好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S06E11
Part 3
Nov. 18, 2020, 9:11 a.m.
No. It's pitchfork time.
不行啊 是干草叉时间了
If you're late, you don't get the spit.
如果迟到了 就连口水润滑都没了
And, believe me, Charlie, you want the spit.
相信我 查理 你想要口水的
I want the spit!
我想要口水!
Harper. Charlie Harper. It was in a few days ago.
哈珀 查理 哈珀 几天前来过的
I peed in a cup; you took my blood
我尿在一个小杯子里 你抽了我血
and slipped a camera up the heart of darkness.
给我的肛♥门♥还做了内窥镜检查的
You know, the doctor said my results would beeady today.
医生说今天我的结果就出来了啊
Fine. Have him get back to me.
好吧 让他联♥系♥我
He's avoiding my calls, Alan.
他在躲我电♥话♥呢 艾伦
I'm gonna die.
我要死了
No. No you're not.
不 你不会的
I can feel it.
我能感觉得到
You might as well just drive into that tree and kill us both.
不如你开车撞那树上把咱俩都杀了吧
Sure. I don't want to go on living without you.
是哈 你走了我还真活不下去了
What's the point of it all?
到底是啥意思啊?
Yeah, I'm rich, charming, classically handsome.
确实 我有钱 又有魅力 很正统的帅气
I've laid more pipe than a guy who has sex with pipes.
我上过的女人比有些人吃的盐还多
But what have I done with my life?
但我这一生又做了什么呢?
A few stupid jingles; some kids' songs--nothing that really matters.
一些愚蠢的广♥告♥曲 儿歌♥--没什么是真正有意义的
Now, now, you're being too hard on yourself.
现在啊哈 你对自己太苛刻了哦
I've got no wife, I've got no children...
我还妻子 没孩子...
I'm going leave this world the way I came in...
我怎么来到这世上的就要怎么离开啊...
By Cesarean section?
用剖腹产么?
Alone.
孤独一人
Oh, for God sakes, Charlie, I am tired of listening to this.
哦 行行好吧 查理 我真是受够了听这些了
There has always been one person in your life who's been there for you and loved you unconditionally.
你这一生总有个人无条件的爱着你
You mean...
你是说...
You're right.
你说的对啊
How could I have missed it?
我怎么能错过了呢?
It's been in front of me the whole time!
远在天边近在眼前啊!
Well, you know, sometimes you can't see the forest for the trees,
你知道 人有时就是只见树木 不见森林啊
even when the forest is in your own backyard.
即使这树就在你的后院里
Or guest room.
或者是客房♥
Rose?
罗丝?
Yep, the one and only.
是滴 还能是谁啊
I know, I know. It's been awhile.
知道 知道 有一阵子了
I was thinking, if you're not too busy,
我在想啊 不是太忙的话
maybe we can get together, have a drink or something?
我们可以聚一聚 喝点酒啥的?
Well, great!
那好的!
So, do you want to meet, or should I pick you up?
在哪见面呢 还是我去接你?
Okay, I'll meet you back at my place.
好的 在我家见
Small world.
世界真小啊
Yeah. Teeny-tiny.
是啊 真是小得不得了
Here you go. Thank you, Charlie.
给你 谢谢你 查理
You comfy? Oh, very.
你舒服吗? 很舒服哦
Good.
那就好
So, Rose...
那么 罗丝...
Charlie...
查理...
Haven't seen you in awhile.
好久不见了
Can't say the same.
在我看来不是哈
Right, uh, sure.
对啊 哈 当然
Sorry about your friend.
真为你的朋友遗憾
Yeah, yeah, it was a real wake-up call for me.
恩 恩 对我真是有如醍醐灌顶啊
I can imagine.
能想象得到
Makes you stop and wonder what's important in your life.
让你不再怀疑什么才是生命中重要的
Who's important in your life.
谁才是生命中重要的
I've always known who's important in my life.
我一直都知道谁在我生命中是重要的
You have, haven't you.
你知道啊 可不是么
You know how I feel about you, right?
你知道我对你的感觉 是吧?
Tell me anyway.
不妨说来听听
Oh, okay.
哦 好吧
Well, as you know, we've had our ups and downs.
你也知道 我们之间大起大落的
I told you that was my medication.
我都告诉你了那是药物作用啊
I was talking about our relationship.
我在说咱的关系呢
Yes. That's had ups and downs, too. Continue.
啊 那也有大起大落的 继续说吧
Well, uh, I'm thinking, we're not getting any younger.
呃 我在想 我们都不会再年轻了
You know, there was a time when I did think I was getting younger
你知道 有一次我还真以为我年轻了
but it turns out that that was my medication.
但结果原来那才是药物作用
Sure.
当然
I also thought that I was getting smaller.
我也还以为我缩小了呢
Anyway, uh, it struck me that life is...
总之 呃 这让我意识到生命...
short, and maybe the time has come for you and I to start thinking about our future.
短暂 到了考虑你我未来的时候了
What about it?
未来怎么啦?
Well...
呃...
I know this is kind of sudden, but...
我知道这有点突然 但是...
Rose...
罗丝...
Yes, Charlie?
啥 查理?
Would you do me the honor of...
我能有幸...
I'm sorry. Let me just get rid of this.
抱歉 让我挂了
Oh, it's my doctor.
哦 是我的医生
Hey, Doc. What's the word?
嘿 医生 怎么说?
No liver damage whatsoever?
没有任何肝脏损坏?
What about my heart?
那心脏呢?
Well, that's terrific!
那太棒了!
Lungs are good, too?
肺也不错吧?
So I don't have to give up cigars?
那我不用戒掉雪茄了?
No, no, no, I won't overdo it.
好的 好的 好的 我不会太过火的
Just when I drink.
就在我喝酒的时候抽吧
Speaking of which--how's the plumbing?
说到这儿--那生殖系统呢?
Does that include the prostate?
那包括前列腺么?
Yes.
哦耶
All right, well, uh, thanks for getting back to me so soon.
好的 那多谢这么快就给我回电
And, again, I'm sorry for all the name calling when you slipped your finger up there.
再说一次抱歉 你指检我那地儿的时候我爆粗口了
Oh, boy, this is awkward.
哦 天哪 这可太尴尬了
Look at him--he's gonna live forever.
看他啊--他这就要永生了
Nah, it's just gonna seem like forever.
啥呀 只不过看上去像罢了
He smokes, he drinks, he parties like there's no tomorrow.
他抽烟酗酒 好像世界末日一样狂欢
Me?
我呢?
I have Mexican food and a couple of beers and I'm farting blood.
我吃点墨西哥菜喝几瓶酒就拉血
Yeah, boo-hoo.
是啊 呜呼哀哉
You just said Mexican food and I grew a third butt cheek.
你刚说了句墨西哥菜 我就又长出一半屁♥股♥
Life isn't fair, is it, Berta?
生活就是不公平的 是吧 贝塔?
If it were, you'd be cleaning my toilets and I'd have my own talk show.
如果是的话 你就在我家扫厕所 而我有自己的脱口秀了
A talk show?!
脱口秀?!
Why not? I'm personable.
怎么不可能? 人家风韵犹存啊
Well, at least he has a clean bill of health. I'm happy for that.
至少他健康的很啊 很替他高兴
Me, too.
我也是
I don't care if I never inherit this house.
不能继承他的房♥子的话也没关系
Uh, uh... excuse me?
呃 呃... 你说啥?
Oh, you ain't seen his new will, huh?
哦 你没看到他的新遗嘱 啊?
Uh, what new will?
啥...新遗嘱?
Never mind.
算了
But in case tragedy strikes,
要是真有悲剧上演
be prepared to clear your crap out of here in 48 hours.
做好准备在48小时内 收拾好你的破烂滚蛋
Son of a bitch.
这狗♥娘♥养♥的
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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