好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men S06E07
Part 3
Nov. 18, 2020, 9:10 a.m.
I'm not barking at you, I'm...
我没冲你吼 我是...
You're right. I'm sorry.
你说得对 我错了
I'm right and you're sorry?
我说得对 你错了??
Let's not waste the night arguing when we could spend it doing anything you want.
我们不要把你可以为所欲为的时间 浪费在吵架上面嘛
Anything?
为所欲为?
Anything.
任你差遣
Can you say I'm right again?
那你再说一次"你说得对"呗?
This is really depressing.
天呀 哈珀 你就住这地方 真可怜
You should see i during the day. You'd want to hang yourself.
如果你知道我白天都在干嘛 你肯定都想上吊
Well, ladies, welcome to Casa de Herb.
女士们 欢迎来到哈珀家
That's Spanish for House of Herb.
这是"哈珀家"的西班牙文
Just open the door. Hold on.
快开门吧 等一下
I'll trade you the lounge lizard
我用这个"懒洋洋的蜥蜴"
for the Jolly Green Jackass.
跟你换那个"乐呵呵绿衣服傻帽"
I hope you gals like trains.
希望两位小姐喜欢玩火车
Slow down, buddy. It's just the two of us.
悠着点 伙计 没人跟你争
All aboard!
我们上车吧!
I bet you thought this was gonna be weird.
我打赌你俩肯定觉得很诡异
Pretty nice, huh? Best H.O.money can buy.
很不错吧? 这是能买♥♥到的最好的火车模型了
You don't have to spell it, Herb. They know what they are.
你没必要说出来的 哈珀 她们俩不傻
So, shall we get this party started?
狂欢就要开始了吗?
Okeydokey.
没问题
Would you like a snack or a cold beverage?
要来点零食还是冷饮?
Um, Herb, while there is a social stigma to this transaction,
呃 哈珀 做这种买♥♥卖♥♥的最忌讳的
the big plus is these girls don't require any wining and dining.
就是你给姑娘们送吃的喝的
They just want to do the deed, then get as far away from us as they can.
她们只是想让你搞完 然后立马走人
Really? Not even a Snapple?
真的? 连可乐都不要?
They're not thirsty, Herb.
她们不渴 哈珀
And you're paying them by the hour.
而且她们是按小时收钱的
Oh, okay.
好吧
Well, I guess we should just, uh, go to the bedroom and, uh...
我想咱们还是直接去卧室...
Don't make me do this, Charlie.
你不要逼我 查理
What are you talking about? This was your idea.
你说啥呢? 这可是你的主意
I don't care. I'm not like you. I can't lay with whores.
我不管 我跟你不一样 我不能跟妓♥女♥上♥床♥
No offense. Where are you going?
不是针对你的 你要上哪儿?
I love my wife! I want her back!
我爱我老婆! 我想她回来!
All aboard?
两位要上车不?
Sweetie, uh, you're humming again.
亲爱的 你又开始哼哼唧唧的了
Sorry. Don't know the words.
对不起 一下没控制住
Um, okay, uh, could you please not open your mouth so wide?
停停 你能不能别把你嘴巴张那么大?
Better now?
现在好点没?
Yeah, it's fine. Just, uh, can you not talk in my mouth?
嗯 很好 但你能不能别在我嘴里说话?
More rules than a public pool around here.
亲你比去游泳池的规矩还多
They're not rules. It's just, uh, I know what I like, and you're not doing it.
不是规矩 是我喜欢这样做 但是你却没有这么做
All right, fine, what, uh... what do you like, Judith?
好吧 好吧 你都喜欢怎么样呢 朱迪丝?
I have to tell you?
全都得我来明说?
No, no, let me guess and get yelled at.
不 不 让我猜猜 然后你再吼
Nobody's yelling at you, Alan. I'm not your mother.
没人吼你来着 我又不是你妈
Oh, you're right, my mother can emasculate me without raising her voice.
你说的对 我老妈连吼都不用 我就完全没有"性趣"了
Oh, God, I can't do this.
神呀 我不能这么做
Do what?
怎么做?
I can't be with you again.
我不能再跟你在一起了
I was afraid of being 40 years old and all by myself,
我只是担心我都40了 还孤零零的一个人
but dying alone has got to be better than being stuck with you.
但是孤独地死 都比窝在这里 跟着你要好得多
Okay, now you're starting to sound like my mother.
好了 现在你说话就跟我老妈一样了
HERB: Judith, I love you. Please take me back.
朱迪丝 我爱你 求你让我回来吧
Oh, boy, this is awkward.
哦哟 场面要尴尬了
Coming, darling. Get out of here.
我来了 亲爱的 快滚出去
Oh, uh, just so we're clear, we've decided to see other people?
噢 说清楚一下 我们可以跟别人约会了吧?
Get out!
滚出去!
Thanks for the ride, girls.
谢谢你们开车 姑娘们
And for bringing me home.
送我回来
Hey, Alan. Mind if I join you?
嘿 艾伦 我可以过去坐不?
It's your house.
你家 随你
Oh, yeah. Excuse me. Pardon me, hot soup.
噢 想起来了 不好意思 让一让 热汤小心烫到你
What the hell?
搞什么飞机?
Well, that's a little embarrassing.
哦哟 真有点难堪了
What is that?
是啥?
A railroad crossing sign.
铁路交叉路口指示灯
Sorry, I need more.
不好意思 没明白
I was having sex on a train set.
我在火车模型上"开搞"了
How else do you get
除了这样 你还能想到为啥
a crossing sign stuck to your ass?
指示灯会插在你屁屁里面不?
Of course.
明白了
Hey, it could have been worse.
嘿 这样都算好的了
I could have had a caboose in my caboose.
我指不定还会搞到餐车 塞进我后♥庭♥里面
Well, come on, that's funny.
别这样 很好笑的嘛
So, what happened when Herb showed up at Judith's house?
那哈珀出现在朱迪丝家门口的时候 情况咋样的?
How did you know about that?
你怎么会知道的?
Lucky guess.
猜的呗
She kicked me out again, Charlie.
她又把我赶出来了 查理
I had to sneak out her back door while she threw herself into Herb's arms.
当她投入哈珀怀抱的时候 我就只能从后门偷偷的溜出来
What's so funny?
笑什么笑?
You said, "back door."
你说 "后门"
That reminds me of my caboose joke.
让我想起了我刚才那个后♥庭♥的笑话
Good night.
晚安
I'm here all week.
我这星期都在这儿
Tip your waitresses.
记得要给人家小费
Hey, Mom, it's Charlie. Yeah, I know it's late.
嘿 老妈 我是查理 嗯 我知道现在很晚了
Listen, do you think this is funny?
听着 你觉得这样好玩?
Must have got disconnected.
我肯定她没被"插"上
Hey, Jake, you sleeping?
嘿 杰克 睡了没?
SIX WEEKS LATER
六周后
Doorbell.
有人敲门
Doorbell! Coming.
有人敲门 来了
Oh, hi, uh, thanks for bringing him over.
噢 嗨 谢谢你送他过来
Oh, no problem--hey, guess what?
噢 不客气 猜猜怎么着?
Uh, Herb, why don't we let Jake tell him.
哈珀 我们还是让杰克告诉他吧
Uh, tell me what?
告诉我什么?
Jake?
杰克?
My grades aren't good enough for military school, so ha-ha.
我的分数不够进军校的 哦哈哈
No, sweetheart, the other thing.
不是 亲爱的 另外一件事
I'm gonna have a little brother or sister.
我要有个弟弟或者妹妹了
You're... you're pregnant?
你... 你怀孕了?
Yes, Alan. Herb and I are going to have a baby.
是的 艾伦 我俩准备要小孩了
Congratulations.
恭喜
Try to keep this one away from the lead paint.
怀孕期间千万不要再接触有毒化学物质
Did you hear that Alan?
你听到没 艾伦?
They've only been back together six weeks, and they're gonna have a baby.
他们重新在一起才六个星期 就决定要孩子了
I heard.
我不聋
Come on in. We'll pop a bottle of champagne.
快进来 我们开香槟庆祝吧
Champagne.
香槟
Uh, no, we really should be going. Come on, Herb. Good-bye.
不要 我们真的得走了 快走 哈珀 再见
Ah, shoot.
我靠
What a remarkable coincidence.
多么巧啊
Yeah, coincidence.
是呢 巧合
You okay? No.
你还好吧? 不好
Come on, let's sit you down.
过来 快坐下
Yeah... let's sit me down.
嗯... 赶紧坐下来
Here you go, buddy.
坐好了 老弟
Here I go.
我坐好了
What's wrong with him?
他咋的了?
He's doing math in his head.
在算日子呢
Oh, yeah, that's a bitch.
恩呀 数学最难了
好汉两个半（2003）
Two and a Half Men
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