好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S06E05
Part 1
Nov. 18, 2020, 9:10 a.m.
I can't believe you've been going to gym all this time without a jockstrap.
真不敢相信你上这么久体育课了 连个运动短裤都没买♥♥过
I don't like it. It feels like I'm flossing my butt crack.
我不喜欢那个 感觉就像用牙线剔我的股沟
Based on what I'm paying your dentist, you know nothing about flossing.
基于我在你的牙医身上花的钱 你对牙线问题才啥也不懂
Think of it as a bra for your balls.
把这想象成给你蛋蛋戴胸罩好了
Oh,now I want one.
噢 现在我想要了
What size are you?
你穿多少码的?
How should I know?
我怎么知道?
I think they have one of those measuring things.
我觉得店里应该有帮量尺寸的
You know,like at the shoe store. Length,width.
就跟鞋店那种 量个长宽高的
He's kidding,right?
他是扯的 对不?
Yes,he's joking,
恩 他逗你玩呢
Don't do that.
吓死我了
Here,"teen."
给你 "青少年型"
Think you can fit your junk into that?
你觉得你的屁♥股♥能塞得进去?
I'll make it fit. Let's just go.
不行就硬塞 走吧
No,no,put it on over your pants. We'll take a look.
不要嘛 你就放在裤子上比量一下 一看就知道了
The heck you will.
你放 我就放
Charlie,you're embarrassing him.
查理 你让他难堪了
Of course I am. That's why I came.
那当然啦 你以为我来干嘛的
Oh,sorry,sorry. Excuse me.
噢 不好意思 不好意思 让一让
Charlie Harper? Where? He owes me money.
查理 哈珀? 哪里? 他欠我钱呢
Miss Pasternak?
帕斯捷尔纳克老师?
Jake! Wow,look at you. Look how much you've grown.
杰克! 挖无 快看看 你都这么大了
I reached puberty.
我到青春期了
Oh,right,Miss Pasternak, fifth grade,
噢 原来是帕斯捷尔纳克老师
Woodward Avenue Elementary School.
伍德沃德大道小学的五年级老师
Oh,yeah, Miss Pasternak!
哦 原来是帕斯捷尔纳克老师!
Oh,yeah, Miss Pasternak.
噢 是帕斯捷尔纳克老师啊
So,are you still teaching?
你还当老师吗?
No. No,I'm not. How are you,Charlie?
不 不 不了 你最近怎样 查理?
Good,good. Nice to see you. Long time. You look terrific.
很好很好 很久没见到你了 真开心哈 你现在漂亮极了
Guess who's wearing a jock. Oh,how nice.
猜猜谁要穿运动短裤了 噢 真好
Well,it's great to see you all. Good-bye.
很高兴遇到大家 再见
Bye,Miss Pasternak.
再见 帕斯捷尔纳克老师
Dodged a bullet there. I'll say.
轻松过关 我就知道
She was kind of shook up after I broke it off with her.
我跟她分手以后 她好像有点神志失常
Kind of shook up? She went banas and bit the gym teacher.
有点? 她就像是得了失心疯一样 还咬了一个体育老师
Where?
在哪?
In the gym.
体育馆里
You miserable son of a bitch!
你个狗♥娘♥养♥的!
I gave you my heart, I gave you my soul,
我为你付出了一切 感情
I gave you my body and you just threw me aside like I was some piece of garbage!
身体 而你却像丢垃圾一样 把我丢在一边!
Yeah,my bad.
好吧 我的错
So,what's new?
近来咋样呀?
Oh,you want to catch up? Yeah,sure,let's catch up.
哦 你想叙旧?那好 我们就来叙旧
Let's see,um,well,okay, after you dumped me, I had a nervous breakdown.
让我想想 自从你把我甩了 我就崩溃了
Well,it sure looks like you bounced back.
现在看起来你挺过来了嘛
And then after my breakdown, I got fired and blackballed from teaching.
我崩溃了以后 就被解雇了 从此再也不能当老师了
bummer.
真可怜
So,what are you up to now?
那你现在做什么工作呢?
I'll tell you what I'm up to now.
我来告诉你我现在处境如何
I lost my house,I'm living in a cheap motel,
我的公♥寓♥被收回了 我住在一家廉价的汽车旅馆
and my new career is giving lap dances to strangers
我的新工作是给陌生人跳膝舞
while I'm swinging by my crotch
每天晚上我的屁♥股♥无数次摇晃着
on a pole eight times a night.
触碰着那些男人的小♥弟♥弟♥
Have you considered an athletic supporter?
你就没想过要来点专业的提臀裤?
Okay,well, thanks for thepdate.
好啦 谢谢告诉我你的近况
Nice seeing you. Move,move,move.
遇见你很高兴 快走 快走 快走
You ruined my life, Charlie Harper!
你毁了我的一生 查理 哈珀!
Righto. Bye.
是就是吧 再见咯
We didn't pay for the jockstrap.
这运动短裤还没付钱呢
Just keep walking.
快走就是了
How can you live with yourself, y
你怎么还能安心过好日子呢?
ou horrible evil man?
你这个没良心的恶劣男人!
He drinks.
酗酒呗
Two And A Half Men Season06 Episode05
好汉两个半:第六季第5集
What are you watching?
你在看啥呢?
The Food Network.
"美食"频道
I'm learning how to prepare a cinnamon-apple cobbler.
我在学做肉桂苹果派
Tired of being at the mercy of the dealers,huh?
整天吃外卖♥♥都烦了 是吧?
What?
什么?
Nothing,nothing.
没事 没事
Listen,I think I owe you an apology.
我想我应该跟你道个歉
For what?
为啥?
You know,this morning in the drugstore?
就是今天在药店的事情?
Oh,yeah,the jockstrap jokes. Youshouldbe sorry.
噢 那个 你拿我的运动短裤开玩笑 的确应该跟我道歉
No,not the jockstrap jokes.
才不是 不是运动短裤的玩笑
Those were funny. I stand by those.
那个搞笑死了 爱都来不及呢
I meant the run-in with your old teacher.
我是说偶遇你以前的老师的事情
You probably shouldn't have seen that.
真不该让你承受这些
I've seen worse.
更糟的我都见过呢
Remember the Pilates instructor
还记得那个把点着的交通信♥号♥♥火炬
who threw the lit road flare through your bedroom window?
从窗户里丢进你房♥间的普拉提教练不?
Yeah.
当然
That was awesome.
帅呆了
That's one word for it.
也可以这么说啦
Oh,and remember the dental hygienist
还记得那个给你屁♥股♥打了无数针
who shot your ass up full of Novocain?
奴佛卡因的牙科保健员不? 注:奴佛卡因:局麻药
I do.
当然
That was so funny. You kept falling off the toilet.
搞笑死了 你连马桶都坐不稳
Yeah,good times.
是呢 美好时光
What do you do that gets these women so pissed off at you?
你到底干了什么 让这些女的 对你都这么不爽?
It's hard to say exactly.
很难说清楚
I guess when a guy has an intimate relationship...
我想当一个男人亲近...
Oh,remember the girl from the tanning salon who tried to shoot you with a bow and arrow?
噢 还记得那个想用弓箭射你的 美黑中心女孩不?
Yeah,Jake.
记得 杰克
My point is,I was wrong in the way I treated those women,
我是想说 我这么对这些女的是不对
and you should learn a lesson from my mistakes.
你应该从我的错误中吸取教训
You mean like keep a fire extinguisher by your bed?
你是说 要记得在床边放一个灭火器?
Sure,that's one lesson.
那可以算是其中一个吧
And whenever a dental hygienist drops a quarter,
不管什么时候 一个口腔保健员
never bend over to pick it up?
钱掉的时候 千万不要弯腰去捡?
Yeah,that,too.
好吧 这也算
And never go to a Halloween party
千万不要跟一个打扮成罗宾汉的女孩
with a girl dressed as Robin Hood?
一起去万圣节晚会?
The thing is,Jake, you wouldn't have to learn any of these lessons
其实 杰克 如果一开始你就对这些 女生好一点的话
if you always treated women better in the first place.
你说的这些教训都不用吸取了
I'm confused. If I don't have to learn them,
我晕 如果我都不用吸取这些教训
why are you bothering me with them?
你干嘛还拿这些来烦我?
I don't know.
我不知道
I'm sorry to take up your valuable time.
不好意思 耽误你宝贵的时间了
What the heck was that all about?
神叨叨的说什么呢?
Guess what?
猜猜怎么着?
Turns out my kid's jockstrap is too small.
事实证明我儿子的运动短裤太小了
Good news,eh?
好消息吧?
Yeah,terrific.
恩 无敌的好
Alan,let me ask you something.
艾伦 我问你个问题
Do you think I'm a horrible, evil person?
你觉得我是个没良心的臭男人不?
Yes.
是的
What? You are.
干嘛?你本来就是
Thanks a lot.
谢谢夸奖哈
Well,you know,not intentionally evil.
其实 你也不是有意为恶的
I mean,you know, is a tornado evil when it picks up a mobile home
我是说 龙♥卷♥风♥把一间活动房♥屋
and flings it into an orphanage?
刮到孤儿院里 就能说这是它的错吗?
Is a shark evil when it eats some poor schmuck on a boogie board?
鲨鱼吃了几个冲浪的傻B 就能说人家是恶鱼咩?
Is a flesh-eating virus evil when it attacks...
食肉病毒攻击了几个... 就能说它不好吗?
I get it,I get it,I get it.
我懂了 我懂了 我懂你的意思了
I'm a malevolent force of nature.
我是自然的不可抗力之恶
Pretty much.
差不多就是这个意思
Is this about what happened with Jake's old teacher today?
是不是今天遇到杰克以前的老师让你 深思至此了?
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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