好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S06E19
Part 2
Nov. 18, 2020, 9:12 a.m.
That's what we idiots do when we hear a doorbell.
这是我们白♥痴♥在听到门铃 响的时候所做的事情
Hi,Dad. Bye,Mom. Good luck,Herb.
嗨 老爸 再见 老妈 祝你好运 哈珀
Bye,Jake. Wish I was going with you.
再见 杰克 真希望我能和你一起走
I knew it as soon as it came out of my mouth.
我一说出那句话 就知道会这样
I could get used to this.
我会习惯这种生活的
Don't.
可别
As far as Charlie is concerned, mi casa es mi casa.
查理所担心的是 我家是我家(西班牙语)
All right, I've ordered your pizza. I'm going home.
好了 我给你们订了比萨 我要回去了
Thanks,Berta.
多谢 贝塔
Ordering a pizza and going home--
订比萨和回家...
two of the three things you want in a woman.
这是你想从女人那里得到的三件事中的两件
And you wonder why Chelsea dumped you.
就你这德行 还不明白为啥切尔西把你给甩了
I'll tell you what I wonder.
我告诉你我有什么不明白的
I wonder how you could possibly get stoned enough
我在想你吸大♥麻♥怎么会吸到
to stick your tongue
把你的舌头伸到一个60岁女人
in the mouth of a 60-year-old woman.
嘴里的神志不清的程度
Zing!
嗖!
Boy,I just love this male bonding. Giving each other the old business.
伙计 我爱死男人间的这种关系了 互相给对方好戏看
The old business?
好戏?
Yeah,you know,the needle, the zetz,the razzmatazz.
是啊 相互嘲笑 打闹 话里有话
Herb,I got to ask you something.
哈珀 我想问你件事
Are there any other guys you hang out with?
你和别的男的一起玩过吗?
Oh,sure,I have my peeps.
当然 我有很多朋友
There's my,uh, water polo league, the guys down at the model train shop.
我有水球联赛的一帮哥们 火车模型店里的一帮哥们
Oh,and my,uh, barbershop quartet.
哦 还有理发店四重唱哥们
Although I can't have them over to the house anymore.
不过我再也不能邀请他们到家里来玩了
Why not?
为什么?
Four part harmony triggers Judith's migraines.
四和声会让朱迪丝偏头痛
Plus,mustaches creep her out.
而且 小胡子会把她吓着
Oh,not just mustaches. Any facial hair whatsoever.
哦 不光是小胡子 任何面部毛发都会吓着她
Except eyebrows.
除了眉毛
Neatly trimmed. Right. The two finger rule.
要修剪整洁 没错 中间隔两个指头
Chelsea had a two finger rule.
切尔西也有两个指头的规定
Nothing to do with eyebrows,though.
不过和眉毛没有什么关系
All right,I'll see you later.
好了 一会见
Where are you going?
你要去哪?
Down to the pier with Celeste.
和西莱斯特去码头
Who's Celeste? My girlfriend. She lives next door.
谁是西莱斯特? 我女朋友 她住在隔壁
Is she pretty?
她漂亮吗?
She's gorgeous and smart and popular.
她既高雅又聪明 大家都喜欢她
No kidding? We don't get it,either.
不是开玩笑吧? 我们也想不明白
Maybe she's punishing her father.
也许她在惩罚她父亲
Let's hope so.
希望如此吧
You know, I'm just the stepdad here, but,uh,shouldn't you tell him what time to be home?
我只是他继父了 但你不该告诉他要几点回来吗?
I don't have to. I know her father.
用不着 我了解她父亲
Hey,Jake.
嗨 杰克
Hello,sir.
你好 先生
Celeste,Jake's here! So how have you been?
西莱斯特 杰克来了! 最近怎么样啊?
We're walking down to the pier,
我们准备到码头散散步
we're gonna play skeeball, we'll be back by 11:00.
然后玩会迷你桌面游戏 11点回来
You're damn right you will.
说到做到啊
Come on. It's freezing out here.
快进来 外面太冷了
Shouldn't we put out the cigars?
难道不用掐掉雪茄吗?
Why?
为什么?
'cause we're not allowed to smoke in the house?
因为屋里不许抽烟?
It's my house. We can smoke cigars, we can smoke salmon, whatever we want.
这是我家 抽啥都行 随你的便
Are you sure?
确定?
Relax. No whiny broad is going to nag at you.
放心吧 绝对没有烦人的婆娘来唠叨你
Uh,Herb,make sure you use an ashtray and a coaster.
哈珀 烟灰弹到烟灰缸里 酒杯放到杯垫儿上
I stand corrected.
我说错了
Zing!
嗖!
Hotcha!
Hotcha!
Oh,this is going to be a long night.
这一晚上真是有的受了
Hi,Charlie.
嗨 查理
Oh,God. What did the little knucklehead do?
老天 那小笨蛋又干啥蠢事了?
Nothing--Jake said you guys were hanging out, and I thought you might want some company.
没有 杰克说你们几个一起呆着呢 我想人越多越热闹吧
Sure,come on in.
没错 进来吧
I baked snickerdoodles if you're hungry.
你们要是饿的话 吃点我烤的肉桂饼干
You baked snickerdoodles? Yeahwhy is that funny?
你还做了肉桂饼干? 是啊 好笑吗?
It's not.
不好笑
You know Alan, and this is Herb.
你见过艾伦了 这位是哈珀
Make yourself comfortable. Can I get you something to drink?
随便坐 想喝点什么吗?
I wouldn't say no to an apple-tini.
要是有苹果鸡尾酒的话 我可拒绝不了 (女士钟爱的鸡尾酒)
An apple-tini? My brother drinks apple-tinis.
苹果鸡尾酒? 我弟弟喝苹果鸡尾酒
Why is that funny?
这也好笑吗?
It's not.
不好笑
One apple-tini coming up.
一杯苹果鸡尾酒 马上就来
He can get away with it; you can't.
我不敢笑话他 我可敢笑话你
So,how do you know Charlie and Alan?
你怎么认识查理和艾伦的?
Oh,I'm married to Alan's ex-wife.
我娶了艾伦的前妻
No kidding. And you hang out?
不是吧 那你俩还在一起混?
Yeah. Sure.
是啊 不成问题
I couldn't be friends with the man who's putting it to my ex.
打死我也不会和搞我前妻的人成朋友
Well,to be fair,there hasn't been a lot of putting lately.
公平地讲 最近基本也没怎么搞
And after the baby's born, there will be even less.
依我的经验 孩子出生后 搞得会更少
How is that possible?
怎么可能?
Not only will she not let you touch her, she'll interrupt you while you're touching yourself.
她不但不让你碰她 还不让你碰自己
I had to start showering at the Y.
我那阵都跑到青年会 趁洗澡的时候自己解决的
Okay,one appletini. Thank you.
苹果鸡尾酒来了 多谢
What are you guys talking about?
你们聊啥呢?
Masturbating at the YMCA.
在基♥督♥教青年会里打手♥枪♥
Really? Just talk,right?
是吗? 只是说说吧?
Yeah,but the night is young.
对 夜未央嘛
solve one of the great mysteries of life for us.
替我们解个生活中的大谜题吧
What does your daughter see in Jake?
你女儿究竟看上杰克哪点了?
You know,I've been asking myself the same thing.
这事我也搞不懂
Maybe she's punishing me.
没准她是在故意气我
No offense. None taken.
没冒犯你的意思 没事
We're way ahead of you.
要生气早就被气死了
You know,my wife and I are having a girl. Any advice?
我马上就要有个女儿了 给点建议吧?
Yeah. Before your daughter starts dating, um,bulk up.
在她开始和人约会之前 你得再长壮点
Okay.
好的
Boy. Remember when we first started dating?
还记着你们的第一次约会吗?
Yep,eighth grade. Louise Miller.
当然 八年级的时候和Louise Miller
Oh,ninth grade. Maxine Chernakoff.
我是九年级和Maxine Chernakoff
Sixth grade,Mrs. Terapotta.
六年级 和Terapotta老师
Wasn't actually a date.
也算不上是真正的约会
Nowadays,she'd probably go to jail.
要是搁现在 她可能得进监狱了
So,uh,what about you,Herb?
你是怎么个情况 哈珀?
What about me,what?
什么情况?
Uh,your first date. Uh,junior high,high school?
第一次约会 初中 高中?
College,freshman year. I was kind of a geek in high school.
大一 我高中时候有点呆
Hard to believe.
看不出来啊
No,really. They called me Big Bird.
真的 他们管我叫"大鸟"
So,what happened in college?
那你大学那个怎么搞上的?
I stopped wearing yellow shirts and lowered my standards.
我不♥穿♥那种黄衬衫了 还降低了择偶标准
Okay,okay. Here's one.
行了 下一话题
First sexual experience that was not traditional intercourse.
第一次非常规的性体验
What are we talking about here?
指哪方面?
You know what I'm talking about.
你知道我指哪方面
Boy Scouts?
当童子军的时候?
What?
咋了?
Zing!
嗖!
Alan. When did you first take your oral exams?
艾伦 你第一次被口♥活♥是啥时候?
Oh,I... I-I don't think I should say.
这我不能说
Why not? I just don't.
为啥? 没为啥 就是不能说
Come on,Alan,we're all friends. Who was it?
得了 艾伦 咱都是朋友 还有啥不能说的 是谁?
Your wife.
你老婆
So,your first time doing that was with Judith?
你的第一次那个是跟朱迪丝?
Hey,me,too.
我也是
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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