好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S06E03
Part 1
Nov. 18, 2020, 9:09 a.m.
What are you doing?
你干嘛
What does it look like I'm doing?
你看我在干嘛
I'd rather not say.
我不想说
I'm trying to open these cinnamon buns.
我要打开这罐肉桂蛋糕卷
Why?
为什么
I thought I'd try and do a little baking.
我想试试做菜
You drunk?
喝醉了?
A little bit.
有一点
Why is it child-proof?
干嘛把它弄成儿童安全型的
Are kids o.d.'ing on this stuff?
孩子们喜欢过量食用这东西?
Have you considered reading the instructions?
你有没有想到过读读说明书
Ooh, listen to mr. college boy.
听听大学才子的话
"to open, strike sharply on edge of counter."
若要打开 则把它用力敲打桌子边缘
Really?
真的吗
Really.
真的
All right. I'll play along.
好吧 那我就照他说的做
I christen thee h.m.s. kitchen table.
我向你致敬 神圣的餐桌
Godspeed.
上帝保佑你
I think we got a bad bun tube.
我看这包装质量不行
Gimme.
给我
You just gotta know how to whack it.
你丫得学学怎么敲东西
I bow to your superior expertise.
向你的高端技术致敬
So, how come you're all spiffed up?
你穿得这么光鲜干嘛
I've got a date.
我有一个约会
Oh, two nights in a row.
连续两晚啊
So, who's the glutton for punishment?
是谁这么愿意受苦受难
At the risk of tooting my own horn,
冒着极大的危险
I am actually seeing two different women.
我在和两个女人约会
Wow, two women. yeah.
哇 两个女人
And yet you're still tooting your own horn.
而你晚上依然只能自己玩自己
Hey, you know what's fun?
告诉你什么是快乐
When you can talk 'em into tooting each other's horns.
如果你能说服她们互相"玩" 那才叫爽
I'm not seeing them at the same time.
我不是和她们俩同时见面的
Well, that makes it more difficult.
这样的话就很困难了
But not impossible.
但也不是不可能
U put the icing on after it comes out of the oven, right?
糖霜是烘完之后再放的对吗
Right. drizzle, don't squeeze.
对 慢慢滴 不要挤
Thus spake the whacker.
这是老师♥傅♥说的
So, what prompted this break from serial monogamy?
话说你的专一性怎么会被打破了
I don't know, I'm just tired of putting all my eggs in one basket.
我也不知道 我不想再把所有鸡蛋都放在一个篮子里了
The basket being a woman? yes.
篮子代表女人? 没错
And the eggs being your bun tube?
鸡蛋代表你的肉桂卷?
No, see, the thing is, when I'm just dating one woman at a time,
不 是这样的 我只和一个女人约会的话
If she dumps me...
如果她甩了我...
When she dumps you.
当她甩了你
Either way, I have to start from scratch finding a new woman.
随便怎么说 我都要从零开始 另外找一个女人
However, when I'm dating two women, if one of them dumps me...
然而 我和两个女人约会的话 如果其中一个甩了我
When one of them dumps you.
当其中一个甩了你
Either way, I'm not alone.
随便怎么说 我还不孤单
Wait a second. wait a second.
等一下 等一下
You're saying that it's advantageous
你是说 同时和多个女人约会
To date more than one woman at a time?
感觉是非常良好的?
Good lord, man, you're a genius!
上帝啊 你真是天才
We must tell other men!
我必须告诉其他男人
Okay, maybe I'm a little late to the party.
好吧 我现在去派对可能有点晚了
A little late?
有点晚?
The girl already jumped out of the cake and everybody's had a piece.
女孩们都从蛋糕里蹦出来了 大家每人都分到一个
Well, late or not, I'm here.
我才不管 反正我要去
And it turns out when it comes to 40-year-old,
而事实上 对于那些圣费尔南多山谷的
Divorced moms in the san fernando valley, I'm quite the catch.
40岁上下的单身母亲来说 我是很吃香的
I'm not surprised. you're not?
我不觉得奇怪 是吗
Lights out at fat camp, a jelly bean is steak tartar.
在胖子集中营熄灯的话 软糖吃上去都像牛排一样
Hey, I'm single, employed, disease-free, well-read,
我是单身贵族 而且事业有成 没病没灾 博学多才
Cute as a bug and perfectly capable of
玉树临风 并且很懂得如何去
Pretending to like other people's children.
假装喜欢别人的孩子
Impressive.
很厉害
Do these broads know that you're dipping
那些女人知道你把薯片
Your chip in the salsa and the guacamole?
既蘸萨尔萨酱 又蘸瓜卡莫勒酱吗
What?
什么
You know, hittin' two pinatas with one stick?
你知道的 用一根棍子捅两个小妞
Toppin' off both tanks with the same hose?
用一根管子给两个水箱浇水
Throwin' your balls down two alleys?
把一个保龄球滚向两条球道
Still don't get it?
还不明白
No, I got it. and, uh, and thank you.
我明白了 谢谢
Um... but no, they don't know.
她们不知道
These are divorced valley moms trolling
那些单身母亲只是在
For a new schmuck to replace the old schmuck.
寻找一个新混♥蛋♥来代替以前那个老混♥蛋♥
And you let them think that might be you?
你觉得她们会看上你吗
It's not like I have to lie.
我不需要吹牛
Look at me-- I scream schmuckdom.
看看我 我就是一个做新混♥蛋♥的料
They're rising.
它们在撑大
It's a miracle.
简直就是奇迹
Yes, the miracle of yeast.
是的 这是一个酵母的奇迹
I gotta go.
我走了
Go, my son.
去吧孩子
Drizzle thy frosting on the divorced sticky buns of the valley.
把糖霜滴在那些离婚的香酥圆面包上吧
You're a great cook, uncle charlie.
你真会烧东西 查理叔叔
It's no big deal.
没什么
Those chefs on tv act like they're curing leprosy or something.
电视上那些厨师都假装自己能治好麻疯病呢
Can you make meat loaf?
你会做肉丸子吗
Does it come in a tube?
是用条装的吗
No-- god-- it comes on a plate.
不 做好是放在盆子上的
Can I have some of that?
我能尝点那个东西吗
Beer? no.
啤酒 不能
Why not?
为什么
Because when you're 14, you don't ask your uncle for beer.
因为当你还是14岁时 就不要管你叔叔要啤酒喝
Who do I ask?
那我管谁要
I don't know...
我不知道
Try hangin' outside a liquor store and look for a
到外面的酒吧逛一下
Guy wearing house slippers and talking to himself.
找个穿着拖鞋自言自语的人问一下
What's his name?
他叫什么名字
You can't have any beer, jake.
你不能喝啤酒 杰克
Man, I thought you were cool.
兄弟 我原以为你很开明的
I am. and you know what makes me cool?
我确实是 你知道我为啥会这么开明吗
The fact that your opinion means less than squat to me.
就因为你的看法对我而言屁都不如
How old were you when you had your first beer?
你第一次喝啤酒时是多少岁
13... two... 32.
13 2 32
Yeah, right.
拉倒吧
Listen, we're not talking about me.
听着 我们不是谈论我
We're talking about you.
我们是在谈论你
What about me?
我咋了?
Well, it likes this
事情是这样的
Alcohol is for people who can afford to lose a few brain cells.
酒精是给那些可以承受牺牲一些脑细胞的人喝的
Yeah? so?
是吗 那又怎样
I rest my case.
案情陈述完毕
What case?
什么案情
Morning, buddy.
早啊 哥们
How do you like your eggs?
你希望你的蛋怎么个整法
In an easter basket.
放复活节彩蛋篮里
Scrambled it is.
那就炒的吧
Morning. morning.
早上好 早上好
What are you doing?
你在干什么?
Cooking breakfast.
做早餐
How do you like your eggs?
你希望你的蛋怎么个整法
Sunny side up.
精神点的就行
Scrambled it is.
那就炒的吧
Cooking for dummies.
为傻子做饭
No offense, jake. I'm actually cookin' for everybody.
没有冒犯你的意思 杰克 实际上我是在给大家做早餐
What brought this on?
这是怎么回事
I don't know. i...
我不知道 我
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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