样? 你还比她大15岁呢
Step aside, grandpa.
靠边站吧 老大爷
Okay, fun time's over. Go wait in the car.
好了 别再瞎扯了 赶紧去车里等着
You go wait in the car.
你去车里等着
No, you go. No, you go.
不 你去 不 你去
Jake, how about I put some ice cream in that root beer and make it a float?
杰克 我在根汁汽水里 放些冰激凌浮在上面 怎么样?
Thank you. That'd be great.
谢谢你 那太好了
It's like she can read my mind.
她和我真是心有灵犀啊
Go get in the car.
快去车里等着
Fine, I'll just go tell Janine that you want me to wait in the car by myself
好 我要去告诉珍妮 你让我一个人在车里等着
so you can try and have sex with her.
以便你能和她做♥爱♥
Sit down, you little bastard.
坐下 你这个小混♥蛋♥
Now, this picture here is toward the end of my labor.
现在看的这张照片是我分娩时拍的
That's my vagina,
那是我的阴♥道♥
and that's Melissa's little head pokin' out of me like a groundhog.
这是梅丽莎探出的小脑袋 就像土拨鼠一样
Hey, I guess if she'd seen her shadow,
我猜如果她看到自己的样子
I would've had six more weeks of labor, huh?
我可能得再有6周才能生出她来吧?
It's funny.
真好笑
You know, of all my kids, she was the easiest.
你知道吗 在我的所有孩子中 她是最好生的
Just like popping out a ping-pong ball.
就像弹出一个乒乓球
That's quite an image.
真生动形象啊
Yeah, oh, and it was a natural childbirth, too.
而且这也是自然分娩
No drugs, just a couple of peyote buttons and bitin' down on a rope.
没用麻醉 就用了一些仙人球和绳子
Mom, would you mind if Dr. Harper and I have a little time alone?
妈妈 能不能让哈珀医生 和我单独待一会儿?
I'm sorry, honey.
对不起 亲爱的
You kids must be as horny as a couple of drunken rabbits.
你们就像喝醉的兔子一样欲♥火♥中烧
Enjoy.
你们自便吧
Oh, uh, Kama Sutra's on the bookshelf case you feel like pushin' the envelope.
如果你需要的话 "性♥爱♥宝典"就在书架上
I'm sorry about that.
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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