好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S06E16
Part 2
Nov. 18, 2020, 9:12 a.m.
If you can live with yourself, more power to you.
如果你心里过得去的话 那就加油吧
If I could live with myself, we'd be having this conversation by telephone.
如果我能一个人住 咱们这就得在电♥话♥里讲话了
See, him I understand.
看 他就明白了
Charlie, bed, now, come.
查理 上♥床♥吧
Succinct, ain't she?
真够简洁扼要的 是不?
Does "succinct" mean what I think it means?
"简洁扼要"是我想的那个意思吗?
I highly doubt it.
我非常怀疑
Hello?
你在哪儿呢?
Right here, baby.
我在这里 亲爱的
Are you okay? Yeah, why?
你没事吧? 没事 怎么了?
Never mind. Come on. Come on.
算了 来 起来
Let's get you into bed. Thank you.
我扶你上♥床♥ 谢谢你
Hey, you remember when we were in Vegas
你还记不记得咱们在拉斯维加斯的时候
and I talked that cute waitress into joining us?
我让那个可爱的女服务员跟咱们玩3P
Yeah, I do.
我记得
I saw her last week at the Hard Rock.
我上周在"摇滚餐厅"看见她了
No kidding. She gained a lot of weight.
真的? 她胖了很多
Is that so? Yeah, we were lucky.
是吗? 咱们很幸运
We nailed her right before she quit smoking.
刚好在她戒烟前把她搞到手
Listen, Wanda, uh...
听着 旺达 呃...
She does smell better, though.
不过 她确实好闻多了
I'm sure, but listen... Like Fritos.
我相信 但是听我说... 闻起来像油炸玉米饼
You know what? I got to... check on something.
那个 我得去...检查下东西
Well, is it okay if I start without you?
那我能自己先开始吗?
Top drawer, nightstand--take your pick.
床头柜最上边的抽屉里有工具 自己挑一个
Careful. The big one's a flashlight.
小心点 最大那个是手电筒来的
That was fast. I'm guesng.
很快嘛 我猜的
You're right. I'm a sleazeball.
你说得对 我是个混球
Don't tell me you actually had a moral epiphany.
别告诉我 你突然良心发现了
Uh, "epiphany" means... Don't bother.
"发现"的意思是... 别烦我
I don't know what you call it,
我不知道你会怎么说
but I've got a gorgeous, willing girl in my bed,
我床上有个风情万种十分饥渴的女人
and I'm just not interested.
但我就是提不起兴趣
Maybe you're a gay sleazeball.
也许你是个同性恋混球
I'll tell you what's going on.
我来告诉你是怎么回事
You care about Chelsea too much
你太在乎切尔西了
to cheapen your relationship with a meaningless one-night stand.
所以你不想用 毫无意义的一♥夜♥情♥去破坏你们的感情
You're right. I do care about Chelsea. I'm crazy about her.
你说得对 我很在乎切尔西 我为她疯狂
Boy, that sucks.
天 真逊
Hello. Oh, hey, Chelsea, we were just...
喂 切尔西 我们刚刚...
Give me that.
把电♥话♥给我
Hey, baby, what's going on?
宝贝 怎么样了
He did? At his own mother's funeral?
他真那么做了? 在他亲生母亲的葬礼上?
Her ex-husband put the moves on her.
他前夫对她动手动脚
What a sleazeball.
真是个混球啊
No, no, no, don't blame yourself. You were right to go to the funeral.
不 不 别怪自己 去葬礼是没错的
Tonight?
今晚?
I'd love to see you tonight, but...
我今晚是很想见你 可是...
isn't it a little late to drive all the way from Santa Barbara?
你从圣芭芭拉开回来 也未免太远了吧?
Oh, you're already on the road.
你已经在路上啦
Oh, that close?
快到啦?
Wonderful. Drive safe.
太棒了 开车小心哦
Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap.
我靠 我靠 我靠
Remember when I was little and every time someone said "crap",
记得我小时候 有人说"我靠"的时候
they had to put a dollar in the swear jar?
他们就得往储蓄罐里扔一美元罚金吗?
I do.
记得
Whatever happened to all that money?
那些钱哪去了?
Wanda, I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but you got to get the hell out of here.
旺达 我也不想这样 但你现在得走人
Come on. Chop-chop.
快点 起来啦
Wanda?
旺达?
Wanda...
旺达...
Oh, darn.
真见鬼
So the car's a time machine?
这么说汽车就是时间机器?
Yeah, it's called a DeLorean. They don't make 'em anymore.
是的 德洛雷安牌汽车 现在已经停产了
Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap. Help.
我靠 我靠 我靠 我靠 帮帮忙啊
I need help. Oh, my God, wwhat happened? What's wrong?
求助 求助 老天 发生什么事了 怎么啦
Wanda passed out and Chelsea's on her way over.
旺达不省人事 切尔西就快来了
Interesting story about the DeLorean.
关于德洛雷安有个很有趣的故事
It was built by a man named John DeLorean.
这品牌是由约翰 德洛雷安创建的
Are you not listening to me? I've got an emergency here.
你没听见我的话嘛? 情况危急啊
A dead girl in your bed is an emergency.
你床上有个死了的女人才算情况危急
A passed-out girl is a dinner date.
一个不省人事的女人就是甜点了
I still don't understand why it's called Back to the Future.
我还是不明白这电影为什么叫"回到未来"
Because they're stuck in the past, and they have to get back...
因为他们陷在过去了 所以他们得回...
Home.
家
Oh, for God's sake, come on!
看在上帝的份上 求你了
My girlfriend's on her way over, and I've got a half-naked broad upstairs!
我女朋友就快到了 可我房♥间里 还有个半裸的大胸女人
Half-naked. I'm your man.
半裸啊 我来帮忙
Sit down.
坐下
Have you tried waking her up?
你试过叫醒她吗?
Well, of course I've tried waking her up. This is not my first unk bimbo!
当然啦 她又不是我遇到的 第一个喝得烂醉的女人
So, what do you expect us to do?
那你想我们怎么帮你?
I expect you to help me get her dressed and drive her home.
帮我把她衣服穿好 然后送她回家
Enough talk. Let's get to it.
不用多说了 我们这就去
I said, sit down.
给我乖乖坐下
Where does she live?
她住在哪里?
I have no idea.
我不知道
So, how am I supposed to drive her home?
那我怎么送她回家?
Oh, come on. Do I have to think of everything? Just help me!
拜托 难道我一切都要考虑周全 帮帮忙啊
All right.
好吧
Oh, and I'm a sleazeball?
还说我是混球?
You're-You're misreading my-my "wow."
你-你误解我的"哇"啦
I meant "Wow, what a predicament."
我是说"哇 这状况真难搞啊"
Yeah, right. You hold her up. I'll put her dress on.
是啊 好了 你扶她起来我帮她衣服穿上
Okay. She's very fit.
好的 她身材真不错
Hold her arms up. Really soft skin.
把她手抬起来 柔软的肌肤
Smells nice, too.
真香啊
Okay, why don't you just put a chloroform-soaked handkerchief over her face
你怎么不用浸满三氯甲烷(麻醉剂)的手帕 把她弄晕
and throw her in the back of your panel van?
然后把她扔到你货车尾箱去?
Sounds like a waste of chloroform, doesn it?
那不是浪费三氯甲烷嘛?
Okay, you get her head; I'll get her feet.
好了 你托她的头 我托她的脚
Why do you get her feet?
为什么你托她的脚?
What difference does it make? I like feet.
有什么区别吗? 我喜欢脚
Just get her head.
乖乖托她的头就是了
Okay, on three. One, two, three.
好 数到三 1 2 3
Goodness.
上帝啊
Slowly, slowly.
慢点 慢点
Slowly, my ass. Come on.
慢你个头啊 快点
Let's get her out of here. Charlie. Charlie...
把她弄出去 查理 查理...
Goodness gracious, these are real.
仁慈的主啊 这咪♥咪♥绝对货真价实
Slowly. Slowly.
慢点 慢点
Quickly. Quickly.
快点 快点
Hi, baby. Come on in.
宝贝 快进来
Oh, Charlie, you were so right about Alex.
你那么说亚历克斯真是很对
Alex?
亚历克斯?
Oh, yeah. Alex. What a sleazeball.
没错 亚历克斯 整个一大混球
Can I get you something to drink?
给你拿点喝的?
No. I just want to get in bed and hold you.
不了 我只想上♥床♥ 然后紧紧拥抱你
Oh, boy, does that sound good.
天呐 真是个好主意啊
Leme just say good night to Jake. Okay. I'll meet you upstai.
我先和杰克说晚安 好 我到楼上等你
You know what? Why don't you come say good night, too?
为什么我们不一起去说呢?
Why?
为什么
Well, you're my girlfriend, and he's my nephew, and...
你是我女朋友 他是我侄子 还有...
isn't that enough?
这些还不够吗?
Hey, Jake...
杰克...
Might want to hang back a sec. I just ripped off an air biscuit.
你们最好等下再过来 我刚刚发射了个空气炮
What? I farted.
什么? 我刚放屁了
Sorry. I get the fancy words from my dad.
不好意思 我从老爸那里学得文绉绉的
Anyway, Chelsea and I just wanted to say good night.
好吧 我和切尔西只是想说声晚安
Okay.
嗯
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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